Some advice

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by limbo586, Jul 3, 2009.

  1. limbo586

    limbo586 New Member

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    I was wondering what a few of you think about this:

    Me and my ex had dated for more than three years. It was a beautiful relationship; no fighting, cheating, etc. We got along great and everyone in the world thought we were perfect for each other. However, She was a virgin before we met and was worried about missing out on things (classic story). We broke up back in February with no hard feelings. We still love each other and have slept with and hooked up with each other since.

    She is coming back to town in a few weeks and has made it obvious she wants us to spend time together. But, when i bring up the possibility of us dating again she seems to become nervous about it; not necessarily negative about it just incredibly nervous. She is the first one to admit that us hanging out will lead to us hooking up and possibly dating but still wants to wants to spend time together. Women are so hard to get a read from. Is she using me for physical and/or emotional gratification? or are her feelings genuine and she is just scared of us being together for a really long time? (we are relatively young 23 and 22). She just really has a hard time communicating with me about these things.

    PS-she has hooked up/slept with guys after our breakup. but has always continued to come back to me. however, things havent been right for us to get back together because of mileage distances until a few weeks from now when she moves back here. We had merely hooked up on her visits to the city.
     
  2. bigtwin

    bigtwin Member

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    Perhaps you said it best yourself, "She just really has a hard time communicating with me about these things." Have you tried the direct approach by asking exactly where she/you are going with this sometime relationship? Does she want a friend, lover, husband, casual fbuddy? Tell her you need to know before proceeding. Take care she doesn't turn it around and say she was going to ask you the same question.
     
  3. funtimeinbed

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    When she comes back into town, hang out with her and see where things lead. If she is getting close and trying to be all "lovey dovey" then bring up the question then to put her right on the spot. Don't make it easy on her. If you are looking for a hook buddy then you have one, but if you want a relationship with her pressure her with questions.
     
  4. DiscoBoy

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    You failed to mention the most important thing here - what's the effect this is having on you? If this 'game' she's playing with you is causing you anxiety, pain and depression, then you need to be completely upfront with her and question her motives. If she still says she wants to continue to 'explore' then I think it'd be in your best interest to stop associating with her.

    If you are, however, okay with this 'arrangement' (which I seem to doubt), then you can continue to play the waiting game.

    But either way, you need to talk to her. She could be afraid of commitment, but it's extremely unfair to you to put you through this kind of thing. I'm sure she means a lot to you, but your life needs to come before hers.
     
  5. Explorer

    Explorer New Member

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    One thing you mentioned was "Is she using me for physical and/or emotional gratification?". Having that first love in your life is not that easy to put aside. Even if she has hooked up with other guys, its never as good as the first time. Is it possibly that on a sexual level the two of you really connected and that she is really drawn to that?

    I think its great that you are seeking the open communication between you two. Because you'll never know how she truly feels until that barrier is down. My bf had the same issue, he couldn't communicate and I was always, when the moment was right, doing the Q&A thing to get him to open more with me. Now when something is on his mind he lets me know with no problem at all, lol... Its like telling someone you love them, some people feel it but they have the hardest time expressing and saying it. In my family before we left the house my mom told us she loved us, when we went to bed she'd tell us again. Once that door is open hopefully it'll stay open.

    As funtimeinbed said, hang out with her, see where things are headed and be on point, also, don't be so quick to knock them boots, lol... Hold back and see what her reaction is.

    Good luck bro...
     
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