Some advice???

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Vonrofles, Feb 14, 2011.

  1. Vonrofles

    Vonrofles New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2009
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northern Minnesota
    Ok, so im bi, but i haven't really come out as anything other then straight to my friends... Although I have been told by some of my friends that at one point or another, they thought i was gay... So basically, even though i haven't ever admited to being attracted to other guys, some people have picked up on it.

    So here's my situation. I met a friend of mine about a year or so ago. And yes, I totally have the hots for him. We hang out a couple times a week and everytime, I sense sexual tension between us, but of course I don't know if it's just me, or if its actually real. He has staighted he's totally straight, and loves the poon, but sometimes I wonder... For instance, when we go to the movies, we don't have the typical "gay chair" between us... (For those who don't know, most men won't sit right next to eachother at the movies, they always leave an open seat between...) And when we have gone to the movies, we sit right next to eachother, and during the movies I have noticed that we actually lean against eachother, like a weight against weight pressure lean. (comfortable thing??? or contact thing???) If we are watching TV, and sitting on the same couch, there has been many times where we are touching eachother, his feet against my leg, or my shoulder against his, and so forth, basically we have LOTS of "random" bodily contact yet it's slight enough where im confused on if it's just that, contact, or if it's a possible sign of more...

    We constantly joke about penis size, masturbation, sex, and all the typical "guy" stuff, but I often wonder if he's hinting and hoping I pick up on it... Lately, I know I have been hinting more and more about maybe doing stuff together, but I don't know if he's just dumb and not picking up on it, or if he is and is just ignoring it.

    SO long story short, here's my question...

    I want to see if this is something more, but I am to chicken to actually come out and say "Hey, I want you..." or ask him more specifically.... I would rather have him as a friend then freak him out accidentaly and loose him totally...

    What's some advice, subliminal hints, obvious hints without going overboard, or whatever that you guys and girls might think would help me figure this out????
     
  2. D_Wilburforce Throttlebottom

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2008
    Messages:
    86
    Likes Received:
    2
    Hey Im probably not the one to ask about this as I identify myself as straight and have had very limited gay experiences.

    But I will tell you that I go to the movies all the times with friends or in groups of friends, sometimes its a bunch of us marines and we never have a "gay chair" now Im wondering if I am supposed to...also I guess as you move in your seat you sometimes rub up against the other person but again I would not think that weird especially if you have ever "daisy chained" (marines during downtown using one another as a pillow rest normally on the legs).

    So I would not think any of those things created a sexual desire in of themselves. I would be careful in reading too much into everyday activities that are the norm among dudes.

    One other thing, and this is from my limited "gay" perspective. I would never mess around or want to mess around with someone who is a friend. It would have to be the other way around, someone that you meet to mess around with then become friends with. The reason is that the relationship you had I think would be forever changed, and for guys who are masculine and strait identifying it would not be for the better.

    Better to have your friends, and accept them as such without the sexual tension and baggage that you will get out of it.

    Just my 2 cents.
     
  3. helgaleena

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2006
    Messages:
    5,663
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wisconsin USA
    I disagree with the marine about not messing around with friends. It's not a good idea to mess around with strangers, IMO.

    But being a non-male I also do not know any good strategies for you. I do know that the idea of 'gay' space at the movies is something I have taught my sons to do anyway regardless of who sits near, simply because they got so darn huge in their teens that elbows would be in the neighbors eyeballs otherwise.

    Whatever you do decide on, make sure you do it in full eye contact mode so you both know exactly what you are implying to one another.
     
  4. molotovmuffin

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2009
    Messages:
    7,485
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    I would think that since the friend has already declared he's straight, that you already have your answer. But you are hoping someone will give you the go ahead. Please honor your friend and leave it alone.
     
  5. guynmn

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2009
    Messages:
    177
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    25
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Maine...Down East
    Verified:
    Photo
    I think the same as above. He said he is straight. Not your place to root out any hidden bi tendencies if they even exist. Unless he states otherwise he is str8. Sure, he might be interested and closeted afraid to act but not your place to push him out of the closet but again he said he is str8 and That is a long shot, often wishful thinking. If you are dead set on finding out if he lied about being str8 I suggest you come out as bi. If you are not willing to be out to your friend how could you ever expect him to come out to you. IF, and this is a huge if since he basically told you he is str8, he knows you are bi he might feel comfortable exploring. Again, huge IF because he has said he is straight. Generally, I prefer to believe friends when they tell me their sexual orientation rather than assume they are hiding something. Guys can be str8 and have close friendships with intimacy and body contact. It's a lot of work to keep up the macho, no homo 24/7. Sometimes str8 dudes feel comfortable and relaxed with close friends, enough to Just be a person....like with a brother...rather than keep up the str8, macho, emotionless, facade.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted