Some Questions for Submissive People

[luka82]

I don`t know many sexually submissive people IRL, maybe I do, they just don`t talk about it, but I have been wondering- Does being a submissive person in bed mean you are a submissive person in life generally? How does it work? If so, does your partner sometimes confuse these two? How do you react?
I ask these questions because I`m nosey, and I do apologise in advance if someone finds these questions inappropriate.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Some people who are into D/s do the 24/7 thing, but there are really not many people who take that route.

In everyday life, most subs' personalities could be anywhere on the dominant/submissive, assertive/aggressive spectrum, just like anyone else.

Personally, none of my LTRs have ever taken D/s as far as I'd like to go in the bedroom, let alone outside it. My FB . . . well I'd like him to take it further, but to be honest, he pushes at my limits as it is at times. And he certainly doesn't slip up in public (except when he intends to).

 

[693987]

In my day to day life, whether or not I have intimacy with them, I am normally pretty submissive. I've actually had to work hard over my years to be able to direct my submissive tendencies to only rear its head at appropriate moments. Even when among friends, if we're trying to figure out what to do, I tend to just go along with what other people suggest. I've finally gotten to the point where I will stand up for myself, and don't put up with people's bullshit. However, there are parts of me that generally prefers others to make decisions for me. The last time I was in a D/s relationship with someone, sex wasn't a part of it, so I'm afraid I can't answer as to your question about that.

 

[MarkLondon]

I'm not into D/s but I have been asked to Dom occasionally on other sites. The subs have almost all been successful powerful people IRL, more than one working as ruthless Human Resources executives!!!

 

[luka82]

I'm not into D/s but I have been asked to Dom occasionally on other sites. The subs have almost all been successful powerful people IRL, more than one working as ruthless Human Resources executives!!!

See, this is what I find interesting. So you are saying that people who are very dominant in life, have such jobs, tend to be subs in bed?
I know that this is not a pattern by any means, but I find that very interesting.

@ girls-Thanks for your replies! :smile:

 

[HiddenLacey]

See, this is what I find interesting. So you are saying that people who are very dominant in life, have such jobs, tend to be subs in bed?
I know that this is not a pattern by any means, but I find that very interesting.

@ girls-Thanks for your replies! :smile:

It's difficult always being in control at work, in life, doing everything for everyone, taking responsibility for everyone.

Not having to be in control, not making the decisions...put yourself there, think about it for a moment.

It's incomparable bliss to not have to worry about everything for once, to know he'll take care of you.

IRL I'm naturally submissive, but I amazingly seem to always have to have control. It's very confusing because I would much rather not be in control of everything, I just always seem to step up. Does this make any sense at all? Not sure if I helped answer your question really!!!

 

[luka82]

It's incomparable bliss to not have to worry about everything for once, to know he'll take care of you.

This is very interesting!!! I must say that I find not being in control very scary . I feel as if I`m going to be abused, or have something done to me I don`t, or won`t like!
I have never hurt a person during sex (only when it hurt like hell, during my first sexual intercourse, and I guess that was just a reflex from my part, I didn`t like how he forced himself in), and tbh, apart from my first, awful sex, guys have always done things I liked, yet I`m very scared to let go and NOT be in control.

 

[Daisy]

I'm just like you Luka. And that is interesting about the control stuff because I'm naturally dominant. I don't have a submissive bone in my body and I'm a total control freak! There is no paradox with me. It's all control-all the time.

 

[HiddenLacey]

This is very interesting!!! I must say that I find not being in control very scary . I feel as if I`m going to be abused, or have something done to me I don`t, or won`t like!
I have never hurt a person during sex (only when it hurt like hell, during my first sexual intercourse, and I guess that was just a reflex from my part, I didn`t like how he forced himself in), and tbh, apart from my first, awful sex, guys have always done things I liked, yet I`m very scared to let go and NOT be in control.

Honestly Luka I'm just starting to make sense out of anything I feel. I can't explain it. I need it. Not all the time, but it's definitely a part of who I am. I don't want anyone to hurt me. For some reason talking about it seems to bring forth images of masochism/ sadism to most peoples minds. There's something more to it. Where's Bbucko? He has more experience than I do and I'm sure he could explain it better. I haven't seen him in a while

 

[minimag]

I wouldn't say that I was submissive, I just don't care.I do my own thing and go my own way. Let all of the "alphas" line up and measure their cocks down to the nearest micron, I just don't care.If I have to be quiet to get people to leave me alone: fine. If I have to be mean to get people the hell out of my way: fine.I don't need to drive a flash car, or live in a mansion, or have a p-ssy posse in my bed.If you think life is some sort of competition, you've already lost.

 

[luka82]

I'm just like you Luka. And that is interesting about the control stuff because I'm naturally dominant. I don't have a submissive bone in my body and I'm a total control freak! There is no paradox with me. It's all control-all the time.

The thing is, I don`t want to be dominant, and I don`t want to be a sub, I really don`t want to tell people what to do, how to please me. But it seems like the only way I can feel really comfortable. I hate when guys try to be bossy and all, annoys the fuck out of me. Then I have that awful urge to show them their place, and I don`t like myself after doing that.

Honestly Luka I'm just starting to make sense out of anything I feel. I can't explain it. I need it. Not all the time, but it's definitely a part of who I am. I don't want anyone to hurt me. For some reason talking about it seems to bring forth images of masochism/ sadism to most peoples minds. There's something more to it. Where's Bbucko? He has more experience than I do and I'm sure he could explain it better. I haven't seen him in a while

Unfortunately I can`t help you, because I don`t understand it either. But I can offer you a huge hug! :smile: I`m so used to seeing people here and all over the internet, in general, knowing everything they do and thinking they do it right. Once in a while it`s perfectly OK to say-I don`t know, I can`t explain it! Thank you for being honest!

 

[HiddenLacey]

Unfortunately I can`t help you, because I don`t understand it either. But I can offer you a huge hug! :smile: I`m so used to seeing people here and all over the internet, in general, knowing everything they do and thinking they do it right. Once in a while it`s perfectly OK to say-I don`t know, I can`t explain it! Thank you for being honest!

:hug: Thanks!!!

I have no problem admitting I'm kind of floundering around trying to figure stuff out. I don't really know much of anything I just try to be helpful... think of me as the blind leading the blind!!!

 

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

I have engaged in bondage many times and most times I was the one doing the tying up. I don't know if it would be considered a tendency or not, but I enjoy being dominant in bondage situations. It's not about the control of the person for me, but control of the pleasure I can bring them. I enjoy switching it as well, where I draw out an edging session until he is so worked up that he's almost angry...then I let him loose and run, where the roles are switched. I have no idea if this relates to D/s, but it's the closest I've come to it nonetheless.

 

[MarkLondon]

See, this is what I find interesting. So you are saying that people who are very dominant in life, have such jobs, tend to be subs in bed?
I know that this is not a pattern by any means, but I find that very interesting.

Yes, I found it interesting too. I think it's more likely that people who are sub in bed tend to have dominant jobs, rather than all powerful people are secret subs.

It's difficult always being in control at work, in life, doing everything for everyone, taking responsibility for everyone.

Not having to be in control, not making the decisions...put yourself there, think about it for a moment.

It's incomparable bliss to not have to worry about everything for once, to know he'll take care of you.

<snip>

Ah, I think we have insight here. Particularly with the part I've bolded. That explains a lot to me.

 

[joeweekend]

See, this is what I find interesting. So you are saying that people who are very dominant in life, have such jobs, tend to be subs in bed?
I know that this is not a pattern by any means, but I find that very interesting.

@ girls-Thanks for your replies! :smile:

It's not so much that powerful people are necessarily subs in bed. It's that sub is a new, different exciting thing for powerful people. It's a relief to not be in charge. It's also a big difference to give it all up. That's what makes it good.

 

[OMGmybf]

I am definitely a sub bottom type in bed. But my actual everyday personality? I'm usually group leader in team settings. I'm a control freak in alot of aspects, and over i have a very dominant personality... but in the bed i just surrender. idk. i'm like two different people.

 

[luka82]

Thanks guys for your replies

 

[B_subgirrl]

This is very interesting!!! I must say that I find not being in control very scary .

I guess there's always a little fear involved for me. But it's a good kind of fear!!!! Giving up control is always going to be scary, but passing that control to a Dom I trust with my life is exhilarating!!! I've described it on here before as being kind of like getting onto a rollercoaster with someone you trust holding your hand. You're scared, but it's a GOOD fear, because you know nothing will happen to you.

I'm just like you Luka. And that is interesting about the control stuff because I'm naturally dominant. I don't have a submissive bone in my body and I'm a total control freak! There is no paradox with me. It's all control-all the time.

Oh, I am so paradoxical. Outside of the bedroom I'm a complete control freak.

I don't want anyone to hurt me. For some reason talking about it seems to bring forth images of masochism/ sadism to most peoples minds. There's something more to it. Where's Bbucko? He has more experience than I do and I'm sure he could explain it better. I haven't seen him in a while

D/s and m/s are actually completely unrelated, although the two often occur together, and in porn the two are practically inseparable. Just because someone is a sub, it doesn't mean they are a masochist; and just because someone is a Dom, it doesn't mean they are a sadist.

And I agree about Bbucko!! I'm sure he'd be able to explain things better and in more depth than me.

The thing is, I don`t want to be dominant, and I don`t want to be a sub, I really don`t want to tell people what to do, how to please me. But it seems like the only way I can feel really comfortable. I hate when guys try to be bossy and all, annoys the fuck out of me. Then I have that awful urge to show them their place, and I don`t like myself after doing that.

Maybe you just aren't into D/s. Plenty of people (I would say most) aren't. Most people just want their sexual relationships to be equal, with neither side having more power than the other.

I think with gay guys, because of the top/bottom thing, there's a tendency to assume that one partner (usually the top) is more dominant than the other, but there's no reason that this should be true.

I have no problem admitting I'm kind of floundering around trying to figure stuff out. I don't really know much of anything I just try to be helpful... think of me as the blind leading the blind!!!

If you ever want to talk about it, PM me. A lot of what you say resonates with the younger me who was still trying to figure things out.

 

[D_Peter Potamus]

It's difficult always being in control at work, in life, doing everything for everyone, taking responsibility for everyone.

Not having to be in control, not making the decisions...put yourself there, think about it for a moment.

It's incomparable bliss to not have to worry about everything for once, to know he'll take care of you.

IRL I'm naturally submissive, but I amazingly seem to always have to have control. It's very confusing because I would much rather not be in control of everything, I just always seem to step up. Does this make any sense at all? Not sure if I helped answer your question really!!!

I totally agree with you submissivegirl83 !!! I am a guy who always finds himself in situations where people look to me for direction and answers. With my adult children, friends, and family members I am the "go to guy". Oddly enough, that is not my natural tendency. And in romantic/sexual situations, I prefer for the lady to be the aggressive one. Again, I can be when needed, but it doesn't come naturally. As always, your "take" on things is great!!!

 

[RawDog]

I have a friend who is the epitome of control freaks and says she wants to be a submissive in bed but hasn't found a guy strong enough (in character) to dominate her.

Is it wrong for me to want to slap her around sometimes?