Son came out of closet

[rbkwp]

Point taken Dp
Please understand I was not having a dig at you personaly and what you have received from counselling
Geuss i was comming from the angle that her Son was confident enuf to come out to his Mum & perhaps a next step could be the information gathering /sharing from a Decent Gay Commmunity
Am assuming he is not a fragile boy, even saying to his Mum "No Way' re counselling apparently
We all cope differently of course,and if you happened to be in a more fragile state than this guy..and gained heaps from counselling .. then that worked well for you Dp
I am pleased.
Forgive me..i have a BIG hangup re some Counsellers..especially the Sex Abuse Counsellors..(Opening myself up here but wtf)
I have had a huge amount of inexperienced counsellors fcking up the lives of persons..where my basic hands on approach ( with my employers 100% support) has pretty well recitified quite a few in a bad situation
I am HAPPY it all worked out for you Dp .. as i feel time and age will work out in the best interests for Sandras son
NO denying it .. get the wrong Counsellor...and yr pretty well Doomed.
We all survive.
Regards
enz
(last post from me .. on this (unless you have specifics ffeel free to PM me)

 

[SpeedoMike]

there is a national group called PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) which might benefit you. worth checking to see if there is a chapter in the area where you live.

 

[slurper_la]

if he won't go to counseling see if you can get him to gay related social support groups in your area. also see if there's a PFLAG chapter in town that you can both visit for support.

 

[ruggerkit28]

gay, straight, bi are adjectives. adjectives mean different things to different peopple. they are not labels.

sexuality is a spectrum from 100% heterosexual, to 100% homosexual. very few people are at the extremes of the spectrum, most are comfortable some way in between.

your son is somewhere on that spectrum, where he wants to be is up to him. explain this to him.

welcome his friends to your home, if they stay overnight let him know that you don't care what sex they are.

 

[Rikter8]

whatever you do dont offend him by saying 'real men eat pussy'

I was thinking the same thing. It's the first thing you see that IMO sets the tone of this thread.

An outside opinion here... It seems that you are automatically assuming he has a problem and needs counseling.

It's common for parents to feel this way. "Have them seek counseling and that will help them "FIX their Problem".

Is he having the problem with being bisexual/gay or is he just having issues telling Mom that he likes boys, because he knows mom doesn't agree with it?

Coming out to your parents is not easy to do especially if the household is slated one way.

If all else fails, get his ass in here. This is afterall a support group.

 

[BigDallasDick8x6]

PFLAG is absolutely the way to go. You'll be able to talk to other parents who have had this experience. Then at some point maybe you can get him involved with the local gay youth group when he's ready. It's great that he was able to tell you this. Gay teens are at much higher risk of suicide and a big part of that is they feel they won't be accepted by their families, so kudos to you that he felt secure enough in your love to come out to you. He has come to terms with it intellectually, now you just need to help him come to terms with it emotionally. I can't recommend PFLAG enough. Otherwise you're just stumbling in the dark. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[eyescream]

I agree with some of the others here. He needs to talk to guys who have experienced the same thing, so he knows there's no "supposed" way when it comes to sexuality.

 

[B_lrgeggs]

This might be mentioned before. But also make sure that he involves himself with healthy relationships and practices safe sex. Encourage him
to do well in school. Find a good job and then find the relationship he wished to share the rest of his life with. And let him know that a person's character is way more inportant than a person's size.

 

[emo18]

Hi all, my 18 yr old son recently told me through tears,that he is bisexual, but he leans more towards the "gay" side....I told him it didnt matter to me, but it does to him, he says hes "not sopposed to be this way" !!! It broke my heart, does anyone one who is Gay or Bi have any suggestions for forums he can go to, or books he can read? He wont go in to couseling, I feel very sad for him :frown1:

Get him to read this:

Sexual Orientation, Homosexuality,and Bisexuality

 

[iluvbigheads]

and before long, Mom and Son will be chatting away on LPSG...so if he is gay, teach him how not to be a size queen that everyone on here is and how to be educated and able to obtain a good job.

 

[dolfette]

so if he is gay, teach him how not to be a size queen that everyone on here is.

yeah, because that's a normal conversation to have with an adult son.

 

[B_Nick8]

and before long, Mom and Son will be chatting away on LPSG...so if he is gay, teach him how not to be a size queen that everyone on here is

Now there's the kind of sensitivity we've been looking for.

 

[Lex]

Hi all, my 18 yr old son recently told me through tears,that he is bisexual, but he leans more towards the "gay" side....I told him it didnt matter to me, but it does to him, he says hes "not sopposed to be this way" !!! It broke my heart, does anyone one who is Gay or Bi have any suggestions for forums he can go to, or books he can read? He wont go in to couseling, I feel very sad for him :frown1:

Sandra,
AlteredEgo messaged me and asked that I post a link to my older coming out thread. She felt that it can serve as an example of how a parents and friends can choose to respond (some good, some bad).

http://www.lpsg.org/28570-again-coming-out.html?highlight=Coming

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk more in depth.

 

[AZZAWA]

I am a firm believer in that in America there is such a predominance on hetero sexual messages that float around that I am amazed anyone comes out.

I live in a Chicago where we have many gay politicians and public officials and yet although I am accepted by those around me, I do feel uncomfortable walking in some suburban malls hand in hand with another man. If I am at a work party I also get stares if I kiss the man I am dating but no one stares at the hetero sexual couples who kiss at the party and I am just talking pecs not full make out sessions.

I say all of this first before I mentioned to Sandra in a supportive way to go and seek counseling herself. There are a lot of messages we send out to people without really thinking we are sending out a message. And I just worry about your son dealing with a parent who has as her Avatar "Real Men eat Pussy". Real men do a lot of things other than eating pussy. Real men confront their feelings and open up to the world and I myself am proud your son has done that at the age of 18.

 

[Countryguy63]

How is he doing Sandra? Usually (using the old cliche) the first step is the hardest and usually the roughest time. Hopefully with some sincere understanding, it will become less of an issue for him.

 

[indianboy]

Hi all, my 18 yr old son recently told me through tears,that he is bisexual, but he leans more towards the "gay" side....I told him it didnt matter to me, but it does to him, he says hes "not sopposed to be this way" !!! It broke my heart, does anyone one who is Gay or Bi have any suggestions for forums he can go to, or books he can read? He wont go in to couseling, I feel very sad for him :frown1:

Your son is lucky to have you as a parent. I wish I have that as mine simply pushed me back in the closet and told me to change.

 

[SandraSmithCarver]

Sandra,
AlteredEgo messaged me and asked that I post a link to my older coming out thread. She felt that it can serve as an example of how a parents and friends can choose to respond (some good, some bad).

http://www.lpsg.org/28570-again-coming-out.html?highlight=Coming

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk more in depth.

AMAZING story Lex!

 

[SandraSmithCarver]

I am a firm believer in that in America there is such a predominance on hetero sexual messages that float around that I am amazed anyone comes out.

I live in a Chicago where we have many gay politicians and public officials and yet although I am accepted by those around me, I do feel uncomfortable walking in some suburban malls hand in hand with another man. If I am at a work party I also get stares if I kiss the man I am dating but no one stares at the hetero sexual couples who kiss at the party and I am just talking pecs not full make out sessions.

I say all of this first before I mentioned to Sandra in a supportive way to go and seek counseling herself. There are a lot of messages we send out to people without really thinking we are sending out a message. And I just worry about your son dealing with a parent who has as her Avatar "Real Men eat Pussy". Real men do a lot of things other than eating pussy. Real men confront their feelings and open up to the world and I myself am proud your son has done that at the age of 18.

uh, , , thanks for sharing :wink:

 

[SandraSmithCarver]

Your son is lucky to have you as a parent. I wish I have that as mine simply pushed me back in the closet and told me to change.

Im very sorry that happened to you hun

 

[SandraSmithCarver]

How is he doing Sandra? Usually (using the old cliche) the first step is the hardest and usually the roughest time. Hopefully with some sincere understanding, it will become less of an issue for him.

He seems to be doing better now, maybe it helped for him to tell someone. He told his best friend first-a girl. Im sure there will be more to come, he doesnt want to ever tell his Dad but knows he will have to eventually, along with the rest of the family. We are taking it day by day at the moment, thank you for asking XX :wink: