1. D_Hyacinth Harrytwat

    D_Hyacinth Harrytwat Account Disabled

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    Hey everyone,

    What is the most tasteful way to break the news to someone that you're taken? Specifically, guys, how would you like to receive this news from a woman, and what would be the worst way to find out? Humour welcome :biggrin1:.

    An old friend of mine from long, long ago just moved to the city and I bumped into him about a week ago. Years ago, I would've been thrilled that he asked me out on a date but right now? Not so much! I'm treating it as meeting up with a friend for drinks and I'm hoping he won't see it as a date. If he does though, I'd love to have something tactful to say that won't cause a totally awkward situation.
     
  2. Pendlum

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    I'm taken, but thanks doesn't work? Hmm. I guess people are easily butt hurt these days.
     
  3. Countryguy63

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    This is where I think a bit of "truth exaggeration" is justified. "i'm very flattered, and if I was single......."

    Makes him feel better about the rejection, if that's what you want.
     
  4. D_Amyntas Lillydong

    D_Amyntas Lillydong Account Disabled

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    i like this one. my boyfriend is in the navy and i'm waiting for him. and yes it was actually used on me.
     
  5. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    I'm thinking the direct approach probably works best. "I'm flattered, but I'm already seeing someone seriously." Ask him if it's okay that you remain friends and hang out every so often.
     
  6. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    Crayon, if you're taken, all I'd be able to say is "Sorry".
     
  7. D_Hyacinth Harrytwat

    D_Hyacinth Harrytwat Account Disabled

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    Thanks guys! I like the "I'm really flattered" ones most. I always think that I fuck up a conversation by mentioning my bf, like it's taboo to say the word to another man.
     
  8. Wish-4-8

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    Easy, you bring it up in a conversation fast.

    You: "Hey, nice watch. I was thinking of getting one like that for my boyfriend. Where did you get it?"

    Or if he pays you a compliment.

    Him: "Thats a nice: fill in the blank"
    You: "Thanks, my boyfriend likes it too. Is this something that guys like? I have been getting lots of compliments on it lately"

    Or: "Thanks, my boyfriend got it for me."

    Or when you just meet him. "I wanted my boyfriend to meet you but he couldnt make it. I guess its just us for now."

    Do it right away so you dont lead him on if he doesnt already know.
     
  9. Wish-4-8

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    Or you could be vulgar:

    You: Do I have anything on my face? Cause I just sucked my boyfriend's dick and I dont want any cum on it."

    He will get the message.

    OK, I will stop.
     
  10. Dooky

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    what!? no. would you wanna girl to say that to you? personally, I'd get annoyed.

    The one mistake you made was not specifying if it was a date or not right off the bat. Alot of girls dont realize that guys dont like fucking around with semantics. just say it. be upfront. you should've already addressed the issue when he asked you out!:mad:

    now it would be best to give him a call before you go out (maybe an hour or two) and say you are in a committed relationship with someone and that we are just friends. obviously you shouldn't say that direct quote hahaha but you get the picture. and i realize it can be tough to be like that so if you really do have to use questions, ask him about his love life first, cause after he's done he'll ask about yours. you don't want to bring up your boyfriend to another man first especially if he is actually interested in you. just a low blow IMO. it's an easy small talk opinion.

    Another thing... was this an old flame at all? or was this strictly friendship? I don't see why strictly a friend would develop emotions for you.

    On top of this all, maybe use facebook too. if you and him have one it'd be an easy way to show him because you can just make general status's or just list it in your info.

    Anyways, thanks for asking advice on men on a website that actually has men. Can't stand reading a women asking for dating advice with men and asking a women. IMO a man asks a woman for advice on dating a women and vice versa. (unless you're gay, then you're on your own :tongue:)
     
  11. Symphonic

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    The best way to do this is to be as direct as possible. Ask yourself: "Would I want a direct answer myself or would I want someone to beat around the bush?"
     
  12. Enid

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    ask him about his love life, then offer the information about yours.
    do it pretty quickly after meeting up with him.
    it's pleasant and up front, also it's not assuming anything -- just in case nothing like that (romantic interest) is going through his mind.
     
  13. rob_just_rob

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    Either slip it into conversation in a subtle way, or if he asks you out or otherwise queries you directly, use the "I'm flattered, but..." approach.
     
  14. Darkriff

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    Occassionally I'll get hit on but then again I'm married so the ring can easily be seen. But if I were just dating someone, and was asked out, just simply put it straight. "So how have you been? Are you with anyone atm? Me? I have a boyfriend, we're doing well." No magic way to put it. You don't have to cram it down his throat or anything "I have a boyfriend you know, so don't try anything frisky, I have mace too!" lol. Just say it casually without putting too much thought into it and you'll be fine.
     
  15. D_Hyacinth Harrytwat

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    Not so sure about this. I think it's highly annoying when someone starts a conversation off by talking about their significant other! Especially if they keep talking about them.

    Ok, so we didn't specify that it was a date, but then again, I didn't want to ask if it was when we were making the plans. That would've been nearly as awkward as phoning him the day of and saying "Hey I've got a boyfriend! Just calling to let you know. See you at 8."

    He's not an old flame at all but I do know that he gets crushes extremely easily. He has hit on me before, a long time ago when I wasn't even an adult yet, so who knows?

    It's a great idea but it might be insulting if I come right out and say that I'm taken, you know? Even if it was his intention, it would still be rude of me to imply that I know what he wants.

    I might actually do this. Coming to a new city, I should ask if he has a girlfriend that came too (although I already know this answer). I found out he moved here through gossip, of course, and actually bumped into him on purpose.

    A ring! Yes! Excellent idea. My bf and I are planning ring shopping this weekend anyway.
     
    #15 D_Hyacinth Harrytwat, Sep 25, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2009
  16. Enid

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    if you manage to pick out a ring before meeting up with this old friend, that would work super!

    but otherwise, yeah, i always agonize over situations like this. it is not because i have a problem with being direct, it is just that i never want to ASSUME they are thinking "gee she looks hot, perhaps i should ask her out". getting it out there in a neutral way would work best, i think.
     
  17. FuzzyKen

    FuzzyKen New Member

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    The first thing here is that the OP did not specify the specifics of the word "taken".

    Taken can have multiple meanings.

    If this is an old friend you have not seen in a few years you can open the conversation asking about their life and getting them to talk about themself first.

    Don't open the conversation with the I'm taken speech, but, don't let it go too long either. Make certain that your passing comment in this manner is kind tactful and is not a rejection, but is in fact an invitation to new or renewed friendship. What it has to be is information about you presented in a way that it is a fact of your current life without being either an encouragement for advances or a rejection of him as a person.

    When my other half and I joined up a little over a decade ago, I experienced a strange phenomena. As a gay man, every man who had rejected me when I was single now wanted to bed me. I handled it very kindly and diplomatically and you will in truth have no problem doing the same. Honesty is the best policy and is also a great way to go and doing it as soon as is practical is the best version of that.

    Good Luck
     
  18. korinaus

    korinaus New Member

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    I have a question. What if even after you clearly imply to him that you are already taken by saying "I'm really flattered...but" you still sense that he wants you as more than friend? How would you react? I really hope you would be kind enough to answer this question because I am kind of in this situation.
     
  19. Darkriff

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    Keep us posted, I wanna know whether or not the ring thing worked and how it went lol.
     
  20. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    What about dropping something into conversation during the night, and seeing how he reacts?

    Him: " Have you done any travelling lately?"
    You: Well, my boyfriend and I went to ------- this summer, and they had the most beautiful mountains"

    Just dropping it in, allows him to save his ego of being shut down, and allows you a chance to avoid embarassment.

    EDIT: I need to read other people's posts as someone has already said my idea.
     
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