"Sorry, taken."

[Wish-4-8]

What about dropping something into conversation during the night, and seeing how he reacts?

Him: " Have you done any travelling lately?"
You: Well, my boyfriend and I went to ------- this summer, and they had the most beautiful mountains"

Just dropping it in, allows him to save his ego of being shut down, and allows you a chance to avoid embarassment.

EDIT: I need to read other people's posts as someone has already said my idea.

I agree with you.
Yeah, it was me who gave the suggestion, but the idea was shot down.

I went with this girl 3 times before I dragged it out of her that she had a boyfriend. I asked her, "Was that so hard to say?" Then she played stupid.

So yes, I would rather have girl even drop a line casualy right away so I could replan my intentions.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

Sounds suspicious to me...

I think what is really going on is that you are interested to see this person again, and specifically did not detail the circumstances to leave yourself room to maneuver...

Basically, leaving yourself either a path forward or a safe way out.

If he's smokin hot, successful, interesting and funny, and you feel that chemistry... you might consider trading up?

But if he's let himself go, or seems dull, o that chemistry you recall is no longer evident.. you can fall back on the 'clarification' that this is not a date?


It does not really matter how you address it...
If he's into you, he will be disappointed no matter how you broach it.
If he's not, it will roll off him like water off a duck.

The hard part will be if he seems like everything you ever wanted and he is not interested...
Or if he seems like everything you ever wanted and you decide to tell him you are already given, anyway, out of commitment to this other fella.

I say play it by ear and by eye.
And follow the path with heart.

 

[vibrator]

I'm in a relationship with someone else who I love dearly.

Thats pretty straight forward and nice.

 

[D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead]

"sorry, no, I'm with somebody." that's all the explanation anyone needs

 

[D_Hyacinth Harrytwat]

I have a question. What if even after you clearly imply to him that you are already taken by saying "I'm really flattered...but" you still sense that he wants you as more than friend? How would you react? I really hope you would be kind enough to answer this question because I am kind of in this situation.

Then that's when I'd tell him to fuck off. I hate it when you tell a guy you're taken and he pursues anyway. It's like saying "sure you're taken but you're a slut right?" I know it's not exactly like that and some people are cool with open relationships, but this kid hates it when someone perseveres like that.

Sounds suspicious to me...

I think what is really going on is that you are interested to see this person again, and specifically did not detail the circumstances to leave yourself room to maneuver...

Basically, leaving yourself either a path forward or a safe way out.

Interesting guess, but absolutely not! Like I said before, the reason why I didn't drop the bf bomb right away was because when I bumped into him, there was no place in the conversation to talk about significant others. I'm keeping my bf for life and I could only "trade down" from here.

EDIT: Still haven't gone out for drinks with the fellow yet so I haven't used any of your wonderful suggestions yet.

 

[jason_els]

"An old friend of mine from long, long ago?" You're 22! You're not old enough to have an old friend let alone a long, long ago! :biggrin:

Here's the deal as I see it. Guys love it when you let them down easy and gracefully. A little class and a lot of empathy helps put a silver lining on a rather dark cloud. Imagine if it was your father or brother and how you'd like them to be treated if they were being disappointed. Be kind, say how complimented you are, how you'd never guess he'd be interested in you, but how much you look forward to having an old friend move to your town. If this guy really is nice, offer to show him around a bit, introduce him to some single friends of yours, offer him a chance to be friends by inviting him to some group outings with your boyfriend.

Old friends are a treasure and unless he can't move on, he'll get over you in time and you really can be friends.

 

[nudeyorker]

Well for whatever it's worth I'll give you my line. Injecting a little humor into an otherwise uncomfortable situation works wonders. "I still think about you from time to time when I'm all warm and soapy in the shower, but I've moved on with my life and am in a committed relationship."

 

[Zeuhl34]

Of the girls I've managed to work up the courage to ask out, 5 of the 6 already had boyfriends, and this was after I'd known them for (at least) a month or two. I would have much preferred it if the girl had made some sort of passing comment that involved her boyfriend earlier on. (As in "I went to see (movie) with my boyfriend," or something along those lines.)

My suggestion: make a comment early in the conversation that involves mentioning that you have a boyfriend. You needn't include more detail, but a simple heads-up would be nice for guys like me.

 

[korinaus]

Then that's when I'd tell him to fuck off. I hate it when you tell a guy you're taken and he pursues anyway. It's like saying "sure you're taken but you're a slut right?" I know it's not exactly like that and some people are cool with open relationships, but this kid hates it when someone perseveres like that.


Then, what if he says and acts as friend but still you sense (let's say by woman's intuition) that he admires and desires you from afar as a lady? Still you are going to say to him "Fuck off"?

 

[jason_els]

Heh, every girl or guy I've asked out has turned me down. That may sound like it sucks completely but not really. Every single one has let me down so graciously that I remember each one very clearly and treasure the memory that they all had the grace and compassion to allow my hopes to descend as if born by butterflies.

Which has only confirmed that I don't choose junk. Each one of my intendeds has been an A+ class act.

 

[Drifterwood]

"This is an amazing fuck, but I am serious with someone else, so can we meet just Thursdays?"

That would soften the blow for me.

 

[Super_QueenB]

Much to my surprise I too had a relationship with a "bf" that "I" thought I was keeping for life. Sadly, I looked on his new myspace page only to find under "who I want to meet". I read his answer and was mortified that this was the guy "I thought" was good enough to push other guys away for. I was so ashamed when I discovered he wrote "Anyone who wants to do me". Hardly a candidate for life. My advice is before you turn the other guy away. Don't get hurt like I did. You seem like a loyal lady. My guess is if your so-called bf feels the same way about you, he would have stepped up to the plate already. Time to tell that bf to Fuck-off. He doesn't give much of a crap about losing you. To thine ownself be true. Do you really believe your so-called bf is telling other girls to FUCK-OFF when he goes out with them? I highly doubt it. You probably should as well.

 

[Snakebyte]

Hey everyone,

What is the most tasteful way to break the news to someone that you're taken? Specifically, guys, how would you like to receive this news from a woman, and what would be the worst way to find out? Humour welcome :biggrin1:.

An old friend of mine from long, long ago just moved to the city and I bumped into him about a week ago. Years ago, I would've been thrilled that he asked me out on a date but right now? Not so much! I'm treating it as meeting up with a friend for drinks and I'm hoping he won't see it as a date. If he does though, I'd love to have something tactful to say that won't cause a totally awkward situation.

Best solution: just bring up your bf during conversation whenever it seems to fit the topic. It's not taboo but shows him where he's at.

Worst solution: Your bf catches you in bed with that guy! BUSTED! :wink:

 

[Super_QueenB]

Then that's when I'd tell him to fuck off. I hate it when you tell a guy you're taken and he pursues anyway. It's like saying "sure you're taken but you're a slut right?" I know it's not exactly like that and some people are cool with open relationships, but this kid hates it when someone perseveres like that.


Then, what if he says and acts as friend but still you sense (let's say by woman's intuition) that he admires and desires you from afar as a lady? Still you are going to say to him "Fuck off"?

Actually "kid" your not really taken until your officially taken. Just because, you "think" you are taken does not mean your bf who is cool with your "open relationship", plays his cards the same way you do. Possibly, your not a slut. Possibly, your bf is one and wants his cake and to eat it as well. Your a young girl with much to learn. Don't limit yourself to a guy who does not mind if you date other men because, he is dating other girls. That is not what "taken" was intended to mean. If you have no ring on your finger enjoy your life and stop feeling guilty about it. Stop making excauses for a guy who wants an excause to see others while your faithful to him. Ask yourself this, does he do the same for you? Big chance the answer is a big NO. The same guy is probably romancing a dozen others while your pushing guys away that most likely are a step above him and would not think of sharing you with anyone else. Don't be so loyal to someone who is dating others and tells you so as well. In your heart you must know it's time to find someone who is equally as loyal as you are. Your doing the right thing by taking the first step while your bf is obviously stepping out on you. Good luck and don't sell yourself short. You deserve someone who puts a ring on your finger so you won't need to explain yourself. People will judge you by your actions and not what you say. Your actions show it's okay to date others. Trust yourself. No longer a mystery? Your part of history. Every woman deserves to be treasured not trashed.

 

[Super_QueenB]

Best solution: just bring up your bf during conversation whenever it seems to fit the topic. It's not taboo but shows him where he's at.

Worst solution: Your bf catches you in bed with that guy! BUSTED! :wink:

Worst solution: She catches her bf in bed with another girl! BUSTED and lost the chance of this step up. DOUBLE BUSTED!:wink::wink:

 

[cdarro]

Somewhat off-topic here, but has anyone noticed how poorly some women take rejection? I mean, some of them throw themselves at you, and if you're not interested, they can get absolutely vicious. I have been called every name in the book for politely letting some desperate housewife know that I'm not interested. Never seemed to happen when I was younger, and I have no idea if young women are like this now, but women 35-50 (my "range" now) are all too often just way too aggressive (not assertive, which is just fine). This happen to anyone else? Is it an ego thing with them? Just asking.

 

[Symphonic]

I swear honesty at the time time is so much easier.

 

[D_Hyacinth Harrytwat]

Well for whatever it's worth I'll give you my line. Injecting a little humor into an otherwise uncomfortable situation works wonders. "I still think about you from time to time when I'm all warm and soapy in the shower, but I've moved on with my life and am in a committed relationship."

Finally, some humour! Not quite the line I was looking for :tongue:

Then, what if he says and acts as friend but still you sense (let's say by woman's intuition) that he admires and desires you from afar as a lady? Still you are going to say to him "Fuck off"?

Heck no! We're all allowed our private thoughts and as long as they stay private, I don't jump to conclusions. I've seen too many epic fails that come from jumping the gun.

"An old friend of mine from long, long ago?" You're 22! You're not old enough to have an old friend let alone a long, long ago! :biggrin:

Here's the deal as I see it. Guys love it when you let them down easy and gracefully. A little class and a lot of empathy helps put a silver lining on a rather dark cloud. Imagine if it was your father or brother and how you'd like them to be treated if they were being disappointed. Be kind, say how complimented you are, how you'd never guess he'd be interested in you, but how much you look forward to having an old friend move to your town. If this guy really is nice, offer to show him around a bit, introduce him to some single friends of yours, offer him a chance to be friends by inviting him to some group outings with your boyfriend.

Old friends are a treasure and unless he can't move on, he'll get over you in time and you really can be friends.

Hey now, I could be of a religion that believes in re-incarnation :wink:. We don't go that far back. Just to my childhood. I think I'm still struggling with the finesse needed for such a situation. I still think it's awkward. I don't mean to capitalize on your misfortune, but can you remember some lines that you got after asking someone out? I understand they're probably personal and that's probably what made them so good! Hmm setting him up with some single friends... Now you're thinking!

Best solution: just bring up your bf during conversation whenever it seems to fit the topic. It's not taboo but shows him where he's at.

Worst solution: Your bf catches you in bed with that guy! BUSTED! :wink:

Best solution: Talk of relationship doesn't even happen!
But you definitely have the worst solution spot on, as it would mean I had died (in the "over my dead body" kinda way).

Somewhat off-topic here, but has anyone noticed how poorly some women take rejection?

I believe that's called desperation and maybe it is mixed in with a bit of ego too; perhaps they have a false sense of what they deserve? I've seen young women do it too, plenty, and it's ugly.


Aaaaand now, the ritual banning of a troll. Welcome back mylipswet/orlandino! We missed your incoherent nonsense. Now stay away from my boyfriend and I :smile:.

 

[porter111]

Well if you wanted to be an asshole but direct, you could show up for the meeting with your boyfriend. But seeing that your from canada, and not the usa, you probably wouldn't do this, right super crayon? (-: If thats not possible or you just dont have the balls to do this, or, are just to nice, just start general conversation, make the initial hug quick, and slowly and calmly work in a line about how you've been busy with school, work, and your boyfriend... AFTER you work in something about your boyfriend, ask your old friend how the ladies are treating him or something, and give him a nice compliment. Oh by the way , I like the idea of introducing him to some single friends, that will quickly kill any disappointment he might have, and replace it with excitment, unles hes secretly gay and on this site. Ask him to hang out sometime and pick one of your single friends to come out to, just please make sure shes at least decent looking!

 

[Super_QueenB]

"This is an amazing fuck, but I am serious with someone else, so can we meet just Thursdays?"

That would soften the blow for me.

I would elect this as the obvious answer.

To be old and wise
first you must be young and STUPID.