Southern Manners

[naughty]

I think at its best the South has that rather illusive and illusory quality of charm. I must apologize for making it seem disingenous. I do not think that every Southerner automatically has it or exhibits it across the board to everyone with whom they intereact.
It may also have a socio economic component as well. As you can see from this board as people move around the country and globe they may or may not assimilate these characteristics. I do think that as in any culture, this being regional, certain characteristics may be prized more highly than others. So even if one is not naturally gracious ,sweet and kind there may be more pressure to hide one's outward lack of gentility because of social pressure. Also depending upon where in the South one comes from other factors may effect social custom and behavior.
I cant help but think about what might make a group of people adhere to a set of standards which perhaps in other cultures may not be as highly prized or seen as detrimental to achieving one's personal goals?. It may all go back to the fact that after a devastation such as the American Civil War where no longer in most cases were families of wealth and privilege surrounded by the outer trappings of gentility it became even more important to adher to traditions of graciousness and civility to remember and rever from whence one came.

 

[Freddie53]

Until after World War II the South was rural. I am from the South and my family on both sides have been Southern for many generations. Rural people tend to have prejudices just like urban people. The difference is that rural people tend to be more accepting on one-on one situations.

The paradox of the South shows in such areas as homosexuality. If a poll is taken the results from the South will show a much larger percentage of people being anti-gay, very much opposed to gay marriage, etc. But in the Southern town where I live, there have been two very prominent gay couples. One couple owned a restaurant and had more business than they could handle. People were very friendly to them. The other gay couple attends my church and not a word has been said about their sexual orientation.

What happens in the South is that people will say they are against gay marriage, etc. But when pressed, they don't mean "John and Bill." They are a nice couple who do know harm. They mean those gay couples from somewhere else they don't know.

Racism works the same way. Southerners seem to me to be less racists on a one-on-one relationship with people they know. But with people they don't know, the racism is still there.

In answer to the question of why Southerners have the culture we have, I look to our ancestry. Most white Southerns who have a southern lineage for generations also can trace their roots back to the United Kingdom, especially Scotland and England. The English and Scots have always been known for their good manners and etiquette that allows for great hospitality even to the person who is about to kick a big kick in the butt from the very person who is showing great hospitality.

It isn't about being two-faced so much as it is learned behavior going back to the old country, England and Scotland.

 

[invisibleman]

Why are folks in the South for the most part better mannered, more cordial, polite, courteous, and all around nicer to strangers than the rest of the country? I think its more complex than it appears to be. Are they just happier people? Or am I just being delusional?

Will the Southerners here please entertain us with your theories. Much obliged....

Those were UFO Alien abductees that got the anal probe and the Rohypnol mind erase. They could be the Stepford Southerners. :wink: :smile:

 

[B_NineInchCock_160IQ]

I don't think people in the South are nicer at all. There are no shortage of assholes there, and no more nice people than you would find most other places. As for the manners thing... just social conditioning. Personally I think of most rules of etiquette as more obnoxious than helpful, the domain of small-minded people. If you don't follow these arbitrary esoteric rules yourself (or if you're not the right color, don't speak the right language, don't have the right sexual orientation, don't go to the right church, don't belong to the right political party, weren't born in the right country, went to the wrong school, have the wrong job, etc.) then you may have the chance to see just how much of a lie good manners are.

YouTube - Ali G - Borat Learns Manners

People in other areas of the country and the world observe their own sets of rules regarding social interaction, they might just be different than what's observed in parts of the American South. What might be rude one place may be acceptable some place else. So once again, I say it has nothing at all to do with the people or "being nice," and far more to do with social conditioning. Maybe a better question would be "why is there a misconception that people from the South are nicer?" or "why is it that the politeness markers used in common speech and behavior in the American South are more salient to most when compared to what is used in other parts of the USA?"

 

[prepstudinsc]

I wonder if Southerners loose all that genteel niceness when they move to New York City.

I have some Southern friends who have lived and some who currently live in NYC and the CT suburbs. Being up North hasn't changed them at all, they haven't lost their Southern accents and they still live like Southerners, just displaced. It seems to me that when I've been in NYC and I open my mouth, people start asking all sorts of questions..."Where are you from?" "Do you love the South?" etc. Being Southern seems to elicit the funniest repsonses, especially the horrified look from some NYCers as I say "hey...how are you today?" to people on the street. I think it's hysterical and being nice never hurt anyone.

 

[prepstudinsc]

I like the South - short time I was there it seemed nice. Very friendly people. I love all that food too - collard greens, black eyed peas, biscuits and gravy, fried chicken, hush puppies, grits, peach cobbler, fried okra, oh and sticky finger messy BBQ. You need teeth to eat that good Pushed.

About fake southern accents- can you really tell what part of the South a person comes from by his accent or if he is just a poser? It all sounds Greek to me.

At least in my area, (right on the NC/SC border) it is possible to tell what county you're from because of your accent. I'm not kidding...there are major accent differences in the areas of SC. In NC, I don't notice it so much county to county, but major areas of the state. It's the same way in other states, too. While there are similarities in the accent generally, there are definite local dialects throughout the South.

 

[naughty]

TO answer your question as to why there is the gracious Southern mythology, look to some of America's most well known regional authors. Eudora Welty, William Faulkner, Tennessee WIlliams, and of course we must not forget Margaret Mitchell's "Gone with the Wind" Look at what Van Dyke did for the "British Mystique" So, I think when someone from the South fits that image it further solidifies the mythology. But most of them were written during the mid 20th century and harked back to the mid 19th century.

I think Freddie was right also in saying that in the South there is that one on one validation. Though the culture has its overall rules there are many who inside closed doors live out their excentricities with flourish as have been seen in the works of many of the folks I mentioned earlier. I think that is why Berendts Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil was so popular it continued that vision of the Southern Gothic, a culture permanently scared by the post traumatic stress of never having recovered from the War .But I think that is really changing rapidly as well. Look at how many of the larger cities in the South are becoming capitals of major commerce. The South is rising again....

I don't think people in the South are nicer at all. There are no shortage of assholes there, and no more nice people than you would find most other places. As for the manners thing... just social conditioning. Personally I think of most rules of etiquette as more obnoxious than helpful, the domain of small-minded people. If you don't follow these arbitrary esoteric rules yourself (or if you're not the right color, don't speak the right language, don't have the right sexual orientation, don't go to the right church, don't belong to the right political party, weren't born in the right country, went to the wrong school, have the wrong job, etc.) then you may have the chance to see just how much of a lie good manners are.

YouTube - Ali G - Borat Learns Manners

People in other areas of the country and the world observe their own sets of rules regarding social interaction, they might just be different than what's observed in parts of the American South. What might be rude one place may be acceptable some place else. So once again, I say it has nothing at all to do with the people or "being nice," and far more to do with social conditioning. Maybe a better question would be "why is there a misconception that people from the South are nicer?" or "why is it that the politeness markers used in common speech and behavior in the American South are more salient to most when compared to what is used in other parts of the USA?"

 

[DC_DEEP]

What happens in the South is that people will say they are against gay marriage, etc. But when pressed, they don't mean "John and Bill." They are a nice couple who do know harm. They mean those gay couples from somewhere else they don't know.

Racism works the same way. Southerners seem to me to be less racists on a one-on-one relationship with people they know. But with people they don't know, the racism is still there.

Interesting observation, Freddie. I would imagine that this sort of "logic" is not exclusve to the South, though. Almost everyone everywhere grows up learning some sort of preconception/prejudice about some other group of people. Unfortunately, they just never seem to make the truly logical conclusion: that their preconceptions were wrong. So, instead of overcoming their prejudice, they assume that the "exception to the rule" that they know (John and Bill, for instance) is just that - an exception to the rule.

 

[chico8]

It isn't about being two-faced so much as it is learned behavior going back to the old country, England and Scotland.

I agree to a certain extent but I think another part of it is that the south has traditionally been xenophobic. When the great immigrant rush took place after the civil war, the south was viewed by most Europeans immigrants as the last place to go. Not only for economic reasons but for social and cultural ones as well.

The lack of diversity encouraged the superficial niceness the exists today. Had there been more diversity in the south in the post civil war era, I'll bet that sickly sweetness would have dissipated pretty quickly.

 

[dong20]

In the UK, at least in England - and I'm generalising of course, the situation is pretty much reversed, with those in the North considered friendlier and usually, more direct. The Scots though sometimes appearing superficially bluff are among the friendlist and most hospitable people on the island.

Of course social and economic mobility is eroding this stereotype; but from my own experience, and having grown up in the North West I'd say that in general, people seem more open and hospitable once north of the 'Watford Gap'.

Mind you, compared to London, most people are 'well mannered', even many here on LPSG....:biggrin1:

 

[Shelby]

I had a professor tell us that back in the days when there wasn't much medicine for it, practically everyone in the south was slowed down by malaria and it just became a way of life.:tongue:
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[earllogjam]

I've been in NYC and I open my mouth, people start asking all sorts of questions..."Where are you from?" "Do you love the South?" etc. Being Southern seems to elicit the funniest repsonses.

I think that the spoken language in the south is more colorful, and lyrical which adds to the charm. It's probably why some of America's most popular writers have come out of the South. There is a unhurried, generosity of words and a drama and playfulness of the prose which I like. It's a softer sounding dialect with less sharp tones. Smoother. No hard "r's". There seems to be more idioms, and expressions in the South too. It has a greater range and depth of expression. It is a direct contrast to Northern dialects where efficient, concise, direct speech is esteemed.

 

[hughd224]

I grew up in Georgia. Momma would not stand for it if one of her kids was not nice to others. And Good Lord don't even get grandmother started.

 

[Mulebear]

I don't think people in the South are nicer at all. There are no shortage of assholes there, and no more nice people than you would find most other places.

I agree. We have our equal share of assholes here. Luckily we also have our equal share of geniunely nice people too.

As for the manners thing... just social conditioning. Personally I think of most rules of etiquette as more obnoxious than helpful, the domain of small-minded people. If you don't follow these arbitrary esoteric rules yourself (or if you're not the right color, don't speak the right language, don't have the right sexual orientation, don't go to the right church, don't belong to the right political party, weren't born in the right country, went to the wrong school, have the wrong job, etc.) then you may have the chance to see just how much of a lie good manners are.

Are we talking etiquette or manners? Big difference.

Etiquette is exclusive.
"I'm sorry dear, but you cannot be one of us. You hold your fork with the wrong hand. Goodbye."

Manners is inclusive.
"Please, come sit at our table. Can I get you something to drink. How about a nice glass of ice cold tea?"

Big, big difference.

 

[datdude]

It depends what south your talking about.

Ride into Savahana Georgia and youll notice the people are very warm. Drive to Atlanta or Miami and its like being in Baltimore. I rich southern areas you will notice a cetian type of friendlness and manners when visting, long as you fit in. Im not alking about race either.


Seen a lot of hits on the south being racist by the north. North owned slaves and had the biggest lynching in America history.

 

[B_big dirigible]

Seen a lot of hits on the south being racist by the north. North owned slaves and had the biggest lynching in America history.

This is the second thread tonight in which I've noticed you flogging your racist fantasies. Are you planning to make a habit of it?

 

[zgrog2000]

Why are folks in the South for the most part better mannered, more cordial, polite, courteous, and all around nicer to strangers than the rest of the country? I think its more complex than it appears to be. Are they just happier people? Or am I just being delusional?

Will the Southerners here please entertain us with your theories. Much obliged....

I've lived all over the US. Used to live in Columbus, GA. It is a particularly hospitable city. However, if you go across the Chattahootchie River to Phenix City, Alabama you'll find a stark contrast. Can't really give you a good answer why but there is a patch of Georgia running from Columbus through Waverly Hall to Macon that does have exceptionally hospitable people. This doen't mean that they are nice, or red necks, or good christian folks. They were just culturally raised to say hello, please, thank you, and have a nice day with a few Ya'lls thrown in for good measure. Now they may be thinking that you are a worthless sonofabitch but they'd never give that impression. It could also be that they have an exceptionally high employment rate. It used to be a huge textile town and is now a significant player in the financial services and insurance world. Aflac Insurance (the duck) started off in Columbus as a Mom and Pop outfit and most of the initial stock offerings went to local people. Total Systems and Synovus which are both big players in the financial services world are also headquartered there and Total Systems is a another national company that began there. One of the countries largest military installations, Fort Benning is located there as well. Employment is high, there is a good university there and people don't have much be pissed off about. Not sure if that answers your question.

 

[D_Harry_Crax]

That is a line worth remembering! As a confirmed Northeasterner, raised in the shadow of NYC, I generally run screaming from the South. However, I have spent some time there and thought about related issues. It seems to me that Southerners are more concerned about "how things look" to other people, and tend to put more of a premium on "playing nicely" at least for public consumption (Think of Texas' driving motto "Drive friendly!"--yeah, right.) Thus I so think the sweetness is a social veneer--not necessarily covering that memorable "odeous bile"--but a fairly thin layer nonetheless.

I don't think they are inherently any nicer or less nice than anybody else, but it's apportioned differently--more stratified, I might say, enriched at the surface rather than spread more evenly throughout.

Of course, these are all generalities. Perhaps I should shut up so we can hear from more people who actually live there (poor things.... )

I lived three years in Georgia and the entire rest of my life in the Northeast, Midwest, and West Coast, and I agree 110% with post!

 

[earllogjam]

Are there cases here where a Northerner has come to the South and became a Southerner? Adopted their customs, picked up an accent, became a true Southerner?

George Bush excluded. I think the Dixie Chicks 2 sisters are from Conneticut. Keith Urban the big country star is from Australia for petes sake. Southern wannabes.

 

[datdude]

This is the second thread tonight in which I've noticed you flogging your racist fantasies. Are you planning to make a habit of it?

WHat???

Not being racist. Not fantasy. Just history and facts jack. The threads where on race and attitudes towards race. Do not accuse me of being racist when Im just using past events as a referance. History major in college. I put in my 2 cents on race threads, so what and none of them where racist. I was speaking out agianst stero-types. Oh well, not your tast huh. Maybe you sholud be on the who is the cutest American Idol thread or someting.

Your not going to say more ingnorant things about other threads are you? I notice you have attacked other also. Or are just a troll?