Speaking of hugs and hugging....

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by oacliffbuddy, Jul 19, 2010.

  1. oacliffbuddy

    oacliffbuddy New Member

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    I posted this in another post this morning:

    I did a superficial search on the topic and didn't find much so I thought I post something on this to see what your experiences had been.

    I had a gay friend years ago that was not exposed to hugging and it showed when I hugged him. He'd get stiff as a board. It was awkward but I persisted in comings and goings and he eventually got over it and came to be completely relaxed about it. I think he grew to enjoy this simple act and it became the only method of our greeting and parting. I have a straight German (a formal society) friend that was like that too and he's relaxed about it now.

    I enjoy the act of hugging a guy (women too but guys are better:wink:). There's something satisfying about it. It's a non-sexual contact and seems to strike an internal cord which suggests that "I care for you".

    What have your experiences been? Did it come natural for you either on the give or receiving end?
     
  2. concupisys

    concupisys Active Member

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    i was always known as the 'touchy feely' guy.... even as a small child i wanted to be picked up and held by everyone.... it sucked when i got too heavy for that sort of thing.... people find it odd when i don't hug them.... one hugging experience i look back at very fondly is when i was raving in the 1990's... i actually managed to get a group hug of about 150 people in the middle of the dancefloor.... it was pretty cool....

    :D
     
  3. scottredleter

    scottredleter New Member

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    I can't imagine anyone feeling that huggng isn't a good thing. some times people take things way too far, but I can't really find anything but positive things to say about hugging. Is anyone really against it?
     
  4. aetherael

    aetherael Member

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    I don't do physical contact well, to any capacity really...but I chalk it up to irregular psychology, nothing more.
     
  5. killerb

    Verified Gold Member

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    some ppl are raised without a lot of physical affection, so it could be strange or uncomfortable for them.
     
  6. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    I don't do hugging. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I just hate letting people right into my personal space like that. It does offend people sometimes when I don't want to hug them though. Having said that, I love hugging my male friends. I blame my non-hugging on my mum who always said hugs are foreplay.
     
  7. DiscoBoy

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    A close friend of mine whose mother died a few years ago would cringe, protest and flail her arms whenever someone tried hugging her. We persisted, and just last week, she initiated a hug. It was a very warm hug; I enjoyed it. I think it was the first time she's ever initiated a hug with me. It meant a lot.

    Hugging is therapeutic, I think.
     
  8. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    If you had persisted with me I probably would have punched you. Seriously. It really isn't very nice to intrude the personal space of others if they haven't welcomed you in.

    I do find hugging therapeutic, but only with a very limited number of people.

    I get that others like to hug, and that's fine, provided they don't force their hugging on me.

    My friends do find a hug from me very special because they know I don't do it very often. My best friend of 4 1/2 years has had two hugs from me - one when her cat died and one when her relationship with her partner was falling apart. Both those hugs were initiated by me and they both meant a lot to my friend because she knows I don't hug lightly.
     
  9. petite

    petite New Member

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    Hugging most people makes me uncomfortable. However, I do it regularly with friends and family because I know what it means to other people, socially and interpersonally, and I don't want to seem stand-offish or give off the wrong non-verbal messages (to the best of my ability). I don't want my discomfort with hugging to interfere with my interpersonal relations with people, and I have become more comfortable with it over time. I think it's good for me to try and get over my discomfort with it by doing it, rather than indulge my instinct for avoiding hugging.
     
  10. HiddenLacey

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    I'm a hugger! I saw an old friend from high school just this weekend and he bear hugged me with my boyfriend watching. My bf was not a happy camper.
     
  11. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

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    I love hugs and hugging,it makes me feel squishy inside.
    My kids are huggy huggy even my son hugs me but that might be due to him living away from home and only seeing me every so often.He wasnt huggy huggy before...he said 'lads don't do that'

    My twin sister however VERY rarely hugs anybody other than her children,she feels uncomfy if anyone goes to hug her.
     
  12. thetramp

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    You can't categorize me, i hug some friends, male and females.
    Of someone hugs me i am ok with it. In my family i don't know, as a child i obviously used to hug and get hugged, then it got less and i only hugged my mom or sister when i would not see them for a longer period of time. Thats pretty much how it is now.
     
  13. silvertriumph2

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    My father's family were straight laced New Englander Congregationalist/Quakers and
    just the thought of showing affection of any sort (male or female) was anathema to
    them.

    My mother's Southern family (both male and female) were just the opposite and were
    BIG huggers and made great displays of affection for family members and close friends.

    It was difficult for my father to show any affection to me or to any of his five children,
    but he did his best and at least tried on occasion to hug us and show how very much
    he loved us. However, I never once saw him hug or kiss our mother...that was I assume
    done only in private between the two of them.

    I am a big hugger, but I do pick and chose whom I hug....I never do it to anyone that I
    do not know very well and know they will not be upset by it. There is a time, place, and
    the personal relationship that must be considered...before doing any hugging.
     
    #13 silvertriumph2, Jul 20, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2010
  14. DiscoBoy

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    I don't think her discomfort with being hugged was quite as bad as it seems to be with you. If I had noticed she was genuinely that uncomfortable with being hugged, I wouldn't have continued, but it was kinda obvious that there was some part of her that seemed to enjoy it.

    Yay hugs.
     
  15. Steinweg9

    Steinweg9 New Member

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    Back in my teens and 20s I could not be hugged because I was a victim of sexual abuse when I was 12 & 13. I froze too when hugged by someone else. I'd nearly die. But over time I learned my way out of all that, and although I choose whom I want to hug or be hugged by, there are very few experiences that beat a good hug. A real one, a big flat-handed squeeze all the way around, hold tight, no beating or patting or slapping. I love to hug people, especially men because they are so much more open and honest and they have so much more ready to give, but also my cat, Brian, as he is the best hugger I know.
     
  16. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    In my family we all hug and kiss quite a bit. Maybe it's left-over from the Italian thing but I do know I love it a lot. I always give my family and friends big hugs. I think they look forward to them because they always make happy sounds while I'm holding them. I also don't like the half-minute weird hugs that some guys like to give. If feels as if they don't really want to show affection and are just doing it because they have to. Also fist bumps are pretty strange especially with people you love. It's sort of the least possible way of touching someone.
     
  17. D_Harvey Schmeckel

    D_Harvey Schmeckel New Member

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    Family tradition is a mixed bag for me too; mostly warmhearted huggy southerners but with one grandfather from the north and a much chillier atmosphere in that branch. Now it is second nature to me, and most social groups I belong to include lots of hugs in casual encounters. It tends to happen more casually with women, with handshakes more the default option with casual straight male acquaintances and hugs reserved for stronger friendships. With gay guys the hugs are a bit more affectionate than with women or straight guys (in that order.)
     
  18. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    I grew up in an affectionate family, and hugging seemed almost second-nature to me. It actually got me in trouble when I was a kid because I had to understand that not all people came from affectionate means like I did.

    I don't think I have ever had a problem of showing affection, but I have noticed that it means a lot more to me now that I'm older. I'm really lucky because I have a group of similarly affectionate friends. Girl or guy, we don't have problems hugging or kissing each other on the cheek or saying how much we care about each other. I enjoy it no matter what, but I think I really appreciate it the most out of my guy buddies. They're all huggers, too, and one of them (isn't gay but) definitely likes to hug and hug pretty hard for a few moments. No wussy pat-pat stuff.

    Speaking of which, I had lunch with an instructor from last semester. He's a postdoctoral student, Chicano, originally from the Pacific Northwest but did all of his education on the West Coast. From day one, whenever we would talk about class stuff or articles, we'd have a solid discussion and he'd also greet and part ways with a handshake that morphed into a hug.

    Man, I just feel special right now...

    I really feel bad for people that, for whatever reason, don't feel as comfortable with affection.
     
  19. Pendlum

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    I like hugging women. Men not so much. Hugs are much more intimate to me (except for family) than I like to be with a guy. Plus I'm 5'7", so usually a woman's head is on my breast or at my level, and if it isn't, well I can't say I would complain about having my head on a woman's breast. :tongue:
     
  20. dirrtyminded

    dirrtyminded Member

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    It depends on the person, if they're affectionate or cool with contact than I'll hug them.
     
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