Sperm donation for a friend

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by rrkrd, Mar 11, 2010.

  1. rrkrd

    rrkrd Member

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    Just wondering how many men have helped a close single female friend get pregnant because she does not have a man in her life?
    I know its happening because I have a friend who wants me to either sleep with her until she is pregnant; or provide the material to make this happen. She is not asking for financial support and I can choose to be a part of the babys life as much or little as I wish.
    How many gay or straight men have been in this situation?
     
  2. AlphaSpartan

    AlphaSpartan New Member

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    I'm not trying to play Devil's advocate but does your friend realize what kind of task shes asking for? Raising a child is (so I've heard and observed) a severely encumbering task. I'll keep my opinion about sperm donation to myself, but I think she should think really hard about what she's asking for. Her job, her life, everything will be radically changed.
     
  3. B_Mister Buildington

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    I'm also not sure that you get any kind of legal assurance that you won't have to pay for the child.
     
  4. Rikter8

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    I wouldn't go near that with a 20 foot pole.

    If you are going to do that, it's gotta be legally documented with your lawyer and parental planning needs to take place.

    Randomly getting a woman pregnant is just suicide.
     
  5. B_ordinarydude88

    B_ordinarydude88 New Member

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    I agree, this seems very fishy. why would someone want to volunteer to be a single mom? does she realize how hard it is to work + raise a baby?

    and how about you... seeing that kid everyday knowing that youre the dad/one that made him. I think that would be very awkward and I couldnt help but help raise him/her. you would basically be in the same shoes as one of those deatbeat dads (no offense intended) that walked out and watched their kid grow up without the kid ever knowing you was its father.. kinda weird to me.

    why does she want you to be the dad? why doesnt she just go to the sperm bank?

    this is a very weird situation, keep us informed as to what happens.
     
  6. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    Even if you get her to sign a document that you are not legally or financially responsible for the child, a court could still order you to pay.

    If you decide to help her get pregnant anyway, I'd suggest talking about lots of topics.

    * Talk about your genetic history. Does your family have a tendency to depression, mental illness, mental handicaps, autism, cancer, early death, etc?

    * Talk about what happens if she dies. Who will take care of the child?

    * Talk about what happens if you and she get into a big argument 3 years later. Will she hate you so much to sue you. She could use the child support argument as a pretense to suing you for money just to hurt you.

    * Talk about whether her family and friends support her decision. If they don't and get upset at her, you can bet your bottom dollar they will get upset at you too.
     
  7. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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  8. D_Yowton Y Yingyang

    D_Yowton Y Yingyang Account Disabled

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    Donate your sperm if you think your worth replicating, and let her go to a sperm bank. There are just way too many things that could happen in this scenario that would be bad for you and the woman, and potentially devastating to the child.

    DON'T DO IT.
     
  9. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    My uncle was a sperm donor many years ago to some couples who couldn't have children but he didn't have sex with the women who wanted to get pregnant. Although things didn't turn out exactly the way he wanted them to, he's glad that he did it because he helped to bring joy, happiness and fulfillment to others. Also he did it privately not through a sperm bank.
     
    #9 B_Hung Jon, Mar 13, 2010
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2010
  10. avg_joe

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    I need your sperm. :naughty::naughty:
     
  11. cdog204

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    There are physicians, clinics, social workers, lawyers, etc. that specialize in these situations. It might be worth a consult at a minimum. NB: this will cost a fortune.

    Just knocking up a friend who desperately wants a child is obviously not a course of action to be entered into without serious consideration. Besides all of the legal issues, I would think the most challenging consideration would be whether you think you can determine what your relationship with the child will be.
     
  12. Hippie Hollow Girl

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    There's a Reader's Digest article in the April 2010 issue called You Be the Judge that this thread reminded me of. Basically a single guy donates sperm to a single female friend he has known for years. They have a verbal agreement that he will get to be in the child's life. Well, the single female is an attorney and she denies there was ever a verbal agreement and when the twins are born she tells him that he is not welcome at the hospital. He is basically SOL because he didn't get anything in writing. The case went as high as it could go. Anyways, make sure you get everything in writing.
     
  13. Uncutpete

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    These decisions have to be made on a person by person basis. It is no good to give blanket advice without knowing the people involved. Physically fathering a child to a single parent may be problematic, worth a warning, but might also work if the mother has the right situation and personality. There is no way to generalize.

    Several years ago, I was involved with a couple, the husband in which had had an irreversible vasectomy. They asked me to impregnate the wife. After a great deal of thought. discussion and soul searching I agreed. The weeks that we were getting her pregnant held some of the most powerful sex of my life. He was with us, helping with the sex, joining as much as he could. It was extraordinary. After, there really was no room for me in their parenthood, which I was perfectly happy with, having three children of my own. Within the year, they moved to the other coast. That was 10 years ago. The child is in great shape. Theirs is still a happy marriage, though I know she still sees other people. They have the child they dreamed of. I watch at a great distance.
     
  14. missphatbooty

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    jeez, of course there are bad situations and there are of course good ones.
    same sex couples have been doing this for years, known donor insemination or impregnation is not new, ffs.
    just look online of the millions and yes millions of people that have had great experiences with co parenting, or sperm donation. draft up papers if you must. but going through a sperm bank is really not an option for someone who doesnt have 20K to spend on purchasing sperm and doctor assisted insemination
    if you trust her, go for it. now if you have issues of having a kid that might not know you are the father, i suggest you not do it.
     
  15. rob_just_rob

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    That's the first thing I would be worried about too. If she goes broke, the courts will look for the next closest thing to a parent to support the child. That might be you.
     
  16. Shandforthe Shroomstick

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    Like everyone else has been saying, it's best to get it in writing. It's also possible to sign over your parental rights so that you have no legal connection to the child (if that is what is wished in this scenario). By all means, there are things to think about, and there are ways to get screwed over in the end. There ARE ways to keep yourself safe in these scenarios.

    Both of you should go sit down, talk about what each of you want from this (keeping the next 18 years of this child's life in mind), figure out what you want from it so that you're 100% comfortable with the decision and go talk to a family lawyer.

    Best of luck.
     
  17. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    hey avg_joe

    what you want to do with it? :eek:
     
  18. avg_joe

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    I wanna make babies because you are very cute. :naughty:
     
  19. skwirl

    skwirl New Member

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    I have just found myself in this very situation. I am a gay man with a lesbian friend who desires to have a child of her own. While I am more than happy with giving her the cell she needs to fulfill her wishes I am mentally stirring in my head how I would handle being a "dad", even one who would not be involved in actively raising the child. Can I detach myself emotionally from a child that is, at least biologically, mine?

    She has been talking about wanting to be a mother for as long as I've known her. She was in a relationship when I met her, but is now single again. We are very good friends and I think the world of her (she helped me in my coming out process), so for me to offer myself as a donor would be not a question. Of course, both of us gay, we won't be doing this the old-fashioned way. (Me: "eeeeewww... girl parts!", Her: "gross! boy parts!") :yuck:

    I've been content to go through life without kids of my own, so I view myself as a good candidate for being her donor. Of course, saying that is one thing, but would my feelings change when the kid grows up and later knows me as the father? Would I be resented by the child?
     
  20. bigjpgh

    bigjpgh Member

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    Ug, all I can really say is that all the legal talk by people who don't know is giving me a major headache. This is why there are lawyers, so you can sort through all this BS. If you want a real legal perspective, drop me a PM, and by all means, don't listen to anything legal on this thread, most of it is quite wrong.
     
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