Sperm Donation

[Drifterwood]

This is a serious thread, though of course humour will prevail no doubt, and besides, I am not here anyway.

Since changes in the law, giving potential paternal responsibility to donors, there has been a very substantial drop off in donors in the UK.

I personally don't feel that bothered about potential responsibility and am considering donation. Perhaps what I mean is that if I approve the potential mother who chooses my sperm, then I wouldn't have a problem, but if I had no choice in who used it then I might have a problem, but if a kid turns up in so many years and says "Hi, Dad", I wonder how I might feel. Does that make sense?

I am interested in what people think about the personal, social and ethical issues.

 

[Rikter8]

I have thought about this too, since I would like to have 2 children at one point before im 38yrs old.

In my own mind, I dont think that I could donate my sperm to another woman for her to pro-create with her husband. It would just seem odd. Granted, its just sperm, but still, I think in the back of my mind, I would always wonder "I wonder what he/she is up to today...

For many families it's probably a dream come true, whereas they cannot have children of their own, so morally, if a couple is responsable, and it's a warm home...then it probably wouldnt be morally or socially incorrect.

May I add a spin to your thread?

Are there any gay men/women on the board that had children by donating sperm to an opposite sex couple to have children?
I keep thinking "Queer as Folk" type of situation.
Is it rare? HOw do all the legal issues work out?

 

[Principessa]

Funny you mentioned this topic. It ran in the magazine section of the Sunday paper here in the USA just a few days ago.

My feeling on the matter is No, the only information that should be given to a child produced as a result of sperm donation is genetic information. Such as does cancer or heart disease run in the biological fathers family. These are things he might not know when he donates but 18-20 years later he learns.

The case in Europe last year where two lesbians used the sperm of a male friend to create a child and then later sued for child support and WON! Sickens me. That should never have happend and the judge who ordered it should be removed form the bench.

The sperm donor didn't just wank off in a turkey baster. There were lawyers involved prior to the conception and they went though an infertility clinic. Part of the original legal agreement was that the sperm donor would never have any financial responsibility for the child. When the lesbian couple split, the one who maintained primary custody of the child sued the sperm donor for child support. That is bullshit! The other lesbian should be paying child support not him.

Challenging Sperm Donor Privacy
Lori Andrews - Published: August 17, 2008

A bill that would allow children of sperm donors to learn their biological fathers’ identities recently was voted down in the Virginia state legislature. Some European nations allow children to find their donor fathers, but many fertility doctors in the U.S. object to the idea, arguing that banning anonymity will deter donors. Increasingly, clinics are offering mothers the option to choose donors who have agreed to be identified when their children turn 18. “Anonymous sperm donation should be illegal,” says Kathleen LaBounty, 26, who has been searching for her donor dad for 10 years. “Couples choose sperm donation because they want a genetic link between mother and child, but children care about genetics too. They want information about their biological fathers.”

 

[got_lost]

My only experience comes on the 'donor egg' side rather than the sperm, so not much help really.

I have had two very close friends who needed eggs.
One eventually got her egg but then had lost the man with the sperm so had to decline.
The other now has 4 yr old twins. From her perspective, I don't think she dwells on the fact she is not their biological mother and I don't know if she intends to tell them when they're older. Though I am sure she will.

I like the way she got the eggs.
In her area, any woman who is having IVF for herself, can have it at a lower cost if she agrees to donate half the eggs harvested. She produced 25. She got 13 of them and my friend got 12.

With regards to donor sperm and the potential paternal responsibility, I feel it absurd that a guy, being generous enough to donate his sperm, could be the father of potentially a great number of kids... IVF is getting better at not producing triplets and qauds but a lot of twins are still born.

Do you, as the donor, get to say the max number of babies that can be produced with your generous donation or could they max out your swimmers and your credit card?

Personally. I don't believe donors, whether sperm or egg, should be entitled to or have enforced upon them any responsibilities whatsoever.

They've DONATED them. Job done, finished, imho.
If you donate your old suit or dress to charity you don't expect to have a say in who buys it, where they wear it to and what they wear it with, do you?!?!
Neither do you expect them to come back to you to pay the costs of dry cleaning it or maintaining it.

 

[Principessa]

Personally. I don't believe donors, whether sperm or egg, should be entitled to or have enforced upon them any responsibilities whatsoever.

They've DONATED them. Job done, finished, imho.
If you donate your old suit or dress to charity you don't expect to have a say in who buys it, where they wear it to and what they wear it with, do you?!?!

Neither do you expect them to come back to you to pay the costs of dry cleaning it or maintaining it.

Exactly, I feel the same way.

A donation is like a gift. Once it leaves the posession of the giver they should have nothing to do with it.

 

[Pecker]

Just ejaculate into a specimen cup and leave it anonymously on the doorstep.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

The case in Europe last year where two lesbians used the sperm of a male friend to create a child and then later sued for child support and WON! Sickens me. That should never have happend and the judge who ordered it should be removed form the bench.

The sperm donor didn't just wank off in a turkey baster. There were lawyers involved prior to the conception and they went though an infertility clinic. Part of the original legal agreement was that the sperm donor would never have any financial responsibility for the child. When the lesbian couple split, the one who maintained primary custody of the child sued the sperm donor for child support. That is bullshit! The other lesbian should be paying child support not him.

Just goes to show you that Europe is screwed up too. She sure fixed it up for other lesbian couples wanting a donor. I think the judge should be paying the child support.

 

[hockeyguy741]

The case in Europe last year where two lesbians used the sperm of a male friend to create a child and then later sued for child support and WON! Sickens me. That should never have happend and the judge who ordered it should be removed form the bench.

The sperm donor didn't just wank off in a turkey baster. There were lawyers involved prior to the conception and they went though an infertility clinic. Part of the original legal agreement was that the sperm donor would never have any financial responsibility for the child. When the lesbian couple split, the one who maintained primary custody of the child sued the sperm donor for child support. That is bullshit! The other lesbian should be paying child support not him.

Just goes to show you that Europe is screwed up too. She sure fixed it up for other lesbian couples wanting a donor. I think the judge should be paying the child support.

I agree......

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

I agree......

Oooo he agreed. Be out behind the barn in an hour. Wear that collar and leash that makes you look vunerable. arf

 

[Drifterwood]

Just ejaculate into a specimen cup and leave it anonymously on the doorstep.

I tried, but Condoleezza's guys caught me.

The thread has helped me realise my issue (ho ho). Namely that I would feel responsibility, they are my genes, and I wouldn't want "my" kids ending up in any old situation. So it probably isn't for me either. The drought continues in the UK.

On researching, I saw that you have to have a full medical examination and I wondered if they would note if there was anything unusual about the donor's genitals? and whether that would affect a woman's choice of donor? Just a silly thought that crossed my mind.

 

[Principessa]

I tried, but Condoleezza's guys caught me.

The thread has helped me realise my issue (ho ho). Namely that I would feel responsibility, they are my genes, and I wouldn't want "my" kids ending up in any old situation. So it probably isn't for me either. The drought continues in the UK.

On researching, I saw that you have to have a full medical examination and I wondered if they would note if there was anything unusual about the donor's genitals? and whether that would affect a woman's choice of donor? Just a silly thought that crossed my mind.

Well of course the sperm donor has to have a physical, no one wants an unhealthy baby. What if you both carried the gene for Fragile X, Tay Sachs, or Sickle Cell?

Just what is it that you think is so unusual about your genitals sir? I think perhaps you should post a pic so that we may determine if your genitals are unusual or merely average. :wink: :biggrin1:

 

[ManlyBanisters]

[...] and besides, I am not here anyway.

'S OK - I won't tell anyone...

Since changes in the law, giving potential paternal responsibility to donors, there has been a very substantial drop off in donors in the UK.

I personally don't feel that bothered about potential responsibility and am considering donation. Perhaps what I mean is that if I approve the potential mother who chooses my sperm, then I wouldn't have a problem, but if I had no choice in who used it then I might have a problem, but if a kid turns up in so many years and says "Hi, Dad", I wonder how I might feel. Does that make sense?

I am interested in what people think about the personal, social and ethical issues.

I don't really know where to sit on this one. On the one hand I'm with K8 and NJ in that donors should be allowed to donate and leave it at that and on the other hand I can see that children want to know about their biological parents. Though, on the the latter point, I do wonder how much of that is natural curiosity and how much of that is the 'Oprah-fying' of society. Yes - we all need information on our genetics because it means something these days that it didn't even 20 years ago - but do we really need to know more than that or is it an expectation that has been exaggerated by the 'long lost father' / 'birth mother reunited' blah blah blah of shows like Oprah's and magazines that do the same thing.

I don't personally know anyone who was conceived of a donor (well, not that I'm aware of) - I do know several adopted people and several people who were abandoned by one parent and left with the other, and also a few more who lost a parent before their conscious memories kicked in. The degrees of curiosity about the absent parent(s) exhibited by these people vary widely - but I have noticed a pattern. When they are happy and content with themselves they seem less likely to act towards seeking the parent or information on the parent. Talking and thinking about it doesn't hold the same pattern - just the action. And I naturally ended up wondering how much that had to do with a (subconscious?) desire to seek change from without.

Why am I mentioning that? Well - it follows on that the curiosity of children from donor parents may follow the same pattern. Does that mean it should be indulged? What does it really achieve for a person to find the guy who jerked off into a cup or the woman who sat in a clinic for 30mins? Certainly a meaningful relationship could be formed, but we form meaningful relationships with non-blood relatives all the time. What's the difference, other than a label the two people might choose to put on it?

I can understand why some guys would be happy, as you, Drifter, say you would be, with the idea that your potential offspring might contact you - but I can equally understand how others would not, or would worry about the wellbeing of the child without being able to influence it. Certainly if a sperm donor is to assume any responsibility beyond the act of donation then the idea that he have a say in the couple / woman who are / is going to raise his child is, I would think, vital.

The laws surrounding this need to be watertight to avoid situations like the one NJ pointed out - that's going to be extremely difficult. It would be far easier, legally, to keep the anonymity 100% intact but it appears that that is not what the resulting children want (regardless of motivation) and, increasingly, not what the donor fathers want, if responses like Rikter's and others I have read here and elsewhere are anything to go by. I don't know about donor mothers - but my instinct for myself is that I would be more than a little interested in where my eggs went and what happened with resulting offspring if I were to donate.

Gosh, that's a very long winded way of saying 'I don't know', isn't it!!

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

I think the agencies should keep records for health reasons otherwise the process should remain totally anonymous. (I imagine) donating sperm isn't about wanting to be a father so why put him through the stress of always expecting a child to turn up on his door step demanding answers. And if the child does want to know the father then he should be consulted first, before his details are released.

 

[D_Jared Padalicki]

That is probabaly one of the reasons why you don't donate your sperm. If someone uses it and many years later that kid want contact with you, you can have big problems. FOr example, maybe you are married and have kids of your own, or maybe you are just not the fathertype and you definitely don't wanted a kid.
Difficult chose, I understand why it's good to donate, you can give some families a change on getting a kid, but there are a lot of downsides too.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

You ever heard of "adoption, the loving option"?

 

[Runco]

Funny you mentioned this topic. It ran in the magazine section of the Sunday paper here in the USA just a few days ago.

My feeling on the matter is No, the only information that should be given to a child produced as a result of sperm donation is genetic information. Such as does cancer or heart disease run in the biological fathers family. These are things he might not know when he donates but 18-20 years later he learns.

The case in Europe last year where two lesbians used the sperm of a male friend to create a child and then later sued for child support and WON! Sickens me. That should never have happend and the judge who ordered it should be removed form the bench.

The sperm donor didn't just wank off in a turkey baster. There were lawyers involved prior to the conception and they went though an infertility clinic. Part of the original legal agreement was that the sperm donor would never have any financial responsibility for the child. When the lesbian couple split, the one who maintained primary custody of the child sued the sperm donor for child support. That is bullshit! The other lesbian should be paying child support not him.

I agree. I don't understand how laws that apply to heterosexual couples somehow don't apply to gay and lesbian couples, particularly in the light of Civil Partnerships (which gay and lesbian couples fought for). If you fight to have all the rights that hetero couples have, this means you MUST take on all the responsibilities too. Surely? This lesbian couple were in a committed relationship into which they chose to bring children. A friend helped them out with a donation to do this. Sadly, like many hetero relationships, their partnership broke down. It happens. The fact that due to the relationship breaking down one could just walk away AND hand back the parental responsibility is ludicrous. No husband or wife would be allowed to do that so why should someone who performed a parental role in a lesbian/gay couple be allowed to do it? The fact that the SPERM DONOR was subsequently dragged into court and told he had to support these children was even more ludicrous - to the point of being unbelievable. I personally feel this was a flawed decision on the part of the judge and if I were the sperm donor I would take the case to the European Court. It's outrageous.

Given this case I really cannot say I am surprised that people are donating less sperm now. What next - will women who donate eggs be pursued for child support too? It seems the law really is an ass and the rights of donors are ridden over roughshod whenever it suits. In that circumstance, would any of you donate? I can tell you now - I wouldn't.