Splitting with wife, devastated

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by xxuxu, Apr 17, 2010.

  1. xxuxu

    xxuxu Active Member

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    I don't even know the vast majority of you, but many of you seem understanding, judging by some of the other posts. It's just nice to have another outlet.

    Oof. My wife and I are splitting because, well, she's unhappy. It's a bit complicated but in a nutshell, we married four years ago, had a child two years ago, and she's absolutely miserable. She's had a rough past, been through 9/11 firsthand, had a drug problem, an ex-husband who treated her bad, and she has bipolar disorder. She lied to herself about wanting a husband and family because she thought that was the "right" thing to want, to feel safe and stable and finally happy. She's never been happy with one guy for very long at all, wanted it to be different with me because I'm a great, nice guy (so she says) but she just doesn't feel it. She's been faking being attracted to me, faking happiness, faking orgasms, everything.

    I'm absolutely gutted.

    Just wanted to vent. Carry on.
     
  2. goodwood

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    oh no. i am so sorry to hear this. did you have any idea of this before she flat out told you?
     
  3. meanestpenis

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    Sorry man... going through the same right now. I have been told time and time again that I am doing everything wrong. All I do is change for her and it helps for like a week and then there is a new problem. She finally admitted that she's been pining over her old crusty BF's dong for years. What a joke. I mean, I figured, but like you I have a daughter now and that's the real killer. What a great example for the little ones to see mommy needs the company of some cocksucknig misogynist rather than her baby's father.

    i wish you luck, Sir
     
  4. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

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    Massive hugs for the both of you.A marriage split is really horrible and incredibly difficult to go through.I divorced 3 times so i know what you're going through.

    Carry on being the best daddy you can be for the children xx
     
  5. meanestpenis

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    Don't want to hijack the thread, but thanks Tasha.. that's very nice of you
     
  6. CUBE

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    You may be hurting from some rejection of the marriage but I have to wonder if you will have a more healthy life without this gal. It doesn't sound like you have anything to do with her problems. My main hope for you is you do indeed get some help to talk this all out and find a safe and stable environment for your child. This should be your total priority and maybe can give you a focus while you are healing. Good luck to you man.
     
  7. D_Czarova Zucchini

    D_Czarova Zucchini New Member

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    xxuxu, meanestpenis

    snoop dogg said it best..."nothin' but ho's & tricks"

    sorry to hear that truism proved yet again
     
  8. nicenycdick

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    Well...you will have to go through some tough times. But you will eventually realize that your life will be better without having to deal with her problems on a day-to-day basis. Just understand that some people are lost and can not be "found" by others. Be there for your daughter...and realize that life goes on. Have faith in the future.
     
  9. hud01

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    Don't beat yourself up over this, as it seems that she has issues too deep for you to fix.

    Keep busy. Go out with your friends. Solitude is the killer.

    It will hurt for quite a while, but day by day you will move on a little more.
     
  10. D_Tyrone_Tittickler

    D_Tyrone_Tittickler New Member

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    xxuxu,
    This is a shock, much like a sudden death in the family, and you will experience a period of grieving. I think that it would be helpful if you can find someone, a minister or counselor, who can help you sort out the feelings that you are experiencing and will experience in the future. Your child will need a stable parent, which is you, to grow into a healthy adolescent and adult. I wish you all the best and happiness in the future.
     
  11. xxuxu

    xxuxu Active Member

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    Thank you all for the kind words. You guys are supporting more than just my large penis. :redface:

    Dogtrainer, yes I went to a therapist for a year and half for my depression, until the insurance company decided I shouldn't be covered anymore just about a year ago. I'll be calling her Monday. It's good to know she's there and already knows me pretty well.

    Hud01, yeah, her issues are far too deep and there's nothing I can do. I tried to be a good supportive husband for years. It's almost a relief to know that it's not something I'm doing wrong, I know it's not my fault. At the same time I feel helpless.

    Sorry to all I haven't responded to, I really do appreciate the responses. It's really comforting knowing in the back of my mind that as I go about my business I can jump on the computer and see what some cool, supportive people have to say.

    BTW people, I have a son, not a daughter. :)
     
  12. SR_Manny Manparts

    SR_Manny Manparts New Member

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    My parents split up recently, it was tough to see that happen, really tough. Hang in there and do what you need to do. You don't expect these things to happen, but they do. I am firm believer that you have to fight for those that you love till the very end. However, it's a 2 way street, and if you're the only that's doing all the pulling, it isn't fair to you either. I wish you the very best in whatever you do, and the most important thing is the wellbeing of your son. We're here for you.
     
  13. D_Harry_Crax

    D_Harry_Crax Account Disabled

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    xxuxu, focus on your son, yourself, your job, your friends, your relatives, and so on, and you'll get through it. I know: my longest relationship was 6 years, and we rarely had what I considered to be a real argument, and then with no warning, he said it was over, effective immediately! Talk about shocks.....
    (Still, every time I read about these women who are impossible to please and/or have personalities that are hopeless for a relationship, I'm glad all over again to be gay.)
     
  14. nudeyorker

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    I'm so sorry for you and your wife and child. I hope this twist in the road is temporary and all of you will soon find happiness and peace of mind.
     
  15. Joll

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    I agree - sound advice. Surround yourself with things/ppl that are supportive and cheer you up, and aim (as im sure you are) to continue being a great Dad.

    I guess things will become easier in time, and you'll work out how you want to move forward with things and in what direction. Sounds really tough tho - good luck, and all the best. :)
     
  16. xxuxu

    xxuxu Active Member

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    Yup I fought tooth and nail, at first. I wasn't going to let this happen. She feels she has a calling to go out and start a certain business with a guy she met online. They "click" very well and understand each others' mental illness. They are probably going to start a relationship, who knows if any of that will work out. At first I was arguing just over only this, but as she slowly revealed more and more information that she's been hiding for so long, well basically she's been miserable with me for a loooong time. As I said before she's been faking everything. Nothing to argue anymore.
     
  17. SR_Manny Manparts

    SR_Manny Manparts New Member

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    wow. I am sorry. Well you have us here, We're all a big happy family. So hang in there.
     
  18. Icantthinkofaname

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    Now now, I know a few men out there who make me thank god for being single and pray for their partners.

    Joking aside, I know even the most amicable divorces are never truly easy, but I hope yours goes as smoothly as possible so you and your wife can move on and find peace in your lives. And even the smallest of children know when something's not right with mommy and daddy, so please please please make sure you take the time to help him adjust to the new situation as best as he can.
     
  19. D_Doe_Ray_Mi

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    Deepest empathy to you man. Been there twice myself, the last the most painful. Loved her more than any day before the morning she told me over coffee that if she wasn't going to be a mother that she was starting her life over . . . single. This after I was there for her and also going through the heartache of two years of miscarriages. Yes, get some good counseling and don't believe what she says about never having loved you. She's just in denial about her own guilt. You know how to love and fortunately have your son to focus that upon now and he will need you, maybe more than ever. Some of the most healing advice a friend gave me at that time was to allow myself to cry everyday for one year after the divorce. I used that advice fully and emerged a new, whole, healed man and have very healthy relationships now. There is life after divorce. Take care of yourself in the meantime.
     
  20. helgaleena

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    I am so sorry to hear this and hope the best for you and your son. Sadly the fact that she can decieve people like you so easily is actually going to help her if she applies it in the business world. But it is no way to have a family.

    I think youneed to think about your son first of all, which includes supporting yourown happiness so you can nurture him sincerely.
     
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