What you have described is typical of someone with bipolar disorder. Hang tight and she may well swing the other way and change back to previous feelings. Hang in there.
Splitting with wife, devastated
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So sorry to hear you're going through this. Sometimes, it's best to know what's going on, that it's not you, that you can't 'fix' what's wrong, but you can fix the situation for your son. Children really pick up on these things -- whether we want to admit the conflicts/stress or not -- kids feel it. I hope you will find yourself happier when you are through this....I don't mean that in a mean, uncaring way, but in the sense that at least you have something you can fix, do, to make things better for yourself and your son.
Big hugs though. It sounds so very sad for you.
Big hugs though. It sounds so very sad for you.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I know it's very difficult to discover that she was faking. It feels like a betrayal even though she's bi-polar. I think that appreciating yourself and the person you are now is super important. I hope you'll have some peace eventually.
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It certainly seems that way, huh? Of course this was my initial thought, but before I could even bring up the point, she stated very clearly that this isn't a manic episode. Her therapist (of 3 years now) said as she was explaining all this stuff, she seemed genuinely happy, in a way that's never been apparent before, she didn't seem to be manic.
However she may come crawling back if the relationship and the business don't work out. I really don't see the business working (it's art-related, in a shitty economy, and not really that great an idea), the relationship I have no idea. She takes my money for granted - doesn't know how much everything adds up to - I don't think she even knows how very expensive her student loan payments are each month. Anyway, people can be so very different in person as opposed to online. It's so easy to hide your bad side and only show select qualities online, and it's just, different. For example, not even getting into the millions of variables in a person's personality, the guy is really short. Shorter than her, a full foot shorter than me. It's easy to think that superficial qualities don't matter, but she's always loved tall guys, she loved how her head rested against my chest as my long arms enveloped her. This guy's head would be on HER chest! Despite the two of them "clicking" so well, something like that could turn out to be a dealbreaker. What then?
But, if she crawls back I'm not sure I'll want her. How can I if the things she said were true?? And if they weren't true, what horrible things to lie about!!
This is a really big issue. How determined is she determined to split up with you? You bring really good points. It's not fair to you. She may be bipolar, but it seems to me that she deliberately wants to hurt you. One would say, Run!! But I understand when children are in the mix.
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She actually didn't want to split up at first. She wanted to be in an open relationship. She wanted to do this business thing with that guy in another state a few days a week, then come back home to me because she can't help loving me. She said she felt she's not meant for monogamy and just has to be herself. I would not have that - I said you can't have your cake and eat it too. Then in a later conversation she mentioning the faked happiness and orgasms and all that.
Hrm.
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Hey man- I'm really sorry to hear about all of this, first of all. My last girlfriend was (well, still is) bi-polar and I'm nodding to my head to a lot of this, the tendencies are very similar to my ex's. I highly doubt your wife was faking happiness and orgasms and things of that nature... to me that just sounds like her disorder talking, retaliation for the inner chord your "can't have her cake and eat it too" statement struck within her.
There have been some very thoughtful, caring comments on here, you guys and gals are awesome... we're all here for ya, xxuxu.
There have been some very thoughtful, caring comments on here, you guys and gals are awesome... we're all here for ya, xxuxu.
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Do not let her back. You need to get on with you life. She will only continue to drag you down mentally, physically and financially
fuck bipolar. the woman's a fucking sociopath. she probably won't be happy till she finds the charles starkweather to her caril ann fugate
And don't forget that at every stage of this you must stay civil with each other no matter how dire the situation - your love for each other may have run out but your love for your child must not be affected by this.
At no stage should you two put your problems ahead of the child.
Just sayin'.
I wish you best of luck with this journey.
At no stage should you two put your problems ahead of the child.
Just sayin'.
I wish you best of luck with this journey.
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Stephenmass
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Putting her bipolar aside, if what she is saying is not her bipolar talking as you seem to have indicated above, I think what you need to do is say to yourself, "I deserve better than this anyway". Part as amicably as possible which I am sure is a difficult thing to do, but part knowing that she isn't worthy of the security of having you in her life. Someone else will be eventually. In the meantime, grieve it as you will, but once you allow yourself to get past it and genuinely realize that you do, in fact, deserve better than what she gave you, will bring about a peace in your life. You say it hasn't been good for quite some time (I think you said SHE said that and when you think back you probably agree). Why go on if it isn't good man? Find a life partner or have a life partner find you and trust me, you will be a bit more picky too. You won't fall in love as quickly (trust issues) as before, but at the same time I don't think that is a bad thing if you are a long-term relationship oriented kind of person. I said to keep it as amicable as possible (as difficult as that will be) so your son isn't affected more than he already is. I think people forget that when parents divorce, the child is going thru the divorce also.
Good luck man.
Good luck man.
Having been married to someone with Severe Bipolar Disorder, I can say FIRST HAND - its NOT easy (on either/all parties in the marriage)! and normally, I would recommend to get her medicated - and if she already IS medicated, get her better medicated. Bipolar Disorder is a chemical imbalance and NOT a "choice". With that said however, I think u got something else going on here as well - she met someone else.
SO my advice is - move on, be civil, and do the best co-parenting job u can. U'r responsibility right now is to urself and ur son.
Hit me up, if u ever want to have a conversation about it. I can fill u in a little more than I would divulge here. Peace.
SO my advice is - move on, be civil, and do the best co-parenting job u can. U'r responsibility right now is to urself and ur son.
Hit me up, if u ever want to have a conversation about it. I can fill u in a little more than I would divulge here. Peace.
*hug* Sorry you're going through such hell. I'd bet your next girlfriend is much more appreciative of you.
To stay with a person with bipolar disorder is not
easy, even if they are under the care of a doctor and meds. To do so says a lot of you! My partner of 26 years is bipolar and it take a lot out of me to make things work and we have no children. I heart goes out to you and your child and I wish you the best. you sound like a good man and good men end up in great places
easy, even if they are under the care of a doctor and meds. To do so says a lot of you! My partner of 26 years is bipolar and it take a lot out of me to make things work and we have no children. I heart goes out to you and your child and I wish you the best. you sound like a good man and good men end up in great places
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I hope so! I've been fantasizing about being with a nice, well-adjusted, intelligent, independent, successful girl. Funny how I'm barely thinking of the T&A. Maybe this is that whole maturity thing.
Thank you all once again...
I went through this three years ago. The writing was on the wall, I just didn't realize it. I spent countless months trying to figure out what I did wrong. I adjusted the few personality things that had previously been a problem, but that didn't solve anything with any relationship. I just kept adjusting. What I was wrong about is that I was messed up from the beginning. The important thing is not to blame yourself in this case and learn from it. And you will always long for those days from the past, but don't get caught up in them because they will never come again.
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