Splitting with wife, devastated

[piratebulldog]

I think HELGALEENA'S pointing out that the primary person in all of this is the child is very important. Felt that viewpoint was a bit dismissed with a 'oh yeah, I have family that can help out.' This is a child with two very disturbed parents who don't seem to put his/her needs at the head of the list. Focus on being a good father first above all else. Love will find a way into that but that has to be the primary focus of all.

 

[helgaleena]

I think HELGALEENA'S pointing out that the primary person in all of this is the child is very important. Felt that viewpoint was a bit dismissed with a 'oh yeah, I have family that can help out.' This is a child with two very disturbed parents who don't seem to put his/her needs at the head of the list. Focus on being a good father first above all else. Love will find a way into that but that has to be the primary focus of all.

Thanks for that, piratebulldog, but the OP is right to want his own needs met so that he can endeavor to be that good father. Having primary custody is an important factor too, if the woman is that unstable! Actually I was reassured by his answer.

Children have to make the best of the parents they have been given unto, sadly.

 

[xxuxu]

I think HELGALEENA'S pointing out that the primary person in all of this is the child is very important. Felt that viewpoint was a bit dismissed with a 'oh yeah, I have family that can help out.' This is a child with two very disturbed parents who don't seem to put his/her needs at the head of the list. Focus on being a good father first above all else. Love will find a way into that but that has to be the primary focus of all.

He is and will be taken good care of. I have no need to expand on that further. OK?

 

[Harold81]

Though I've never been married, you have my total sympathy. Most of us have been through terrible heartbreak and most of us know how much pain you are in.

Know that even THIS will pass, as most challenges in life eventually do. Allow yourself to grieve and feel bad, but just don't LIVE there. Stay strong.

 

[lopo2000]

Man, don't blame yourself on this. It's not your fault, and I don't think it's her fault either. As you said, she has been a pretty tough past so she might still be coping with that. It's not you, so don't beat yourself up on this, I'm sure you're as nice and gentle as she claimed. There must be truth in it. You'll find the right person soon, bro, don't worry. Just treat it as a past that used to carve smiles on your face. You're lucky.

 

[horneyoldguy]

xxuxu,
This is a shock, much like a sudden death in the family, and you will experience a period of grieving. I think that it would be helpful if you can find someone, a minister or counselor, who can help you sort out the feelings that you are experiencing and will experience in the future. Your child will need a stable parent, which is you, to grow into a healthy adolescent and adult. I wish you all the best and happiness in the future.

I agree, you should really have someone to help you get through this as well as providing a stable envirnoment for your child. Best of luck.

A child of mine went through something similar but in their case there were no children involved. My child has just met a person with whom they are forming a new relationship and after about 4 months they have moved in together. Prior to this it took my child 3 years of therapy to feel comfortable enough to make any committment with the opposite sex or same sex and with luck this one will work out better then the first, but who knows. Like a said best of luck.

 

[Countryguy63]

I went through this many times :frown1:, so I know exacly how you are feeling. By many times, I mean that at 7 yrs my ex decided that she was tired of being a wife and a mother. She complained that she had "never been able to live her life". She left us for about 2 months and then decided to come back. I spent the next 5 years trying to be the best husband I could be. Everytime she wanted to leave, I would ask her to go to marriage counseling, which would only last a couple months.

It was hell until I finally realized that I was fighting a losing battle and filed for divorce.

It's so hard to tell when you should be trying to hang on and when it's time to let go. Once you decide to let go, you can work on rebuilding your life and be the best Dad that you can possibly be. You are lucky that she has agreed to not fight over custody. That makes it twice as hard.

Keep coming here for support (unfortunately, there are more low times coming). I wish I had the friends that I have here at the time I was going through mine.

 

[B_crackoff]

Don't worry, we both agree I should have primary custody of my son, and there's a lot of family that can help out.

That's good news. I know you're in a bad place now, but think positively - this could have dragged on for years...

The best advice I can give you for when you move on & consider dating again, is don't go for any vunerable women anymore. You don't want to make the same mistake twice. It's very easy to fall in love with someone & feel very protective over fragile people, but unless they have the will to deal with their problems, you'll be the one worse off.

Best wishes, & keep your chin up. You sound like a great guy. Make your kid proud too.