Starting a family when you are 18-20yr old?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_theaussieone, Dec 9, 2011.

  1. B_theaussieone

    B_theaussieone New Member

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    is it a waste of youth? too me it is. I want to know your opinion, especially of those who have raised a family at a young age.
     
  2. Phillygrower

    Phillygrower New Member

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    Depends how u look at it. U might lose out on some things in ur youth but ur kids will be teenagers when it friends r starting to have kids so you'll have the end of ur 30s and all of ur 40s while ur friends r right in the thick of it. I had my first two kids at 19 and 20 then my next two at 30 and 32. Looking at it now it would have been nice to stop early cause I'm 33 and my oldest r 12 and 13.
     
  3. D_Skippy_Skidmarx

    D_Skippy_Skidmarx New Member

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    It depends on maturity and focus. Having children is a wonderfully humbling experience that will definitely cause a normal person to put both feet on the ground, so to speak. Also, get ready to spend money you never new you had!
     
  4. OhWiseOne

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    There is no right answer it is a personal choice based on your goals in life. As a previous post stated if you have kids when your young you sacrific part of your younger years but you have more freedom in your forties. It's all give and take.

    BTW how do you define youth, age or mental state? There are many ways people "waste" their youth other than choosing to have chidren.
     
  5. D_Pat Trick Henry

    D_Pat Trick Henry Account Disabled

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    I am friends with a couple who just had a baby in September and got engaged in November. She is 20 he is 19. They raise their child better than some older parents I've seen. They both work and have their own house and are doing very well for themselves. The age doesn't matter, it's just a number. It's the maturity level and readiness of the people involved.
     
  6. need2bsexy2

    need2bsexy2 Active Member

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    I was married at 19 and a father at 20. It really reined in my younger years but focused me then and liberated my 30's and 40's. Now it is wonderful to have 2 grown kids, out of college, with families that we get together with all of the time.

    The long term benefits of a good and loving family far out weigh any wild sex I could have had in my 20's. BTW, the sex is still good after many years.

    I am continually amazed that the young people today are putting off having a family. Do it when you are young and have the energy to parent. I have seen too many 40+ year old parents trying to raise a 1 year old and they don't have the energy to keep up.
     
  7. houtx48

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    Better 18/20 than 40 something...............
     
  8. hud01

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    There is no correct answer, except marriages where the couple is under 21 has the least chance of success. When you are younger you also tend to have less money. When you are older you give the child less years with you.

    One of my relatives had two before 21, and the thought was that she would be done with them by 40. Then she got divorced and remarried. Now she has 2 grown kids and a 10 year old at 45
     
  9. exwhyzee

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    That's not always true. I know 40-year-olds with 80-year-old parents.

    In theory it would have been cool to have had kids when I was very young, because they would be adults by now. In reality, I'm so glad I didn't because I would not be the person I am today. It really depends if you want to live your life for your kids first and give yourself personal time later, or give yourself personal time first and live your life for your kids later. Personally, I don't think it matters.
     
  10. Joll

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    Tbh, I think it's a waste of youth NOT to. It's so much easier at that age - energy wise as well as conception wise.

    Sure, wait till you're ready in terms of jobs and experience etc - but make use of the fact your body is in prime condition for it. :)
     
  11. Incocknito

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    Strictly speaking, its better to have kids as soon as. It's not impossible that you would be in some sort of accident; contract an STI, cancer, come into contact with chemicals, suffer genital injuries which would render you infertile.

    Also there is increased risk of birth defects with age.

    I wouldn't call it a waste of youth. Plenty of people are wasting their youth, you don't need kids to do that.
     
  12. august86

    august86 Member

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    I don't think there's a right or wrong answer on whether to start a family young.
    It's whatever works for you. There are consequences to both.
    I have friends who got married just before they turned 21 and are expecting their second child, who are quite happy with their lives. Then I know people who felt like travelling, building careers and/or wealth before settling down and having a family.

    Having kids at very late stages in one's life (beyond 50), does restrict the time you have to get to know your child and very often fosters a relationship likening that of a grandparent-grandchild relationship. You're not necessarily as energetic, although you would've experienced much more and would have the opportunity to parent very well because of it.

    Having kids at a young age with bursts of energy (you and them) also has it's ups and downs. Many of us are/were collosal idiots in our 20s, making mistake after mistake, being inexperienced but at the same time, know-it-alls. Although, they do say that having kids tends to make one responsible at a rapid rate.

    Guess it depends of the goals you have for your life and where a family fits into those... vital, important but not now, someday, or never...
     
  13. mikeyinbrooklyn

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    There are no hard rules here. Some people can handle being parents early, some can't. My Mom had 2 kids by 22 and did just fine. The benefits: young parents have energy and enthusiasm lacking in (some) older parents. The drawbacks: not being prepared for the financial and practical apsects of parenthood. If you think you would miss out on "youth" (defined as drinking, partying, etc), I would assert you are not ready for parenthood. Nowadays, people generally have kids later. I am not sure if that is good or bad, or neutral for the kids. Depends on the individuals involved. We never had a lot of money growing up (not poor, mind you, but no extra money). I think I have benefitted from growing up with a very involved Mom, and learning to appreciate material things more because we had fewer of them. I also started working young, which taught me about hard work. That is missing in a lot of younger people. I have a cousin who was the most irresponsible and unparentlike person you could imagine. Drunkenly, at age 19 she got knocked. It radically transformed her life for the better. Instantly, she gave up the drugs and boozing. Went back to school. Opened her own small business that is now a big success. She is a teriffic single mom, and responsible in ways that could not have been imagined just a few years ago. Threw out the TV, stopped swearing. Pureed her own baby food. So, to sum up, there is nothing wrong with young parenthood if you are ready for it. As a gay man, my becoming a parent can only be planned. Planning in advance is ideal. But if you have it thrust upon you suddenly, you can do it.
     
  14. travis1985

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    There are also far fewer under-21 marriages today than any other age group. Even a small number of them failing equates to an apparently high percentage.
     
  15. Remington

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    As long as they can take care of the child, age doesn't matter.
     
  16. B_debonair87

    B_debonair87 New Member

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    absolute waste.

    that age should be spend finding yourself and trying to establish goals for yourself to reach.

    i know people who started families after high school and can't think of any that are doing particularly well.
     
  17. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    If you have a good relationship with someone children can make it infinitely better if you are able to survive the stresses. If your relationship is so-so or not so good to begin with, it will be the death of it.
     
  18. hud01

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    This goes back 30 or 40 years and there is enough of a statistical sampling to make it valid. The percentages are significantly higher. It isn't like 45% vs. 40%. It is something like 70% vs. 45%
     
  19. Thirdlegproduction

    Thirdlegproduction Formerly WhiteMonst3r
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    I would love to be a father but I have goals I want to complete first.

    The other thing is that I'm not able to find a compatible woman at this age that really knows what it means to be a mother. They're all too occopied having someone that will just love them unconditionally and not really thinking about the children's needs.
     
  20. B_theaussieone

    B_theaussieone New Member

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    i want to clarrify, this is about the adults life and it being wasted. being a good parent has nothing to do with it.

    Like if you where 80yrs old and had kids and got married at 18 would u regret it and think 'i should of spent more time fuking bitches'.
     
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