Stay At Home Means More Work For Women

[Sagittarius84]

I'm still trying to discern is really how much empathy I should have for a supposed systemic issue, when, by your very words, the issue would be largely solved by Black people owning their part in enabling White people to treat them poorly.

I soo get what you were going for here, and have a logical refute for why it isnt quite the same....but the point is still understood.

 

[Sagittarius84]

Can we agree that, in general, men have expectations of cohabiting women to keep house?

Im willing to agree, but only under the auspices that it's more due to nurture than nature. I dont think the expectation is an inherent one.

 

[HorseHung40's]

I have always done more than my share of the housework and raising my sons.

Here, women complain that this change has meant more work for them. I am sure that it has meant exactly that for many.

Now, you know who you are, and, should have known your husbands B-E-F-O-R-E you said "I do"; however, I ask you to honestly answer the following questions.

1.) Did you ever think that "you could change him"? Newsflash: You were buying a lemon, not a lemon meringue pie.

2.) Were you only interested in men that "you had to fight for"? Guess what: You picked the wrong battle! You should never have to do that. You just communicated that you would do everything.

3.) You were not marrying someone better looking that you were, and, by extension someone that would put you onto a pedestal. Surprise: It is not handsome men that make bad husbands, but, apathetic ones. Luckily, they come in all shapes and sizes, so judging a book by its cover won't work.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I have always done more than my share of the housework and raising my sons.

Here, women complain that this change has meant more work for them. I am sure that it has meant exactly that for many.

Now, you know who you are, and, should have known your husbands B-E-F-O-R-E you said "I do"; however, I ask you to honestly answer the following questions.

1.) Did you ever think that "you could change him"? Newsflash: You were buying a lemon, not a lemon meringue pie.

2.) Were you only interested in men that "you had to fight for"? Guess what: You picked the wrong battle! You should never have to do that. You just communicated that you would do everything.

3.) You were not marrying someone better looking that you were, and, by extension someone that would put you onto a pedestal. Surprise: It is not handsome men that make bad husbands, but, apathetic ones. Luckily, they come in all shapes and sizes, so judging a book by its cover won't work.

So full of generalizations it's not even funny.

 

[286798]

I have always done more than my share of the housework and raising my sons.

Here, women complain that this change has meant more work for them. I am sure that it has meant exactly that for many.

Now, you know who you are, and, should have known your husbands B-E-F-O-R-E you said "I do"; however, I ask you to honestly answer the following questions.

1.) Did you ever think that "you could change him"? Newsflash: You were buying a lemon, not a lemon meringue pie.

2.) Were you only interested in men that "you had to fight for"? Guess what: You picked the wrong battle! You should never have to do that. You just communicated that you would do everything.

3.) You were not marrying someone better looking that you were, and, by extension someone that would put you onto a pedestal. Surprise: It is not handsome men that make bad husbands, but, apathetic ones. Luckily, they come in all shapes and sizes, so judging a book by its cover won't work.

Did you grasp that this article was about COVID situation and not picking the right spouse?

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Did you grasp that this article was about COVID situation and not picking the right spouse?

Of course that bit was missed. And the news bit. Because one person’s ideology overrides everyone else’s reality.

 

[neutrno]

I have always done more than my share of the housework and raising my sons.

Here, women complain that this change has meant more work for them. I am sure that it has meant exactly that for many.

Now, you know who you are, and, should have known your husbands B-E-F-O-R-E you said "I do"; however, I ask you to honestly answer the following questions.

1.) Did you ever think that "you could change him"? Newsflash: You were buying a lemon, not a lemon meringue pie.

2.) Were you only interested in men that "you had to fight for"? Guess what: You picked the wrong battle! You should never have to do that. You just communicated that you would do everything.

3.) You were not marrying someone better looking that you were, and, by extension someone that would put you onto a pedestal. Surprise: It is not handsome men that make bad husbands, but, apathetic ones. Luckily, they come in all shapes and sizes, so judging a book by its cover won't work.

The thing about "could change him" is so spot on for lots of women I know!

The other 2, no, I don't think I've ever heard of things like that in the real world, but I can believe you have. Interesting.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

I find it hilarious that people are supposedly suspended in amber the moment they say I do...for this...but if the bedroom chills, Hoo boy, we are withholding bitches and the dudes deserve to go out and get some.

 

[MickeyLee]

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I find it hilarious that people are supposedly suspended in amber the moment they say I do...for this...but if the bedroom chills, Hoo boy, we are withholding bitches and the dudes deserve to go out and get some.

NO SHIT.

As if no one ever changes over years of existing on earth as a human.

It's not the fact that "we can't change him!", the issue sometimes occurs when he changes from a willing, helpful partner to an expectant, unappreciative jackass.

Of all the married women I've known in my life, none of them married him as a "project" in an attempt to change him for the better. They married the person who they thought and genuinely felt was going to support them and be there for them for the long haul.

I've never expected my man to be anyone other than the person I've known my entire life. I do expect both of us to change over time, and to do the work to stay supportive and committed to one another. Matter of fact, the past 2 days have been full of that exact work. It's not supposed to be easy. But it is supposed to be fucking worth it. For me? Damn right it is.

 

[deleted924715]

I find it hilarious that people are supposedly suspended in amber the moment they say I do...for this...but if the bedroom chills, Hoo boy, we are withholding bitches and the dudes deserve to go out and get some.

Yet - weirdly - the "solution" lies in obtaining a DeLorean and not opening your legs in the first place.

(with an undertone of "shame!" and bell ringing)

Should we open our legs... Should we not open our legs? I'm confused

 

[Sagittarius84]

I find it hilarious that people are supposedly suspended in amber the moment they say I do...for this...but if the bedroom chills, Hoo boy, we are withholding bitches and the dudes deserve to go out and get some.

I understood the spirit of the point you were making, but not necessarily this example...Wouldnt a "chilling bedroom" imply that it had begun warm? So the complaint would be for the lessening of sex not the continuation of previously established sex...how does that compare to the assertion of being "frozen in amber" when it comes to expected cleaning and household responsibilities?
Im glad you brought up sex frequency because its probably the only parallel i could think of that would get opposite gender complaint in the same way women complain about inequity in cleaning and household responsibilities...In that sense I somewhat understand why its so easy for myself and other men to be answering as such, our benchmark is set upon the beginning of a relationship when it comes to things we want or feel are necessary to the health of a relationship. So from "man eyes" we look at the establishment of sexual frequency at the beginning of the relationship to color our feelings about that sexual frequency later on down the line. If it maintains we are appreciative, as it would be selfish to ask for more, and complaint comes when it is lessened...and so thats how I think many of us are looking at this cleaning/household responsibility thing in the same fashion : his beginning contribution establishes the benchmark, one can only expect him to maintain, it's selfish to ask for him to increase efforts and it only appropriate to complain if he slacks off...
What Im hearing is that isn't necessarily the case and Im trying to understand why.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

I’m saying people change. Well, healthy people change lifelong.

In some cases, that change doesn’t affect the people around them. In others, such as disconnecting from home for whatever reason, it greatly impacts the people around them.
My landlords are married. Alan is messy messy. His husband was very tidy but he’s gotten bad habits from exposure. And he’s changing that. Big purge, organization, etc.

Frozen in amber is for fossils.

 

[Sagittarius84]

Of course that bit was missed. And the news bit. Because one person’s ideology overrides everyone else’s reality.

It wasnt missed(at least by me I cant speak for anyone else) but i think whats happening is a recognition that there are different categories of women within this effect which brings about differing solutions. I personally place 3rd world women and women in abusive relationships aside because because their problems are much more profound and cannot be solved by men simply contributing more in that fashion.
I think within any non abusive modern relationship the feeling is that mate choice has just as much(if not more so) of an impact upon this being a future issue for women than any expectations set by men.

 

[Sagittarius84]

I’m saying people change. Well, healthy people change lifelong.

In some cases, that change doesn’t affect the people around them. In others, such as disconnecting from home for whatever reason, it greatly impacts the people around them.
My landlords are married. Alan is messy messy. His husband was very tidy but he’s gotten bad habits from exposure. And he’s changing that. Big purge, organization, etc.

Frozen in amber is for fossils.

But change doesnt always mean more, for many healthy people its learning how to do less especially if doing more is having an averse effect on other aspects of life. In every infographic or chart Ive ever seen describing the additional tasks and responsibilities women stress themselves over I always ask myself why when these are the very things in 15-20yrs you're going to shed in an effort to reclaim your life.
Again man eyes here..so maybe Im not seeing something

 

[Sagittarius84]

It's not the fact that "we can't change him!", the issue sometimes occurs when he changes from a willing, helpful partner to an expectant, unappreciative jackass.

Id like to explore this notion because i think it was touched on earlier...what exactly is the "change"? Is it a newfound unwillingness to do what he had done before, or is it a reaction to a new set or level of responsibilities he did not request nor was prepared for?
To piggy back on the "dead bedroom" example...if I were to complain that my significant other had changed in to a frigid woman as time went on, wouldn't be pertinent if i was referring to a reduction in sexual activity due to whatever factors are affecting her libido, or if I started going to the gym or engaging in other physical activities to where the increase in testosterone was boosting my sexual appetite to a level higher than she normally is attuned to?

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Id like to explore this notion because i think it was touched on earlier...what exactly is the "change"? Is it a newfound unwillingness to do what he had done before, or is it a reaction to a new set or level of responsibilities he did not request nor was prepared for?
To piggy back on the "dead bedroom" example...if I were to complain that my significant other had changed in to a frigid woman as time went on, wouldn't be pertinent if i was referring to a reduction in sexual activity due to whatever factors are affecting her libido, or if I started going to the gym or engaging in other physical activities to where the increase in testosterone was boosting my sexual appetite to a level higher than she normally is attuned to?

I'm not interested in getting into it with you today. I don't have the energy for this right now.

 

[Sagittarius84]

I'm not interested in getting into it with you today. I don't have the energy for this right now.

Sorry wasnt trying to start anything, Im genuinely curious because it mirrors a lot of the language that comes from men and their complaints about the women in their lives.

 

[4388301]

1.) Did you ever think that "you could change him"? Newsflash: You were buying a lemon, not a lemon meringue pie.

2.) Were you only interested in men that "you had to fight for"? Guess what: You picked the wrong battle! You should never have to do that. You just communicated that you would do everything.

3.) You were not marrying someone better looking that you were, and, by extension someone that would put you onto a pedestal. Surprise: It is not handsome men that make bad husbands, but, apathetic ones. Luckily, they come in all shapes and sizes, so judging a book by its cover won't work.

1. Nope
2. Nope
3. Incorrect. He is objectively and non-objectively better looking than I am but he's not a piece of shit, lazy, inconsiderate, etc.

WTF are ya smoking?

 

[286798]

I'm not interested in getting into it with you today. I don't have the energy for this right now.

Me either.