Stereotype question

[MercyfulFate]

Prefacing this by saying don't attack me seems pointless, because simply having 100% Straight in your profile gets people attacked.

That being said, what is with the gay male stereotype of being ultra-anal retentive, to the point of seeing a speck of dust causes a freak out? Women do this too, but having a co-worker that does this is beyond obnoxious.

For example I clean the private bathroom we have, and it's spotless. Yet, this guy will freak out and tell me how disgusting it is. Mind you anyone else who's used it says it's the cleanest bathroom they've ever seen too.

I guess I just don't understand this mindset in men or women, but seeing it from this guy, it's way worse than any woman I've ever seen do the same thing.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

*not attacking you*

I know all kinds of people who are obsessively cleanly to the point of mania too, it's not an exclusively Gay thing. I'm curious why you make the connection between one guy being obsessively clean and a fairly obscure stereotype which I think almost anyone with any perceptive ability would see is pretty spurious.


Some people are obsessively cleanly, Gay, Straight, Mormon, Japanese, Social Democrat, Car Salesman, etc.

 

[davidjh7]

Pretty much what Hilaire said. He isn't necessarily gay, he is just a germaphobe. Don't assume, also, that all gay people are clean freaks, either. I persoanlly am more than a bit of a slob, especially when I am on my own. :tongue: There are many theories why the sterotype of gay=clean freak exists, but like all sterotypes, they exist for a reason, but also don't apply to everyone, or even the majority. To deal with your particular situation, inform the guy that you work hard to clean to high standards, but if the bathroom doesn't meet his standards, he is perfectly welcome to clean it himself to his standards, since only then will he be satisfied. Obviously, if this is a work situation and he has power over you this wouldn't be appropriate, but if you honestly are doing a good job, then don;t take his comments to heart either. He may be saying it just to be an asshole and try and do some power play--whatever your situation is. Try not to get overly upset about it either way. Good Luck!

 

[Bbucko]

OCD comes in all flavors, MF.

In the 34 years that I've been out and socializing with gay men, I can only think of two obsessive neat freaks. That's out of thousands of contacts.

The reverse stereotype of a straight slob isn't true either, is it?

 

[MercyfulFate]

OCD comes in all flavors, MF.

In the 34 years that I've been out and socializing with gay men, I can only think of two obsessive neat freaks. That's out of thousands of contacts.

The reverse stereotype of a straight slob isn't true either, is it?

No that's totally true, and I've met quite a few gay men with this tendency as I can show you a dozen straight slobs I know. With this guy though it's amplified and totally selective.

 

[Smaccoms]

The problem with white & straight men is that they tend to lack perspective, not that I'm trying to stereotype or anything at:

 

[MercyfulFate]

The problem with white & straight men is that they tend to lack perspective, not that I'm trying to stereotype or anything at:

I'm simply asking a question about a stereotype I've seen quite a few times and do not understand, get over yourself.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

I'm simply asking a question about a stereotype I've seen quite a few times and do not understand, get over yourself.

Hold on though, are you saying you've actually encountered Gay men who were scrupulously cleanly to a fault or are you saying you've encountered a stereotype in other contexts, like the media or something?

 

[MercyfulFate]

Hold on though, are you saying you've actually encountered Gay men who were scrupulously cleanly to a fault or are you saying you've encountered a stereotype in other contexts, like the media or something?

Met, in real life and it's a stereotype popularized on TV sometimes.

 

[Bbucko]

No that's totally true, and I've met quite a few gay men with this tendency as I can show you a dozen straight slobs I know. With this guy though it's amplified and totally selective.

I was trying to make a point about stereotypes

But seriously: I had a friend in the 80s who was so anal that he had an illegal metal hose attached to his gas stove. It was on casters so he could move it to clean underneath, which he did daily. Once his looks started to fade he was horribly lonely because he couldn't find anyone who'd put up with his antics. It was kinda sad.

The other guy was a roommate of mine for several years late in the aughts. He wasn't horrible with me (at all), but he was a compulsive cleaner who'd frequently redo my perfectly good cleanings. He also was addicted to those anti-bacterial wipes and used them near-constantly on everything. Though extremely successful in business, he, too, has a terrible time finding guys who don't find his habits over-the-top.

Really, they're it in over three decades. Maybe it's just my good luck.

BTW: what do you mean by "selective"? Is he not as impossible with others?

 

[buzzrider7]

Leaving out the sexuality part of it, there is definitely a difference in perspective between neat folks and those who seem to lack the Clene Gene. I have one friend who will say his place is a mess, and I'd pretty much be comfortable eating a meal on the bathroom floor. Another friend will feel that his place is "pretty clean" though when I use the bathroom, I usually think that pissing on the bathroom tile and in the tub would actually result in an improvement. The latter just lacks understanding of what "clean" seems to mean for the general population. (Both guys are straight btw.)

 

[MercyfulFate]

I was trying to make a point about stereotypes

But seriously: I had a friend in the 80s who was so anal that he had an illegal metal hose attached to his gas stove. It was on casters so he could move it to clean underneath, which he did daily. Once his looks started to fade he was horribly lonely because he couldn't find anyone who'd put up with his antics. It was kinda sad.

The other guy was a roommate of mine for several years late in the aughts. He wasn't horrible with me (at all), but he was a compulsive cleaner who'd frequently redo my perfectly good cleanings. He also was addicted to those anti-bacterial wipes and used them near-constantly on everything. Though extremely successful in business, he, too, has a terrible time finding guys who don't find his habits over-the-top.

Really, they're it in over three decades. Maybe it's just my good luck.

BTW: what do you mean by "selective"? Is he not as impossible with others?

My apologies. He's selective in that he can not clean something and he won't freak, but if I don't do it, he will. He'll bring me stuff to put in the store, and it's covered in dust. However if he sees a cigarette butt in front of the store that was left there overnight by someone walking down the road, oh jesus he throws a fit. His husband sides with me and doesn't put up with it either.

 

[Bbucko]

My apologies. He's selective in that he can not clean something and he won't freak, but if I don't do it, he will. He'll bring me stuff to put in the store, and it's covered in dust. However if he sees a cigarette butt in front of the store that was left there overnight by someone walking down the road, oh jesus he throws a fit. His husband sides with me and doesn't put up with it either.

It really sounds like he's a pissy bitch with control issues. It's a shame he's affecting your workplace to that degree. I've suffered more than a few of the type myself, but they're generally female; when I've pointed that out, I've been called a misogynist

 

[MercyfulFate]

It really sounds like he's a pissy bitch with control issues. It's a shame he's affecting your workplace to that degree. I've suffered more than a few of the type myself, but they're generally female; when I've pointed that out, I've been called a misogynist

The sterotype for women I've encountered that's actually worse, is they're lying manipulators. At this same job I hired a girl who was ex-Army to work part time.

Everything was great until my supervisor (the OCD guy I'm talking about) started asking me if everything was alright with this girl. I said yes, then over the course of a few weeks he started accusing me of things that never happened. Then he finally told me it was her saying these things, and my only guess is she wanted my job. She would tell me one thing, then tell him the exact opposite. Like "He doesn't tell me what to do, he's not a good supervisor" to me and "He bosses me around and makes me do everything" to him. Finally got her ass fired, and then got called a faggot by her boyfriend.

It's happened before at other jobs. Two girls at my old job would cry, claim abuse and make stuff up and try to concoct harassment cases against everyone.

 

[D_Sam Rockswell]

I'm 100% sure all that's happening is a guy is an ahole and a girl is an ahole. Also two girls that are aholes. If you just plainly state that here, i'm also 100% sure you'll get more help from someone. Otherwise you'll come of as an ahole too, which really would be calling it like it is.

 

[MercyfulFate]

I'm 100% sure all that's happening is a guy is an ahole and a girl is an ahole. Also two girls that are aholes. If you just plainly state that here, i'm also 100% sure you'll get more help from someone. Otherwise you'll come of as an ahole too, which really would be calling it like it is.

Yeah, and? I pretty much already did. Please read.

ster·e·o·type/ˈsterēəˌtīp/

Verb: View or represent as a stereotype: "the film is weakened by its stereotyped characters".
Noun: A widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing: "sexual and racial stereotypes"

 

[D_Sam Rockswell]

Dude i understand. I read it but i'm also waiting for you to ask someone how to deal with it. People on this forum are intelligent and helpful. If this post is a rant then i get it, sometimes you just need to let people know whats pissing you off. If its a request for assistance on how to deal with it then also cool, if that is, you actually ask for it.

 

[D_Sam Rockswell]

Yeah, and? I pretty much already did. Please read.

ster·e·o·type/ˈsterēəˌtīp/

Verb: View or represent as a stereotype: "the film is weakened by its stereotyped characters".
Noun: A widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing: "sexual and racial stereotypes"

My bad you did fix it

 

[pursine]

what is with the gay male stereotype of being ultra-anal retentive, to the point of seeing a speck of dust causes a freak out?

It's a stereotype, i.e. a caricature which bestows a limited number particular traits on a group of people (no matter how heterogeneous that group may be) based on what other people think they are like or what they SHOULD be like. Typically stereotypical group is marginalised by society and the caricature is consequently somewhat negative.

 

[Viscera]

Stereotypes are not necessarily caricatures (at least sometimes). Rather, they are generalizations empirically induced from the observations of everyday life (dictionary notwithstanding). Of course, with any generalization, there are always exceptions. Despite the lack of complete or even seemingly consistent validity in a rather large (at least in one's mind) percent of the cases, if the generalization is indicative of a broader truth, in my opinion, than a stereotype is relevant and useful in trying to make sense of a situation.

In this case, the generalization is that one is more likely to come across a fastidious clean-freak in the male homosexual population than in the male heterosexual population; moreover, the gay neat freak is more likely to express his preference for cleanliness in a manner that is more akin to the way a heterosexual woman would convey that preference than express his preference in the manner that the heterosexual man would express the same preference. Given that the male homosexual brain responds to situations using the various same cerebral apparatus(es) (e.g., the hypothalmus and amygdala) that the heterosexual female does, it follows that there is some overlap in psychologies as well.
Thus, assuming your observations are correct, your gay co-worker's manner in asserting his preference for cleanliness probably stems from the difference in neural wiring between male heterosexuals and male homosexuals and the latter's overlap with heterosexual women. I think that is the most likely explanation for his behavior. I know this response is rather long and academic, but still hope is somewhat helpful.