Steven Seagal- Lawman!!!

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by thirteenbyseven, Dec 12, 2009.

  1. thirteenbyseven

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    I always have problems taking an actors thespian talents seriously when that person can't even decide what year he was born. Steven Seagal says he was born in 1952 (which would make him a little less aged) but since he graduated from Buena Park High School in 1969 and he was no scholastic whiz I'll do the arithmetic and agree with those reports of April 10, 1951.

    Shortly after high school Seagal said he made a mystical trip to the orient and thereafter emerged as an umpteenth degree black belt in Aikido having worked for the C.I.A., the mafia and many other James Bondian exploits that elude me now. However back in Orange County, some people still recall a six foot four kind of dorky Jewish guy, not especially athletic despite the height, with dreams of Hollywood and an old man who was the high school algebra teacher. And in between supposed exploits with the C.I.A. there is record that Steven Seagal found employment with Burger King as a hamburger flipper and most notably at the Japanese Deer Park and Village on Knott Avenue where he performed a martial arts act in a girlie get-up that actual Navy SEALS and Delta Force servicemen wouldn't be caught dead in. But miracles do happen and Steven Seagal, the same Steven Seagal who couldn't get on the high school basketball team (or evidently on any branch of the military during Vietnam) became a movie action hero.

    Now as he quickly closes in on age 60, Seagal has a new TV reality series called "Steven Seagal-Lawman." The reborn action hero, now sporting a noticeable gut, incipient facial jowls and hair that has had considerable transplant work and black dye added, sallies forth in a Louisiana Parish to strike fear in bad guys near and far. At his side are a crack squad of police officers strangely appearing as if they were all recruited from the nearest Italian restaurant. When Seagal is not giving helpful tips on martial arts to his men, he is at the forefront in arresting evil doers who oddly forget that they were attempting to escape justice when they see him: "Hey, you're Steven Seagal!" That's right.

    Look for a very entertaining series with a lot of unintentional humor.

    A preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uji0bcMbUaQ

    Why he never got on the track team back in school: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkskuSXqUD0
     
  2. Mr. Snakey

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  3. nudeyorker

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    Wow... he looks like crap!
     
  4. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    I've always found it difficult to take him seriously.
     
  5. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    THAT man cheated on his first wife with Kelly LeBrock and then allegedly cheated on and assaulted her while having an affair with their nanny. I don't watch his films or TV shows as I have no respect for him.
     
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  6. davedgem

    davedgem New Member

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    I heard he has the biggest, fattest, fullest set of bull balls in the industry. Sometimes nothing else matters.
     
  7. swoon

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    And he is pals with Robert Mugabe. I can't watch his films because I'm not stupid enough.
     
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  8. longwideride

    longwideride Active Member

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    Leave the poor schlub alone--fate is amost ready to do a 'Clean up on Aisle 6' on the softening old liar...
     
  9. ronin001

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    I was a fan of young / thin Steven Segal. I have all of his early Movies on VHS. Older / out of shape Seven Segal, has never been someone i followed.

    He and Jean-Claude Van Damme, were big stars at the same time and they both pretty much fell out out of the spotlight at the same time
     
  10. Bardox

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    I was a fan early on. Kick ass action hero type. He was never that great of an actor, but he could fake-fight with the best of them... then his big fight scenes were reduced to a series of hand waves and nut shots. His eyes have always been kinda weird too... They should not be that close together... Met him once at a sporting goods store. He was doing a promo or something. If his eyes were any closer he would be a cyclops. He was cool. Now he's just... Weird... And that goatee he has now and then is a crime against facial hair. No Steven! Bad. Bad Steven.
     
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  11. thirteenbyseven

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    A post from way back in 2009. My goodness.

    As someone said "Such power and grace. Truly an unstoppable force! "

     
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