Still A Virgin - Should I/How Can I Get a Onenight Stand?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by dingdong, Dec 29, 2009.

  1. dingdong

    dingdong Member

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    I've never had a girlfriend, never been kissed - let alone been shirtless in front of anyone. . :dunno: Does it not just happen for some people?

    I'm bi when it comes to sex, and I personally don't view sex as some intimate event. However, I feel like I'm so far behind andI want to lose my virginity. I don't consider myself to be bad looking. I seriously I'll ever make out with some random person in a club let alone have a partner, I'm just not confident about myself.

    Just for the record, I personlly don't view sex as some rite of passage like learning to walk or speak. I know some people who were laughing at people who were still virgins whilst they in school at the age of 18 (they assumed I was not a virgin). I don't hold these views. But I just want to experience it for myself, not because I feel I'm missing some huge monumental step in developing as a person :rolleyes:
     
  2. Joseph

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    You have to decide for yourself. However, I wouldn't do it myself. I'm surprised I'm so comfortable being virgin, other people seem to go crazy about it. I would need to have sex with a close friend, that's sure for me, otherwise this first time would seem meaningless for me... Not knowing who the person was to whom I lost my virginity...
     
  3. Lampwick

    Lampwick New Member

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    Keep in mind that losing your virginity is a not-to-be-repeated experience that you will likely always remember. It may not be the best sex that you'll ever have in your life; don't build the expectation up that high. Just try to enjoy it with someone who you'll remember fondly in the future.
     
  4. D_Rawkesbye Deadheade

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    I'd wait if I were you. Lampwick is right - it is a once in a lifetime experience. Patience will pay off. When you find the right partner it will be worth it.
     
  5. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

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    Hmm, I might have missed something, but your post is not clear enough for me. Or in other words, it is somewhat ambiguous. You want to lose your virginity, but at the same time you appear rather indifferent to losing it.

    Do you masturbate? Do you feel the urge to do it?

    At your age, this would be only very normal.

    Don't mean to scare you, but wouldn't it be the case for you to get a medical check-up to see if your testosterone levels are ok?

    It is just a hunch...

    And you need to build confidence in yourself by simply doing things, not necessarily sexual things. Get in motion.
     
  6. D_Raymond Handler

    D_Raymond Handler Account Disabled

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    Gosh, I don't even remember the first time I had sex. But I remember lots of times since!
     
  7. DavidXL

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    Should you have a one-night stand to lose your virginity?

    My advice is no. I lost my virginity when I was in high school in the back seat of a Volkswagen in a one-time encounter with a girl I didn't care about and did not really know that well. I was relieved and thrilled that I wasn't a virgin anymore, but it wasn't that great of an experience. In retrospect, I wish it had been with someone I had cared about. I had a number of one night stands before I was married, and they always left me feeling empty and kind of sad at how hollow the experiences were.

    Take the time to focus on finding a relationship rather than focusing first on finding sex, and you'll be happier in the long run. And if your face is even a quarter as handsome as your ass and your cock suggest that you are, you should be able to get anyone you fancy, whether a man or a woman. Good luck and hang in there - I remember feeling the same way you do and I have been in love twice (the first time not until I was 26, the second to the wife I met at 29) and I have had sex far too many times to be able to count. It will happen to you, too.
     
  8. cbrmale

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    I lost my virginity in a one-night stand to an experienced partner, and it was good because of her experience. I just went with her lead, didn't feel nervous, and it all came together. But then, I am an analytical type of person.

    I have had a lot of sex both with women I've just met and with long-term lovers, and each broad type is different. I do like the challenge of a new partner, and I also like the bonding that sex brings to a loving relationship. Neither is better or worse, just different, but that's me and how I feel.

    I think at your age you should take the plunge however it turns out, because psychological damage can result from delaying this important developmental step. You may not feel it at the moment, but later on both men and women can and do have emotional problems. And I do know my psychology, especially in this sphere.

    I have had sex with escorts from time to time, including a lovely lady in your city when I was there on business quite some time ago. Because sex work is basically legal in the UK, there are some good escorts around if you want to pay a bit more. The sex I have had with escorts has been surprisingly close to what you might have sees in the TV show with Billie Piper. That show is suprisingly realistic and well-researched, and the girls really do work hard to put us men at ease and ensure that we have a good time. What struck was the sex I paid for was generally better than the sex I had in relationships, even though the women were similar in terms of age. Indeed, some of it was fantastic, particularly as I got more experienced. Not so good at a sauna or whatever they are called, however. Bottom-end of the market, and quality is patchy.
     
  9. whatadork

    whatadork New Member

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    Personally I wouldn't rush it just to do it, but I would jump at any attempt to have sex with someone I liked who wanted to have sex with me. I'd do this as early as I could find someone like that, though I'd be as safe with it as possible too (you don't want an STD or a kid).

    I waited a long time to lose my virginity. The result was it was super exciting until the point where the sex actually began. That part sucked. I had built it up so much and expected so much that it was a terrible disappointment for me AND for her since the nervousness and disappointment made it hard for me to stay hard. It was like 50% nervousness and 50% bad condom (couldn't feel anything, seriously). Sex with her was scary and not that much fun since I'd be so worried I'd not be able to stay hard and because I was afraid of that, it'd become true.

    If I had met her after having the experience I have now, the sex would be infinitely better since I wouldn't be so hung up about it. So in the end, I wished I had experience before her (cuz I liked her a lot and things might've turned out differently if the sex wasn't so lousy) but I am glad my first time was with someone I liked.
     
  10. PurpleThrillHammer

    PurpleThrillHammer New Member

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    cbrmale might be right on this one.
    I lost my virginity with a one-night stand somewhere in my early twenties. Since then my sex life for the most part has been a faceless nameless blur of loveless hook-ups. I can't even remember ever really being in love. So now I'm 36yrs old never married and no kids, could that be from the way I lost my virginity. Who knows??? Was I always fucked up??? probably, now I just don't care anymore.
     
  11. eyescream

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    Losing my virginity was never a big deal for me. In fact it's been soooooo many years now and I was glad I lost it in my teens. If it doesn't mean anything to you and you're positive about that then lose it with anyone. But if it could mean something to you, lose it with someone special.
     
  12. mikey_r

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    I would recommend waiting for somebody you care about. I was much the same, I wanted to lose it so bad, but when the opportunity came up, I just wouldn't do it. I would talk my way out of the situation until one day I was with a girl I really cared about a great deal, and it felt right. We're not together anymore, but no regrets on how meaningful my first time was. I look back at it as a great experience as opposed to wishing I had saved it for somebody else.
     
  13. Masa

    Masa New Member

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    There is absolutely no shame in not having sex until you are ready, and when you are ready, you`ll know. At the end of the day, nobody knows that you are a virgin but yourself, so why force yourself into doing something that you don`t want to do?
     
  14. sdg475

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    To (loosely) quote comedian Lewis Black:

    "It was no special experience, just the most awkward minute and a half of fumbling around which afterwards left us sitting at the edge of the bed; wondering, "W...Well, what the hell was that? And why are we crying!?"

    To be serious, I got lucky and lost it along with someone I cared about at the time. Many of my friends wish they didn't remember their first times, but a lot of them still say it was a good thing to get off their shoulders. I'd say that they're still emotionally healthy, "moral" people.

    You sound pretty ambivalent about it, so I'd say just go for it with no expectations. As for how? You look pretty fit so shortest route seems to be one of the many dodgey clubs in London (of course only if you're really up to it- might be a bit gritty even if you're not a romantic).
     
  15. cbrmale

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    The psychological damage that can occur from waiting includes:
    1. Erection difficulties for men later in life (this is a significant risk after age 22)
    2. Difficulties reaching orgasm with a partner for both men and women (again significant after age 22)
    3. Difficulties in forming loving relationships, although this is not known to be related to the 'cause' of being unable to form an initial sexual relationship or not. From my experience, I think this is an effect rather than a cause
    3. Greater tendencies for reliance on fetish behaviour for sexual arousal or fulfillment

    This research was conducted to determine what impacts the abstinence until marriage movement was having in the US. For me, opportunities never seemed to present themselves, so I had my first sex at age 22 because I thought it was about time. It certainly caused me harm through a subsequent subconcious drive to 'make up' for that which I had missed, which is something I still cannot fully overcome. I am sure that I would not have had as many meaningless sexual encounters had I had sex at a younger age. Fortunately I found a good woman who has made a good and loving wife, and a very sexual wife too, which is great considering my very high sex drive. Despite that, I have had a number of affairs and extra-marital relationships, some of which my wife is aware of. However, she comes from a culture where faithfullness is not common, so she's taken it in her stride.

    All in all my experience is a lesson of what can go wrong, and it's only been my good fortune that my post-marital sexual liaisons have not resulted in disaster.

    Essentially we are primed and ready to have sex by about age 16 or so, which was normal in years when life expectancy was much shorter. The median age of first sexual intercourse in Australia (the age when half of the population has had first sex) is just over 16, and in the US it is also at about age 16. So, half the population is sexually active in terms of intercourse, at age 16.
     
  16. sexplease

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    [FONT=georgia, bookman old style, palatino linotype, book antiqua, palatino, trebuchet ms, helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, avante garde, century gothic, comic sans ms, times, times new roman, serif]You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them. ~Michael Jordan


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    Really, it only matters what you are comfortable with when it comes to giving yourself over to physical pleasures.
    One day, there will be someone who longs for your kisses or your confident embrace, one day. Maybe that's tomorrow or the next day .... or perhaps next week or some months or years ahead, but love and sex and their physical expressions are not found on a time clock or based on someone elses schedule.

    no of us walk the same path.

    you're quite all right dingdong.
     
  17. B_curiousme01

    B_curiousme01 New Member

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    So much great advice has been given to you and all have valid points. I take it from your post that you are ready for this once in a lifetime event. Make it everything you want it to be and plan accordingly. You don't care now, but in the future, you'll be thankful you did. Although you say you are not emotional about it, let me advise you that it is very emotional to "spread your legs" so to speak. You'll see what I mean. Please let us know how things work out and best wishes for a most positive experience.
     
  18. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    A one night stand is the opposite of how I would have chosen to change the status of my virginity.
     
  19. Countryguy63

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  20. Wish-4-8

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    Well, if you have the money you could go here:
    Bunny Ranch Home Page
    I have never been, but I have seen the HBO show, Cathouse. They love virgens and apparently, get a lot of them. They are professionals and will take care of you. Besides, you are paying for it. Its clean, safe, and no one has to ever know.

    Then you could find that special someone that everyones been talking about. See, the fact that you mentioned a one night stand tells me that you are looking for the quickest way to get the whole virginity thing over with. Intimate, special sex, or love making, is a different type of investment. You invest in a person, spiritually, emotionally, and a lot of other ways. Good luck.

    Edit:
    Oh, I just read that you are in London. And I did not take into account your sexual orientation. But the same rules apply. Im sure England has a similar place somewhere.
     
    #20 Wish-4-8, Dec 30, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2009
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