I'm approaching my mid 30s and still have never experienced more than a hookup. Over the years, I've have gone to various therapists for help, nothing has really provided much insight beyond "it will happen when it does".
99% of my hookups end after a hookup. This is strange as during sex, or even after, they say they had a great time, I'm hot/sexy etc, let's meet again, etc but it never happens. The 1% end up as long term friendships that I still have.
I fit all the "typical" gay attributes: tall, muscled, handsome looks, wide shoulders/small waist, "dark" (mixed olive-caramel skin colour), mostly top (I do everything though, and would bottom for a bf), above average length and girth, etc. I'm at loss here what "more" I can do.
I am British (always lived in London and found it incredibly hard to find anything beyond a fleeting connection there) and moved to the US through work (a very gay city) too, was told I would be swooped up in 1 month, and its been almost 1 year and nothing has happened.
I get a tonne of matches on Tinder, dates do happen, but that's about it (typically I must admit, I'm not then sexually attracted). Grindr/Sniffles continue to supply me with hookups whenever I like (I rarely get rejected too). Oddly, I do also seem to attract 'escorts/OF guys' (for free) to I think the "physical" aspect can't be the issue. I also notice I'm not really invited for groups or orgies, I seem to be an 'airbnb/hotel' experience for most, like a fantasy they want to try once but that's it.
If it boils down to connection etc, that's hard to determine off a single hookup, so I'm really not understanding why no one seems invested in wanting to know me more (even if its just to bang again).
Given everything I read on this forum, I'm wondering if my expectations or setup is wrong. I was super tempted to present myself as "vapid" and set up an Instagram, flashing my muscle and seeing what I get there, but that's just not me (and tbh I can't because of my work). I've even accepted any relationship I'm in is likely to be open, but I can't even get a second sexual encounter with the same guy, so I have no clue what's going on.
I completely understand there is always someone else etc but there are a tonne of guys who still are paired up (whatever the arrangement) and I'm getting very demotivated as I legitimately don't know how to 'improve' myself to attract someone. I am very happy with other aspects of my life e.g. great career/make good money, live independently, have solid friends etc so I don't get what is going on in my relationship life.
Any advice?
99% of my hookups end after a hookup. This is strange as during sex, or even after, they say they had a great time, I'm hot/sexy etc, let's meet again, etc but it never happens. The 1% end up as long term friendships that I still have.
I fit all the "typical" gay attributes: tall, muscled, handsome looks, wide shoulders/small waist, "dark" (mixed olive-caramel skin colour), mostly top (I do everything though, and would bottom for a bf), above average length and girth, etc. I'm at loss here what "more" I can do.
I am British (always lived in London and found it incredibly hard to find anything beyond a fleeting connection there) and moved to the US through work (a very gay city) too, was told I would be swooped up in 1 month, and its been almost 1 year and nothing has happened.
I get a tonne of matches on Tinder, dates do happen, but that's about it (typically I must admit, I'm not then sexually attracted). Grindr/Sniffles continue to supply me with hookups whenever I like (I rarely get rejected too). Oddly, I do also seem to attract 'escorts/OF guys' (for free) to I think the "physical" aspect can't be the issue. I also notice I'm not really invited for groups or orgies, I seem to be an 'airbnb/hotel' experience for most, like a fantasy they want to try once but that's it.
If it boils down to connection etc, that's hard to determine off a single hookup, so I'm really not understanding why no one seems invested in wanting to know me more (even if its just to bang again).
Given everything I read on this forum, I'm wondering if my expectations or setup is wrong. I was super tempted to present myself as "vapid" and set up an Instagram, flashing my muscle and seeing what I get there, but that's just not me (and tbh I can't because of my work). I've even accepted any relationship I'm in is likely to be open, but I can't even get a second sexual encounter with the same guy, so I have no clue what's going on.
I completely understand there is always someone else etc but there are a tonne of guys who still are paired up (whatever the arrangement) and I'm getting very demotivated as I legitimately don't know how to 'improve' myself to attract someone. I am very happy with other aspects of my life e.g. great career/make good money, live independently, have solid friends etc so I don't get what is going on in my relationship life.
Any advice?