Stoner Roommate

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by D_Claude_Crowsfoot, Jan 8, 2008.

  1. D_Claude_Crowsfoot

    D_Claude_Crowsfoot Account Disabled

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    So I live with my brother. We moved in together about 6 months ago. I told him that I knew he smoked occassionally, and I said thats fine...just don't bring drugs into the apartment, because that can put me in a tough position. When we moved in, I found out my brother was smoking weed a lot. I don't have a problem with smoking occassionally, but he was smoking all day...everyday. It's starting to bother me because now my apartment smells like weed all the time, and he's just becoming a big pothead who does nothing but smoke all day. It used to be funny, but now he's stoned all the time and he sounds like a retard when he talks to me. I wish he would quit it...or at least cut back. Any advice on what to do? I'm not afraid of calling him out on it, but you guys should know he's very sensitive and has anger management problems and he can get violent.
     
  2. Bigboy8inch

    Bigboy8inch New Member

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    Pour a bucket of icewater on him while he's laying on the couch stoned and then in an Austrian accent say "CHILL OUT"
     
  3. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    This is a tough situation. He's not just a roommate of course and that's how it should be approached.

    First off, make sure he keeps all the drug paraphernalia in his room and only his room. If he gets busted then they can't charge you for what's in his room but they can charge you for anything they find in the apartment but outside of his room.

    Second, you speak of him like he's your older brother. If that's the case then you need to be the older brother right now and tell him honestly how concerned you are for him and how you can't stand to see him like this. If you need to move out then you do. The most you can do is offer him support to change while not acting as an enabler. This is really difficult. I went through something similar with my brother. You won't be able to change his behavior until he decides to change himself. It takes a lot of strength to leave him to himself but you may have to move out and distance yourself until he decides he's hit bottom.

    There's usually some underlying reason why he's doing this. See if you can't find out what it is and help him through it. It's a very tough thing to stand with a loved one with a drug problem without hating them in the end or giving in to their manipulations. Just try to be as compassionate as you can.

    Always remember that so long as he's high it's the drugs that are doing the talking, not him.

     
  4. lafever

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    I agree with jason, make him keep it in his own room, also make him buy an air cleaner with a hepa filter, this will suck up all the smoke and keep your apartment from stinking like weed. Kenmore makes a nice one with a built in ionizer.

    lafever:cool:
     
  5. ManlyBanisters

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    Couldn't agree more -especially the highlighted bit.

    I don't know what age your brother is - in my early twenties I had a brief period where I did the 'being stoned all the time' thing. It passed, I moved on - as was the case with most of my friends. I hope this is just a phase for your brother.

    I have also seen the overuse of cannabis in conjuntion with other psychoactives really play hell with a person's life and ability to interact with the world around him. Paranoia is the main issue I saw coming from the cannabis use, but I think the dependance on the cannabis came from the fact that he was taking other drugs that were really disturbing his thought processes (LSD mainly) and cannabis was the only way he had to attempt to normalise. I hope this is not the case with your brother. Either way, short of getting him busted (a bad idea) there is not much you can do other than let him know what you think and move out. I wouldn't 'call him on it' in a confrontational way ('stop or I'll...') because that will not work. Tell him how you feel, tell him your concerns, then move out.
     
  6. ActionBuddy

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    I've heard this 1,000 times, but I think it is a crock of bullshit. I think people say what they really feel about other people when they are drunk or high... at least at that moment. Good way to find out who your friends are... stay at the party until everyone is wasted, but you.

    Onan
     
  7. ManlyBanisters

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    Hmm - I think both you and Jason have a point. I don't agree with Jason's statement in its broadest interpretation. However, while a person is (ab)using any drug, alcohol included, their perceptions of their control over the drug (as opposed to the drug's control over them) are going to be skewed, In other words, the classic 'I can handle it!' argument.

    And as to whether an intoxicated person always speaks the truth? Does that mean every E freak who has told me (s)he loved me (despite never having met me before or after) meant it? No - (s)he was just loved-up. Is every drunk who puts his/her arm around the sympathetic bartender and says "You're my best friend!" sincere? No. It seems to me to depend on both the circumstances and the topic of 'conversation'.
     
  8. sdbg

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    I first was introduced to pot in 1970. Mostly every young person back then smoked it, but I was never a burnout. I had a full time job, ran miles in the 6:00 minute range, worked out at a gym, and got good grades in school. By 1980, I became more mature. I became very moderate with herb consumption, cut way down on drinking, and got very serious with school. As with most things, it's not such a bad thing if it's not abused. A few puffs at night as an alternative to having a few drinks isn't so terrible. Having worked in the restaurant business, I have seen people that party constantly, and that's not good. There is more to life than just getting high.

    Now how to deal with your brother. There has to be respect when people live together. You have every right to request consideration from him regarding the smoke. He should respect the fact that you don't want to breathe in second hand smoke constantly. Does he work or go to college? If he can't compromise and have respect for you as a member of your household, you should consider another roommate with a more balanced lifestyle.
     
  9. Osiris

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    I went through this with family as well. I did everything I could until the last resort was forcibly having them put in rehab. It worked they are now 20 years clean and that was cocaine, not pot.

    I find that the habitual stoner has issues with acceptance and appreciation. They will spend the day in this state to, as it is called, achieve a high, but it isn't really the high they are seeking. Somewhere he feels he isn't meeting up to expectations and someone may have even said as much.

    I pretty much have to agree with what Jason, and MB have said.

    As for Onan Mann's remark? Absolutely right. The truth always comes out when someone is drunk or stoned. Good or bad, you'll hear it.

    Perhaps you moving out will be what helps him kick this. Sounds like you may have yourself on a rational and successful life path and he may have envy issues with you or (in myself and my brother's case) family berating them with you as the example of what is "good and right". If you aren't there to "cushion his fall" he may wake up and get a clue.

    There are all kinds of ponderings we could make on this, but bottomline, you obviously care deeply for him. Don't give up, but do what you have to to get him back on track. It will be hard and sometimes not pretty, but you both will be better off for the effort.
     
  10. speshk

    speshk New Member

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    Don't be an enabler. Don't be used. Throw the stoner out.
     
  11. woogexx

    woogexx New Member

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    its his bro...its not jus another roommate....such harsh advice for someone who doesnt kno the whole story.
     
  12. PussyWellington

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    Well you do share the apartment. It's his space also. I'm a smoker and have shared houses with non smokers and I have always smoked in my room or outside. If you don't like it, then you have to move.

    Drunks and drug users do tell the truth, but it's only the truth at that moment.
     
  13. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    The easiest thing is to find another roommate. I hold family to the same or a higher standard that I hold others to. If you wouldn't hang out with friends and acquaintances who behave as your brother does, you don't have to hang out with him.

    Family members are supposed to treat us as well or better than they do others. If this isn't saying much, then you're off the hook in my view.
     
  14. Sklar

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    I'm presuming that both of your names are on the lease. So that makes both of you liable if something happens in your apartment. If the only thing that happens is you lose your secuirty/cleaning deposit because of the pot smell, I'd say you don't have much to worry about.

    If it's only your name on the lease that means that the rental agency can only go after you because you are the one they rented too.

    However, you also said he has anger managment issues, too. So if he gets high and smashes holes in the wall, even though he did it, both of you are responsible for any damage done.

    My suggestion to YOU is to get a renters policy for you, your stuff and high liabilty limits. I know here in Washington state just for 500,000 in liability it's only 5 dollars for the year and if you wanted 1,000,000 in coverage it's 55.00 for the year. It should be similar where ever you live. There are also a ton of additional benefits that come with that, too. Talk to an insurance agent to find that out.

    My other suggestion to you is when your lease is up. Find a place on your own. You work to hard for what you have to have a stoned family member ruin your castle. Home is a place to relax and not have worry or be concered about things. Obviously, you are concerned about the pot smoking or you wouldn't have posted about it.

    It doesn't matter if he's your brother or a room mate. It's annoying and he broke the agreement with you that he would only smoke occasionally not continuously.

    When the lease is up, find a new place on your own. Let him stay where he is so that he has to deal with cleaning out the pot smell when it's time for him to leave. Because then your name will be off the lease. Take your things and find a place that you can make your own.

    Sklar
     
  15. IntoxicatingToxin

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    If he smokes weed "all day every day" then is he not working? Do you NEED him as a roommate to make it financially?

    Also... this is one thing I've learned in life from having a pain-in-the-ass brother. I don't let my family treat me poorly. It's like... if I won't let a friend treat me that way, then I won't let a family member treat me that way. Sometimes people allow family to treat them worse because "they're family". I think it's stupid, personally.
     
  16. onelastdance07

    onelastdance07 New Member

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    people like that u have to say cut your shit my best friend started with weed got addicted to pills and tried commiting suicide. My brother also been addicted what i would do i put him into rehab or something because honestly even if it seems like weed it could lead to things that kill u. If u loved him enough you would get him help. Both my brother and friend have been clean for 2 years now but feel the affect it has on there bodies. If he dosent listen than get a new roomate someone responsible enough to help u also since he isnt working. Just cause he is your brother you have to have tough love
     
  17. ZOS23xy

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    If someone told me that I was sounding retarded after many sessions of weed, I might have dealt with my own problem a bit earlier. I did have a a good time with it, but it also isolated me and my flights of fancy were difficult to relate in verbal terminology.

    Anyway, tell him that you're concerned about him.

    If you're high, sometimes it is the drug speaking. But that often comes with more vicious drugs like cocaine and herion, and a really bad case of alcoholic wetbrain. Often a dose is that person, but with the giggles.

    Still that how much is too much isn't really known by someone who tokes too much a bit. I gather also, he doesn't communicate much when he is straight?
     
  18. lorne

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    steal from his stash and let him think he smoked it. If hes really that baked he will believe it. After he realizes that like 40 bucks a day is going missing he will end up like WHOA man I smoke to much. I did this to my room mate in collage. Good way to make extra money and be popular at parties. Oh and it stopped his excessive habit...
     
  19. woogexx

    woogexx New Member

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    good way to be a fuken thief too....
     
  20. ZOS23xy

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    Going over the thread a bit, and if he's getting violent and having anger issues it could be a little bit more than just weed he's been toking. Maybehaps PCP, which can cause stoned symptoms and violent outbursts, or another drug he won't allow you to know about.
     
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