Str8 dude...or is he?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Andy1369, Mar 5, 2009.

  1. Andy1369

    Andy1369 New Member

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    Hey everyone. This is my first official post on LPSG, excluding my introduction. I need some advice/insight/opinions. Okay, first of all, I'm gay, and I have this friend--let's call him Art, who I have known since 6th grade. He's taken with a beautiful girlfriend (not engaged...yet), part of a fraternity, and seemingly obviously straight. But (you know the but was coming!)... I have my suspicions, and lately my red flags has been becoming higher and harder (eh, pun intended :cool:). That's where your insight/advice/etc comes in... even though you don't know him, try your best, please. I'm really struggling with this!

    Well, anyway, he really makes me hot. For the past few years, when we IM, he would sometimes talk dirty. That's definitely normal, but sometimes he would take it a step above. For example, I remember one time he teasing me about me sucking his cock, and about jacking off at how hot I am. Nothing came out of it, but then about a year ago, things became more intense. Don't think I'm weird or anything, but I saved our conversations (they turn me on), so here's a few examples of some of what he said:

    ART: U re gay cuz u love the idea of fucking your cock into a guy's anus or u love the idea someone fucking ur anus? Which s a big turn on for u?
    ART: Cmon I think u wanna someone to fuck ur anus
    ART: U find this a big turn on than u fucking someone s anus


    ART: U like sex?
    ART: U virgin?
    ART: I think u ll love pussies more
    ART: Damn
    ART: I love fucking [my girlfriend’s] pussy
    ART: Warm feeling
    [asked him what his favorite sex position is]
    ART: Doggy and missionary
    ART: I like to do work
    ART: Till I cum, I cum on [my girlfriend’s] mouth and have her swallow it
    ART: Lol handcuffing I would want but [girlfriend] wants later
    ART: I love to fuck hard!
    ART: Fyi [she’s] really good with blowjobs I m always satisfied... she's mine sorry


    In addition to those examples, sometimes he would respond to a dirty-minded away message of mine, ask me if I'm jacking off, teasingly ask how big I am, and continuously emphasize how big he is, and how small I am (jokingly). He continuously calls me a fag, but in a joking kind of way. I dunno, I just get this feeling. I know it's normal for straight dudes to be dirty-minded, but he just seems so different than other straight guys by being more personal with the dirty jokes, and the gay subtext just kinda makes me wonder what he really wants.

    Finally, a somewhat weird thing, seems like he either was just playing with me or wimped out:

    ART: Pimp!
    ART: Sleepin I bet?
    ART: I gotta admit something...
    ART: Never mind
    ART: Bye
    [a while later]
    ME: hey bro, i'm sorry, pager wasn't with me- was watching a movie and pager was charging... i can't sleep... so sup?
    ART: Lol fag
    ART: Me sleep now...ttyl


    So. Whatcha think? What should I do to "unlock" the proverbial door...or am I wasting my time?

    Thanks everyone...and apologies for the length!

    Andrew
     
    #1 Andy1369, Mar 5, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2009
  2. D_Mylor Mentallydaft

    D_Mylor Mentallydaft Account Disabled

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    umm, i always say this to every gay and bi guy i know when this comes up, tread carefully my man, mathew shepard made the mistake of misjudging two fellas on their feelings on this, and he was just being a smart ass....... they didn't bend him over that fence to fuck him, they tied him to it and beat his eyeball out of his skull and left him to bleed to death..... no matter how carefree you might be, when it comes to the "strait boi" fetish, allways remember that even if he wants it to at that moment, a man's mind changes depending on how much blood it's getting, when its dry it might forget how humiliated it will be if its friends find out, but when the blood comes back thoughts get thunk and you got a scared ass man with a secret only 2 people know about, and we all know how 2 people can keep a secret for certin, and if he ain't got that in him theres always other stuff....... my first memory in life is time with a gay man, so i say this with honest concern, if the sex is what you're after, EVERY major city has the clubs and bars and you know how easy it can be if you're willing.... take the safe road, not the one that could lead you to that fence
     
    #2 D_Mylor Mentallydaft, Mar 5, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2009
  3. Jason

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    He's boasting about what he does with his gf. Hard to decide how much is true and how much he has made up. He likes the idea of him dominating - whether this is the reality is anyone's guess.

    He's being quite rude to you, even mocking your homosexuality, and a situation which he likes to see as you getting less sex than him. He asks "U virgin?" when he's been boasting about the sex he's been getting. And he goes out of his way to tell you that you are excluded - his gf won't be giving you a blow job. His behaviour towards you is emotionally dominating.

    Possibilities are:
    1) He's 100% st8 and pretty much doing what he says he's doing. Not very nice for his gf.
    2) He's bi and into domination. He would seek to dominate you - and his gf -both physically and emotionally, which probably is bad news for you and his gf.
    3) He's one seriously mixed up guy. Perhaps he's gay and he wants to be dominated. Sex with his gf is not all that good so he fantasises about it and invents stuff. He's fascinated by your sexuality but doesn't know how to cope with it.

    One sort of answer is that you should run a mile from this sort of friendship. Another is that you just let him take the lead and see what happens, which is probably nothing. Another is that if he talks dirty and knows you are gay then tell him you want to fuck him and see what happens.
     
  4. sykray

    sykray Active Member

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    Andy, you rate yourself 90% gay. I don't really see people as being 100% gay or straight. Most men are threatened by their homosexual feelings. Art is flirting with his own sexuality as much as playing with you when you IM. I think tat he is probably more str8 than gay but even if he is 40% gay that still doesn't mean he would be comfortable about acting upon it.

    The warnings in the other replies should be received seriously.

    You have known him for several years. Putting your own feelings and fantasies to one side, objectively how do you think he would react if a gay man hit on him?

    You could, if it seems safe, let him know that you wouldn't refuse him if he wanted sex with you but he must make the first move.

    Like Jason, I think he is a controller - either in reality or certainly in fantasy.
     
  5. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    I'd say he was pretty "straight" if I had to label him. He's just showing off, he likes the idea of people being jealous, and if he knows you are gay, he's probably just trying to tease you.
     
  6. thadjock

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    what year did this happen?

    i mean who has a pager? pagers and the internet never existed at the same time did they? How could somebody be IM'ing about pagers.
     
    #6 thadjock, Mar 5, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2009
  7. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    I don't see much gay subtext there. He's just talking dirty and flirting. Guys can flirt with guys. I suppose it's one of those grey areas, but I don't think flirting is gay. But then I don't think jerking off with a male friend makes anyone gay. It seems to be a pretty common fantasy, especially if one or the other is large. If he says he's straight, more than likely he is going to keep that orientation no matter what you say or do.
     
  8. Andy1369

    Andy1369 New Member

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    We're both Deaf, so we have Sidekick pagers.

     
  9. thadjock

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    if ur gonna withold vital facts , i dont' know how you can expect me to be prepared to tell you how to sleep with your friend :biggrin1: all i could think about is "why does this guy have a pager, it doenst' make sense"

    PS: do you have any duct tape?
     
  10. Andy1369

    Andy1369 New Member

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    I guess I forgot to mention it. It's not a big deal to me. But, what do you think? Any advice, etc? Curious for what you think...

     
  11. DevilKing

    DevilKing New Member

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    If you value your friendship with him, ignore the urge and tell him to stop calling you a fag. You might get off on it, but the moment either of you cross the line as it stands now you'll fuck up the relationship. I had a friend that behaved much the same way after I came out (with the exception of calling me a faggot, which I wouldn't tolerate from anyone) and after a long night of drinking he made his move and I refused because he was drunk. Things were absolutely never the same after that and he eventually stopped talking to me all together and has now found Christ through his super-Jesusy girlfriend. Maybe this guy isn't 100% straight, but it isn't your responsability to help him realize or accept that aspect of himself. I have another friend who will spend 6 or 7 months working on a "straight" guy to get into his pants and I think it's ridiculous. On top of that, none of them stick around for either a relationship or a friendship. Was it worth it? I don't have time for people who can't figure themselves out. I don't discount compassion, but forcing someone to deal with this kind of thing isn't compassionate; it's selfish and self-serving. If there is someone who is in the closet, but has reached out to a gay man for friendship and support, that's one thing. But forcing someone out of the closet, even just to themselves, isn't the responsability of anyone except that person. Also, if he is gay, allowing him to call you a faggot or belittle your sexuality is only going to reinforce his feelings on homosexuality and keep him in the closet that much longer. When he asks you if you want another man to stick his penis in your anus, tell him it's really none of his fucking business.
     
  12. slurper_la

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    perhaps the most bone-chilling, frightening post I have ever read anywhere, anytime.
     
  13. slurper_la

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    Andy

    Don't be an enabler. Do not play into this stuff anymore. He's abusive.

    Ignore all future sexual innuendo and keep the texting to basic friendly communication. Don't test him, don't challenge him... just ignore the sexual components of his messages. He'll get the point soon enough.
     
  14. Andy1369

    Andy1369 New Member

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    Just curious, how exactly is he abusive?

     
  15. BigDallasDick8x6

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    Wow - excellent observation. I totally missed that.
     
  16. BigDallasDick8x6

    Gold Member

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    Ok, a couple people have assumed that he knows you're gay. I re-read the post and unless I'm missing something, you don't say that.

    So does he??
     
  17. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    Dude, I think, from experience, that these can be the most painful situations that a gay guy can be in, unless maybe its just a sexual thing and you don't have any romantic designs for it (I had some problems at work a couple of years ago with a guy with a girlfriend), and I don't know that there is any one answer to these situations.

    If I were you, I'd ride it out, because if you push it, he could react badly and you could lose a lifetime friendship. If he knows you are gay, and he really wants to do something about, or tell you something, he will eventually. But you truly never know how a guy will react in these situations, especially if there are signs that he is conflicted/struggling with it.

    It can also be very frustrating for guys who identify as completely gay to deal with someone who considers themselves bisexual or just "curious".

    I haven't read all of the posts on the thread yet. Have you mentioned how old you guys are?
     
    #17 B_RedDude, Mar 6, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2009
  18. Andy1369

    Andy1369 New Member

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    Thanks so far for the advice. Interesting insights for sure. Here's a few questions that need to be answered:

    *We're both in our early 20's (I'm 22, he's 24)
    *He knows I'm gay
    *I don't have any romantic feelings for him - only sexual feelings - but they're strong

    I hope this helped clear up some of your questions! Keep the advice coming. And sluper_la, you provided the most interesting view of everyone... I'm really intrigued to know how he's being abusive!
     
  19. drido73

    drido73 New Member

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    no offense dude but, Do you want to have sex with him ? if your answer is yes ,if you let me give my opinion you should think twice,because, probably your good friendship will go to trash like many of those man to man friendship !
     
  20. basque9

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    Sorry Andy but you have presented only one side of the dialogue with your friend! What you have commented in between is VITAL information! I sense that you are in fact VERY interested in sexual contact with this guy, but since he is "STRAIGHT" , you don't know how to properly react to his obvious overtures! You must either be telling him to fuck off or more probably are encouraging him by whatever it is you are saying! Decide what you REALLY want from him and I guarantee he will be interested! He may humiliate you sexually, but sometimes that is better than no sex with a bud at all! You are definitely in the DRIVER'S seat..YOU are in control, up until the two of you crawl in bed and you decide to let him dominate you!
     
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