In my desperate search to find relevant material to justify/clarify what happened to me today I came across this relic from a few months ago. Like others before me, I'll state first that I identify as bisexual, with a distinct physical attraction to men but an emotional attraction outside the bounds of easy definition (I'd be quick to say I'd never want to be in a relationship with a man). That being said, through various issues in my life, I have developed a level of comfortableness in randomly hooking up with guys. I am not a huge fan of performing on them, but I thoroughly enjoy them performing on me (sans anal intercourse) because, like many have affirmed, it's just another way to get your rocks off--a mouth is a mouth and a hand a hand. Well, I joined a gym this past week and have been enjoying the moments of nudity that I take part in and I see in a minority of others. I will often take a chance to peek or let a towel slip because I'm A) trying to ween myself off excessive prudish tendencies, and B) am slightly aroused by exhibitionism. Today I decided after a few rounds of sauna/steam room that I would finally retreat to the showers. There are 3 sets of showers with doors, and two showers with simple curtains and a seat (intended for handicap use but, in their absence is a nice place to relax). I chose the handicapped stall for the reasons of the seat, and intentionally left the side of the curtain nearest the wall open a little to hang my towel and to use a window to peek a potential person showering across the way (in the other handicap stall). This man takes the shower stall across from me and also leaves the back open slightly. It isn't long before he's peaking at me (already I'm getting down to my own business). As I look over we catch eyes, and it's clear we're both getting off to this. There is a clear differential here in that he seems much more enthralled in my body while (yes, I do enjoy getting a peek at another man, but) I am more aroused by the thought of another person getting off to seeing me. Well, amidst raging libidos, I decided to usher him over to my booth, indicating that I'm okay with him doing a little something to me if he wants to. He takes the bait. He comes over and strokes/sucks a bit, I fondle him a little bit and almost let my libido talk me into sucking him. I'm glad I didn't though (It's never as good as my blind, raging sex drive tries to persuade me it will be). Well he got off, and I soon did too, and he left the stall. Now normally I wouldn't think twice and consider this a good day, but I can't help (seeing as it's my first time hooking up with a complete stranger) but feel incredibly guilty and just... I'm not sure, whorish? Of course this is utterly universal in feeling, but it's the first time I'm truly combating it. How did everyone else get through a similar feeling? I'm almost positive I'll be doing this again, but I want to make sure I don't fuck myself up--I'm already struggling hard enough to completely come to terms with whatever it is I am. I think what is killing me is how I'm approaching it all: comparatively. For example, the night before I was sleeping over a friend's house with a few other people. These two girls were really interested in me and wanted me to come join them in their bed they were sharing while we were all chatting about sex before we went to sleep. I seemingly ignored their requests because I was far too nervous and unsure of myself. Yet, the following day I have the audacity to call a random stranger over to my shower stall to suck me off. It's tough trying to figure it all out I guess...