Straight but dating a man without the sex

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by hot97, Nov 27, 2010.

  1. hot97

    hot97 Active Member

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    So my roommate and really good friend recently came out the closet. Ok well not really. He said he was bi. I had a feeling for a while. The biggest hint was last year we were play wrestling and he stuck his hands down my plants and grabbed my dick. He would also do really flirty things. He also said he is very attracted to me and likes me. Like a strong bromance but on a much higher level. The problem is I really do like him also and find him very attractive but I know i cannot have sex with him because i am not that into guys. I mean we have jacked of before, and i can even say i would kiss him and vice versa but as far as any penetrating..........it just will not happen.. i am far more into girls than guys for it to happen........................have you ever been in this type of situation and what did or would you do
     
  2. JimmySinn

    JimmySinn Member

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    If you really want to do it, just do it. If you don't, then don't. If you're asking about it on a public forum like this, chances are it's going to happen.
     
  3. mika10

    mika10 New Member

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    it seems you have more than 10% gay meter lol
    don't do that if you will feel bad after doing it onreal
     
  4. Mogluver

    Mogluver Member

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    I would go with the flow, sounds like you have had some experiences with him, which is great. If your good friends that will make the experience so much better for both of you. The main issue is that your roommates, once you cross the line of a physical relationship, it's difficult to maintain the friendship if you decide that you don't enjoy sex with him in the future. To me that is the main consideration. The bottom line in life is finding a person who understands you, that will stand with you through the rough times, and there is an intense mutual respect. Those are the lasting qualities one looks for in a relationship. I just find it more emotionally satisfying to love a man than a woman.
     
  5. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    My advice is: let it happen, don't put your feelings away because you are already saying to yourself you cannot have anal sex with him.
    If you really like him, and if you really find him attractive, well, just enjoy it and take the plunge. A relationship isn't all about sex you know. And who knows...
    Just don't put those boundries in your head if you never tried it or aren't even sure of it.
    Just enjoy your dates, have fun and see what will happen.

    The worst thing that can happen is that you discover more about yourself.
     
    #5 D_Jared Padalicki, Nov 27, 2010
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2010
  6. Countryguy63

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    "Penetration" does not a relationship make!

    It really sounds like you like this guy but are prohibiting yourself from possibly enjoying a great relationship based on false pretenses.

    Jacking off is a form of sex, Bud. Mutual jacking can be highly erotic and satisfying. Frot is another fun sexual activity.

    Go for it and stop worrying about what sexual activity you're not interested in, and just enjoy the moment.
     
  7. exwhyzee

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    Yes, I've been in a similar situation, and I chose not to act on it. It was the less risky path, and I wish I had taken a chance.

    He might have taken the step to come out as bisexual in order to advance things between you two. If you don't follow through and connect with him on some deeper level, you might always wonder "what if" and get stuck on whether or not you woulda/shoulda/coulda connected with him on a deeper level for a long time. Also, if he has strong feelings for you...he might get hurt if you just dismiss him so easily.

    On the other hand, if you do follow through with connecting (I'm using that as a broad term to include anything from making out and cuddling to penile-centric sex), you run the risk of developing deep feelings that you might have to acknowledge (OMG, I'm in love with a dude!), cope with (mom, dad...I'm in love with a dude), or cut-off at some point (dude, this was all fun but I've gotta fuck a pussy).

    Risk runs both ways...but life without risk is pretty dull (someone remind me of that, please).
     
  8. D_Delbert Peecock

    D_Delbert Peecock New Member

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    I'm with mika10 on this. Seems to me you're actually more than 10% gay, that is if you're willing and interested in going as personal as kissing--but that's for you to determine and admit to yourself, until then any contact as you've described is going to be somewhat awkward. I'm no expert on the matter but I'd suggest to go easy, one wank at a time, one day at a time and see what happens, how comfortable you two are with the situation..., and maybe even talk about your 'wrestling' matches...?
     
  9. CUBE

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    This is difficult and I had a similar relationship years ago. You guys do love each other but maybe are not in love with each other. Yes, you can go with the flow but you must also at some point open yourselves up to other people if great love does not happen to you both together. It is not healthy if it always feels rocky and not stable. You don't want to just fulfill each other enough that true love never happens for the long term.
     
  10. houtx48

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    if you let him touch your plants the touching other thing can't be far "behind"
     
  11. DavidXL

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    What these guys said. One of my regrets is that I was open to exploring my attractions to men when I was 23 and single, but I didn't more fully pursue opportunities that were available to me like they were with women. I think one of the reasons I held back on exploring my feelings with men is that I wasn't interested in penetrative sex, like you, and I didn't really feel like blowing anyone. I think if I had just realized I only had to do what I wanted to do - and been open to the possibility of more - I wouldn't be wondering 20 years later "what if?" Just do what you're comfortable doing - and be open-minded. You might just find out more about yourself.

    That doesn't necessarily have to be the case as long as you stay cool about it and he does the same. My first same-sex experience was with one of my freshman year college roommates. It was one of those things that just happened when I happened to walk in on him jerking off. We jerked off together, and he gave me some oral. I wasn't very attracted to him on a physical level and wasn't interested in doing it again with him, even though he indicated he would be. But, it wasn't awkward between us then and wouldn't be today, and we stayed friends. (That said, I fooled around in a similar way with a friend in grad school, he was not cool about it and blamed me for it, even though he was the initiator, and made me feel bad when I indicated I wanted to get together again. Today, he's a devout Christian living in the South with his wife and family. Natch. )
     
  12. Hockeytiger

    Hockeytiger Active Member

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    This is a tough situation.

    Personally, I've never been in that kind of situation.

    My first advice is to stop worrying about the sex part. A lot of guys make the wrong assumption that it is having sex that makes you not completely straight. That is totally untrue. With whom you sexually penetrate (or are penetrated) has NOTHING to do with whether you are gay or straight. I know that seems counterintuitive. But honestly, you sexual identity has nothing to do with where dicks get put. It is about who you are as a person and that doesn't change, irregardless of any penetration (or lack of any).

    I am NOT going to tell you what your sexuality is. That is totally up for you to figure out and is totally unfair for ANYONE to tell you otherwise.

    You have developed an intense emotional attraction to another guy. What you need to figure out is whether you want to see if it can move beyond very close friends. You do not have to have penetrative sex in order to be in a gay relationship. You mentioned that you would kiss him. Does that mean that you want to kiss him, or that you'd let him kiss you? This is key. You need to make sure that both of you are on similar pages.

    It seems to me that you are more okay with the idea of a gay (or bi) relationship with him than the idea of gay sex. If that's true, then you need to ask yourself what is it about gay sex that bothers you. The two of you have already jacked off together. That in itself is not necessarily gay, but it could be. It is more about what was going on in your head than anything else.

    The two of you are in the opposite position of what most guys in your place would be. Most guys would be more okay with the sex than the emotions. The problem I foresee is that he might seems to want more than you do from a sexual standpoint. If you are willing to pursue this relationship (and remember you CAN be in a gay relationship without penetrative sex, either oral or anal), you need to make sure that the two of you are close enough to the same page. The worst thing that can happen is that he begs you to let him blow you and you let him do it, but don't feel comfortable reciprocating. At first, it will seem okay to him as his sexual desires will be that strong, but after a while it won't be enough. You can't have a relationship with someone you care about by just letting them blow you on occasion (with all due respect to the 20 some odd "cocksuckers and the men who use them" threads, that isn't a mutual relationship). If you due pursue a relationship, and are willing to experiment more, please respect him, by not letting him touch you if you aren't willing to touch him back.

    Lastly, I just want to reinforce this, being gay or bi, has nothing to do with anal or even oral sex with a man. Its not the sex that makes you gay, you would already be gay or bi (but again, I'm NOT saying you are, only you can determine that). Its the feelings inside that determine your sexuality.

    My advice is not to worry about the labels so much and go with your feelings. It seems as if you are interested in pursuing this relationship a little bit further even if just on an emotional level. If not, why did you start this thread. Make sure you talk with your roommate and let him know all of your feelings and reservations. He has a right to know. Respect him enough to do that. If you are willing to try something more sexual try jacking each other off, kissing, making out, and maybe even frottage. None of these involves any penetration for either of you. You can then figure out if you are interested in going any further. But make sure he understands your feelings and that if you aren't willing to do X he knows that and DO NOT let him to X to you.
     
  13. rd62624

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    ditto what Hockeytiger said, don't worry about labels and talk with your roommate about your feelings (that's what i did). You can alway frottage or jack one another
     
  14. curiouscam

    curiouscam New Member

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    If you enjoy his company and the things you do together then just go with it. Unless he is literally asking you to put it in his ass just enjoy it. It's rare to find people you can be yourself with and connect with in that intimate of a way.
     
  15. DRW414

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    SMH...... I remember those days. If you really like him, let the relationship flow. You say you are nor into guys right? News Flash! He's a guy! But I know how you feel 100%. The very first time I had sex with a guy I vomited right after I came! And it was oral! But it was a feeling inside me that I could never shake. I was always attracted to guys, but I had lots of girls to occupy my time. You could be at that stage of your life. And as already mentioned above, penetration does not define a relationship. I'm sure your friend is quite ok where you both are. Do what is comfortable for you. It sounds like you really like him. I hope that helped out a bit. Peace and love.
     
  16. Gecko4lif

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    I like the way he said his friend grabbed his dick under his pants and it was only a hint

    Had me rollin.
     
  17. Florida Boy

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    Interesting situation. Not an unusual one. This is a good place for clearing your head on such issues. Remember drawing lines in the sand is not the way to live. They are always too highly influenced by outside forces.

    Face the guy is your roommate and friend. That means that you know him well, trust and respect him. You are attracted to him. He is more advanced along the lines of attractions. Not a bad thing. He's just more with where he is. He's also in a position to just let it happen, with a little nudging. He's setting the scene to ease you into it.

    Like it or not you are playing a part in this drama. Let it flow. Physically? What happens happens. What doesn't happen doesn't happen.
     
  18. haulthat

    haulthat Member

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    Kissing is the most important thing you mentioned. There are guys who will fuck but not kiss. To me that means they can appreciate the pure physical gratification but not allow the least bit of intimacy as far as another man goes. You sound like the polar opposite. If you can love, kiss, and intimately be involved with him the rest will sort itself out. I understand the concern that the lack of penetration could pose a problem, it boggles my mind too. The thing is there are members on here who have been in non penetration relationships for years. Penetration is sex centered, relationships don't have to be and there are other ways for that to be explored. Let your feelings and desires drive your footsteps just to see where it goes. It may be you finding out that what you have with him isn't what you thought it was, hes just an amazing friend and your happy with that. It could be that you find out you really love the guy and don't care about the details of the physical side of shit as long as you have him in your life. Only one way to find out though. Good luck.
     
  19. ald

    ald New Member

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    Just try it! The worst that could happen is you not liking it. The best is you really enjoying it, and being a bi person who you think you are meant to be. Give it a try ;)
     
  20. D_Harry_Crax

    D_Harry_Crax Account Disabled

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    I'd say, who could wrestle with you, Hot97, and NOT grab your cock???
     
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