'Straight' friend make out sessions - what to do?

bi1987

Sexy Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2010
Posts
71
Media
0
Likes
40
Points
163
Gender
Male
I wrote about this in another thread but probably could do with some advice or general thoughts. My best friend (straight when sober, but told me he was bi when drunk) and I (bi but don't really believe in labels) for some time now have had various fairly intimate experiences. To elaborate, we have made out on a few separate occasions (always after drinks on a night out) and each time it becomes a bit more intense. We have spent the night in the same bed, hugging and showing affection to each other, but have not done anything else beyond. The last time this happened, he said he wanted to do more (but we weren't in an appropriate place for that). He was sexually very suggestive and kept slapping my bum. We ended up going to sleep in our own beds after some more making out.

The next day, he did the usual thing - claiming to be fully straight and talking about how he becomes a different person after a few drinks, and how our little drunken moments can't happen again. To be honest, this would be totally fine with me and I want to preserve the friendship...but we've been around this merry-go-round before. I've put some boundaries in place (e.g. only having a few drinks maximum when we're together) but I want to get to the root of why we've been becoming more and more intimate after drinking - how should I broach this with him? Should I just leave it and wait until he maybe brings it up? It feels a bit like he's using me to explore his sexuality but then backing away when he feels guilty/unsure or wants to label himself as a typical straight man (which I'm ok with but he needs to be up-front when sober too).
 

FrankieGuile

Admired Member
Joined
Apr 12, 2023
Posts
870
Media
0
Likes
786
Points
103
Location
San Diego, California,United States
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
I wrote about this in another thread but probably could do with some advice or general thoughts. My best friend (straight when sober, but told me he was bi when drunk) and I (bi but don't really believe in labels) for some time now have had various fairly intimate experiences. To elaborate, we have made out on a few separate occasions (always after drinks on a night out) and each time it becomes a bit more intense. We have spent the night in the same bed, hugging and showing affection to each other, but have not done anything else beyond. The last time this happened, he said he wanted to do more (but we weren't in an appropriate place for that). He was sexually very suggestive and kept slapping my bum. We ended up going to sleep in our own beds after some more making out.

The next day, he did the usual thing - claiming to be fully straight and talking about how he becomes a different person after a few drinks, and how our little drunken moments can't happen again. To be honest, this would be totally fine with me and I want to preserve the friendship...but we've been around this merry-go-round before. I've put some boundaries in place (e.g. only having a few drinks maximum when we're together) but I want to get to the root of why we've been becoming more and more intimate after drinking - how should I broach this with him? Should I just leave it and wait until he maybe brings it up? It feels a bit like he's using me to explore his sexuality but then backing away when he feels guilty/unsure or wants to label himself as a typical straight man (which I'm ok with but he needs to be up-front when sober too).
First, there is nothing "straight" about him no matter his excuses to the contrary. Second, find someone else who contributes to, and does detract from, your happiness. Third, you're not going to change him into the person you want. Fourth, don't be so afraid to apply labels -- labels are useful things and you're not being virtuous by eschewing them but then using them. Fifth (and this should be without saying after items one through three above), you don't "broach" anything with him -- you drop him like a hot turd in your hand.
 

halcyondays

Worshipped Member
Joined
Feb 22, 2014
Posts
6,359
Media
2
Likes
10,357
Points
158
Location
US
Sexuality
80% Straight, 20% Gay
Gender
Male
He's your best friend. Are you his?

I think he's using drinking as an excuse to make out with a guy. You. IMO it's a lame excuse to avoid dealing with his attraction to you specifically and maybe to men in general. He's using you.

IMO a bestie wouldn't do that. I would change the boundary to no drinks at all and see what happens.

Am I wrong thinking you don't want to make out with him? Would you go further with him sober given the risk he'd withdraw again? What do you want?

Know what you want from your friendship then confront him.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ank_

bi1987

Sexy Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2010
Posts
71
Media
0
Likes
40
Points
163
Gender
Male
He's your best friend. Are you his?

I think he's using drinking as an excuse to make out with a guy. You. IMO it's a lame excuse to avoid dealing with his attraction to you specifically and maybe to men in general. He's using you.

IMO a bestie wouldn't do that. I would change the boundary to no drinks at all and see what happens.

Am I wrong thinking you don't want to make out with him? Would you go further with him sober given the risk he'd withdraw again? What do you want?

Know what you want from your friendship then confront him.
Thanks for your reply - he tells me I'm his best friend and we have known each other for over 5 years now, and I believe him when he says that.

To be honest, I didn't mind the occasional kiss after a few drinks - I thought initially it was just a sign of affection. I got into the making out too and I admit that it was quite fun. There seems to be a mutual attraction there. What I don't like is the backtracking the next day. Ultimately I've now decided that I want to focus on the friendship and not get into any grey areas because clearly he's not ready for anything else. I've said that we shouldn't drink together and I'm just going to see what happens rather than confront any further for now.
 

Heyhayden23

Expert Member
Joined
Feb 16, 2021
Posts
45
Media
0
Likes
141
Points
43
Location
Wilmington (North Carolina, United States)
Sexuality
Unsure
Thanks for your reply - he tells me I'm his best friend and we have known each other for over 5 years now, and I believe him when he says that.

To be honest, I didn't mind the occasional kiss after a few drinks - I thought initially it was just a sign of affection. I got into the making out too and I admit that it was quite fun. There seems to be a mutual attraction there. What I don't like is the backtracking the next day. Ultimately I've now decided that I want to focus on the friendship and not get into any grey areas because clearly he's not ready for anything else. I've said that we shouldn't drink together and I'm just going to see what happens rather than confront any further for now.
Your friend is a narcissist. Unfortunately. So if this approach doesn’t work. Just don’t even bring it up the next day and if it does come up, backtrack before he does. My response would always be “dude I was so wasted I don’t even know what happened.”

If anything you’re preserving your own feelings, as opposed to looking like you’re trying to get revenge or one up him.

I still wanna know if he’s done this with other guys or maybe you don’t know.
 

18wheeler

Superior Member
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Aug 16, 2012
Posts
997
Media
221
Likes
5,688
Points
613
Location
Michigan, USA
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
Gender
Male
Well… he’s bi, but he’s “in the closet” so the drinking is just an excuse to admit it to you. He’s confident that it stays between you, so he uses that excuse. But he is bi 100%. I say this as a very “in the closet” bisexual.

That said. If you’re ok with what’s happening. I’d keep doing it. But if you want more. This current situation isn’t healthy or fair for you
 

JD_002

Legendary Member
Joined
Dec 10, 2022
Posts
567
Media
0
Likes
1,067
Points
138
Location
Madrid, Comunidad de Madrid, ES
Sexuality
60% Gay, 40% Straight
Gender
Male
I had a friend whose interactions with me were very homoerotic, bordering on basically being my "boyfriend" however, he kept insisting he was straight and had to remind us how much he loved pussy. Years later he pretty much outright says he's bi and later I see him with a pride shirt.
 
  • Wow
Reactions: bigboaster

FrankieGuile

Admired Member
Joined
Apr 12, 2023
Posts
870
Media
0
Likes
786
Points
103
Location
San Diego, California,United States
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
I learned one thing from the first time I was at a party and drank my first beer .. and see guys drinking beer and smoking pot.. their “ straight “ cocks turn into “ fuck anything that moves” cock
So every guy who drinks beer and smokes pot goes gay? That's a revelation worthy of a viral moment on social media.
 

ILoveGames48

Loved Member
Joined
Nov 20, 2023
Posts
477
Media
0
Likes
649
Points
103
Location
New York, New York,United States
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
I know I was gay at the time.. whatever their preferences were I didn’t know or care.. all I knew was couple of them had girlfriends and others said they weren’t gay .. but they joined in whether drinking beer or whatever made them do it.. I never asked