Straight friend with gay crush?? I need advice!!!

[killerb]

I need some good advice here & I know some of you will have it. Here's the situation: I have a friend of about 5-6 years and I was told that he has a crush on me. I've only known him to date women, so I didn't believe it at first, but after I thought about it I realized it could be true.

I am supposed to hang out with him this week & I want to ask him if it's true.

Should I ask or continue to pretend I never heard about it?

 

[Phil Ayesho]

That depends... you list as 99% straight... what are your intentions?

If you intend to pursue the crush and encourage something further, then discuss it with him...
If you have no intention of encouraging his feelings... or if you think bringing it up will cause him embarrassment and an angry rejection of any such implication... then you might want to wait for him to make the first overture.

 

[killerb]

I honestly don't know what I would do if it is true. Last time a friend confessed his hidden feelings for me I freaked out & ended the friendship. I would like to think that I've grown up since then, so I definitely wouldn't do that again. I'd still be his friend. As far as anything happening, I don't know...I really just want to know the truth.

 

[B_dxjnorto]

I honestly don't know what I would do if it is true. Last time a friend confessed his hidden feelings for me I freaked out & ended the friendship. I would like to think that I've grown up since then, so I definitely wouldn't do that again. I'd still be his friend. As far as anything happening, I don't know...I really just want to know the truth.

Guy friendships are just like all friendships. In any relationship based on mutual affection, sexuality will surface. All too often, what you describe happens. I think it's because if guys give any freedom to their feelings they think the next thing that will happen is they will get bent over with a dick in their ass. Most guys I know would be uncomfortable even with a mutual wank, but strangely, this is a fairly common male-bonding type fantasy, but we're all such pussies that we are afraid of actually going through with it. I've got a few friends that I'm pretty sure the odd bit of sexual tension between us is what keeps us from being closer. From my point of view, even if we had a wank every time we got together it would be better than having that barrier there. And that wouldn't be very often. One guy I've known for twenty years and we really are fond of each other, but he lives in Alabama now and I live in Utah. If we had a wank every time we got together it would be like once every several years. It definitely wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, but I get the strong impression that it totally would be for him because that's probably why he's so reticent to begin with.

 

[teeny weeny]

have sex with him. it won't be the end of the world, and you'll probably enjoy it. it doesn't mean your gay. loosen up!

 

[horneyoldguy]

You could also explain how your feel with regards to his "crush" on you. If he is a true friend he will understand where you are coming from. Just keep in mind, whatever action you take will have consequences.

1. Since you have stated that you are 99% straight, if you and he wank, suck or fuck each other you may find yourself in a situation in which you are uncomfortable.
2. If do any of the above you may find that you are more than 1% gay which you will have to come to terms with you r new sexual feelings.
3. If you express that fact that you want him only as a male friend doing male things like drinking at a bar, going to sports etc., you may loose him as a friend because he wants more.

 

[chrispy]

killerb -

Before you think about how you will deal with this supposed crush, there are some other questions you might ask yourself: who told you about it? How does he/she know? Why would they pass this information along to you?

Verify your source(s) before taking any action (or not)...

 

[B_Think_Kink]

Don't sleep with him, make it known that you are not interested in a relationship with him, don't lead him along. Let him know flat out and let him deal with it.

 

[killerb]

killerb -

Before you think about how you will deal with this supposed crush, there are some other questions you might ask yourself: who told you about it? How does he/she know? Why would they pass this information along to you?

Verify your source(s) before taking any action (or not)...

excellent questions...I always consider the source whenever I'm given any type of information. The source was another friend of mine who has known the other guy for a long time. One day we were talking on the phone & the guy's name came up in the conversation and my friend said "well you know he likes you". Naturally I said "no way, why would you say that?" and he proceeded to tell me how he found out about it. So I told him that I didn't believe it & that was the end of it. But since then I think he may be right.

I really just want to know if it's true. It most likely won't change anything at all, but at least the question won't be there.

 

[killerb]

have sex with him. it won't be the end of the world, and you'll probably enjoy it. it doesn't mean your gay. loosen up!

I'm not worried about any labels...
but I don't think I'd go there with him...
but one never knows...:wink:

 

[killerb]

ok so the message I seem to be getting is that I SHOULD just ask him about it & not pretend I never heard, right?

 

[cowboyfireman]

Always always ALWAYS! Carry condoms. You never know when a bromance might blossom.

 

[killerb]

Always always ALWAYS! Carry condoms. You never know when a bromance might blossom.

BROMANCE??? LMAO...

 

[splitface]

KillerB

1)dont freak out
2)DO NOT end the relationsghip on a rumor
3)lots of ppl who are stright have either masturbated together (at least) or excahned "gay" sex favors. THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU GAY
4)teeny weeney is right": loosen up and see where he takes you, you take him, and fate takes the pair of you.

 

[cowboyfireman]

BROMANCE??? LMAO...

Well yeah...BROMANCE...when straight boys stray:redface:I am as gay as you can get (if you're lucky) but I wish we could all have a healthy attitude towards sex like the men did in ancient Greece. Women were considered distractions, feminine annoyances that bore boys for the continuance of the male society.

Men gathered in baths, not unlike todays sports bars, to look at athletically fit young males perform gymnastic exhibitions and feats of strength, then the men would choose boys to satisfy their manly desires, the boys never gave head or took it through the backdoor, no, the boys kissed the men and got them off by rubbing their penises between their legs (sometimes refered to as "frotting") or with hand jobs while digitally manipulating the prostate.

These were just guys being guys, what modern straight man wouldn't kill to spend an evening with his favorite sports team, sharing the pregame meal, sitting on the players bench while they perform physically then being invited into the players lockeroom to shower off that popcorn and sweaty man smell, emerging all clean and wet and ready for...nah, I guess your women wouldn't let you enjoy a real guys night out. Too bad for you breeders, us moes will keep your athletes happy until you get permission to come out and play.

 

[SpeedoMike]

"well you know he likes you".

but are you reading too much into it?

 

[hp6969]

excellent questions...I always consider the source whenever I'm given any type of information. The source was another friend of mine who has known the other guy for a long time. One day we were talking on the phone & the guy's name came up in the conversation and my friend said "well you know he likes you". Naturally I said "no way, why would you say that?" and he proceeded to tell me how he found out about it. So I told him that I didn't believe it & that was the end of it. But since then I think he may be right.

I really just want to know if it's true. It most likely won't change anything at all, but at least the question won't be there.

Dude, if you go fishing you're gonna catch a fish.
So what if he likes you? That doesn't mean that he had intentions. He might have told your "friend" in confidence because he thought he could trust him, so what does he do? Tell you. Maybe he is having his own issues. Your treating him like as if he is a bad person might make you lose a true friend

 

[BigPug]

Sounds to me like you might want it to be true. That's awesome if true. Life's short...go for it.

 

[killerb]

but are you reading too much into it?

I don't think so..he gave me details when I pressed him about where he got the info.


hey I just want to know if it's true.

 

[killerb]

Dude, if you go fishing you're gonna catch a fish.
So what if he likes you? That doesn't mean that he had intentions. He might have told your "friend" in confidence because he thought he could trust him, so what does he do? Tell you. Maybe he is having his own issues. Your treating him like as if he is a bad person might make you lose a true friend

Maybe the 2nd friend did have some other motive for saying it, I can't be sure about that. But whether it's true or not, I won't treat the guy any differently...we'll still be friends regardless.