Straight Friend?

Cole thomas

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Hi,

Let me tell you about myself, I'm 28 and gay (I believe), I haven't been with anyone because I don't really feel like I want to be intimate with someone or more that intimate I would say vulnerable. I've always let people assume my sexual orientation since I don't see the point of putting a label to it. usually when I noticed that someone is into me I tried to keep my distance so that person will lose interest. I know that this is not ok but is with what I feel comfortable at the moment. Also, in not someone that have that many friends, I could count them with a single hand.

saying all this, something weird happened to me last week, I went to eat with my best friend (who is straight has 3 kids and is currently single) last Friday around 9pm. We eat food and had a couple of drinks and talked about all the bullshit we can think of. by the end of the night he offered to give me a ride home and I accepted. we continued talking about life until he started asking me about if I go to hotels when I hookup or if I do it at home. i told him that I haven't done it with anyone and he was like I'm going to find you someone to do it or we were at least watch porn and jerk off together. (in my mind I was like no thanks but I didn't say anything). he proceeded to ask me if I watch porn and if I jerk off to it to which I reply sure I do it once in a while. so this dude stopped the car and put straight porn on his phone (I believe he suspects that I'm not into girls) and started asking me if I was hard, I told him yes but it was a lie so he could keep quiet but then he asked me to take out, and he was telling me that he was hard already. the whole way home he kept asking me to show it to him but I said that I was embarrassed which he replied that he was my best friend and I shouldn't be embarrassed. at the end he drop me off at home and drove away.

what should I do? do I confront him or just ignore it? I haven't talked to him and now I know that I will feel weird/not comfortable talking with him.
 

aarondong9

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This one seems too difficult to have a view on. If you genuinely don't want to do anything then you need to tell him you're just not interested and not to discuss or do anything again. If you're just scared of that first time then presumably this friend is a safe person to help you on your journey in which case take a brave step forwards. Either way don't stress.
 

m000nlight

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it's okay to feel uncomfortable in a situation like the one you are describing and it seems like you have identified and respected your limits until this point. Never feel pressured to do anything you don't want to do, people that value you will respect that.

if you feel the need to talk and set some boundaries, that is more than acceptable. It is not just about not hurting him or making him feel uncomfortable, your feelings and needs are just as valid as well. Do what feels more honest to you :)
 
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dfw051980

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I think everyone is giving good insight about this but I would also say it may be worth discussing with your friend cause maybe he’s the one who may need some help resolving or dealing with repressed sexual urges. Closeted straight men are awkward when wanting to experiment with their desires, they will be aggressive and passive at the same time with sharing these desires.
I’m definitely not saying you have to fill them for him, but he must sense some safety and trust with you to do this dance. Maybe one day ask him about it (not in a judgemental way just like “hey remember that night you wanted to watch porn, that was funny). He’s looking for an outlet to express his sexual urges maybe just being able to talk about them will help him, and possibly you in the process, but u don’t have to have sex to explore them.
In the end though if it does make you uncomfortable makes sure he respects your boundaries but as a friend don’t do it in a way that could further make him repress whatever he’s going through.