Straight friends needing some affection from you....

[dreambridger]

God, during this christmas party, I swear like three of my straight friends came out to me when they were too drunk to know any better. One of them I swear was hitting on me or at least trying to get me to be his cuddle buddy for the night. Another one, after an all-boy cuddle puddle, looked at me and said, "Of course I've always been gay." An other one just needed extra love from me in particular. They all had close conversations with me about sexuality. Of course it's all alcohol fueled and none of them would have the courage to hit on me sober. Just the endless cycle of guys who are mostly straight but still look at their cute gay friend needing some kind of validation and saying super gay shit to me when they're too drunk to remember the next day. Not the first time either.

Which of you other gay guys live with this sort of behavior among your friends, and how do you handle it? I'm certainly not trying to taking advantage of anyone who's too drunk to fully accept what they're doing and might have regret the next day. But these 'straight' friends of mine are definitely attracted to me in a way they might not express courageously....

 

[deleted2293891]

I had a similar experience when I used to work with a few straight guys, they'd get drunk on nights out and would get touchy feely and take it in turns to kiss me. Definitely wasn't complaining!

 

[herbho]

I would like to know if it is merely the alcohol that is causing this behavior or if the person really does have some latent homosexual tendencies and is using the drinking as an excuse to " explore." I have written about my always horny straight college roommate who would get drunk, come back to the room, and ask for a massage which invariably turned into me giving him a handjob, blowjob, or letting him fuck me. I loved it, but we never spoke about it.

 

[deleted2293891]

Well alcohol usually loosens people's inhibitions, so maybe they do have latent tendencies. Some of my guy friends didn't even need that many drinks

 

[Brodie888]

Most people have that voice in the back of their head that tells them not to say something or not to do something. All alcohol does is turn that voice down.

Their openness to gay sex has always been there. Most men are a shade of bisexual based on all modern studies.

I had many "straight" friends and roommates that took advantage of the fact that I was gay.

As a gay friend, they know that you can be trusted to keep a secret. They know you don't want anything more than sex. They know that they don't have to go through endless rejection from girls in a club if they need to get off. Or even better, they know if at the end of the night there is a welcoming wet mouth for them if they can't find a girl who will accommodate them.

 

[dreambridger]

The thing is that I think that they're more seeking validation from me than NSA sex. I don't have the same issues as they do when it comes to sex, i.e. I don't go psychotic during a dry spell, going crazy for some girl that isn't worth it anyway. @Brodie888 has a point about a lot of them struggling with rejection from girls, and I'm someone that seems less dependent on sexual validation from others, which to them is probably a male state of being that they look up to in some way. I know that they all think I'm an attractive man and that my qualities mean something to them, whether they actually want to have sex with me or not.

 

[older4younger]

I would like to know if it is merely the alcohol that is causing this behavior or if the person really does have some latent homosexual tendencies and is using the drinking as an excuse to " explore." I have written about my always horny straight college roommate who would get drunk, come back to the room, and ask for a massage which invariably turned into me giving him a handjob, blowjob, or letting him fuck me. I loved it, but we never spoke about it.

That sounds interesting.

 

[Daution]

God, during this christmas party, I swear like three of my straight friends came out to me when they were too drunk to know any better. One of them I swear was hitting on me or at least trying to get me to be his cuddle buddy for the night. Another one, after an all-boy cuddle puddle, looked at me and said, "Of course I've always been gay." An other one just needed extra love from me in particular. They all had close conversations with me about sexuality. Of course it's all alcohol fueled and none of them would have the courage to hit on me sober. Just the endless cycle of guys who are mostly straight but still look at their cute gay friend needing some kind of validation and saying super gay shit to me when they're too drunk to remember the next day. Not the first time either.

Which of you other gay guys live with this sort of behavior among your friends, and how do you handle it? I'm certainly not trying to taking advantage of anyone who's too drunk to fully accept what they're doing and might have regret the next day. But these 'straight' friends of mine are definitely attracted to me in a way they might not express courageously....

This is common and if you know how to play it, it can be fun. It's a tricky situation depending on what you want and what you can handle. None of these guys are looking for love and they're not going to come to you "sober" or courageously.

'Discretion' and 'plausible deniability' is key. I was a DL guy in HS and college, only messed with other Dl guys or curious str8 dudes. That's a delicate dance but the play is always the same. Being openly gay or bi makes it so much easier to pull curious str8 buddies because half the battle is won, they already know you're 'down.'

Follow their lead, notice the patterns and understand these hookups will always follow a certain ritual. In my experience, we'd smoke a lil weed, take a lil shot, pretend to be more intoxicated than we were and "im not going to remember tonight" or "idr last night " was a code and understood.

but do you

 

[Daution]

The thing is that I think that they're more seeking validation from me than NSA sex. I don't have the same issues as they do when it comes to sex, i.e. I don't go psychotic during a dry spell, going crazy for some girl that isn't worth it anyway. @Brodie888 has a point about a lot of them struggling with rejection from girls, and I'm someone that seems less dependent on sexual validation from others, which to them is probably a male state of being that they look up to in some way. I know that they all think I'm an attractive man and that my qualities mean something to them, whether they actually want to have sex with me or not.

Lol the cues are so obvious if you know them.

- "I don't go psychotic during a dry spell, going crazy for some girl that isn't worth it anyway."

The girl not being worth it is your hint.

If your str8 bro is telling you how horny he is and that he cant get some but he is "so freaking horny," that's coded language. Been there, done that. That's a classic move

They are not asking for 'NSA' sex. String's are attached. They trust you and want you to discreetly validate their cock in your mouth without the fuss that comes from women and without feeling "gay" about it. Doesn't have to make sense, just has to exist.

Done right, it's a bonding experience and brings you closer. If you want to do it of course. It's guys being guys.

 

[yearites]

get a friend to take yalls photo together. if they straighten up when theyre being photographed then theyre straight, but if they dont care about being photographed so close with another guy then they probably dont care if you slip it in them the next day

 

[Brodie888]

It's a well known fact that gay men on average give better blowjobs than women. I'm sure part of this is the fact that most gay men enjoy doing it.

I know many straight guys who stopped getting head from their wives once the honeymoon was over.

I think the thing that puts most straight guys off is the thought that they will have to reciprocate or pay. If only they knew that this isn't often true!

 

[Beanie]

God, during this christmas party, I swear like three of my straight friends came out to me when they were too drunk to know any better. One of them I swear was hitting on me or at least trying to get me to be his cuddle buddy for the night. Another one, after an all-boy cuddle puddle, looked at me and said, "Of course I've always been gay." An other one just needed extra love from me in particular. They all had close conversations with me about sexuality. Of course it's all alcohol fueled and none of them would have the courage to hit on me sober. Just the endless cycle of guys who are mostly straight but still look at their cute gay friend needing some kind of validation and saying super gay shit to me when they're too drunk to remember the next day. Not the first time either.

Which of you other gay guys live with this sort of behavior among your friends, and how do you handle it? I'm certainly not trying to taking advantage of anyone who's too drunk to fully accept what they're doing and might have regret the next day. But these 'straight' friends of mine are definitely attracted to me in a way they might not express courageously....

Yeah I’ve had it happen, not quite as prolific as you did that one night but from time to time. I think it’s an evolution of the ‘bro’. Like guys get drunk with straight guys and get kinda soppy and the walls come down and they can tell their male friends how they feel without it getting weird, or blame it in the drink if it does.

with gay guy friends it goes one step further as gay guys tend to be more open about their feelings so the straight guy feels even less inhibitions. It’s not about them coming on to you (mostly…) it’s the straight guy / gay guy version of “I love you man!”

well that’s my theory anyway LOL

 

[Beanie]

get a friend to take yalls photo together. if they straighten up when theyre being photographed then theyre straight, but if they dont care about being photographed so close with another guy then they probably dont care if you slip it in them the next day

Slip it in?! I’ve never been able to slip it in, especially in a ‘str8’ guy who’s questioning. Lol

 

[dreambridger]

You can show affection to your firings without it being sexual

well that's obvious and was never denied, you've clearly ignored all the nuance of my original post, and not to backseat mod, but this is the "Ask a Gay Man" subforum which means only gay men can respond. I'd post this in the "Ask a Straight Man" thread if I wanted your opinion.

I'm asking fellow gay men because I do believe that gay (and bi) men have a unique wisdom and insight into the latent sexual psychologies of themselves and others that straight people don't simply because straights aren't usually forced to confront their sexual psyche in the same way that gay and bi men are forced to confront themselves at some point. I'm in my 30s and navigating life best I can as a very homosexual man in a very heterosexual environment, and I want GAY opinions from those who relate specifically to MY situation. Just to clarify.

 

[CallMeAlex]

I have a problem with calling any of those guys straight. They would have to be bisexual, right? It seems to me that a lot of people think that bisexual means actively seeking both sexes romantically, but I define bisexuality as "the willingness to engage in consensual sex with either sex." I have a "straight" friend like that, that insists that he watches big-dicked porn stars "because he respects a monster D" and I don't question him, but in the moment I always think "No, you get turned on by huge D's."

To answer your question, when you get the chance, you should tell them that there is nothing wrong with:
1) seeking a man for sexual pleasure
2)not being straight/being bisexual or gay like your one friend said
and, if youre feeling bold
3)that you're more than willing to help them when they are sober if thats what they really want.

Sorry to rant, but lately I've been really offput by the insistence that guys can be actively seeking to fuck and even get fucked by guys and still be called straight. Because they are literally not. Like, we all know how attraction works. Most of us could not be paid to do anything sexual with a woman, and yet when it comes to masculine guys, the majority of guys bend over backwards to defend the "straight" label. I think it stems from internalized homophobia+biphobia, and porn's insistence on making "seduce the straight guys" type videos. And, personally, most of the bisexual men that I know, live a double life. Their gay friends know they are bi but their straight friends dont... like, that's how far some guys go to hang on to the "straight" label.

Being gay is ok, and I think we need to do more work in saying that being Bi is ok.

 

[dreambridger]

I have a problem with calling any of those guys straight. They would have to be bisexual, right? It seems to me that a lot of people think that bisexual means actively seeking both sexes romantically, but I define bisexuality as "the willingness to engage in consensual sex with either sex." I have a "straight" friend like that, that insists that he watches big-dicked porn stars "because he respects a monster D" and I don't question him, but in the moment I always think "No, you get turned on by huge D's."

To answer your question, when you get the chance, you should tell them that there is nothing wrong with:
1) seeking a man for sexual pleasure
2)not being straight/being bisexual or gay like your one friend said
and, if youre feeling bold
3)that you're more than willing to help them when they are sober if thats what they really want.

Sorry to rant, but lately I've been really offput by the insistence that guys can be actively seeking to fuck and even get fucked by guys and still be called straight. Because they are literally not. Like, we all know how attraction works. Most of us could not be paid to do anything sexual with a woman, and yet when it comes to masculine guys, the majority of guys bend over backwards to defend the "straight" label. I think it stems from internalized homophobia+biphobia, and porn's insistence on making "seduce the straight guys" type videos. And, personally, most of the bisexual men that I know, live a double life. Their gay friends know they are bi but their straight friends dont... like, that's how far some guys go to hang on to the "straight" label.

Being gay is ok, and I think we need to do more work in saying that being Bi is ok.

I'm not trying to rob anyone of their preferred label, but I do think bisexuality as a spectrum needs to be discussed more.

The reason I won't take advantage of these men is because I know that these friends aren't cool with that aspect of themselves and I'm not trying to bring them anything that would lead to shame or regret. If they were more bold and secure with themselves I'd consider it. But the fact that they're ambivalent is honestly kind of a turn off for me anyway. So it's not just conscience that stops me; it's also that, while I love them as friends, I find their cowardice and sexual denial kinda pathetic. And I know my openness and lack of cowardice is part of what makes me attractive to them and is what they wish they had for themselves.

 

[CallMeAlex]

I'm not trying to rob anyone of their preferred label, but I do think bisexuality as a spectrum needs to be discussed more.

The reason I won't take advantage of these men is because I know that these friends aren't cool with that aspect of themselves and I'm not trying to bring them anything that would lead to shame or regret. If they were more bold and secure with themselves I'd consider it. But the fact that they're ambivalent is honestly kind of a turn off for me anyway. So it's not just conscience that stops me; it's also that, while I love them as friends, I find their cowardice and sexual denial kinda pathetic. And I know my openness and lack of cowardice is part of what makes me attractive to them and is what they wish they had for themselves.

Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you were trying to take advantage of them in any way. I actually meant to say that their trust in you is why they confided in you. I understand you not wanting to take away their label, but I think that allowing all these guys to call themselves straight hurts US more than anyone else. I absolutely agree with you that it is pathetic. To me, these "straight" guys are the worst for us because they make their inability to come to terms with their same sex attraction OUR problem. Like, they wanna tease and flirt with us when its convenient, but if we take their mixed signals too far, then they jump at the chance to remind us that the arent *insert slur* like us... I feel for you because if your friends are like my friend, then they are probably really awesome outside of this really annoying situation.

I don't want to be on the offensive, but I'm tired of seeing guys be like "THIS straight guy would fuck your ass so hard " Like... stop lol. That's where I disagree with you. Sorry to rant again.

 

[dreambridger]

Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you were trying to take advantage of them in any way. I actually meant to say that their trust in you is why they confided in you. I understand you not wanting to take away their label, but I think that allowing all these guys to call themselves straight hurts US more than anyone else. I absolutely agree with you that it is pathetic. To me, these "straight" guys are the worst for us because they make their inability to come to terms with their same sex attraction OUR problem. Like, they wanna tease and flirt with us when its convenient, but if we take their mixed signals too far, then they jump at the chance to remind us that the arent *insert slur* like us... I feel for you because if your friends are like my friend, then they are probably really awesome outside of this really annoying situation.

I don't want to be on the offensive, but I'm tired of seeing guys be like "THIS straight guy would fuck your ass so hard " Like... stop lol. That's where I disagree with you. Sorry to rant again.

I knew you weren't implying that. Some others in the thread brought up taking advantage as an option though, and I was just continuing the conversation. I totally see your point. I can't control how these men express themselves, but I can make sure that I can be the best gay badass that I can be and lead by example.

 

[MikM]

I remember pushing some straight guy’s brotherly-like affection away, in the fear that I would seem gay. There’s so many levels of irony in that.

 

[starfire99]

It's a well known fact that gay men on average give better blowjobs than women. I'm sure part of this is the fact that most gay men enjoy doing it.

I know many straight guys who stopped getting head from their wives once the honeymoon was over.

I think the thing that puts most straight guys off is the thought that they will have to reciprocate or pay. If only they knew that this isn't often true!

LOL, there should be a straight man's sign-up sheet for getting free oral attention from us willing and able to kneel for the task!