Straight, Gay, Bisexual, Curious. Sexuality and sexual identity

[Rowan Ravenseed]

I have read sooo sooo sooo many posts on here that read like this.

"Straight men don't have sex with other men" or
"Straight men don't find other men attractive" or
"Straight men don't look at other men"

and to be totally honest every time time I take a break from this sight its posts like these that prompt it. Every time I hear a comment like this I just want to cry at the sublime ignorance of some people who take it upon themselves to think they can make such broad sweeping assumptions about a part of the human psyche that teams of scientists have been studying for over 3 decades and have still not yet found any clear definitions for.

So on that note let me add my opinion, and it is only that an opinion, based on my observations and life experience but still only an opinion.

I realise that I may cop a fair amount of flaming from this on both sides of the fence but this is how I've always seen things.

The body is hard wired to respond to stimuli. Smells, sights, tastes, sounds and touch…….. Touch how does it work.

Well the skin comes into contact with some sort of stimuli then passes the message to the brain then the brain interprets the stimuli and directs the rest of the body to respond appropriately.

So does the skin differentiate between genders? No it doesn't. This is why men both straight and gay can sometimes get an erection while receiving a massage from a male masseur, because the skin doesn't car that its another male doing the touching the only thing it knows is that something brushed up against the inner thigh and stimulated the surrounding nerves.

It is also why heterosexual men sometimes get erect during a prostate exam
and is also why victims of male on male rape regardless of their sexuality quite often become sexually aroused during penetration.

There are no words to describe how abhorrent rape is or how devastating it can be for the victim. Let alone how confusing it can be for the victim if they find themselves aroused during it. Which is part of the reason why quotes like the ones i mentioned at the start of this post really really get my goat.

Imagine you were raped and you found yourself being aroused at the same time. how much damage would that do to the concepts you have of your own sexual identity? Would you be able to cope? A lot are not.

A huge number of male on male rape cases are not reported because of the shame men feel at having to admit they were raped.

A lot of this shame is due to narrow minded beliefs about what "REAL MEN" or "STRAIGHT MEN" are supposed to think, act, feel.

The worst part of this is that its not just heterosexual men who are doing this this to themselves.

These posts I'm reading are coming from all sectors of society. Hetero men, Homo Men and Women.

I can't speak to the women because I'm not a female so hopefully some women will help me out on this one.

But as a man I will say to the Hetero men. I have known hetero men who, enjoy looking at men, enjoy touching men, enjoy kissing men, enjoy sucking men, enjoy fucking men, enjoy being fucked by men. I have also known hetero men who enjoy Cuddling other men, holding hands with other men, sharing their feelings with other men and just being in the company of other men.

and to my Homo friends who have made similar comments……. Shame on you!
you of all people should know better than to make such narrow minded comments. Do all homo men like to wear dresses and make up? do all homo men dance well? do all homo men talk with a lisp and have limp wrists? do all homo men like to take it up the arse? Do all homo men like to suck dick?

HOW DARE YOU?

in a world where we are trying to fight for equality and fight against outdated stereotypes that classify us as less than "REAL MEN" ….. HOW DARE YOU apply those outdated stereotypes of what a "REAL MAN" or a "STRAIGHT MAN" is onto our fellow brothers. WAKE UP TO YOURSELVES.

If were ever going to get equility were going to need the help of every STRAIGHT man there is regardless of whether or not he likes to look at cock suck cock or whatever and trying to apply outdated cliches will only serve to alienate us from them as much as some gay mens beliefs about bisexuality has also alienated us from the bisexual community.

So after my big rant a quick sum up.

"Straight men…… are turned on by whatever turns them on and quite frankly its not your place to decide whether or not they are str8 thats their decision and no-one else's"

 

[sykray]

Maybe there is some utility in raising this sort of question again. Most people are fairly fixed in their beliefs and will not be moved by facts, statistics, research studies or obvious evidence. Hopefully, some people will consider what is said here and see the light.

I essentially agree with you. I am, for what it may be worth, a retired psychotherapist dealing mainly with sexual issues and my doctoral thesis was on how men label themselves in terms of sexual orientation.

Individuals may have a preference for the opposite sex or the same sex as sexual partners or for romantic/loving long-term relationships. None of this necessarily precludes enjoying sex or affection or sexual curiosity about the "non-preferred" sex/gender.

The only valid labeling is by self concept and self description. Even then I don't think labels about sexuality are very useful. Gay, straight, etc can be used as adjectives to describe sexual acts but are too constraining to apply to people. We use them as shorthand and this can evoke stereotypes in the minds of others.

It is probably true that each individual man and woman has a unique sexual orientation requiring pages of explanation, elucidations, disclaimers and exceptions to a general rule.

I am content to say that I am gay but no one can accurately assume anything about my relationships with men or women from that, other than people would be correct in assuming that it means that I prefer having sex with men.

 

[Infernal]

I have always thought that sexuality as defined as gay, straight, or bi is a very broad concept. It is a huge spectrum of attractions between two different people, and when you add sexual identity it becomes a huge cluster fuck of definitions that don't fully apply to anyone.

Here are some examples - I'm attracted to men physically and mentally. I appreciate female beauty and have on occasion had sex with a woman. I can have sex with woman, but don't find myself capable of falling in love with one. I can do both with a man. My family considers me bi, while I consider myself gay. I feel that no one but me can define my own sexuality, but if that makes acceptance easier for them, why argue over it ?

I know a lot of straight men who enjoy anal stimulation. They love their girlfriend to play with their ass, or they play with it alone while masturbating. They have no interest in being touched by a man in any sexual way. Does their enjoyment of ass play make them gay ? I don't think so, but others may.

As to the rape situation - the body responds to stimulation on many levels. Straight men may respond physically to being violated, but that doesn't mean they enjoyed it. As you said, shame plays into this in a huge way and many go unreported.

I have a straight friend who was horribly abused as a child. He received no physical affection from his parents at all. Today, he's well adjusted and he and his girlfriend have a child together. He's a massage therapist, and he's very tactile with other men. If you're standing next to him with friends, you're going to get your shoulders massaged, or maybe wrapped up in a bear hug. While affectionate, it's very non-sexual for him. Some people think he's gay, but the rest of us know where it comes from and just take him as he is.

Sexual identity, or the sex you present to the world, when added to your orientation fucks all of that up. Take Chastity Bono - as a young woman, she announced she was a lesbian. Her sexual orientation is homosexual, but her sexual identity if female. Years go by, she identifies as transsexual and becomes a man. Her sexual identity changes from female to male, but her orientation doesn't. She's still attracted to women. So before she was a woman attracted to women, now a man attracted to women. Society says he is now straight because he's attracted to the opposite sex, but in reality the only thing that changed was how he presents himself to the world physically. So the confusion is - is he / she gay or straight ?

A straight friend of mine was married with a child. He transitioned to a woman and was still attracted to women. HE was straight, but is SHE now a lesbian ?

Stereotypes don't help much either. A friends mother and father in law are ultra conservative Christian and very much isolated in their beliefs. Their only knowledge of gay men are drag queens and those who are in your face with their sexuality. They met my partner and I at their grand daughter's high school graduation. We didn't fit their definition of what gay men are and it really challenged their opinion. Recently one of their sons was raving about the Kinky Boots performance during the Macy's Thanksgiving parade. He went on and on about how "those people" ruin everything and are a disgrace and have no class, etc.. etc.. etc... His mother and father eventually told him to shut up because they knew two of "those people" and we weren't like that at all, and they were happy to call us their granddaughters uncles. Progress is a slow process, but definitely moving forward.

Ultimately the labels fail to define us in anything but the broadest sense. The individual story is always unique.

 

[Exbiker]

Hmm.

I think I'm with you on the sexuality issue itself - I'm sure it's very flexible and unique to individuals - but maybe I'm not in so much agreement on issues of language or definition of terms ...

I mean, if I came on here and said I was sick and tired of people saying that cups have to have handles, and have to be able to hold some fluid, whether it be tea or coffee or water - well ...wouldn't that be a bit too flexible ?

 

[NC_BBC]

hmm.

I think i'm with you on the sexuality issue itself - i'm sure it's very flexible and unique to individuals - but maybe i'm not in so much agreement on issues of language or definition of terms ...

I mean, if i came on here and said i was sick and tired of people saying that cups have to have handles, and have to be able to hold some fluid, whether it be tea or coffee or water - well ...wouldn't that be a bit too flexible ?

preach...

 

[LeftCoast]

Think of a label (straight, gay, bi) as the picture on a can of corn. That picture is a possibility. When you serve the corn it doesn't have to look like the picture, but it's still the same corn. The label helps you distinguish the corn from beans. The label establishes a category with wide range of variances. Labels are identifiers that loosely describe what's inside.

 

[Guill]

Think of a label (straight, gay, bi) as the picture on a can of corn. That picture is a possibility. When you serve the corn it doesn't have to look like the picture, but it's still the same corn. The label helps you distinguish the corn from beans. The label establishes a category with wide range of variances. Labels are identifiers that loosely describe what's inside.

I think that may be the most accurate way of looking at labeling sexuality that I've hard

 

[Popyuu]

Wonder what the gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc fight would look like without labels.

 

[Bashful_man]

I have read sooo sooo sooo many posts on here that read like this.

"Straight men don't have sex with other men" or
"Straight men don't find other men attractive" or
"Straight men don't look at other men"

and to be totally honest every time time I take a break from this sight its posts like these that prompt it. Every time I hear a comment like this I just want to cry at the sublime ignorance of some people who take it upon themselves to think they can make such broad sweeping assumptions about a part of the human psyche that teams of scientists have been studying for over 3 decades and have still not yet found any clear definitions for.

So on that note let me add my opinion, and it is only that an opinion, based on my observations and life experience but still only an opinion.

I realise that I may cop a fair amount of flaming from this on both sides of the fence but this is how I've always seen things.

The body is hard wired to respond to stimuli. Smells, sights, tastes, sounds and touch…….. Touch how does it work.

Well the skin comes into contact with some sort of stimuli then passes the message to the brain then the brain interprets the stimuli and directs the rest of the body to respond appropriately.

So does the skin differentiate between genders? No it doesn't. This is why men both straight and gay can sometimes get an erection while receiving a massage from a male masseur, because the skin doesn't car that its another male doing the touching the only thing it knows is that something brushed up against the inner thigh and stimulated the surrounding nerves.

It is also why heterosexual men sometimes get erect during a prostate exam
and is also why victims of male on male rape regardless of their sexuality quite often become sexually aroused during penetration.

There are no words to describe how abhorrent rape is or how devastating it can be for the victim. Let alone how confusing it can be for the victim if they find themselves aroused during it. Which is part of the reason why quotes like the ones i mentioned at the start of this post really really get my goat.

Imagine you were raped and you found yourself being aroused at the same time. how much damage would that do to the concepts you have of your own sexual identity? Would you be able to cope? A lot are not.

A huge number of male on male rape cases are not reported because of the shame men feel at having to admit they were raped.

A lot of this shame is due to narrow minded beliefs about what "REAL MEN" or "STRAIGHT MEN" are supposed to think, act, feel.

The worst part of this is that its not just heterosexual men who are doing this this to themselves.

These posts I'm reading are coming from all sectors of society. Hetero men, Homo Men and Women.

I can't speak to the women because I'm not a female so hopefully some women will help me out on this one.

But as a man I will say to the Hetero men. I have known hetero men who, enjoy looking at men, enjoy touching men, enjoy kissing men, enjoy sucking men, enjoy fucking men, enjoy being fucked by men. I have also known hetero men who enjoy Cuddling other men, holding hands with other men, sharing their feelings with other men and just being in the company of other men.

and to my Homo friends who have made similar comments……. Shame on you!
you of all people should know better than to make such narrow minded comments. Do all homo men like to wear dresses and make up? do all homo men dance well? do all homo men talk with a lisp and have limp wrists? do all homo men like to take it up the arse? Do all homo men like to suck dick?

HOW DARE YOU?

in a world where we are trying to fight for equality and fight against outdated stereotypes that classify us as less than "REAL MEN" ….. HOW DARE YOU apply those outdated stereotypes of what a "REAL MAN" or a "STRAIGHT MAN" is onto our fellow brothers. WAKE UP TO YOURSELVES.

If were ever going to get equility were going to need the help of every STRAIGHT man there is regardless of whether or not he likes to look at cock suck cock or whatever and trying to apply outdated cliches will only serve to alienate us from them as much as some gay mens beliefs about bisexuality has also alienated us from the bisexual community.

So after my big rant a quick sum up.

"Straight men…… are turned on by whatever turns them on and quite frankly its not your place to decide whether or not they are str8 thats their decision and no-one else's"

To this post I will say a big AMEN!!!

 

[NC_BBC]

God....you all are so delightfully delusional.... Either that, willfully ignorant, or hell bent on turning the entire population of the world (or maybe just this forum) bi...

If the terms gay, straight, and bi, hold no weight to you all, why do you label yourselves anything at all?

Why do so many gay men fetishize straight men? Why is that even a fantasy? I mean, a dick's a dick and a hole is a hole...right?

If that bullshit about skin contact was worth it's weight in validity, why have I heard so many gay men describe the idea of sex with a woman as disgusting...? Could it be, because he LITERALLY and WHOLEHEARTEDLY is gay and wants nothing to do with women? Could the inverse of that same situation exist? No?

Every one of you has identify themselves on the percentage scale, which was NOT a requirement for registration here. So all this "labels are bad" bullshit should cease. Or accept that you're all hyper-hypocrites.

 

[NC_BBC]

What we (straight men here on this forum) are sick of, is the OVERLOAD of "would a straight guy *insert some gay act*" questions overpopulating the "ask a straight man" section. Someone actually pointed out that out of the 25 threads on the first page....13 of them are this same bullshit.

No...straight men don't suck cock, get their cocks sucked by men, fuck men, get fucked by men, get hand jobs from men, etc..... If they do... then I must be something other than straight. Because the thought of it grosses me out. Not because of some preconceived notion, not because of my religion, not because I was raised in a household full of ignorant anti-gay people...no...I literally find other men quite disgusting, sexually. So if men who share that sentiment can no longer call themselves "straight" because you all "know a straight guy or 2 who does that kind of thing form time to time..."... wtf should we call ourselves?

Wtf should men who ONLY want sexual contact with women call themselves? Maybe I'll open a thread in the "ask a gay man" section....

And to go a step further...how long will it be before some guy who sucks cock periodically is out here claiming to be whatever the new designation is...? Do we just keep changing the word to accommodate those who can't just own up to the gay or bi sexual shit they do? Would that be a politically correct way of doing things? Because this whole idea of "no labels" is like going to the grocery store and ripping all the labels off the vegetables because "they're all vegetables"... GTFOH

 

[silvian]

What we (straight men here on this forum) are sick of, is the OVERLOAD of "would a straight guy *insert some gay act*" questions overpopulating the "ask a straight man" section. Someone actually pointed out that out of the 25 threads on the first page....13 of them are this same bullshit.

No...straight men don't suck cock, get their cocks sucked by men, fuck men, get fucked by men, get hand jobs from men, etc..... If they do... then I must be something other than straight. Because the thought of it grosses me out. Not because of some preconceived notion, not because of my religion, not because I was raised in a household full of ignorant anti-gay people...no...I literally find other men quite disgusting, sexually. So if men who share that sentiment can no longer call themselves "straight" because you all "know a straight guy or 2 who does that kind of thing form time to time..."... wtf should we call ourselves?

Wtf should men who ONLY want sexual contact with women call themselves? Maybe I'll open a thread in the "ask a gay man" section....

And to go a step further...how long will it be before some guy who sucks cock periodically is out here claiming to be whatever the new designation is...? Do we just keep changing the word to accommodate those who can't just own up to the gay or bi sexual shit they do? Would that be a politically correct way of doing things? Because this whole idea of "no labels" is like going to the grocery store and ripping all the labels off the vegetables because "they're all vegetables"... GTFOH

I agree with you on almost part of your disccussion BUT there something that it doesn't persuade me so much.
Generally (and in particular me that live in a "macho" nation) everybody think that the next one near you is STR8 because we live in an Heterosexism society but it's not true. You can't know what other people are, you can just make some supposition.
All men and all women in this world have got fantasy or natural sexual appetite but this idiocy society force people to be what they don't want be or make an innatural scared envirorment.. and it is possibile because there are LABELS that are used to classified you because without label HUMANS FEEL TO DIE (and these aren't my words but you Freud words)

you asked . " Why do so many gay men fetishize straight men? Why is that even a fantasy? I mean, a dick's a dick and a hole is a hole...right? "
http://www.lpsg.com/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=4993773
The answer is pretty easy.. because we live in an HETEROSEXSIM SOCIETY where alpha men, strong men and all positive adjectives are STR8
Bi men, or gay men are classifited as PUSSY as NOT REAL MEN and at this you have to add also the harmful action of some LGBT GROUP
How many rugby champion, football champion are admittedly GAY or BI?
and how many are admittedly str8?
This is possibile only in this kind of society.
In freemason society str8 sex is considereted at some level at the mating of animal in a farm.
Who controll the world? Ah.. sure them not us

 

[InDNile]

In freemason society str8 sex is considereted at some level at the mating of animal in a farm.
Who controll the world? Ah.. sure them not us

As a Mason, I have to ask, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

 

[silvian]

As a Mason, I have to ask, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

are you a freemason?
of what order if i may?

I'm not a freemason and i stay away from this kind of society.. but i have got some friend that work for vatican and there is a link between freemason and the church..

 

[Clancy7]

We are what we think we are and fuck every other definition by others!

 

[NC_BBC]

We are what we think we are and fuck every other definition by others!

Sooooooo, if I decide today that I'm no longer black, but white....the DMV, the U.S. government and every person on the planet that isn't color blind should just go with it?

 

[pinokio]

I have read sooo sooo sooo many posts (...)

Ok. 'HOW DARE YOU' suggest that rape is so often satisfying for the victim? ;/
I think we should not go with such reasoning.

I on't see your point. If you want to suggest that hetero guys can have sex with homo and stay hetero - then why do you use such labels at all?

There are rules and there are exceptions.

 

[bustup45]

my head is full of sexual confusion, i had a bad upbringing sex was a very taboo subject. i was backward with Girls , i was still a virgin at 30 years old. I went out but i was too shy and lacked confidence to talk to Women. I started dating a girl i worked with but the sex part i lacked experience and i couldnt do it properly.
I had no idea who or what i was , all these Gays were coming out in the papers i thought maybe i was one of them, 98-George Michael 99-Steve Gately 2000-D Winton
2001 Big Brother Cliff Richard Elton John Reggie Kray Michael Barrymore, 2002-wyoung
big brother fashanu, 2003 big brother Ron Davis 2004 Spencer Elton, i was in a mess , i had no identity, i was sure i liked women but i was confused.
2005 Little Britain star Elton John George Michael said they were Gay after 4 more years of celibacy i went out with another girl i worked with, but again i could not perform properly at sex. I was technically still a virgin at 35.
i started looking at pictures of mens dicks on the internet , but i am uncut, i just had a foreskin fetish. i am sure i was not gay but then why could i not orgasm with those Girls? I have had 8 more years of celibacy apart from a couple of prostitutes in Hamburg and Amsterdam who i also could not perform properly with. I am now 43, still technically a virgin. I am a lost mess. i dont know if i am gay straight or bi.
I just want a nice Girl whats wrong with me?

 

[NC_BBC]

my head is full of sexual confusion, i had a bad upbringing sex was a very taboo subject. i was backward with Girls , i was still a virgin at 30 years old. I went out but i was too shy and lacked confidence to talk to Women. I started dating a girl i worked with but the sex part i lacked experience and i couldnt do it properly.
I had no idea who or what i was , all these Gays were coming out in the papers i thought maybe i was one of them, 98-George Michael 99-Steve Gately 2000-D Winton
2001 Big Brother Cliff Richard Elton John Reggie Kray Michael Barrymore, 2002-wyoung
big brother fashanu, 2003 big brother Ron Davis 2004 Spencer Elton, i was in a mess , i had no identity, i was sure i liked women but i was confused.
2005 Little Britain star Elton John George Michael said they were Gay after 4 more years of celibacy i went out with another girl i worked with, but again i could not perform properly at sex. I was technically still a virgin at 35.
i started looking at pictures of mens dicks on the internet , but i am uncut, i just had a foreskin fetish. i am sure i was not gay but then why could i not orgasm with those Girls? I have had 8 more years of celibacy apart from a couple of prostitutes in Hamburg and Amsterdam who i also could not perform properly with. I am now 43, still technically a virgin. I am a lost mess. i dont know if i am gay straight or bi.
I just want a nice Girl whats wrong with me?

Nothing's wrong with you. You just need to find someone who will take some time and teach you some things. Whether that will be a guy or girls is totally up to you. Whichever you feel more comfortable with, but also sexually attracted to. Sex isn't one of those things you should pressure yourself into. DO it when it feels right and natural.

 

[silvian]

Sooooooo, if I decide today that I'm no longer black, but white....the DMV, the U.S. government and every person on the planet that isn't color blind should just go with it?

find me where is you str8 gene and i will show you where is the black gene.
Sexuality is not choiced by gene, the color of your skin is