Straight, Gay, Sharing a Bed

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Martin van Burden, Nov 5, 2006.

  1. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    Okay, so you gotta understand, the restaurant I work is pretty unconventional in that there are a ton of male servers on staff opposed to female servers. I joke about how it's a perpetual sausage fest in there. In addition, quite a few are gay as well; more are straight, but the gay ones are pretty open and upfront about their sexual orientation and no one seems to have a problem. This dude that works at Abercrombie started working there and his behavior tends to confuse everyone. He says he's straight, but -- hell -- even I don't pat my gay buds on the ass. Like a host told someone who told me, "Don't make promises you can't keep." Or, you gotta be really careful that your behavior doesn't come off as flirting if it isn't intended that way.

    So that kinda started the most recent firestorm about which guys are or aren't gay, especially the new ones that just finished training.

    He invited himself over to crash at my apartment because he couldn't stay in the dorm that night. I didn't have a problem with it. As I don't have much in the way of alternate sleeping quarters, I would've been fine if he slept on my couch or took up the other side of my bed.

    Alcohol flowing, and tired of people speculating behind his back. He said he's straight, but then he went off on this homophobic tirade afterward; it was really uncalled for, and while part of me thinks that if he really does have issues understanding his own sexual orientation (as he's only 18, away from home, venturing out in college, experimentation happens, etc.), he's certainly not someone you could just have a good conversation about it. Needless to say, he's a very strange guy and I don't feel comfortable talking to him any more than I have to. Plus, he's not very bright, doesn't have much to say, comes on too strong, sends way too many text messages, and he just gives off a bad vibe.

    Unlike him, my country hick bud at work is really cool. He drinks to excess, yeah, but... anyway... we hung out the other night too and drank a lot and for some strange reason, he asks if I think he's gay. I tell him no. Honestly, he doesn't really do anything to make me think he swings that way. He had since told me that some guy tried to make a move on him once (that he rejected) and that he has had a gay roommate before, but really, I think he was trying to prove to me that he's a pretty "with it" sorta guy. He seems really proud of being as open as he is despite coming from a closed-minded rural community, and I'm proud for him too.

    I don't remember what I said. Something about being at an age where I know I'm straight, but honestly, I don't give all that much a fuck about anything. No big deal. And with that, he climbed into my bed. He kept trying to talk and I wanted to sleep. He wanted me to give him a backrub and I offered an exchange. We exchanged backrubs (which felt pretty good). Nothing further (though he did kinda rub the top of my buttocks).

    I'm sure one eyebrow went up at some point, especially how at some point in the early morning, he ended up turning toward me and throwing an arm around me.

    I just kinda went with it.

    Straight or gay, I'm not really interested in his motivation. While the behavior seemed rather odd, especially since we talked way too much about not being gay, deep down, I think he's just trying to prove that he's open-minded and I appreciate him for it. Plus, it didn't feel too bad to kinda halfway snuggle as it was ridiculously cold that night and morning.
     
  2. Jaime

    Jaime New Member

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    Kudos to you on being so open-minded about these things and on recognizing the difference between proximity and intimacy.
     
  3. hypolimnas

    hypolimnas Well-Known Member

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    Plus, it didn't feel too bad to kinda halfway snuggle as it was ridiculously cold that night and morning.[/quote]

    From about the age of 10 we used to go into the mountains for about 2 weeks every year. Two weeks in tents, with guys I didn't know that well. We used to snuggle up together, especially when it was cold. If the weather was bad it did get a miserable, so the hugging was nice.

    One morning I woke up to find my face on my nextdoor neighbour's son's crotch! We were the same age but didn't know each other so well. Nothing explicitly sexual just kids.

    He had a learning disability, I think, but very cute. I've learnt to pick more compatible people after a few similar lame experiences!
     
  4. BarebackJack

    BarebackJack New Member

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    Axiom #1) Feed a twink alcohol and you get what you deserve...

    It all sounds like a big ball of sexual confusion, if you ask me. The first kid (the "twink" I referred to) seems to have a lot of phobia which he directs outwardly towards gay people. Shakespeare wrote "methinks the lady doth protest too much", referring to the manner in which people tend to overcompensate for their own perceived faults. And we have just seen, through the Ted Haggard scandal, how once again intense homophobia is little more than a smokescreen for an individual's homosexual self-hatred. I think your little Abercrombie boy is going through the agony of self-awareness. Best to stay out of his path of destruction... and no more giving him booze!!!

    Axiom #2) All cats are grey in the dark.

    So your other co-worker, the "trying to be with-it" dude, may be just that, or he may be bisexual (even if only in his jerkoff fantasies). Before the 1950's it was not uncommon for males to sleep with other males and share rudimentary intimacies. Boys would strip and swim naked together in local watering holes and ponds without care. There was much more innocence back in that day. Our society has lost that innocence and now tends to fear the things we once accepted without question.

    There's a really neat coffee-table book called "At Ease ~ Navy Men of WWII" by Evan Bachner that depicts through actual photos scenes of US navy men sleeping on the decks of their ships wrapped in each other's arms, hanging out nude, giving each other massages, horsing around in various stages of undress... in today's conservative climate the book appears homoerotic. Yet in the day when these photographs were taken, men tended to be more intimate with each other without having the stigma of homosexuality hanging over their heads. It was more natural then than now.

    People are creatures who need affection, and in our sleep we tend to revert to our instincts when our conscious (and prejudice-filled) minds shut off for the night. There is nothing wrong with light intimacy between men; it makes us more human. The bullshit of "can't touch him / show affection / show fear / cry" has developed out of some twisted machismo thing. If men hugged and said "I love you" to friends, etc. without the level of discomfort we possess in our current society who knows... we might just all get along better.

    Axiom #3) The things that we dislike about other people are only mirrors of what we don't like in ourselves

    If you find all this disturbing, you might consider examining why... and in the mean time, stop inviting androgenous young men over to your house to drink and crash out. lol.

    Cheers,
    BBJ
     
  5. dcwrestlefan

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    sleeping together does not instantly mean sex. i love having someone next to me in bed. nothing has to happen. it just makes it warmer/nicer. ;) growing up, me and friends had sleepovers all the time. and during the course of the night, sometimes it got cuddly.
     
  6. joyboytoy79

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    Wow, BBJ, that was a VERY insightful, well-thought post! And dead-on!

    I have nothing futher to add...
     
  7. glenroebuck

    glenroebuck New Member

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    You totally should have fucked him to shut him up
     
  8. BarebackJack

    BarebackJack New Member

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    Oh, by the way... there's a scene in the movie "Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss" (with Sean P. Hayes in the title role) that you might find amusing, when Billy finds himself in bed with a straight-ish guy who comes to his place, drinks a bit too much, and crashes for the night, and the discomfort of being in that situation as seen from a gay man's perspective. It's a fun comedy all in all, about obsession, mixed messages, and broken gaydar.

    Also not to be missed is the scene where Billy's fag-hag best friend gets trapped in a boat with her lust-puppy boyfriend and he makes up a song for her, but gets her name wrong. Priceless!

    PS: thanks JBT ;-)
     
  9. B_josiah852

    B_josiah852 New Member

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    Had lots of friends sleep over or I slept over at their house. Most was just that a sleep over. Some ended up a little different.
     
  10. Late Knight

    Late Knight New Member

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    About 20 plus years ago I went through a really bad split-up with my now ex-wife. I was a real mess back then and needed some real friendship. And, I mean a real good friend. I was lucky, I got one... It just happened to be my brother-in-law. He was someone that I could talk to and there were many nights we slept together. No sex or anything like that. And sometimes we even slept nude... together. I took care of myself privately and he did the same. He was and alway has been more like a brother to me. A lot of feeling here...
     
  11. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    When I meet new people, I like to hang on one-on-one because, as I'm finding out, people are usually more laid-back and honest and "themselves" that way. It's kinda like hanging out with a co-worker to see where the conversation goes when it's not work-related. In one case, rather interesting and cool; the other, clearly not so much.

    But hey, it was functional and fine to have some company in bed and I'm not weird about it at all. I certainly don't have any alterior motives that I'm aware of; if that changes, you'll be the first to know (but not to scoff).
     
  12. CUBE

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    DBB, you would push the limits of any man for some closeness...cuz your just kind of handsome as hell. These guys are young and just sexual...I don't buy the idea they just want to talk...they knew full well they wanted to have your body next to them and drinking was the excuse they used to get close. Harmless so long as you don't feel unreturned love or anything like that which would hurt you. In the meantime play with these guys as much as they/you want...no one is keeping score.
     
  13. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Personally I think the college kid is confused about his sexuality....I say if you are straight - there is no reason why you got to keep telling people that....If you know what you are - it shouldn't bother you....Your country hick bud I am sure you realized was testing the waters w/you....The back rub was the clue....Hell that use to be one of my moves to get girls/guys in bed....I have alot of good looking straight male friends....We go on 4 or 5 trips a year and at least once a year we may have 6 guys in one room w/2 beds and we have been 3 to a bed at once....Nothing sexual (that I know of) but we are all pretty comfortable w/each other and cuddle up on each other....My best friend who could have his own room will sometimes just come to my room and jump in the bed w/me....Nowadays I find straight men to be more comfortable w/their sexuality....
     
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