'straight' guy needing advice on seeing another guy

[7inchwelshie]

Hey guys,

I'm after some advice about my situation. I've decided to post on here as I feel like this is the best place where people will understand every aspect about the story (there's only so much of the story you can tell close friends - I don't tell my close mates about Skype cam sessions etc hahaha). It's quite long, but I feel I need to give every last detail to make sure you really get the whole picture! I'll break it down into headings

Preface

I've always lived a fairly straight life, but have been aware that I have curious/bi tendencies/feelings etc. Anyway a month or two back I got talking to a guy on a chat page online (menchats). We REALLY hit it off. We had a hot cam session on Skype, but bizarrely we had an awesome time just chatting for hours afterwards. We swapped WhatsApp numbers (he lived in a different country), and chatted a little.

About a week later, I had a night out with some friends and me and this guy were Whatsapping throughout the night. We were both saying how much we couldn't wait to Skype again. So I decided that was it, and at 1am or something I left the party just so I could go back and Skype him. We had another awesome cam session and an even better chat again.

We chatted a bit again the next day, and then I got a message from him saying I've been on his mind all day and he wants to end whatever it is now before it gets out of hand. He is only out as bi to a few close friends and like me, he sees himself ending up with a girl long term. So things stopped. And as a 'mainly straight' guy, for some reason I was gutted.

I was travelling at the time that I met him online, and I was actually leaving the country I was in and heading for the country he was in. I reached out on Whatsapp to him a month later to let him know I would be there soon if he fancied meeting. He didn't reply for a few days, and when he did he said he'd just been so confused about what to do/think, but that he'd missed speaking with me. He again said he always viewed himself as mainly straight, and didn't respond to the bit about seeing me. We messaged for the next couple of days, but the overriding message was he didn't want to meet because he doesn't see himself bi long term so why head down that route now.

The Attempted First Meet

I get to the country and decide to try appeal to his impulses by surprising him at his place of work. I walked in and our eyes met, he freaked out and walked out the backroom. I wasn't really surprised, so I dropped him a message just saying I wanted to meet him in person. He replied saying he was so so sorry that he acted like that and would take it back if he could. We talked for ages and he decided he wanted to meet me. I was so stoked that it was happening. We organised to have a few drinks and some dinner.

The Proper First Meet

So he pulls up outside the place I'm staying and we walk into town. As planned, we have a few drinks, and an awesome meal. The chat was great, learned a lot about each other, lots of banter, some of it almost a bit flirty. We decided to go for a drive, after all, I was a tourist! He thought he knew a spot with a view so we jumped in his car and went for a ride. We pull up and the place is fenced off and didn't really have a view at all - it was so funny. He was kinda embarrassed but it was awesome anyway. We decided to jump the fence and just sat in the sand chatting. It was 10/10.30 at night so it got pretty cold. We were sat close to each other and he reached an arm around me and said this is perfect. I look up at him and out of nowhere we just kiss. It was amazing. We really had a connection. We roll around in the sand for some time kissing and messing around.

Then it steps up a notch. We head back to his car, and we're kissing again. We rub each others bodies and feel each others bulges. Before I know it, he pulls my dick out and starts sucking on it. I return the favour (gotta add here he's got an awesome piece!! Thick and meaty!! haha). We take it in turns and eventually he says he's so horny, he doesn't normally do this but he wants to swallow my load. I of course oblige! He was a little nervous so said he wouldn't be able to cum. I understood and had no worries whatsoever. The ride back, we're holding hands on the gear stick and shit (I'm finding this crazy, I never normally have emotional attachment to guys, only physical attraction). He dropped me off and we kissed and said we'd see each other again soon. And that was the end to an awesome night!

Meet Number Two

So this guy's at uni and he's been studying for his finals for ages. He's been saying he's earned himself a break and wants to have a day trip with me about an hour away from where he lives. I was already down there so he drove to meet me, and we met at 9am. We had breakfast and walked to a very secluded beach. It was paradise. 3kms of white sand beach all to ourselves, the sound of the waves... you couldn't write it! We sat and chatted for hours, and again were constantly kissing and saying how perfect this is, along with 'you're amazing'. We talked about travelling, and we decided we should go travelling together in a few years when he's done with uni.

He had work in the evening so we headed back up and the whole car ride home we held hands or had a hand on each others leg, or, if it was safe to do so, had a quick kiss. He'd even lean over for a kiss at lights, which to me was bold as people were able to see us and I know he wants to be as discrete as I do. We stopped off for a beer, and talked some more. I said after I had done some more travelling I wanted to find a place to live around him and find work etc. I asked if he'd mind having me 'sleep on his floor' whilst I found a place. He said I was more than welcome to. He dropped me off, kissed and we said we'd speak soon!

The Beginning of the End

I got a long text the next day saying thanks for an awesome day yesterday but he doesn't think we should keep hanging out. He envies that I can go with the flow but he can't, and he'd rather end it now instead of later. He said he's not ready for it now and probably won't ever be. My heart sank - I was so gutted. As a straight guy, to have opened myself up so completely to this guy and then be shot down has really left a mark on me. I've always battled with my thoughts and feelings on this but he is really afraid of how he feels. I've done some 180's of my own in my time but I've never seen anything quite like this. Furthemore, I've got so caught up in him, he somehow seems to have nulled my feelings for women at the moment. It's like I look at them and they don't do it the same for me anymore (I've had a very fulfilling sex life with women and intend on continuing it, so this is frustrating!). I hope that wears off.

I reached out to a friend of his who I know knows about me. I sent a message explaining what happened and wondering if she could speak to him. I said I'd respect if she didn't want to. A few days later he'd blocked me on Facebook, I asked why and he said his friend showed him the message and he doesn't want things to get more complicated, its done and he wants it put behind us. I'm so shocked, there's two completely different sides to the guy. One is loving, fun, caring, the other is unemotional and stubborn. As soon as I'm not in front of him, I get the latter.

So after all that, what do you guys think? What are my options?

Do I pursue him still and possibly drive him further away? Clearly when he has his thoughts to himself he overthinks and freaks out, so even if he did want to see me again this situation could go on for years which wouldn't be good for either of us.

Or do I move on and look back at it as a moment in time, perhaps take it as a sign that I should go back to pursuing women for good?

Or do I wait and hope? Hope that when he gets to my age (he's 20, I'm 23), he'll have come to the realisation that he should never have turned something away that was so right at the time. He can't ignore his feelings forevermore. Can he!? Surely not!? I just don't know anymore....

I don't even really want to look at another guy now, this guy was so on my page we were like the same person. He was straight acting, intelligent, gorgeous. I know I'll just end up comparing other guys to him and saying 'nah not straight enough', 'nope, not enough in common'. I don't want to try and make something fit just because - with him it just did fit.

I'm having a really tough time with this, so I'm reaching out for helpful advice here, past experiences etc. Please refrain from useless 'sounds hot!' comments that aren't going to help my situation - I've turned to this after a long internal battle and am reaching out as I just want some help finding answers.

Thanks in advance.

 

[Exbiker]

I am Welsh too. Born in Cardiff. Though I live in southeast England now.

AND I too have a seven inch penis, which I assume is where your username comes from?

So it would be inconceivable for me to pass over your issue in silence ... I will try to help.

First of all, I want to make the "tristinction" as opposed to "distinction" ( ! ) between

• Being
• Doing and
• Having

Your key issue here is "being". IE, working out and coming to terms with what you are. Whatever you are, is OK. You may be bi, you may even be gay. Or maybe you're a straight guy with a minor "bi-curious" mode. It's ALL OK. Around your age - well, just before - I was still seeing women, but that stopped shortly after, because it seemed too complex, and too desperate to cling on to socially proscribed "normality" rather than what I really was ... It may well be different for you. Give it a year or two, thinking about it an open way without too many pre-conceptions, and you will be fine.

The "doing" element is obviously about (a) sex with men, (b) sexual contact with men, via Skype or whatsapp and perhaps other connectors etc., and ( c) discussion of sex with men, e.g. here on LPSG, but possibly elsewhere - e.g. you could maybe look at Gaydar or other dating/meeting places. Sometimes this sort of "second level" contact with men, and with sexuality, can be as much of a draw for people as the sex itself. This is because sex is clearly connected with the mind, and psychology, and social interaction / the friendship of the "tribe" ...

By "having", I mean the idea of being in a relationship with this one particular person. You can see yourself in a specific relationship with him, because you got on with him quite well in the specific context of the social "doing" aspect in the previous paragraph. But that's not really right, I don't think.I think he's giving a clear signal that that path is not open to him. Both of you have every right to have your own lives, in your own ways, for a while, and actually being together ( like living in the same town, let alone the same country ) is regarded by most people as one key foundation for a relationship - most prefer to move in together at some point. So, I am NOT saying you should rule it out with him ... that's entirely up to the two of you, obviously ... but you mustn't think that something about you crucially depends on this specific relationship. It just doesn't. And I am saying, you can almost certainly form a good relationship with someone else, if you want to. Clearly, just as you start to "come out" or be more "flexible" or whatever it is that's happening for you, there will be a huge temptation to "fixate" on someone who seems to be the main opportunity in your life right now. But that's not necessarily true, and it may not be fair to either of you, or to some other unknown man ( or woman ) who may be lining up in the reality matrix right now, to become your partner ...

So. Have a think. What you are. What you are doing with all the social networking online.

And how you are thinking about this one person, in the here and now - and what might be the realistic options going forward.

All I can do is lay out a little map for you, as I have tried to do. Every human being is sovereign in their own mind, their own life : we are the captains of the ships which we are - so, it is YOU who has to set your direction, and set sail into your own life.

Good Luck
x

 

[keenobserver]

Wow. Amazing detail. Very helpful. For what it's worth you explained things very nicely.

I don't think, from what you've written that this man is able to see himself in a relationship with a man. Obviously you two have a great attraction AND chemistry but the value of that is not greater than the negative perception he has of a same sex relationship (to him). I do not know if his issue is grounded in religion, or more likely family pressures to conform to what he feels is expected. Still guessing he may fear being perceived as gay by his friends and co-workers, as well as the girls he has probably dated.

At this point I would back off. He needs time to roll the idea around in his head and weigh the pros and cons with no pressure on him. I am not saying you are pressuring him, but he will feel your presence as pressure. At some point he may realize that life with you is nicer than life without you and want you in his life. All you can do is leave a hopeful message with him and hope he wakes up to the good opportunity in front of him.

I would try not to dwell on this guy (easier said than done, I know) and move on as best you can. An occasional text from time to time might help, but I do mean OCCASIONAL, as in RARE. Let's not fall into stalking. It does not look good on the proverbial permanent record.

Good luck, I know it isn't easy.

 

[7inchwelshie]

How funny Exbiker... I too (when in the UK that is) have defected to the darkside and live in Southeast England, near London.

Thanks so much for your messages guys, I really appreciate it. It is so tough for me at the moment, whilst I am travelling I do have days where I don't have a great deal planned, and I so easily slip into a rut just playing things over in my head.

Regarding me - you're right, I don't know what I am yet. I too am not entirely comfortable with the idea of spending my life with a man, I want that 'normality' you described. It's something I've always been so sure I wanted. But I go with the flow, and let what be, be. I just wish he could do the same. He tells me how he is a thinker, and has to look long term. I tell him doing that is unhealthy and will make him unhappy and he turns around and says he guess he'll learn the hard way. I feel you definitely have a point about me fixating, and that's my concern. I don't like wasting opportunities, leaving a stone unturned. It's something we both want so why am I not having the chance to explore it. That's actually why I'm struggling so badly. He wants this too. He's just afraid of that fact/doesn't want to want it. I'd find this whole thing a lot easier if it was like a normal break up where one has grown apart from the other.

Keenobserver, regarding his 'issue', its not on the back of religion or family massively. He's similar to me, looking forward he just wants normality. He doesn't want the fracas of coming out as bi or anything, and to be honest neither do I, if that's what I am. I think he's just hoping if he blocks it out for long enough it will go away, and although I'm only 3 years his senior, and nowhere near as wise as you two, I know that doesn't happen. I tried myself. And I just have to look at his history to know it doesn't work out for him either - he tried to block me out after the two Skype sessions - he got dragged back in when I said I was travelling to his city. He shut me off again - we go on two awesome 'dates'. Not to mention a year or two back he said he was 'seeing' a guy for a while before he cut it off because he freaked out again. But he always seems to come back around, in time.

I just don't know how to get my mind off it :/

 

[Nick9]

None of this will be easy for you in the immediate future, 7inch. Not for you, not for him. But you have the advantage of being 3 years older than he is, which at your age is a lot. You're both conflicted. He, more than you are. Are you both bi? Probably. Are you both gay? Maybe. I don't know. But you have to be comfortable with those designations--and realize that they don't limit your lives at all--before you'll even consider them. If they apply.

He is running from you. He is running from himself. It is clear that you have a mutual attraction that's undeniable when you're in person. Or on skype for that matter. That doesn't mean he can sustain it when you're apart or when he's in his "real" life, which at 20, feels very real, very serious, very limited, and very present. He's imagining all the terrible things that might happen if he gave into what he's feeling because he can't imagine all the wonderful things that might happen if he did. You, with a little more perspective, may. And even you are a little conflicted, so you're not the perfect guide either.

I wouldn't advise you to back off totally, frankly. I sense that he wants you to convince him. But I may be wrong. Either way, you will have to do it with understanding and finesse and since you are not so far off that yourself, that may be difficult. I hope you find a way to each other, because I think you ought to. But if you don't, I hope you forgive each other and move on. You have taught each other something deeply meaningful in the end, and I hope you find a way to love what you've done for yourselves together; I hope you go on to make others very happy because of it.

 

[someperson]

The Attempted First Meet

I get to the country and decide to try appeal to his impulses by surprising him at his place of work. I walked in and our eyes met, he freaked out and walked out the backroom. I wasn't really surprised, so I dropped him a message just saying I wanted to meet him in person. He replied saying he was so so sorry that he acted like that and would take it back if he could. We talked for ages and he decided he wanted to meet me. I was so stoked that it was happening. We organised to have a few drinks and some dinner.
Thanks in advance.

Don't meet people at work


that is were you fucked up


exactly why he started ignoring


it seems like a story for the Fictitious Stories section of the site

 

[7inchwelshie]

Wow, you all have such a great way with words. Honestly, opening up to you guys has made me feel so much better already, I can't thank you all enough.

I think you are right Nick9. He is running from me, and he is running from himself. I only wish there was a way to stop it. I am far from the perfect guide for him, in fact that's why I thought it would work so well. We are so similar we could be there for each other as we both just let go and discovered more about ourselves and each other in the journey that is life. If we grew apart.. So be it, that can be the nature of many relationships, fleeting and short-lived. If we didn't grow apart, we'd be comfortable enough with our feelings/position in life that the rest of it (i.e. telling close friends and family) would be worth it and insignificant.

I feel like I will back off for a few months, and try get in touch on a bro/friend level at a time when things have cooled down and we're both more likely to be comfortable with things. I would be so willing to forgive him and move on, but inside I know I feel like I'm still in this aftershock period just waiting for a text telling me he was wrong and he wants another shot. Until I haven't heard anything from him for 3 months and it all seems a bit more real that we may never connect again, might I accept it and try to move on. But that's no way to live, I can't put myself through that every day for 90 days.

Someperson - absolutely useless input. Clearly, meeting him at work didn't fuck it up, if you read the whole thing you would see that. At no point did I say he was ignoring me. And nothing about this story is fictitious. Thanks though, I'll just go back to listening to people with good and insightful things to say.

 

[someperson]

Keenobserver, regarding his 'issue', its not on the back of religion or family massively. He's similar to me, looking forward he just wants normality. He doesn't want the fracas of coming out as bi or anything, and to be honest neither do I, if that's what I am. I think he's just hoping if he blocks it out for long enough it will go away, and although I'm only 3 years his senior, and nowhere near as wise as you two, I know that doesn't happen. I tried myself. And I just have to look at his history to know it doesn't work out for him either - he tried to block me out after the two Skype sessions - he got dragged back in when I said I was travelling to his city. He shut me off again - we go on two awesome 'dates'. Not to mention a year or two back he said he was 'seeing' a guy for a while before he cut it off because he freaked out again. But he always seems to come back around, in time.

I just don't know how to get my mind off it :/

I have to deal with a similar issue with my sexuality it's not that I would have a issue of being gay or bi..

But this sexuality Issue is more of a sexual attraction issue..... It's very complex so I'll explain it the best I can
basically I was hit by a pickup truck after that things for me changed sexuality wise but unchanged at the same time, kinda like when a light bulb flickers when there is a loose wire.
My sexual attraction system is fucked up that is why I do assume there was some damage to crucial connections that deal with this.


"Phantom sexual feelings." it just seems to create a lot of stress and wanting to end my life ..


Yes there was some amnesia not too long ago my friend had triggered a flash of memories and retrieve my original personality back. but still dealing with the "Phantom sexual feelings." that I reject because it's not real..

before all of it I was one of those few rare 100%ers I all ready knew what I wanted and that was pussy and boobs .. all I thought about all day..




upon first meeting my current friend I was sexually attracted to him it has since faded but I mostly think it has to do with being able to recognize him ( I had major trouble recognizing people this had nothing to do with the accident since I was born with it)

the thing is I feel very relaxed and stress free being around him and his mom as I'm able to recognize her as well....

 

[7inchwelshie]

Sounds rough, sorry to hear that man. I can't say that I can empathise with your situation, as it is so different from mine. Hopefully you find your answers over time.

 

[archetypal_mystic]

I haven't read the other replies as yet. Hope I am not repeating. But here goes: I am glad you shared your ages. I somehow thought you were a bit older. You both belong to the generation where definitions of straight and gay, per older generations like mine, seem to matter less and less as time goes on. That said, we do come up in societies with elements of the status quo -straight vs gay - still in place, so they still linger in our psyches. But when you free yourself of that, and you sound to be in the midst of that, the definitions do not matter. You are further along in this process than he is. I would respect his position. You will have to deal with your gutted feelings in whatever way makes the most sense to you right now. But acknowledge the personal breakthrough that you have had as an indivdiual, apart from him. You now know that you can have an emotional attachment to a man, and have true deep feelings apart from the horny getting off aspects. That's a breakthrough. You know you have the courage to pursue what you want and take risks - you showed up to his place of work. That's a breakthrough. So take good care of yourself, let him process. There is literally a physiological process of the brain wiring new neurons...that is what's happening to him. So give him time, do not push it. If he makes contact, great, welcome him with open arms. But in the interim, get out there and try to open your heart to another guy or girl.

 

[7inchwelshie]

I suppose that's my issue. I feel my personal breakthrough is wasted if he's not there on the other side of it. I'm a man who likes control of a situation, and leaving it down to chance hoping those neurons wire themselves the correct way in a reasonable amount of time is killing me. I want to give him time, but I also feel like the longer I leave it the more likely he is to forget how special what we have/had was. And still is. And when I say forget, I mean choose to forget, or suppress the feeling.

I think the optimist (and even to some extent, the realist) inside me tells me he will come around eventually, but the cynical side in me (which has grown in recent years through work and other ventures) tells me it will just crumble and be added to the list of important things that have not gone my way.

 

[archetypal_mystic]

I think the quicker you move on, the better off you will be. Flip the switch on this one early, and try to cultivate a healthy detachment about it. I am sort of hearing myself speaking to my younger self in these words...because I did not flip the switch when I should have in a particular situation, and it caused years of unnecessary grief.

 

[hvdude]

7 - reading your story all I could think was how fast things were moving. We've all been there - the passion and excitement take over and you start planning for the future (even though you just met, Skype and all). There's a big difference between someone's "vacation" self and their "everyday self". You primarily seen the former and now he is showing you the latter.

As someone else said - move on and enjoy the memories you have. Figure out who you are and what you want. If he comes around, great, but don't "hope" for it. There's the time worn adage - "If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you it's your's forever. If it doesn't then it wasn't meant to be."

 

[7inchwelshie]

Thanks surf, I know that's exactly what I need to do right now. I'm just not quite sure how to do it. How do you occupy the mind, when you are travelling so don't have the usual 9-5 et al. routine to keep the thoughts at bay? That is changing in the coming weeks but until then I'm giving myself a hard time!

HV, things did move pretty quickly, I'll say. I think you're right, I saw an ideal version of him, which probably doesn't fit into his everyday idea of himself. Yet. I know I need to let him come around to it, and I know I probably don't have any part to play in that (well, not anymore, but maybe the times we had will play a part). Great quote as well, I love it. Applies to so many things.

 

[pepinogrande]

I feel for, I have been there.

In a perfect world we would find an "idealized brother", he would appreciate us, we would continue through life as one entity: helping and loving each other along the way -- forever.

Unfortunately --at first it seems-- he agrees with our choice, then HE rethinks it: and, it is not a 100% fit for ALL of HIS needs at the time.

He tells us the truth as he sees it, we feel hurt, rejected; we feel the "old brain" fight or flight taking over.


You are normal, you are maturing.

When you hit about 27 or 28 in America: the car insurance people think you have developed enough insight thanks to frontal lobe development, that they can begin to trust your decision making and lower your insurance rates ! Until that time, we are considered instinctive in our responses and not enough biological ability to view other options in driving - or, in life.

Marriages, real estate, stock market decisions: all have a statistically better outcome after frontal lobe completion between 25-30 in males.


2. Many times our NEED to fall head over heels in love is determined by our need to escape other problems: career choices, will I win an election, escaping pain from previous decisions.

This is maybe the time to limit dealing with your friend to just sending him a "happy face" sticker occasionally on WhatsApp to remind him you are thinking of him.

Then, do the really hard work of figuring out your career, grad school, etc.

As you tend to those prickly problems: you will have less need for a relationship -- as a possible blocker-- and, you may start getting happy faces back from your friend when his sports team wins that he knows you also like.


You sound like a really normal and like-able guy: just give yourself time !

 

[7inchwelshie]

Really interesting insight Pepino thanks, especially about the frontal lobe bit. I do feel like he is that 'idealised' brother. He exemplifies anything I ever liked in a guy wrapped in one. I felt truly lucky to be the one that he wanted. But I guess you're right it doesn't 100% fit his needs right now.

It's hard but I know you're right, limited contact is by far the best answer here. In fact I'm almost concerned that contacting him at all will make him put up the stubborn barrier everytime. I only worry because I know I did it to a guy a few years back (the situation was almost identical, it got serious - only this time I cut things off). Whenever he has tried to speak to me since, I have been polite but blunt, so as not to encourage further conversation. Might I provoke the same emotionless reaction out of this new guy whenever I try to reach out?

I have done my hard time at uni and I am looking to start my career. Is it a bad move that I wish to try and commence the career here, so that if it wants to happen in the future it can? Job prospects here for my industry are fantastic anyway so its no bad thing, but leaving to head to the UK would 100% end all chance of it reigniting - at least staying here gives it a fighting chance if he finds the light.

Appreciate any and all input. Current commenters and new commenters alike!

 

[223790]

Been there, and 20 years later still there. My bromance still hasn't come to terms with his true sexuality, and has completely shut me out now. End it now and spare yourself decades of heartache. It's nice to think that they will eventually come to terms with who they really are because you have, but in my experience, it just doesn't happen. Societal pressure is just too great to be exclusively heterosexual.

 

[pepinogrande]

Dear 7,

While I do not know which country or which career you are in: I would make that choice solely on economics !

That includes which part of the country, viz: New Orleans and Houston are booming in the US whereas many other cities are dying / Perth and Western Australia are booming, other parts of AU: not so much.


--------Seek the finest professional advice for your new business that you can -- and follow that advice; leave your friend OUT of this equation.

--------Actually, if you are successful in your business: he is more likely to seek you out and join you when his schooling is over,...wherever you are: than if you have chosen an incorrect location...even next door.


2. You might benefit from the book: THE MALE COUPLE by McWhirter, it is a study of gay men together for more than 20 years....what they did right, what they regret.

The advice from this book follows Piaget's Stage Development Model and is applicable to many things in life -- including business.


3. But, even the ancients understood that if you: put a bit of food on your hand --the little bird will come and eat it...but, close your hand and trap the bird: he will not come back for a long time, if ever. If he does: and you try to trap him again: he will never return.

Hard as it seems: this is the time to appreciate the goodness and warmth that you are capable of when someone like this young man is near, then move on and develop your financial base: putting your energy into that.

Later on: this will all come together for you --with him, or with someone better able to appreciate the true wholesomeness and goodness within you

 

[KennF]

@7inchwelshire, I can't help but feel that you did come on a big fast. This must be new for you and since you are in your 20's and he's only 20, things are still a bit jumbled.

I think you have been doing great accepting your feelings and dealing with them appropriately. Although, I wouldn't have surprised him at work, but that is just me.

He's saying and acting like he is conflicted. He clearly is attracted to you, and clearly afraid of that emotion. He's attempting to build a wall around his feeling by preventing himself from seeing you. Even though he wants to see you.

I know you have feelings for him, but his situation is fraught with trouble. If you want to pursue him, then you are going to blamed for all the guilty feelings he has. And he'll turn to you for the support to see himself through the chaos. "Please buckle your seatbelts, you're in for some turbulence".

If you don't choose to see him, then you need to put this is perspective for yourself. I think you're going to find another person to fill that space. And you may need a woman or a man or both for a while. Until you figure out what qualities about him so filled your needs. Was it his strength or personality, or his ability to relate to you, or you being able to see yourself in him, or maybe the secret intimacy, or something else?

For you either sex may fill the bill, but it sounds like you're willing to explore men for a while.

My advice, let him go. He needs to work things out. Don't shut the door. Let him know, if he wants he can call you and talk to you. But for you, don't wait for the call. You should move on.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Accept people for who they are. Right now, he's the guy who doesn't want to get in too deep with a man. Stop forcing yourself on him. Don't you think you deserve partners who eagerly embrace everything with you?