Straight guys at the office

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_RedDude, Aug 23, 2007.

  1. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    I work in a professional office in the U.S. with about 85-90 people where there are at least a few good-looking guys.

    About two weeks ago, two new young guys, recent university graduates, began work in the department in which I work. They both sit behind me within a section of six cubicles, three in each of two front to back rows, with an aisle in between. One sits directly behind me, the other diagonally across and behind, with front and back walls about five feet high.

    We had the usual welcome lunch on their first day, at which I just happened to sit informally next to one of them, with other colleagues around the pushed together small tables at the cafe. I guess I was in good form that day, as a few of the things I said drew laughs, including from the new guy.

    Next morning, I come into the office after the two new guys had arrived. I guess I said good morning to the one visible to me (seated diagonally), and the other guy (to whom I had sat near at lunch the previous day) stands up to say good morning to me with the most UNUSUALLY SWEET and SOFT expression on his face while doing so, and with a sort of loose wave that I would not exactly describe as hyper-masculine.

    The same day, a good portion of the office was attending a late afternoon offsite drinks party in a closed-off section of a large restaurant. When the tray with my second drink arrived, I happened to be standing with my back to the waitress, and the same new guy, of the sweet morning greeting, informed me that he thought my drink had arrived. In alerting me, he did not just tap me on the shoulder, but traced his hand from the top of my right shoulder all the way down to the bottom of my shoulder blade. This is from another man whom I had met less than two full days previously.

    Last week, this same guy made a visibly accelerated effort to come and sit next to me at a meeting taking place at a very large conference room table that had at least a few empty seats closer to the door than where he did sit, and away from where it might have made more sense for him to have sat given the pattern in which people had already been seated. At a previous meeting from across the same conference room, and on one or two other occasions in our area of the office, I either looked up or turned to see him looking right at me. I also think I saw him checking out my crotch area when passing by him in an area away from our desks.

    Yesterday, I was sitting turned sideways away from my desk toward the cubicle aisle, which this same guy must pass whenever he leaves or goes to his own desk, happened to turn my head when he was going back to his desk, at which time he looked me directly in the eye with a rather serious expression on his face, but said nothing. My reflexive reaction was to turn my head away from his gaze.

    Later yesterday and today, I was testing out this situation, looking casually in his direction a couple of times when the opportunity presented itself, and by looking up quickly and casually at him a couple of times when he passed my desk, and he has been much less willing to make eye contact than before, or if doing so, to be more distant in his expression. I swear that yesterday, when I was coming into an area (with a couple of other people through an exterior hallway door) near where he was standing talking at another person's desk, that he looked up when he heard/saw me/us but looked away noticably quickly.

    Would anyone care to comment on what they see as going on here, if anything? Is this just the behavior of a straight guy who happens to like me, for whatever reason, or possibly something more?

    I should add that we exchange the usual daily pleasantries, chat (just a little) and that he has come over to my desk to ask me work-related questions on a few occasions (one of which was after I had turned away from his direct gaze as he was passing my desk yesterday).

    I'd be particularly interested in the perspective of straight guys on this kind of behavior from another man, but would be happy to know what others think as well.

    Please excuse the extreme long-windedness of this post.
     
  2. CUBE

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    He may have a little crush...not in the usual way..but he may admire you with his first entry into the business world and see a buddy.

    He may mean nothing by it

    He may want to fuck

    Pick one...LOL...I would not over think it. Whatever it is you are in a work place and must keep it together. Things that build fast at his age my be over just as fast. You also have an op to make a good friend. That is what I would work for.
     
  3. lvsxy808

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    Sounds to me like he fancies you, was trying to flirt, then decided it was either unprofessional to do so in the workplace or became unsure of your own reaction, and is trying to cool himself off.

    The problem is, I'm not sure how you can let him know you are in fact interested (which I assume you are by the tone of your post) without bringing the fact that he was flirting out into the open between you, which he may not want to do.
     
  4. mattyacht

    mattyacht New Member

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    Whatever the situation is, he works with you and he's young and dumb.
    A VERY DANGEROUS COMBO !!!!!
     
  5. hung

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    Many, many years ago, when a new "Wave" Enlisted Navy Female was assigned to our office the wise older "Chief" called all of us young horny Sailors into his office for a private meeting. This wise older Chief as a male and the rest of us Sailors were also male. He made one brief comment and it was:

    "Do not Peter the Payroll."
    I suspect that this would still apply today. If one has to work with other people it is a known fact that any liaisons can, and often do lead to diffucult office realtionships and also damage authority/leadership possibilities.

    In summary, keep it in your pants as regards peers from the office or other workplace situations.
     
  6. Satsfakshun

    Satsfakshun Member

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    R U gay? They may have especially tuned gaydar and you're not kidding them.

    Some younger guys can be really touchy feely. Are they meatheads? Some guys have trouble leaving the frathouse behind when they enter the work world and they want to hang on others in the office like it's the last party with their "brothers."

    They want your job and are trying to ensnare you so you get fired.

    If you're all gay, there's nothing wrong in exploring it a little further. At some point you have to decide if that's the kind of tension you want at work. Are you in a career where jobs are easy to come by? What's your home status? Seeing anyone? I've worked in about five offfices in the 20 years since college and there's been canoodling at everyone of them regardless of the rules. In one office, we had a pool each summer to see how quickly one of us would be sleeping with the interns. One couple has been married for 15 years!
     
  7. cgttown

    cgttown Member

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    The way you describe his behavior, it sounds as if there is something going on...with YOU. What? He patted you on the shoulder to tell you something, he's made eye contact then looked away, and he sat next to you at a meeting. These are normal behavior and don't necessarily mean anything (and statistically probably mean NOTHING). I think you want there to be something there, so you're looking for it.

    I would just ignore any "signals" you think you may be getting and do your job. Sure, help the guy out because you know the ropes, and be friendly to him. But forget about trying to figure out if he's flirting with you or whatever. It's not something to pursue either way.
     
  8. SyddyKitty

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    That's so cute. ;~; I remember going out of my way to be near guys I had a crush on.
     
  9. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    This post voluntarily deleted by poster.
     
  10. dreamer20

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    Yes I used a little artistic licence, but here is my summary::wink:


    RedBoy2 you work in an office with a lot of people. He is new to the office and stationed in your area. You had the folks , including him, laughing at the welcoming lunch. You also made the effort to sit next to him then. In turn he made an effort to sit next to you at office meetings. This was quite logical as you work closely with him and seemed to get on well with him. Yet you have interpreted his actions as being odd, you are avoiding his gaze and probably being more distant and serious than you were previously.

    There is nothing wrong with him greeting you in a pleasant manner. I hope you too will continue to be pleasant and not act coldly toward him. Try to be more comfortable and relaxed with him when you are out having your offsite drinks and in genaral. He is just a new employee trying to fit in and hopefully you will get along well with each other.
     
  11. kpchumpy

    kpchumpy New Member

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    Yeah, he got an immediate crush on you.
    Then he got your "no-touchy" vibe.
    Now he's staying away from you.
    Is that hard to understand? You both made the right choice. Don't shit were you eat.
     
  12. B_josiah852

    B_josiah852 New Member

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    Walk into his cubicle and put your hands on his shoulders and give a light squeeze. If he doesn't pull away then sometime later when you are going out to eat lunch ask him if he wants to go. His shoulder squeeze and then slide down your back with his hand was a come on. 100% str8 guys don't do that.
     
  13. dreamer20

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    I'm sorry but Redboy2 isn't going to do that.

    He doesn't want to encourage the new guy.:wink:
     
  14. dreamer20

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    Are they still working with you Red?
     
  15. Jhonny1

    Jhonny1 New Member

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    Be cool with this man, others in the office can and will make snide remarks, and suddle jokes that will turn this into something you may not like in the near future.
     
  16. Rikter8

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    Sounds like a dangerous combo to me. I'd be cautious.

    No matter how cute....it's not good practice to get touchy feely at work.
    C
     
  17. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    I left the company (voluntarily) for unrelated reasons more than seven months ago. He still works there.

    I gotta tell you though that it eventually became really ugly.

    I reread my original post, and it really didn't convey the intensity of what went on. I even remembered slightly incorrectly at the time of writing my original post exactly what had occured in the restaurant in a way that made it, in the post, seem LESS intense than it really was. When thinking it through again in dealing with the overall situation, I remembered it more accurately.

    His behavior eventually involved him jacking his cock in a stall in a VERY small men's room at work when I and another guy were in the john taking a whiz. You could really hear it because I think he was wearing a condom and the sound was unmistakable. He had to know that others were in the room because of the noise of the door when coming in and he could have very well known it was me in there because I had to pass closely in front of the stall, with its usual gap between the door and the stall frame, to get to the latrine, and I was wearing a very easily identifiable dress shirt that day (green and white stripes), which he would have seen because my desk was right in front of his at the time. And the thing his, the jacking wasn't going on as I came into the john, but began after I got to the latrine and another guy had come in. After that, I would notice that he would disappear from his desk for 20-30 minutes, and I don't think he was outside taking a walk around the block.

    Since I left the company, though not in the last couple of months, he has called my home phone number and hung up after the message beep without saying anything. I actually had 4 hangup calls like this while I was out of the house during the workday exactly one year to the day of the original restaurant incident - August 8. He would have remembered the date if for no other reason than it was the day after his one-year anniversary at the company. He also called my number several other times on seemingly meaningful dates or in rough but identifiable patterns, and just hung up before the message beep. I didn't have caller ID at home at the time but I could tell from my messaging function about the August 8th calls, and when I later forwarded my home phone to my cell phone, the calls always registered as "restricted" or "unavailable". But I know it was him, calling me from his cell or home phone, and I know he wanted me to know it was him. These calls were "missed" calls on my cell phone, but still registered the anonymous caller info. I think one time I did pick up one of his calls in the middle of a work day. No one said anything, but I was on a train at the time and asked whoever it was to call me back in 5 or 10 minutes (it was very noisy on the train when I picked up the call and I knew I would lose the signal going into the tunnel) and the person either hung up or I lost the signal when pulling out of the subway station. The call lasted 8 seconds and whoever it was didn't call me back or leave a message.

    I've just concluded that the kid is really weird or messed up. I have compassion for him, but, for obvious reasons, have not attempted to contact him. Neither have I run into him downtown, although I have seen other former colleagues at lunch, drinks, or just on the street.

    And mattyacht summed it up best in his reponse to my original post: "Whatever the situation is, he works with you and he's young and dumb. A VERY DANGEROUS COMBO !!!!!"


    Dreamer20, what made you come back to the thread after such a long time?


    And cgttown, with the tiger avatar, just so you know, I'm not some kind of silly faggot who goes around thinking that straight guys are in love with me. Your response to my OP was rather harsh, and you really didn't grasp the situation that I was describing.
     
    #17 B_RedDude, Dec 19, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2008
  18. D_season 5

    D_season 5 Account Disabled

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    i would never shit where i eat...live by this, and u will never have this problem...

    and way to much drama..wow...does this shit really go on in the work force? yikes
     
  19. D_skeaflea

    D_skeaflea New Member

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    Yeah, a lot of gay guys like to cause a lot of "drama". I hate it, I really do.
     
  20. midlifebear

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    Honey, big caution. They're just waiting for the right moment to gay bash the fuck out of you -- and not in a good way.

    And you have to work in cubicles? Why not just stuff you all in stacked gerbil cages? If you're job requires heads of departments to track progress using matrix management get the Hell out of there and find a nice, tranquil job potting plants at a greenhouse nursery where they pipe in good music. You'll live longer and stay healthier.
     
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