Straight guys--Homophobia--Helps or Hinders?

[dongalong]

Hello LPSG-ers.

This is for straight guys: "Do you find that homophobia-- helps or hinders you in life?" As a gay man, I would think that it hinders.

If you find it helps you, please give some specific details on how it helps. If it hinders you, please give some specific details on how it limits you.

I used to be a bit homophobic growing up but now I am homo-indifferent (if there is such a word).

Yes being homophobic helps in being accepted by other homophibic poeple you enjoy being with e.g. Dads who fear that their son is gay, competitive situations in a group of friends where gays are considered weaker, homophobic comments show to your friends that you don't belong to that category.
I admit that these reasons are pretty lame but they do answer your question.

The only time it hinders is when fun events which include gays, such as cool parties, carnivals are avoided. I've seen some homophobic friends do everything to avoid contact with homosexuals.

In my opinion, homophoboics usually have structured lives and anything that doesn't fit within their limits or follow their self imposed rules is unacceptable, homosexuals aren't the only thing they dislike. I find these people very sad.

 

[DC_DEEP]

<...>
Yes being homophobic helps in being accepted by other homophibic poeple you enjoy being with e.g. Dads who fear that their son is gay, competitive situations in a group of friends where gays are considered weaker, homophobic comments show to your friends that you don't belong to that category.
I admit that these reasons are pretty lame but they do answer your question.
<...>
In my opinion, homophoboics usually have structured lives and anything that doesn't fit within their limits or follow their self imposed rules is unacceptable, homosexuals aren't the only thing they dislike. I find these people very sad.

Thanks, dongalong, you illustrated perfectly something I posted in another thread (and caught some heat for it, too.) Do you think that this category would also include those guys who say "I like to have guys suck my cock, but I'm 100% straight since I don't suck cocks," and do you think this kind of reasoning stems from or perpetuates homophobia?

 

[Lordpendragon]

I won't tolerate homophobia from my straight friends (men and christian women) anymore - I used to let it pass.

The only guy who is going to suck my fat one, is me. I don't have a problem if guys want to have sex with me, I was propositioned in the sauna this afternoon; it's just that you are as likely to have sex with me as I am with Nicole Kidman. I don't think she is bothered that I find her desireable, and equally I don't mind that some guys find me attractive. What was the question?

 

[AlteredEgo]

I took the original question not as an implication that straight men were neccesarily homophobic, but as a general question about homophobia. I don't think Invisibleman was asking about anyone's personal homophobia, but about the existence of homophobia in general. Does the existence of it have a positive or negative impact on you? I think that's the real question. Am I correct, Invisibleman?

 

[Lordpendragon]

For me it has a negative effect - I have straight friends who have an easy homophobia - i confront them on it now and they look at me a bit funny.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Do you think that this category would also include those guys who say "I like to have guys suck my cock, but I'm 100% straight since I don't suck cocks," and do you think this kind of reasoning stems from or perpetuates homophobia?

I do think it both stems from and perpetuates homophobia.

So does homophobic stereotyping. I don't get to see much television, so I can't tell you the name of the show. However, I saw a drama about a group of sisters running a wedding planning service out on Long Island(pronounced Lungguylandt or simply "out on the island" by locals LOL). On the episode I caught, there was a very, very flamboyant man with a different feather boa every day trying to marry a beautiful woman who loved him very much. The guy was very campy. Over the top. Liza Minelli impersonators were hired to perform at the wedding.

The consultants neglected to hire a minister, or the original minister bailed or something, and they got one at the last miniute, the day before the rehearsal. When the priest met the couple, he refused to marry them. He said if the guy wanted to marry a man he'd do it, but he wouldn't marry that man to a woman. He, the consultants, the bride's father, the bride's friends all assumed he was gay and that the couple were in denial. I'll admit, I thought he was too. I still thought they should be married if they wanted.

He wasn't. The couple had an amazing and creative sexual life, a deep and abiding friendship, and a mutual understanding and respect. As it turns out, the groom was raised by his father and grew up surrounded by flashy, colorful gay men and drag queens. He had no attraction to men, but he liked wearing bright, colorful clothes, and loved the way a feather boa looked and moved. He adored drag queens and admired their ability to transform and entertain. The one's from his childhood taught him how to wear eyeliner and lip gloss when he became interested in those items.

The writers wrote him to fit into a neat little box, and fit he did. Then they challenged us to stop cramming people into those boxes. I know he was a fictional character, but I see their point, and I'm glad they made it.

 

[invisibleman]

Your statement implies all str8 men are homophobic. Seems you may generalize as much as homophobes.

Well, if I assumed that all straight men were homophobic I wouldn't imply. I would state it. Then, I give you concrete details supporting my reason so you would understand where I was coming from. Trust me on that. I didn't imply anything. I definately wouldn't assume that.

I wondered if straight men (yet I opened up the topic for everyone--male and female as an afterthought) felt that homophobia was beneficial to them or detrimental. If it is beneficial --why? If is detrimental--why?

 

[invisibleman]

I took the original question not as an implication that straight men were neccesarily homophobic, but as a general question about homophobia. I don't think Invisibleman was asking about anyone's personal homophobia, but about the existence of homophobia in general. Does the existence of it have a positive or negative impact on you? I think that's the real question. Am I correct, Invisibleman?

Yes, Affirmatively in the superlative.
Corrrectimundo. :smile:

 

[invisibleman]

I find homophobia confining because sometimes it narrowly portrays men in roles and stereotypes. Sometimes stereotypes are rooted in fact. Yet the fact doesn't apply to all men.

Things considered manly and unmanly doesn't necessarily define who you are as a man. Yet in homophobia there is always an approval of what is needed to be MEN amongst men. I feel that if any man can free himself of homophobia. Men won't have to be burdened with notions of homophobia because it wouldn't be.

 

[invisibleman]

are some homosexuals heterophobic?

I am not heterophobic. I am not afraid of any heterosexual--male or female.

 

[invisibleman]

I won't tolerate homophobia from my straight friends (men and christian women) anymore - I used to let it pass.

The only guy who is going to suck my fat one, is me. I don't have a problem if guys want to have sex with me, I was propositioned in the sauna this afternoon; it's just that you are as likely to have sex with me as I am with Nicole Kidman. I don't think she is bothered that I find her desireable, and equally I don't mind that some guys find me attractive. What was the question?

I like Nicole Kidman. :smile: Keith Urban is hot. :wink:

 

[B_big dirigible]

what is needed to be MEN amongst men.

This concept is very real. I reject any assertion that it has anything to do with homophobia. Ours is essentially a heroic culture, even if the militantly unreflective routinely claim otherwise. I won't go into the rationale here, as it would be a gross thread hijack. Suffice to say that homophobia, such as exists, is a trivial component of a heroic culture. Try to imagine that the inscription on Bertel Thorvaldsen's monument for the Swiss Guard of Louis XVI, who all died defending the Tuilleries from the revolutionary mob, had a few lines of Latin extolling the virtues of homophobia. The very notion is ridiculous, because it's so trivial.

 

[playainda336]

Hello LPSG-ers.

This is for straight guys: "Do you find that homophobia-- helps or hinders you in life?" As a gay man, I would think that it hinders.

If you find it helps you, please give some specific details on how it helps. If it hinders you, please give some specific details on how it limits you.

Assuming that every straight man is homophobic? o_o;

Well, I'm not homophobic, but anything that makes you judge someone's character based on their sexuality isn't right, IMHO.

 

[B_Guy Love]

Uh -- woah! (And I mean that in a good way!)

Anything that stands between me and another human being stands between me and God.

 

[invisibleman]

Assuming that every straight man is homophobic? o_o;

Well, I'm not homophobic, but anything that makes you judge someone's character based on their sexuality isn't right, IMHO.

Well--(I opened up the OP to everybody instead of just straight guys as an afterthought), I wondered if homophobia was truly beneficial or detrimental in living.

 

[fortiesfun]

are some homosexuals heterophobic?

Yes. Two wrongs, however...

I'd answer the OP's question with a simple statement that (right or wrong) a lot of str8 men in culturally confining situations find homophobia rewarded, while a profound respect for human rights of all kinds presents them with difficult decisions about when and how often to challenge the prevailing attitudes.

Lord Pendragon illustrates this earlier in this thread when he illuminates how he challenges the homophobia he encounters, but not everyone is as secure and as empowered as he is.

It is a slightly different issue, but I am aware of how often I have to make a choice to confront subtle racism, even coming from people who know that I am gay (therefore presumably more inclined toward political correctness). They just don't think about it sometimes.

I would imagine that it takes a toll to be open-minded about homosexuality where you are in the minority, especially in areas where the religious (far) right prevails. I am certainly grateful to every ally who has the courage to speak up, because I suspect it would actually be a lot easier for them to just keep quiet.

 

[sir narnian]

I personaly believe that every-one ,once in awhile, may have Homo thoughts. As a straight man, sometimes I do. How-ever, because I choose to follow the teachings of the Jewish and Christian God, I do not act apon those thoughts. The more I say no to those thoughts (With God's Help) ,the more I grow stronger in my faith. So realy, these thoughts helps me in my life, so that I can remind myself, who I am and chose to be.I hope no one is afended by these thoughts.

 

[headbang8]

This concept is very real. I reject any assertion that it has anything to do with homophobia. Ours is essentially a heroic culture, even if the militantly unreflective routinely claim otherwise.

I know plenty of gay heroes--some with Purple Hearts, some with other awards, some simply with my undying admiration. I don't think that homophobia is even a small part if heroic culture.