Straight guys level of respect for gay guys

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by danbala, Dec 11, 2007.

  1. danbala

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2006
    Messages:
    35
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    30
    Gender:
    Male
    Verified:
    Photo
    Just curious on the straight male perspective here. DO you guys generally see butch guys as more acceptable than the feminine ones? Have more respect for tops over bottoms? Do you feel a certain level of disdain for anything feminine (unless of course it is a woman)? I guess I'm trying to gauge my own level of misogyny. I am sexually as gay as you can get. I have never been with a woman. But I'm basically an average punk rock, video game geek, kind of guy. I work on cars, drink beer, and burn one down when I can. I'm open at work and I am one of the most well like both among the garage and the front of the house staff. However I often find myself become hostile and defensive when someone makes a crack at my "femininity." I feel like I always have to hold up this hardcore standard to "Prove" not all gay guys are drag queens. Why the hell do I get so offended? I have nothing against feminine men.Trust me I'm not all butch, I really dig techno, have 4 cats, love arts and crafts. In the past most of my friends where artists and or women so there wasn't all of the pressure of the wolf pack mentality. However now I live in the burbs now and most of my aquantices are straight males. I think some of their unfavorable attitudes are rubbing off on me. I guess I need to learn to be tough when I need to be with out the need to dishonor my soft side(or anyone else's.) Any thoughts from the alpha dudes out there?
    Thanks,
     
  2. LACJohn

    LACJohn New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2007
    Messages:
    239
    Likes Received:
    0
    For me, its harder to get along with the feminine gay guys as opposed to the masculine gay guys and even the in-between gay guys (there are some htere out there). Call it a conflict of interest, call it whatever you want, but I become friends with the masculine gay guys more, and I've noticed the feminine gay guys get along with women better. I respect both of them though, as I respect everyone who hasn't shown me that they deserve no respect.
     
  3. Mzhammer

    Mzhammer <img border="0" src="http://www.lpsg.org/images36/

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2007
    Messages:
    63
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    I think it's just akward around the feminine gay guys. It is almost like the butch guys still can relate to you whereas the feminine ones might as well be chicks. It seems unnatural (excuse any offensiveness) for a man to be so feminine so thats why I think many straight guys, myself included, are uneasy around them versus being cool around the butch guys. Best thing, just don't seem like you are hitting on us, that freaks me out.
     
  4. invisibleman

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2005
    Messages:
    9,976
    Likes Received:
    39
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Some men (regardless of sexual orientation) cannot handle effeminate men. Those who are effeminate are just being themselves (there are effeminate straight guys.). I have experienced a few hypermasculine men who just totally act like "The Plastics" from the movie "MEAN GIRLS". That was an interesting assemblage of personality pastis.

    What's unnatural for you may not be natural for them. So, give a fella(s) a break. If you don't like them, you definately don't have to be around them.
     
  5. bottombuddy

    bottombuddy Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2007
    Messages:
    481
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    scotland
    you sound like a well rounded individual so good for you m8......im also gay and unefeminate and like all the normal blokey things too but also enjoy what could be called a feminine side with some interests,etc.....i can sew,cook,clean,am good at anything creative and interior design,etc and more......but i love mucking in and getting my hands dirty like the lads with gardening,car repair,etc ,etc.......and i too think i am well rounded as a male but i like cock up my ass.................honestly there are billions of permutations of gay/straight and bi so i dont think anyone in this world has the right to judge another for whatever reason or sexual tastes-we are all thankfully different and im sure many straight hetosexual men actually like doing what would be considered a feminine thing say 50 yrs or so ago but its the norm now.........i think straight men who over masculine themselves are obviously doing it for a whole load of other reasons and straight men who ridicule or do otherwise to gay men - are also hiding or are afraid of something too.....i mix well with males or females but sexually i just happen to prefer male company.
     
  6. rob_just_rob

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2005
    Messages:
    6,037
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Nowhere near you
    I don't have a problem with any particular subgroup of gay men. I don't like obnoxious people and hypocrites. Those two qualities can be found in all sexual orientations.
     
  7. B_henry miller

    B_henry miller New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2007
    Messages:
    3,029
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Big Sur, California
    I have no personal bigotry against any feminine men whatsoever. I don't think they're a lower form of life or should endure discrimination of any kind. That being said, I can't understand why some men would want to be effeminate. I've met some guys that, I don't know, it's like, why not just have a sex change already? (Something that I can't really understand anyway, so there goes my consistency, sorry.)

    As a guy who wants to just get more and more masculine as the years go by, I just feel safer around masculine men. It's not that I think the feminine men are going to rape me or anything. Nothing like that. It's just that masculine men help me feel strong.

    So, for me, it's not an issue of gay versus straight. I've met some gay men who look and act like they just got done chopping down trees out in the forest, as masculine as that guy from Dirty Jobs. I loved these guys.

    I hate to put it this way, but this is the truth -- and you asked for it. Masculine men want to get rid of their feminine aspects. Freud referred to it as "repudiation of the feminine." Effeminate guys make us uncomfortable because they represent the very thing we're trying to get away from.

    Okay. I'll shut up now. I'm starting to bore myself. LOL.
     
  8. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Huh,:confused: please forgive my ignorance but I would think you would have to be a pretty close friend of a gay guy to know if he was a top or a bottom. :tongue: If for some reason it came up over lunch I don't understand what difference it would make as you are already friends . . . right? :confused:


     
  9. zumzum

    zumzum New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2007
    Messages:
    234
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    you'll find a masculine gay slagging off a feminine one
    and a queen slagging off a butch
    and a top slagging of a bottom because he's not able to top
    and a bottom slagging off a top because he's in denial
    you'll find an older guy shouting at a younger guy because the younger guy won't fuck him (no you won't find the opposite)
    you'll find a body builder mocking a scrawny guy
    you'll find a slim guy mocking a body builder
    blablabla
    .
    .
    .
    .

    at the end of the fair it's just a matter of ignorance.

    As I've told in a previous posts, I feel that the respect you will often get by a fellow gay is less than what you would expect.

    And that's a little hypocritical because they go to gay pride marching shouting and giving air to their whistles claiming respect from the world.

    I won't mention the stalking attitude or grabbing in many gay venues.

    And this is generally a global trend.

    Personally in the past I've been bullied so many times that now generally I just avoid talking to the people I sense/they fit the identikit of the grief bringers.

    It's so, so sad.
     
  10. zumzum

    zumzum New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2007
    Messages:
    234
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Therefore you don't respect them, respect comes with no ifs no buts.

    Personally I'm open minded and as long as people are friendly I tend to get along with almost anyone.

    The problem is that in social places the sexual hunt is overwhelming so people talk to you only because they want to roger you, someone is better than other to conceal this.

    ... and when it comes to sex I don't like most of the people around, I don't fancy older guys, I don't fancy queen, camps, fat bears, I don't fancy overtly butch guys either and -perhaps because of my lack of knowledge of English- I consider "str8 acting" as ridiculous as a feminine guy playing the stupid woman.

    If you're naturally masculine you're not acting, that's sexy.
    If you're naturally feminine is not annoying, not necessarily a turn off.
     
  11. zumzum

    zumzum New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2007
    Messages:
    234
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Thanks you contribution is enlightening.

    *googles about Freud's repudiation of the feminine*
     
  12. BigDuder

    BigDuder New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2007
    Messages:
    889
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    kansas city
    i respect gay guys if they have done something to earn my respect. it is pretty much the same with everyone.
     
  13. BigDuder

    BigDuder New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2007
    Messages:
    889
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    kansas city
    i don't not respect sissy straigth guys, you know.
     
  14. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2006
    Messages:
    6,378
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    where the sun never sets
    I have respect for the ridiculously flaming queers who wear assless chaps and fishnets in public and act like Richard Simmons' and Paris Hilton's insane love child. Just not a lot.

    I have the same level of respect for stupid alcoholic homophobic frat boys who think being slovenly and dense and painting their bodies the colors of their favorite sports team proves their manliness.

    Basically, if you respect me, I'll probably respect you, but having some respect for yourself helps a lot, too.
     
  15. zumzum

    zumzum New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2007
    Messages:
    234
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    so -basically- you don't respect anyone

    you eventually respect only those who have done something to earn your respect

    right?
     
  16. BigDuder

    BigDuder New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2007
    Messages:
    889
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    kansas city
    you judge too quickly, zumzum. anyone who is doing their best earns my respect.
     
  17. zumzum

    zumzum New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2007
    Messages:
    234
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Ha ha -even worst- so you're always fighting.

    If I didn't give you respect until *YOU* did your best in order to earn my respect, you wouldn't give respect to me.

    It's a deadlock.

    I'm not judging, I'm just reading what you wrote, and what you wrote is unintelligent, respect is unconditional, otherwise is a favour you make to someone.
     
  18. B_icem

    B_icem New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2006
    Messages:
    153
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Texas
    at this point, i respect any gay guy who is just being who he is. im tired of hearing about all the "down low" guys playing pretend and infecting women which ups the chances a straight guy like myself could catch something.

    of course, ill never be able to understand gay guys though. lol

    you dont see ANY chicks you'd like to bone ? what if a man had a vagina ? would gay guys want to hit that ?
     
  19. B_henry miller

    B_henry miller New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2007
    Messages:
    3,029
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Big Sur, California
    That's something I had to realize. Gay dudes are serious. No women anywhere. I remember the first time I saw gay porn. I was shocked. I don't know what I had thought, but I guess I thought that gay guys were guys who, I don't know, had sex with women but talked about their feelings as they did so, or gay guys were effeminate but still had sex with women while other effeminate guys watched. Or at the very least they sucked each other off while women watched. Somehow, a woman had to always be involved. Or so I thought.... Took me a while to realize that I just don't understand it. Gay guys don't want women anywhere during sex, generally speaking.
     
  20. zumzum

    zumzum New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2007
    Messages:
    234
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    what are you afraid to be infected by if for instance the HIV epidemic now is raging amongst straight people instead of homosexuals? (and before it was a problem of injectable drugs users)

    of course, you're str8

    no really I don't find women very attractive, except the anorexic models who look like boys but they lacks a cock!!

    honestly I really like tricia helfer Tricia Helfer :: The Official Website ::

    (if you like science fiction you have seen her in battlestar galactica the remake, ace!)

    but I would have just a lovely chat and a laugh, I would pass her to you, I prefer to do certain things with a man!!!!! (well if you know someone, pass him to me!!)
     
Draft saved Draft deleted