I have read many posts relating storys of one male friend revealing his fealings to another male friend who is the object of his affection in verious ways. These sotries are told form the perspective of the preson reveling their feelings, now I would like to hear accounts from the other side. If you have ever had a close friend reveal that they feelt for you more than you may have suspected, or even if you did suspect it but never thought that they would voice or act on these feelings, I would like to know how you resopnded. What did you feel, think, say, do? I hope everyone will be honest and forthcoming with their responses, there is no "right" way to have resopnded, I am hoping for real responses that will add another level to this topic.
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Here's my story:
I had a friend who I thought might have been gay. He was actually a friend of a friend and we all hung out as a group sometimes. The guy had a girlfriend who sometimes came with us. (later I found out that they were only friends & that her son was by another man) He would call me every day, several times a day, just to talk. I repeatedly told him that there was no need to call me all the time like that. He would also make certain comments about my appearance. When I asked him what was up with him, he always played it off and he denied that anything was going on.
After I graduated from college, he called me & told me that he had a gift for me. I didn't really want it, so I told him, "thanks, but it's not necessary". He wanted me to come to his house to get the gift, but I refused. So one day he left the gift at my house with my father.
That really pissed me off because of course my father wanted to know who this strange man was leaving a gift for his son. Anyway, I opened the gift and there were several things inside the box, and one of the items had the words "somebody loves you" on it.
I called him up & asked him what that was all about. Of course, he tried to deny that it meant anything and even said that he put it in there by accident, but I wouldn't let him off the hook. He eventually started to cry and told me that he was in love with me. For some reason, that really pissed me off & I reacted very badly. I told him to never call me again, etc. The fact that he was gay wasn't the problem...even the fact that he was in love with me wasn't the problem...that was just the way he felt...I was angry that he deceived me all that time, even when I asked him point blank what his deal was.
The end result? After not seeing him or speaking to him for quite a while, I eventually matured in my thinking and I called him up & apologized for my reaction. So we're cool now, but sometimes I have to remind him that there will never be anything physical between us.
I had a friend who I thought might have been gay. He was actually a friend of a friend and we all hung out as a group sometimes. The guy had a girlfriend who sometimes came with us. (later I found out that they were only friends & that her son was by another man) He would call me every day, several times a day, just to talk. I repeatedly told him that there was no need to call me all the time like that. He would also make certain comments about my appearance. When I asked him what was up with him, he always played it off and he denied that anything was going on.
After I graduated from college, he called me & told me that he had a gift for me. I didn't really want it, so I told him, "thanks, but it's not necessary". He wanted me to come to his house to get the gift, but I refused. So one day he left the gift at my house with my father.
That really pissed me off because of course my father wanted to know who this strange man was leaving a gift for his son. Anyway, I opened the gift and there were several things inside the box, and one of the items had the words "somebody loves you" on it.I called him up & asked him what that was all about. Of course, he tried to deny that it meant anything and even said that he put it in there by accident, but I wouldn't let him off the hook. He eventually started to cry and told me that he was in love with me. For some reason, that really pissed me off & I reacted very badly. I told him to never call me again, etc. The fact that he was gay wasn't the problem...even the fact that he was in love with me wasn't the problem...that was just the way he felt...I was angry that he deceived me all that time, even when I asked him point blank what his deal was.
The end result? After not seeing him or speaking to him for quite a while, I eventually matured in my thinking and I called him up & apologized for my reaction. So we're cool now, but sometimes I have to remind him that there will never be anything physical between us.
Here's my story:
I had a friend who I thought might have been gay. He was actually a friend of a friend and we all hung out as a group sometimes. The guy had a girlfriend who sometimes came with us. (later I found out that they were only friends & that her son was by another man) He would call me every day, several times a day, just to talk. I repeatedly told him that there was no need to call me all the time like that. He would also make certain comments about my appearance. When I asked him what was up with him, he always played it off and he denied that anything was going on.
After I graduated from college, he called me & told me that he had a gift for me. I didn't really want it, so I told him, "thanks, but it's not necessary". He wanted me to come to his house to get the gift, but I refused. So one day he left the gift at my house with my father.
I called him up & asked him what that was all about. Of course, he tried to deny that it meant anything and even said that he put it in there by accident, but I wouldn't let him off the hook. He eventually started to cry and told me that he was in love with me. For some reason, that really pissed me off & I reacted very badly. I told him to never call me again, etc. The fact that he was gay wasn't the problem...even the fact that he was in love with me wasn't the problem...that was just the way he felt...I was angry that he deceived me all that time, even when I asked him point blank what his deal was.
The end result? After not seeing him or speaking to him for quite a while, I eventually matured in my thinking and I called him up & apologized for my reaction. So we're cool now, but sometimes I have to remind him that there will never be anything physical between us.
You're pretty cool, cuz had it been me I woulda been pissed that he left the gift at my house for my dad to see. I can understand where he's coming from though, but to "fall in love" with someone so quickly that doesn't even share your sexual preference is a little fool hardy in my opinion.
I was pissed that he left the gift...and we had been friends for at least 3 years before he confessed his true feelings, so it wasn't a quick thing.
Hmm.. I have had several gay guys hit on me. It is actually quite annoying having to deal with them, but I guess that is the way women feel when a bunch of guys their not interested in are pursuing them..
Recently in college (our college has a high gay percentage) I have had a lot of guys staring at my bulge when I enter into a room, that is the first place their eyes go. I just say hi or recognize them with a nod of my head and move on. At first I'm annoyed I have to deal with them, then I feel prideful that my bulge is so impressive
Sorry this isn't an exact story, but at least it will push this thread up there again since it has been hit. Personally, I think this is a very good thread. For one thing, some gay men need to know that everything will not necessaryily go smoothly if they start hitting on a friend they have liked. It really could ruin a friendship, so they should be carefull and respect their friend and stop obsessing over such things.
There's being gay, and then theres having a sexual addiction so strong it is interfering with your life..
Recently in college (our college has a high gay percentage) I have had a lot of guys staring at my bulge when I enter into a room, that is the first place their eyes go. I just say hi or recognize them with a nod of my head and move on. At first I'm annoyed I have to deal with them, then I feel prideful that my bulge is so impressive
Sorry this isn't an exact story, but at least it will push this thread up there again since it has been hit. Personally, I think this is a very good thread. For one thing, some gay men need to know that everything will not necessaryily go smoothly if they start hitting on a friend they have liked. It really could ruin a friendship, so they should be carefull and respect their friend and stop obsessing over such things.
There's being gay, and then theres having a sexual addiction so strong it is interfering with your life..
I think it is possible for two straight men to bond on a deep level to where they can share eachothers deep feelings and be vulnerable to one another. Men need affirmation from other males. That is where we get our sense of masculinity. I think it is possible for a straight man to be the object of another straight man's affection without physical involvement. But, is it balanced. I don't think it is very healthy for one man to need the admiration and constant attention and approval of another man in order to feel validated. That is where jealousy can set in and throw a wrench in the fan.
I am a gay man. I have never in my life hit on a straight guy, and I never would. I never will. I am only sexually attracted to straight men. Problem?...
I have been annoyed many times in my life by people -- women, gay men, and men who are straight and virgins to gay sex -- hit on me, and people from the first and third groups have fallen in love with me. People from the third group have stalked me.
There are no rules in people's hearts. Love can grow. At the initial suggestion, there can be revulsion, disgust, disapointment at the comlpication, annoyance that drama has been brought in. With the passage of time, if it's left alone, things can change in any direction.
Everyone must remember that there are rules to the art of seduction. Love is not a part of it. Love is different from sexual attraction and play. If one wants sex, one goes that direction. If a man is looking for a love relationship, he goes about that a very different way.
Rule #1: it's the other one's idea. You must create this.
Rule #2: we're going back to being kids getting away with something while the big people are not around
Rule #3: I don't need you, you don't need me, we're just having fun
There are many more parts to the game, but the minute someone comes and says "I love you," all is ruined. If you find yourself falling in love with a man who is not looking for love, avoid him at all costs, refocus your thoughts and, if need be, your life, and stay away from him.
If a straight man is looking for love, a gay man may go near to find out just how big the man's heart is, but be very, very careful. One wrong word, one wrong look, and you've destroyed any possibility, also the relationship as you knew it.
If you are a gay male, it's best to be out, so that all straight men know you are gay. Then they can make the choice to be around you or be close to you or not. All my friends are straight men, and mostly conservatives at that. Their trust of me is absolute, otherwise the hugs, which are beautiful, could not be real. Awareness and sensitivity are good skills to learn, and boundaries are good to have.
KB: your gift-giver knew he would be rejected, that's why he did everything he did, he was completely in control of that situation. He wanted to piss you off because there was no other way to get you to validate his existence. He had no hope of love or sex with you...
I have been annoyed many times in my life by people -- women, gay men, and men who are straight and virgins to gay sex -- hit on me, and people from the first and third groups have fallen in love with me. People from the third group have stalked me.
There are no rules in people's hearts. Love can grow. At the initial suggestion, there can be revulsion, disgust, disapointment at the comlpication, annoyance that drama has been brought in. With the passage of time, if it's left alone, things can change in any direction.
Everyone must remember that there are rules to the art of seduction. Love is not a part of it. Love is different from sexual attraction and play. If one wants sex, one goes that direction. If a man is looking for a love relationship, he goes about that a very different way.
Rule #1: it's the other one's idea. You must create this.
Rule #2: we're going back to being kids getting away with something while the big people are not around
Rule #3: I don't need you, you don't need me, we're just having fun
There are many more parts to the game, but the minute someone comes and says "I love you," all is ruined. If you find yourself falling in love with a man who is not looking for love, avoid him at all costs, refocus your thoughts and, if need be, your life, and stay away from him.
If a straight man is looking for love, a gay man may go near to find out just how big the man's heart is, but be very, very careful. One wrong word, one wrong look, and you've destroyed any possibility, also the relationship as you knew it.
If you are a gay male, it's best to be out, so that all straight men know you are gay. Then they can make the choice to be around you or be close to you or not. All my friends are straight men, and mostly conservatives at that. Their trust of me is absolute, otherwise the hugs, which are beautiful, could not be real. Awareness and sensitivity are good skills to learn, and boundaries are good to have.
KB: your gift-giver knew he would be rejected, that's why he did everything he did, he was completely in control of that situation. He wanted to piss you off because there was no other way to get you to validate his existence. He had no hope of love or sex with you...
you are correct...I'm not bothered by being hit on by anyone and I do take it as a compliment...it's something that I've just had to get used to over the years because I am a somewhat good-looking dude...:wink:
steinweg: you might be right...I guess he couldn't stand just being a friend and nothing more so he had to make an attempt at something...
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