Straight married men having gay sex?

AlteredEgo

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VinceNYC said:
I wish you the best of luck, but I have a VERY hard time believing your wife is happy. There's no way for me to know, so I'm just opining here, and I don't want it to sound like an attack. However, there's only one person in this equation who is getting his needs (or desires) met, and it ain't your wife. In fact, I think this has the potential to be a very hurtful, life-changing event for her.

Anyhow, as I said, I have no way of knowing, so I would just hope that you realize that what your wife says and what she really feels may be two different things.

Anyone on the board have this experience from the woman's perspective?

Lex and I would have gotten a divorce. It wouldn't neccesarily have ended our friendship, but this definitely would have ended our marriage, provided that his confession was a request to have male partners. my marriage will be a strictly monogamous one.

However, that does not mean that Lex's wife shares my views, or has needs remotely similar to my own. I need my husband to only have sex with me. Obviously, she doees not. I think it's vaguely offensive that you assume her needs are not being met. Maybe all she needs is for her man to come home to her at night. That was good enough for my mother who happily turned a blind eye to my father's womanizing, and his mother who did the same with his father. My mother's mother did with her man as I would do with mine. She packed up her stuff, some of his stuff, her children, her mother, and left. She must have been furious at some point. She has no recollection of what happened to her wedding ring. She only remembers having one.

Lex, I'm still down for our tutoring sessions.
 

Lex

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VinceNYC said:
Yeah, I got it. You, you, you. I understand. I don't think you will ever understand what it's like to have the rug pulled out from under you i.e. when your husband comes to you and tells you he has a boyfriend and wants to explore his sexuality.

Please just remember that while you are exploring all this new stuff about YOU, you are taking along someone who did not sign on for this. And again, she may not be able to articulate her feelings, and/or may be afraid of being alone/losing you, etc. Just because she tells you it's OK does not make it so. This is very complicated, and the emotions for the person who is NOT in control are very complex.
Your context is ALL WRONG which is not surprising since you don't know me.

Here, let me help you.

Bronxy said:
Lex and I would have gotten a divorce. It wouldn't neccesarily have ended our friendship, but this definitely would have ended our marriage, provided that his confession was a request to have male partners. my marriage will be a strictly monogamous one...

However, that does not mean that Lex's wife shares my views, or has needs remotely similar to my own. I need my husband to only have sex with me. Obviously, she doees not. I think it's vaguely offensive that you assume her needs are not being met. Maybe all she needs is for her man to come home to her at night. ...
It did not go down that way he thinks it did. My wife figured all of this all out way before I did. I think some of the main reasons we are still together are
  1. our deep love for one another,
  2. our committment to growing together, and
  3. the fact that *I* am a much better person for being able to uncover my sexuality and deal with it.
I know she would say, hands down, that I am a better, more able partner today than I was 10 years ago. And she would mean it. Her sister visited recently and remarked at what a changed man I am. I was honore beyond words to have someone notice.

Broxny--thanks for understanding that they terms of our realtionship are, just that, ours.


Bronxy said:
Lex, I'm still down for our tutoring sessions.
I think, given both of vast experiences, that we could tutor each other, savy?
 

windtalkerways

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I'm with Vince & Bronxie on this one.

No...none of us knows the situation
personally but in my view...the wife
is not an equal.

If she puts up with it, it's her
choice but we all have to decide
for ourselves what we 're willing
to take from other people.
 

AlteredEgo

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Lex said:
Your context is ALL WRONG which is not surprising since you don't know me.

Here, let me help you.

Fuck that noise. You don't have to explain nor justify the nature of your marriage to anyone.


Lex said:
It did not go down that way he thinks it did. My wife figured all of this all out way before I did. I think one of the main reasons we are still together is
(1) our deep love for one another,
2) our committment to growing together, and
(3) the fact that *I* am a much better person for being able to uncover my sexuality and deal with it.

I know she would say, hands down, that I am a better, more able partner today than I was 10 years ago. And she would mean it. Her sister visited recently and remarked at what a changed man I am. I was honore beyond words to have someone notice.

I'm glad your journey is going well. Your wife is a remarkable partner for you, and she is invited to come over to tutor and be tutored as well.

Lex said:
Broxny--thanks for understanding that they terms of our realtionship are, just that, ours.

Well who else's could they be?:biggrin1:

that sexy muthafuckah Lex said:
I think, given both of vast experiences, that we could tutor each other, savy?
Oh this was always what I had in mind. I hung the bell from my canopy! Feel free to ring it at will.
 

Lex

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I threw myself out there in an effort to help enlighten and educate. That being said, your (Vinne, Wind) views on my wife are at once obnoxious and incorrect.

Please go have a successful, long term relationship without any of the big deal breakers (your own) and them come back and talk with me. I have known this woman since we were both college students at age 17 (now 33).

I think, no, I KNOW, I know her a lot better than either of you do.

So, please forgive me if I tell you, in regards to my wife, to STFU and stop reflecting my world through your cracked rear-view mirror. You don't know what you are talking about.

Bronxy I will be right there...
 

VinceNYC

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Chuck64 said:
Lex knows his wife better than you do, and it's their (very complicated, by most standards) relationship to work through - not yours. They were married for years before any of this came up. I'm sure he can read her well enough to know if there was a hint of dissatisfaction.

Yes, Lex who is just coming to terms with his own long-held feelings toward men couldn't possibly be misreading his wife. LOL! Hey, I said very clearly that I do not KNOW, and I am just OPINING, but I stick to my guns that anyone doing this needs to be very careful of the other person's feelings. That's all I'm saying. And Lex may be doing that, I don't know. I sincerely hope that he and his wife are communicating as clearly and openly as Lex thinks. These are shark-infested emotional waters.

And another thing: he's working through this on this board, so it's OK for me to post my opinion about it.
 

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Lex said:
I threw myself out there in an effort to help enlighten and educate. That being said, your (Vinne, Wind) views on my wife are at once obnoxious and incorrect.

Please go have a successful, long term relationship without any of the big deal breakers (your own) and them come back and talk with me. I have known this woman since we were both college students at age 17 (now 33).

I think, no, I KNOW, I know her a lot better than either of you do.

So, please forgive me if I tell you, in regards to my wife, to STFU and stop reflecting my world through your cracked rear-view mirror. You don't know what you are talking about.

Bronxy I will be right there...

I also put myself out there to try to enlighten and educate. Just because you don't want to hear what I'm saying does not make it of less value. That's what this board is for, and I have not overstepped my bounds. I have respectfully submitted my opinion. It was simply a plea for you to be aware of others. I can't fugure out why that's so offensive, but that's your problem.
 

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Lex said:
I threw myself out there in an effort to help enlighten and educate. That being said, your (Vinne, Wind) views on my wife are at once obnoxious and incorrect.

Please go have a successful, long term relationship without any of the big deal breakers (your own) and them come back and talk with me. I have known this woman since we were both college students at age 17 (now 33).

I think, no, I KNOW, I know her a lot better than either of you do.

So, please forgive me if I tell you, in regards to my wife, to STFU and stop reflecting my world through your cracked rear-view mirror. You don't know what you are talking about.

Bronxy I will be right there...

Hey, I said it was in MY view!

I was never rude or ignorant with you
and telling me to STFU for posting my
view on a subject under discussion
illustrates your maturity level and class.
 

AlteredEgo

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windtalkerways said:
I'm with Vince & Bronxie on this one.

No...none of us knows the situation
personally but in my view...the wife
is not an equal.

If she puts up with it, it's her
choice but we all have to decide
for ourselves what we 're willing
to take from other people.

I never meant to imply that I felt she wasn't equal. The reason I could not tolerate a polyamorous relationship is that I am just not a poly type of person. Sure I have my little rotation right now, but that's because I have no boyfriend, and an insane sex drive. Ideally, I would have just one partner, several times a day, up to five times a week.

I know plenty of people in polyamourous relationships who are quite happy. No one feels opressed. No one feels jilted or jaded. They have worked out rules that leave everyone satisfied and feeling safe.

My mother was not unequal in her relationship with my father, she was a realiist. he was a musician, always on the road, often out of the country, and came from a household where cheating was tolerated. My mother never wanted to have sex without love after she met my father. Otherwise, she would have had someone to keep her company while my father was nurturing his career.

My paternal grandmother was an unequal. She was hurt by the cheating, but satisfied to always have a nice house, beatiful clothes, and happy children. Also, my grandparents loved each other very much. It was unequal, but she was satisfied.

My other grandmother had no idea until his other woman called her up. I have two aunts from the homewrecker. She and they refuse to have a relationship with me, so I tend to think very little of them.

We do not know Lex's wife. Maybe she's got things she wants to explore as well and is out doing so. That doesn't seem unequal to me. Lex actually says she saw this coming a mile away and got the ball rolling.

We cannot assume things about this woman. It's just not fair to her. She's not here to tell us what's what.
 

Lex

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windtalkerways said:
Hey, I said it was in MY view!

I was never rude or ignorant with you
and telling me to STFU for posting my
view on a subject under discussion
illustrates your maturity level and class.

Let's be clear: my wife is not a subject for you and I to discuss.

That is what got me to curse.

We can discuss polygamous relationships or MOMs or whatever, but you and I shall not discuss Mrs. Lex for all the reasons Bronxy listed and more. I hope you can understand (now or someday).
 

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Lex said:
Let's be clear: my wife is not a subject for you and I to discuss.

That is what got me to curse.

We can discuss polygamous relationships or MOMs or whatever, but you and I shall not discuss Mrs. Lex for all the reasons Bronxy listed and more. I hope you can understand (now or someday).

Lex...I am NOT a mindreader...

YOU are the one who brought YOUR
personal life to this board.

Sounds a tad odd if you say now,
no one must mention my wife.

I'm done.
 

Lex

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Are you also not a thread-reader? Do you see the rest of everyone here telling you that what you are doing is obnoxious, wrong and in poor taste? Or do you just skip all the posts that occur in between the ones you make and reply to?
 

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Lex said:
Are you also not a thread-reader? Do you see the rest of everyone here telling you that what you are doing is obnoxious, wrong and in poor taste? Or do you just skip all the posts that occur in between the ones you make and reply to?
Dude, chill out. There have been two people who commented thinking that MY comments were out of line. One person also replied to Windtalker. Relax. You don't have to like what you're hearing, but neither of us have been rude or obnoxious.

It's OK to say you don't like what we're saying, and you disagree. It's even OK to say you don't want to discuss it anymore. I have nothing more to say.

Oh, except that you should add to your signature, where it says smooth, daddy bear cub hunter, etc. you should add "perfect husband above criticism and reproach."
 

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Lex said:
Are you also not a thread-reader? Do you see the rest of everyone here telling you that what you are doing is obnoxious, wrong and in poor taste? Or do you just skip all the posts that occur in between the ones you make and reply to?

Damn guys remember this is just the internet. Lets everybody take a deep breath or a shot of tequila. Fell better?:biggrin1:
 

AlteredEgo

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I would have told you off as well, Vince, Windy, if it were my wife you folk were discussing. The fact is you both left the realm of discussing a specific relationship, and began discussing a specific person several posts back. I believe that is where Lex began to lose his shit, correct me if I'm wrong.

I don't think Lex was upset when you were judging him, but you began to judge Mrs. Lex and that's just not cool. She doesn't post here, so we can't do that. Reading between the lines of your posts, one would say that you called her a weak, inarticulate, needy enabler among other things. Them's fighting words.

I would have been far nastier if I was in love with her.

I'm ready to start falling in love with her, Lex, so do bring her along. She can have first crack at that bell.
 

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BronxBombshell said:
I would have told you off as well, Vince, Windy, if it were my wife you folk were discussing. The fact is you both left the realm of discussing a specific relationship, and began discussing a specific person several posts back. I believe that is where Lex began to lose his shit, correct me if I'm wrong.

I don't think Lex was upset when you were judging him, but you began to judge Mrs. Lex and that's just not cool. She doesn't post here, so we can't do that. Reading between the lines of your posts, one would say that you called her a weak, inarticulate, needy enabler among other things. Them's fighting words.

I would have been far nastier if I was in love with her.

I'm ready to start falling in love with her, Lex, so do bring her along. She can have first crack at that bell.

My first post on the subject: "I wish you the best of luck, but I have a VERY hard time believing your wife is happy. There's no way for me to know, so I'm just opining here, and I don't want it to sound like an attack. However, there's only one person in this equation who is getting his needs (or desires) met, and it ain't your wife. In fact, I think this has the potential to be a very hurtful, life-changing event for her."

Those are my words; I choose them very carefully. Don't read into them. Inarticulate, needy enabler: those are your words. I said that, confronted with an issue like this, it may be difficult to articulate what one feels. That doesn't mean one is inarticulate in general.

If it's taken 33 years for Lex to just BEGIN to deal with his feelings, it would be naive to think that Ms. Lex would not need some time to come to terms with what's going on in her marriage. You've heard of denial, right. My point was clearly to BE AWARE of the fact that feelings are not always expressed clearly, and that they change. Period.

It's very good advice from someone 11 years older than you (BronxBomb). It's OK to listen and learn. That's what we're here for.
 

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Wow this thread HAS got a bit personal hasn't it!

For reasons I don't wish to discuss on the open board, a few things said since my last post here have raised my hackles too, especially some of the personal comments which insult people I know are good and wise contributors. I for one am not gonna start flaming anyone because they expressed an opinion regarding their own attitude to relationships, or criticised anyone I have affection for.

1. Mr & Mrs Lex have a relationship which works for them, and whether any us would be capable or willing to indulge in such a relationship has NO relevance as to whether or not it works for them.

2. Those people who have expressed contrary opinions regarding the matter have, in the main, attempted to make it clear that they meant no personal offence, merely that they saw things in a different light.

Let's all stop throwing our toys out of the pram and behave like adults shall we? Most of the people on this thread are people I've learned to have some, if not alot of respect for, so lets not make fools of ourselves in front of the thousands of casual visitors this site gets every day.

Lex brought the subject up to make a valid point. Did he Overreact? His situation is one that probably receives open criticism regularly in the real world, so who can blame the man for being a little sensitive. We can all agree that the relationship he chose to share an insight into is unusual and wouldn't suit everyone, but if he chooses to close the discussion because he feels threatened or insulted let the man do so.

Whether you like him/his way of life or not, no-one can deny the guy's value to LPSG. I don't like to see him telling people "STFU" and it disappointed me to see such a great man use such words, but do any of you think he was unjustified in feeling a little put out by what may have appeared to him as harsh treatment?

So many people seem to want to defend the innocent Mrs Lex on here as does the man himself for the most obvious reasons. If we all agree she's the innocent party here, why don't we let this matter rest, put on our adult hats again and talk about the issue, not have a playground fight.

I'm disappointed to see us deteriorate into name calling, so please everyone respect Lex's decision. Lex, you know I respect you, I hope that you'll see that, whilst I can't speak for everyone, you weren't under attack by most people, and I know at least one of those you reeled back on was initially speaking objectively from my own discussions with them off site. I hope in retrospect, you have the greatness in your heart to forgive those who may have inadvertently made you feel unduly attacked.

Vince, you still come across as to me as being critical. If you don't want to hurt anyone, please either climb down, or at least be a little more sensitive in your comments. Mrs Lex is NOT your wife and you have no idea how she feels or how prepared or mature she is. Right or wrong is in the eye of the beholder, and since they're not hurting anyone, what business is it of yours or mine to tell them how they should lead their lives.

If anyone still wants to go on the offensive, please do so and see how much people value your opinions in the future.