Straight married men having gay sex?

madame_zora

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Wow, I lost track of this thread and look where it's gone!

This was the very subject that brought Lex and I closer nearly two years ago when this all first transpired. See, I had once been in a marriage where I felt my husband also had some homosexual tendancies that he needed to consider, and possibly explore. The reasons for this were very different though. MY husband disliked the nude female body and in fact we did not have sex. The few times we tried it was horrendously awkward, left him feeling ashamed, left me feeling rejected at the core of my being and led to a near emotional collapse. MY situation was not built on open communication and trust, it was based on an unwillingness on the part of my partner to discover himself and become happy with his life. Had he done this, we may have been able to find a path to travel together rather than apart.

So it looks like I'm the only member contributing on this thread thus far who actually saw the story unfold, and you're damned skippy I take offense at Mrs. Lex's view's being specualted about, you really don't have any idea what she put into this, or what a bright shining star and example she became to me. Women DO have power in our own relationships, even when we use that power to do things the majority in society don't understand. Hell, the majority still expect us to stfu, be seen and not heard, do laundry like good girls, turn a blind eye to our husband's dalliances, all of it. Bullshit! This woman put HERSELF at the beginning of the equation, and made a life for HERSELF that she found agreeable. Hats off to her, she is my muthafucking hero.

And now for PET PEEVE #2146- If you say something offensive, no matter how "politely" you phrase it, it is still fucking OFFENSIVE! I can say, "Not to offend you, Vince, but I think despite all your efforts and the fact that your love is immense, but from your posts I have every reason to believe your son hates your guts and just doesn't want to tell you what a horrible father you are". Now, I don't know if you have kids, but that would be highly offensive, especially if you HAD in fact put a lot of yourself into that relationship. You were in fact calling into question behaviors about which you know nothing. Yes, you are free to STATE your opinions, even as ignorant and unfounded as they may be (they are obviously ignorant, since you don't know Lex's wife nor were you here for the process under which the story unfolded), but then your offensive remarks will be RESPONDED to in like kind. Being "polite" does not excuse one from having to accept the consequences of their own bad behavior. Think about this, is there a polite way for me to call someone a nigger? How about an idiot? Oh, I see, self-centered pig is somehow different.
 

GoneA

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At the huge risk of sounding like I lead a metaphysical, bohemian lifestyle, I will say: it is a very complex task to place a label on sexuality. The kaleidoscopic nature of a human being’s sexual appetite makes it difficult to create one designation an assign it, rather vehemently, to any one person. As with most things, it’s neither black nor white – it’s gray; and depends wholly upon the individual. After twenty-years of living on this planet (and others at times) I’ve come the understanding that people simply will not take time out to understand individuals for individuals. It’s easy to place people in groups, and it’s this form of cluster thinking that has presented itself as a problem on more than one occasion.

Unfortunately, I’ve met tons of people who refuse to diverge from the thought that people are either one or the other: gay or straight. These people are also apprehensive about using the term ‘bisexual’. It really is quite unfortunate that people refuse to consider all things and except that fact that humans versatile – even down to their sexuality, which happens to be the issue at hand in this thread.

Conversely, I’m not saying that sexual designations are useless and untrue; quite the opposite, they’ve proven themselves to be quite helpful and fulfilling. Yet, as it happens, they simply are not for everyone. We live such ferociously constricted lives and I think the first step to loosening ourselves up will come with the acceptance of different sexual viewpoints. It’s pretty sad to think that as far as we’ve come as human beings – with the overall acceptance of one another – we’re still pretty far behind.

Naturally, I’d take it all with a grain of salt – but my blood pressure is much too high these days.
 

Freddie53

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And no one has mentioned that at one time, the thinking was that all boys go thorugh a homosexual stage and explore male relationships and then mature and go to straight relationships. The thinking then was that adult gay men were simply boys that never matured in their mental sexual development. (Note: I am not agreeing with this. I have READ this in several documents that were still being used as late as the 1970's.)

And no one has mentioned the birth control system used by the very rich. After the last child was born in the family, sex was discontinued by the wife with the understanding that the husband could bed down the servants, slaves. kept woman or whatever as long as it was not a public issue or one she had to deal with personally. (Note: Again this was in the 18th and 19th century that I am speaking about.)

Then in ancient times, men regularly had more than one wife. It is modern society where the idea of romance and marriage have really come into the forefront. In olden days and still in many parts of the world, marriages are arranged for financial reasons.

Marriage as an institution was developed for the purpose of protecting the family. The man was responsible for the children he sired. That is why the man could have more than one wife in those days. The man was married to give the woman and her children the status, money and protection he could provide. Many men didn't get married until 30 because it took them that long to develop their own "careers" going.

The point of this is that things have not always been the way they are now. There have been many other types of relationships through the ages.

In Greek fraternities in colleges, the story is that the pledges had to sodomize an animal as part of the initiation. Sometimes I've been told they had to give a blow job to one of the members.

There are many sexless wonderful marriages out there. Some people in the 80's are hitting it strong. Some men have married a young thing and produced a child. But most really old people sing "Precious Memories" when the subject of sex comes up. But they probably are more in love and in tune with each other than any other point in their lives. They truly have become one as they have to help each other do everything and when one dies, the remaining is not able to live by him or her self.

My point is not to bring up more things for someone to denounce or define. Just trying to open eyes that there is more than what people think in 2006 here in America. It is amazing how views change. Some one hundred years ago, cocaine was legal and abortions weren't considered wrong by anyone. Then society changed the rules. On abortion the tide has been going back and forth now for centuries. It becomes OK then not OK the OK. Check the history.
It is no different fo sex and romance.

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And I agree with the posters who said discuss the ideas, cry bloody murder if you wish about an idea, but don't attack the person, especially if that person is a third party who is not even in on the discussion.

This thread has really been an interesting one.
 

Freddie53

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I decided to post this as a different post as it covers a different subject.

It is back to the original question. We can discuss this all we want. We can choose to believe what we want. But this is what appears to be the truth about sexuality from all I have read.

1. Some men are completely straight. Under no circumstances would that have sex with another man.

2. Some men are straight, but they like to get their jollies, so a mouth is a mouth is a mouth. So if the only one availabe is a man's Oh well. And is a female is not available then if a guy is - go for it. The orgasm is the goal.

3. Some men are straight but have some gay tendencies. They may or may not act on them. But they are there and in their minds these men will fanticize about men at least part of the time.

4. Some men are Bi. There is no preference. They like both equally

5. Some men are asexual. Be a boy, girl, the cow, a woman, a man. They will go for whatever pleases them at the moment or is available.

6, Some men are gay, but they have some straight tendencies. They may or may not act on them. But they are there and in their minds these men will fanitcise about men. (It is from this group where most of the "straight" men in a marriage have gay relationships as well. There is enough straight for regular sex to happen, but this group mentally is usually thinking guys, not gals.)

7. Some men are gay, but they will get their jollies with a woman if no man is around. (They may make it in a marriage for a while, most have trouble maintaining a sexual relationship with a wife when they are thinking men. Yet some do pull it off.)

8. Some men are Gay. They have no interest in women. They probably can't even perform with a woman. A sexual relationship with a woman won't happen for these men.

9. Here is the kicker that can blow everything that anyone can try to catagorize. SOME MEN CHANGE WHICH NUMBER THEY ARE AS THE AGE.

Number nine reallly screws things up for long term relationships. But men don't have control of what they fantacize and long for.

How do I know about number nine? Been there, bought the t-shirt, directed the movie. I had some straight tendencies. There were enough that at least some of the time I really had the hots for my wife especially in bed. But I have always fantasized about men. I tried masturbating as a teen fantacising about women. I wasn't able to cum until I started thinking guys.

My wife and I have a solid marriage and are totally devoted to each other. She has no desire for sex and hasn't had for a while. I have a spinal cord injury that makes me dream about it more than do something about it. Yeah, I jack of to men every once in a while.

For me at this stage of my life, (I'm old enough to be Lex's father) it would be foolish for me to investigate this now. My wife is not like Lex's wife. She would not allow that. And my retirement and her retirement would make poverty our future if we parted. And I love her enough not to violate our agreement.

Our agreement was that nothing in our sexual past is discussed Everything since we became a couple belongs to both of us. I won't violate that as long as she lives. Neither of us has ever asked what we did or didn't do before we became a couple and we never will. And we agreed that fantacies needed to stay fantacies in our own mind and not shared with each other. I dont' care who she fantacises about: male or female. I don't think she cares what I fantacise about; male or female. She probably suspects that I like men, she will never mention it. She knows I am on the computer a lot. She is not dumb.

And yes I had some mutual jacking and blow jobs with a few men before marriage. None since then. So now you all know something my wife does not know.

This works for us. Lex's situation works for them.

I say that as long as it works for both partners, all is well in the bedroom.
 

Joh

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Most of my former lovers; if not all of them were married men. Some still stay in touch with as respectable friends. I've had wives suspicious of my relationships with their husbands. Their husbands all approached me, they all fell in love with me and they all were good to me...... I finally settled with a wonderful unmarried man for 22 years. If a very sweet , hot , married young gentlemen approach me now......wonder what I would do........? If a straight guy approached me now and push the right buttons.....I must be willing to accept the consequences that comes with it..whether it be sweet :biggrin1: or :mad: sour......
 

B_horribleperson

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im sure someone said it befor me but im to lazy so read throu all 5 pages. but the term "Tea Room" came from when straight men would go to public bathrooms and have sex with other men. so yea its kinda common but the man has want to try it.
 

Lex

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Freddie--could you speak a little about the biblical story of Abraham and Sarah as it relates to a wife okaying the idea of the husband having sex outside of their marriage and the implications for the idea of "Adultery"?
 

windtalkerways

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I do think you have to keep all this in
proper context though, Venetian.

Most of that which you address was in
regard to the upper classes.

They had the monetary wherewithall to
pursue leisurely dalliances and extra-
curricular sex.

Most peasants toiled from morn' 'til night
for their daily bread and had neither the
coin nor the energy to indulge in amourous
pursuits, as did the monied class.
 

Lex

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The Dark Venetian said:
Are you jewish? ... if not how does it apply? unless you are considering coversion?

I think you have to look this way, if it works for you and her, why care what the rest of the world is doing or saying, this arrangement is not uncommon as you might think.

...


I don't think my arrangement is uncommon at all; in fact, I know that it isn't. That is why I try to speak to the principle of it in hopes to illuminate and educate.

Freddie shared this story with me months ago and I thought it might be useful for others to hear. I blaze my own path and am free within myself. There is no greater freedom (and thus, no greater source of envy) than escaping the opinions of others as flawed as you (if not moreso).

Writings are writings. That's what people forget when they quote ANY book. Thanks for the Shakespeare.
 

windtalkerways

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The Dark Venetian said:
... um... incorrect... that would be the french.

No peasants in Venice, we had no royals, no knights, no lords. We were a republic, independent since the fall of rome. We only had the Doge (orginally a consul, the office became the president with a life term, elected generally a man in his late 70's to 80's), the Senate made of up of up to 2000 representative of anyone that wished to become politically involved, a nobile class - often broke and on the equivalent of state welfare, a merchant class (middle) the wealthy (or as you put Monied) whom were not nobles, and a working class (free men under employ of another party, state or private)... and everyone had sex and money and time for life...

Carnevale is farewell to meat... and hello to wild sex with abandon...

Venice was a working city, she was a beautiful example of how democratic republic can function.

Our closest culture and city with similarity would be ancient Athens. Both cities build on the power of our oars and galleys (both of which free men were rowers and in fact each has a form or rowers guild or union and who made up our most powerful and political of the classes.

We had no peasants, no land lords, we hardly had any land... Terra Ferma to one side and our Del Mar to the other. We live in a lagoon of sand and salt, on islands made by hands, piles and mud...and for all to use. Venice is commerce, she trades, and makes things, glass, lace, salt, books, clothing, gold, leather, wine, et cetera... it was once said, all the gold in Christian Europe flows through Venice.

If you do not know the history of this place, I should suggest it as reading, more so in going there... she will suprise you on ever turn.

I wasn't just speaking of Italy...I meant everywhere.