Straight men having sex with each other

[ColoradoGuy]

Not a trolling thread (promise!)

I got an email from Digg this morning that took me to nymag.com. I was browsing around, and stumbled onto this NY Magazine article where Jane Ward, an associate professor of women’s studies at the University of California, talks about why straight men have sex with each other.

Kinsey's "1-10" scale uncovered the potential for homosexual contact among heterosexuals over a half century ago, but I'm curious what you think about Ward's ideas.

 

[SillyGayBoy]

Yes they do, or different forms of it, often. They identify as straight and that should be respected. They also like to do gay things as "jokes" and escalate it until I was told I would not get my towel back unless I jacked off against a wall, and of course I did, no problem.

 

[BIGBULL29]

Why do younger straight men like to do "gay things" as jokes? In college, two football players I knew simulated anal sex in the dorms. What became evident was the erection of the dude pretending to be the top.

 

[Frodo46888]

Sexuality is on a continuum, with very few at the extremes. A man may identify himself as being straight, but if he consensually has sex with other men, or if he participates in gay "jokes", he's somewhere along the middle of the continuum.

 

[sumbodii]

Also don't forget prison relationships. A lot of times both parties will consider themselves completely straight in a consensual relationship. It's just their situation that's forcing them to do something they wouldn't ordinarily.

 

[Exbiker]

Although they aren't great apes, bonobos are quite closely related to us. Wild creatures, uncorrupted by culture...

They are strongly bisexual. They have a lot of homosexual sex. And oral and anal as well as vagjnal.

They look after young, and live as tribes. They have conflict and war...

I'm fairly sure we'd be like them, if we didn't have all the trappings of society and culture.

My theory is that religion exists precisely to try to prevent us from acting like bonobos. It influences culture to achieve those objectives. Its ethical norms are designed to create order and stability - but not necessarily happiness ...

Which may or may not be a good thing ...

 

[umdoistressilvaquatro]

Although they aren't great apes, bonobos are quite closely related to us. Wild creatures, uncorrupted by culture...

They are strongly bisexual. They have a lot of homosexual sex. And oral and anal as well as vagjnal.

They look after young, and live as tribes. They have conflict and war...

I'm fairly sure we'd be like them, if we didn't have all the trappings of society and culture.

My theory is that religion exists precisely to try to prevent us from acting like bonobos.

We are obviously not all bisexuals.

 

[amazzzed2]

Interesting article. Here's my view. GENERALLY, men have a higher sex drive than women, that's why so many men watch porn and masturbate, whether married or single.
Also, GENERALLY, sex with women is much more complicated. When a man is having sex with a woman he's dating, he's thinking about her boobs, and she's thinking about the colors for her bridal party!
I believe that there are men who are truly homosexual. They are attracted to men, physically and/or emotionally,and enjoy sex with them.
Then there are men who are attracted to women, physically and/or emotionally. However, they are horny, and often don't get their sexual needs met by their wife or girlfriend, so they get those needs met by other horny men. If they got enough good sex at home, most would not pursue sex with men.
A little simplistic, but basically how I see it.
I am very attracted to women, and not to men. I haven't ever had sex with a man, but I have been horny enough that I would have had some sexual contact with a well endowed man if the right situation presented it's self.

 

[Exbiker]

We are obviously not all bisexuals.

It's not totally obvious.

We don't live in truly free conditions.

But I agree we might not be. Not all of us.

 

[umdoistressilvaquatro]

It's not totally obvious.

We don't live in truly free conditions.

But I agree we might not be. Not all of us.

For me, it's not "might". I can categorically say we are not all bisexuals because I'm not.
Now, saying that almost everyone/ a massive majority/ a large portion/ a big minority of people are bisexual is... possible. But I don't see any evidence supporting that claim. Why believe the whole world conspires, hiding their bisexuality, when we don't actually have any evidence?

 

[Exbiker]

For me, it's not "might". I can categorically say we are not all bisexuals because I'm not.
Now, saying that almost everyone/ a massive majority/ a large portion/ a big minority of people are bisexual is... possible. But I don't see any evidence supporting that claim. Why believe the whole world conspires, hiding their bisexuality, when we don't actually have any evidence?

You don't know what your natural behaviour would have been if you'd been brought up in a society free of the relevant behavioural constraints ...

Let me be clear. I do not believe that most people are functionally bisexual.

I think human sexuality is quite polarised, mainly because of social constraints, assisted by mythology, art, storytelling, religion ...

Have you noticed that the main times religion enters people's lives is around birth, marriage... Death? There's a reason for that...

So - you might be right. Your sexuality could perhaps not have been any different from how it actually is ...

But you might not be. It's a difficult thing to assess.

 

[Voglener]

Interesting article. Here's my view. GENERALLY, men have a higher sex drive than women, that's why so many men watch porn and masturbate, whether married or single.
Also, GENERALLY, sex with women is much more complicated. When a man is having sex with a woman he's dating, he's thinking about her boobs, and she's thinking about the colors for her bridal party!
I believe that there are men who are truly homosexual. They are attracted to men, physically and/or emotionally,and enjoy sex with them.
Then there are men who are attracted to women, physically and/or emotionally. However, they are horny, and often don't get their sexual needs met by their wife or girlfriend, so they get those needs met by other horny men. If they got enough good sex at home, most would not pursue sex with men.
A little simplistic, but basically how I see it.
I am very attracted to women, and not to men. I haven't ever had sex with a man, but I have been horny enough that I would have had some sexual contact with a well endowed man if the right situation presented it's self.

I kinda agree with your assessment amazzzed2. I would add that one has to understand the individuals involved view of what constitutes as homosexuality and "gay sex".

Men vary on what "acts" they consider to be "gay/homosexual". Two dudes jacking off together might be "gay/homosexual" to one guy while to another guy it's just "messing around" or "getting off". There are some men who engage in oral and anal sex and still consider themselves "straight". Also, an "act" may indeed be "gay/homosexual" but the individual may in fact not be. So much with sex is subjective.

 

[umdoistressilvaquatro]

You don't know what your natural behaviour would have been if you'd been brought up in a society free of the relevant behavioural constraints ...

Let me be clear. I do not believe that most people are functionally bisexual.

I think human sexuality is quite polarised, mainly because of social constraints, assisted by mythology, art, storytelling, religion ...

Have you noticed that the main times religion enters people's lives is around birth, marriage... Death? There's a reason for that...

So - you might be right. Your sexuality could perhaps not have been any different from how it actually is ...

But you might not be. It's a difficult thing to assess.

What would be a non-funcional bisexual? (a "non practicing" bisexual)? What do you mean by "sexuality is quite polarised, mainly because of social constraints"? And what is the connection you suggest between those situations where religion enters people's lives?

 

[Exbiker]

What would be a non-funcional bisexual? (a "non practicing" bisexual)? What do you mean by "sexuality is quite polarised, mainly because of social constraints"? And what is the connection you suggest between those situations where religion enters people's lives?

I think it's quite obvious that there are many social constraints on sexual behaviour.

There are laws about the age of consent (rightly). About when people can marry. In some cases about who they can marry. Laws and customs about who can wear what, and where. The US even has some strange rules about bathrooms, in some states...

There are also some "cultural" norms, and we get icons and celebrities who represent things for us. We have rituals about nightclub dancefloors, buying people drinks and meals, dating and so on. There are lots of role models for how to be straight. There are now also some for how to be gay, or lesbian. There's even a range of gay role models now; there are some masculine ones, alongside the older / traditional "camp"...and so on.

So someone growing up can relatively easily find a way to be gay if they want to - if that's inside their core being.

But it's actually quite difficult to work out how to be bisexual. You have to tell both men and women you have sex with, that you are also attracted to the other gender. Some people don't like that. Especially if the needs are both very strong, so that sexual fidelity becomes difficult.

Our sex lives are partly based on "nesting". Home making. Stability. Even for gay male couples...

So yes, I think a pure bisexual lifestyle is very difficult. Lots of social forces exist to try to force you to be straight or gay.

So, I don't think everyone knows what they "really" are, necessarily...

Don't get me wrong. I'm NOT saying everyone is really bisexual. I'm saying that SOME people have suppressed their bisexuality due to social pressures. I know that I myself have, for example. I "live as" gay - and now my inner sexuality has conformed to that after 30 years. But around age 20 I was a little closer to bisexuality ...

 

[geitjeshoeder]

No trying to be to semantic here, but wouldn't it render both men bi-sexual? I mean they would act straight to the world, because not everyone accepts the choice they made, but deep down they would (at least) be bi-sexual.

I live in an area with lots of christians and we have parking spaces near local motorways thriving with cruising men... who after they are done with each other, go home to the misses and attend church on Sunday.

I can't image how conflicted they feel inside and feel a bit sorry for them.

 

[950483]

For me, it's not "might". I can categorically say we are not all bisexuals because I'm not.
Now, saying that almost everyone/ a massive majority/ a large portion/ a big minority of people are bisexual is... possible. But I don't see any evidence supporting that claim. Why believe the whole world conspires, hiding their bisexuality, when we don't actually have any evidence?

Ah yes. But you can't always tell by looking at someone, whether they are male of female. You might be attracted to a man with a feminine appearance.

 

[B.A.H]

I don't think there is such a thing as "gay" or "straight".
Using these words does not describe reality.

In reality all people can be attracted to all people.

There are some natural genetic influences and some cultural influences, and it can also somewhat be changed by choice.

In the past there was no such thing as "gay". Only allowed and forbidden sexual behaviour.
"Homosexual" were the people who crossed the forbidden lines.

It has changed as it became popular to fight for "minority rights". If gays are a minority - then they deserve "rights".
So the term has gradually changed from describing a sex outlaw to a person who feels strong attraction to people of his own gender.

But this line is very unclear!

 

[950483]

GENERALLY, men have a higher sex drive than women,

No.

When a man is having sex with a woman he's dating, he's thinking about her boobs, and she's thinking about the colors for her bridal party!

No.

 

[950483]

Many homophobic murders also seem to involve rape. Are these murders commited by severely homophobic gay or bi men?, or severely homophobic straight men? Even murders or violence where there is no sexual assault, just make me think a genuinely straight man would have other things to do, and why would it even occur to them to go out of their way to do this stuff?

Religion and social conditioning have a lot to answer for.

 

[elixer26]

I've said it before, I don't see guys as str8 or non straight. If we're both attracted to each other and sex happens, or whatever happens, then so be it. I was raised around str8 guys, so that's who I'm more attracted to... and yes, I've scored many homeruns with str8/curious guys (insert label) Kinsley scale is a reality. Guys vary from just looking, to touching, jerk off, oral, fingering or just good old fashioned letting me fuck them. I don't question or dispute it. I never had a hang up. There's no test you can go and find out if a guy is str8 or not. It's not like a allergy test or a paternity test. Maybe a lie detector would work? LOL. I did it all for the nookie. Goodnight.