Straight men having sex with each other

[ColoradoGuy]

Sort of a recurring theme because the community has had this discussion on "orientation" vs. "behavior"... sort of like what elixer26 and B.A.H are suggesting above. Exbiker is right that we are influenced by our cultural norms (traveling in Europe ought to resolve that for most Americans and vice versa). I think Frodo46888 is probably pretty close to my viewpoint and here's what I was thinking in 2010:

Isn't this the real problem with labels? We all proclaim we're cool with "whatever floats your boat", but we still itch to put others into a neatly identified category when that "neatly identified category" only exists in our own vocabulary. Sexual identity, sexual attraction, sexual practice, sexual orientation and "sexual behavior" as the OP termed it are all far more complicated than we're allowing for here.

The only common element in this thread is that we are all comfortable with our own perspective. Since our beliefs are influenced by our psychological makeup, our opinions and attitudes, our cultural/ethnic surroundings and our own experiences, it is not unrealistic to expect our beliefs to be just as unique as we are.

...

For what its worth, I think desiring a label is confusing and awarding labels seems problematic. I truly believe this is the only thing we're all going to agree on: we are all sexual and we are all doing what we wish to do.

FWIW, I haven't changed my opinion much. I just thought it was interesting that Ward had studied it and it got written up in a fairly mainstream outlet.

 

[EllieP]

Not that it was a tl;dr, but in that first paragraph when he mentions the "fluid space that is female sexuality" I dropped it like a hot potato. It just smacks of someone who's been spurned by women in the past and called them dykes for not dating him.

Sorry, I may be missing out on a decent article, but I couldn't continue after that remark.

 

[eroc001]

Is this a surprise? i should show u all the "straight" dudes in my inbox

 

[ColoradoGuy]

Not that it was a tl;dr, but in that first paragraph when he mentions the "fluid space that is female sexuality" I dropped it like a hot potato. It just smacks of someone who's been spurned by women in the past and called them dykes for not dating him.

Sorry, I may be missing out on a decent article, but I couldn't continue after that remark.

EllieP! That's like avoiding artichoke hearts because it's too much effort to get to them. The value of the article (to me) was what Ward was researching and the themes she presented.

 

[EllieP]

EllieP! That's like avoiding artichoke hearts because it's too much effort to get to them. The value of the article (to me) was what Ward was researching and the themes she presented.

Funny how one little phrase like that colors the whole article. It's about the same as when an article begins "Trump" or "Hillary." Too much effort expended to get the blood pressure up.

Besides, I'm not a straight man.

 

[phillo12345]

I don't think there is such a thing as "gay" or "straight".
Using these words does not describe reality.

In reality all people can be attracted to all people.

At the most desperately horny period of my life when getting off was on my mind constantly, at a time when I could see no opportunities to engage sexually with men (all I wanted or thought about), a period of time lasting years, even with society constantly pushing me in the direction of straight sex, even with the understanding that if I needed to have sex I could (with a female) I didn't. Ever. The thought always not only didn't turn me on it just felt wrong, creepy, disturbing and even though my young mind literally couldn't see a clear route to any sexual contact at all (pre modern internet or any kind of gay role models) I still had no impulse to 'experiment' with females nor did it even occur to me to get a handjob or blowjob and no fucking way was I fucking a female. Even a hot FTM guy is a big no no. I'd rather give a bj to Danny Devito (not a pleasant prospect) than receive a handjob from Scarlett Johansson through a glory hole.

 

[bi_todd]

I'd rather give a bj to Danny Devito (not a pleasant prospect) than receive a handjob from Scarlett Johansson through a glory hole.

Love the humor (although I know you are serious).

I guess that confirms I'm actually bi and not gay. I can honestly say I'd pick Scarlett over Danny - lol.

 

[umdoistressilvaquatro]

I think it's quite obvious that there are many social constraints on sexual behaviour.

There are laws about the age of consent (rightly). About when people can marry. In some cases about who they can marry. Laws and customs about who can wear what, and where. The US even has some strange rules about bathrooms, in some states...

There are also some "cultural" norms, and we get icons and celebrities who represent things for us. We have rituals about nightclub dancefloors, buying people drinks and meals, dating and so on. There are lots of role models for how to be straight. There are now also some for how to be gay, or lesbian. There's even a range of gay role models now; there are some masculine ones, alongside the older / traditional "camp"...and so on.

So someone growing up can relatively easily find a way to be gay if they want to - if that's inside their core being.

But it's actually quite difficult to work out how to be bisexual. You have to tell both men and women you have sex with, that you are also attracted to the other gender. Some people don't like that. Especially if the needs are both very strong, so that sexual fidelity becomes difficult.

Our sex lives are partly based on "nesting". Home making. Stability. Even for gay male couples...

So yes, I think a pure bisexual lifestyle is very difficult. Lots of social forces exist to try to force you to be straight or gay.

I'm not doubting there are constrains to sexuality, I'm doubting that religion pushes bisexual men into "picking a side" (which is what I understood by "polarised" and wanted you to clarify by specifying what constraints you meant). No religion says (implicitly or explicitly) that you can be gay or straight, you just can't be bisexual. Don't be fooled, when the dominant culture says "pick a side", there is only one right "choice": heterosexuality.

 

[umdoistressilvaquatro]

So, I don't think everyone knows what they "really" are, necessarily...

Don't get me wrong. I'm NOT saying everyone is really bisexual. I'm saying that SOME people have suppressed their bisexuality due to social pressures. I know that I myself have, for example. I "live as" gay - and now my inner sexuality has conformed to that after 30 years. But around age 20 I was a little closer to bisexuality ...

Sexual orientation is not behavior (you can't "move" away from bisexuality by having more sex with men than with women, etc), sexual orientation it's the capacity to experience sexual attraction towards some members of a certain sex. And every person have direct and priviledged access to their subjective reality, including the experience of attraction. I can misunderstand, wrongly attribute, deny or ignore attraction, but it's impossible to not experience attraction and be attracted at the same time - that's a contradiction in terms. It's an affirmative that makes no sense, at least not without resorting to a mysticist concept like the Unconscious.

 

[umdoistressilvaquatro]

Many homophobic murders also seem to involve rape. Are these murders commited by severely homophobic gay or bi men?, or severely homophobic straight men? Even murders or violence where there is no sexual assault, just make me think a genuinely straight man would have other things to do, and why would it even occur to them to go out of their way to do this stuff?

Why not? Hating is fun and supremacism is reassuring.

 

[Notaes]

Interesting article. Here's my view. GENERALLY, men have a higher sex drive than women, that's why so many men watch porn and masturbate, whether married or single.
Also, GENERALLY, sex with women is much more complicated. When a man is having sex with a woman he's dating, he's thinking about her boobs, and she's thinking about the colors for her bridal party!
I believe that there are men who are truly homosexual. They are attracted to men, physically and/or emotionally,and enjoy sex with them.
Then there are men who are attracted to women, physically and/or emotionally. However, they are horny, and often don't get their sexual needs met by their wife or girlfriend, so they get those needs met by other horny men. If they got enough good sex at home, most would not pursue sex with men.
A little simplistic, but basically how I see it.
I am very attracted to women, and not to men. I haven't ever had sex with a man, but I have been horny enough that I would have had some sexual contact with a well endowed man if the right situation presented it's self.

a truly honest man! If given the right time and place most of us would. We are honry fucking dudes and all we think about is our cocks.

 

[umdoistressilvaquatro]

Why do younger straight men like to do "gay things" as jokes? In college, two football players I knew simulated anal sex in the dorms. What became evident was the erection of the dude pretending to be the top.

Something like that would be the last thing I would do. There's nothing more terrifying to a young closeted person than be perceived as gay... To a straight person, that's not the case.
Straight people think gay people's sexuality is hilarious. No matter the circunstance. Simulating gay sex is funny, changing your friend's facebook status to "in a relationship" with another guy is a form of prank, etc. I remember when Brokeback Mountain came out, even the movie (that is simply a tragedy) was the theme of all jokes for a month.

 

[BIGBULL29]

Something like that would be the last thing I would do. There's nothing more terrifying to a young closeted person than be perceived as gay... To a straight person, that's not the case.
Straight people think gay people's sexuality is hilarious. No matter the circunstance. Simulating gay sex is funny, changing your friend's facebook status to "in a relationship" with another guy is a form of prank, etc. I remember when Brokeback Mountain came out, even the movie (that is simply a tragedy) was the theme of all jokes for a month.

I overwhelmingly agree.

I just don't understand why the one football jock boned up. It obviously was- and very subconsciously so - sexually titillating. It was so visible he was rock hard. The dudes were all laughing hysterically. There are strong ovetones of desire in old-age fermented homophobia.

 

[BIGBULL29]

Something like that would be the last thing I would do. There's nothing more terrifying to a young closeted person than be perceived as gay... To a straight person, that's not the case.
Straight people think gay people's sexuality is hilarious. No matter the circunstance. Simulating gay sex is funny, changing your friend's facebook status to "in a relationship" with another guy is a form of prank, etc. I remember when Brokeback Mountain came out, even the movie (that is simply a tragedy) was the theme of all jokes for a month.

I can't change society, bro - nothing I can do about it.

There are many things in our culture that I loathe, but it is what it is. Sure, we can fight against it; but, sadly, it's a losing battle.

Gays and lesbians, at least, have legal protections and dedicated zones in urban and resort areas.

 

[umdoistressilvaquatro]

There are strong ovetones of desire in old-age fermented homophobia.

You believe college guys who make fun of gay people are gay/bi? How much of the worlds population is gay/bi, under those estimates?

 

[twoton]

You don't know what your natural behaviour would have been if you'd been brought up in a society free of the relevant behavioural constraints ...

I'm not a sociologist, but is it possible to have a society without behavioral constraints?

 

[BIGBULL29]

You believe college guys who make fun of gay people are gay/bi? How much of the worlds population is gay/bi, under those estimates?

I don't believe anyone is 100% straight anything.....so....(no emotion is).

We all know that there is a degree of repressed attraction among men in homophobia. The issue is, is that many have enough attraction to pussy for it not to matter (and many are closeted....).

How can ever know anyone's true sexuality? We're all sexuality unique, no matter our labels, etc.

 

[LaFemme]

Not that it was a tl;dr, but in that first paragraph when he mentions the "fluid space that is female sexuality" I dropped it like a hot potato. It just smacks of someone who's been spurned by women in the past and called them dykes for not dating him.

Sorry, I may be missing out on a decent article, but I couldn't continue after that remark.

Fluid space that is female sexuality? Omg.

While I do agree that sexuality is on a continuum, I also believe there are people firmly at either end. Nothing fluid about it. Male or female. I don't understand why that's so difficult to believe?

 

[phillo12345]

You don't know what your natural behavior would have been if you'd been brought up in a society free of the relevant behavioral constraints ...

Let me be clear. I do not believe that most people are functionally bisexual.

I think human sexuality is quite polarised, mainly because of social constraints, assisted by mythology, art, storytelling, religion ...

The sexuality of this human just doesn't fit into your theory...all the "societal restraints" pushed me towards females but even with all my well developed male horniness I had no interest in what females could offer me sexually and any situations leading in that direction, that even hinted at that were halted. Why didn't I go against my natural attraction to men and relieve some of that maniacal horniness with women? Not only was society pushing me towards women I avoided them without really knowing where sex would ultimately come from. I'm a fucking man whore and I would've been (was) celibate until the right (any ) guy came along. Maybe I'd reassess my sexuality if there were an apocalypse but I've actually entertained that thought and can't really picture it. Even post apocalypse there will be some porn laying around.

 

[ronin001]

How about changing the title of the thread to :
Perceived, Straight men having sex with each other​

Anyone cal call themselves anything. My dog can actually Meow now and again and I always tell him he is not a cat.
You can have sex with a transsexual, who chooses to conceal his / her true gender. Did you perceive the BJ you just got was from a woman when in reality it was from a man ? ( No offense to our Trans-gendered members )

I can grow A beard, and enter a Mosque; or a Synagogue, and say the actual prayers, However when the services are over and I exit the building, am pretty sure I would still be Christian. If you drove by, you would perceive that I was of one of those religious sects, though not actually true.

I took a quick look at the OP and the online magazine that started this post. The article was not much more than a way to sell try and sell more books. The Website is designed and orientates to a select population in New Yorkers. Hopefully all these postings will help hawk a few extra volumes