Straight men who get hit on by gay men

[basque9]

The more I think about how you unintentionally attract gay men, the more I see a parallel with a situation that some sexually attractive gay men have with women. Handsome and sexually attractive gay men are constantly being sized up and "moved" on by women. It can become annoying when it is totally unwanted!
A guy has to develop techniques for deflecting such advances, without resorting to ungentlemanly behavior or making a fool of himself!

 

[NOBBY_UK]

Question for you:
What do you do when a women you are NOT attracted to comes on to you?? Do you look away? or do you tease her?

Never had a Woman come on to me :frown1:

Or maybe the come on was too subtle ?

 

[B_debonair87]

Well, there you go. You are probably a snappy dresser, which back in the day would be called a dandy. Dandy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

This is what's referred to these days as being "metro." The people who are young of soul think this is a new thing but it's really not.

The supposed strangeness is associated with homosexuality and therefore you must be gay. Most gay folks can tell you, the right clothes on the right body will fuck up anybodies' gaydar.

You're not one of the bulge guys are you? Do you wear clothes that show off your boy parts? Conversely, do you wear clothes that show your butt? Graceful hugging of those areas could add to the perception that you're gay. I'm just going through a mental list, so don't be offended

I know some people on this site sound like predators when they talk about men in the shower, lockerroom and on the streets; you may be running into some of them offline..hahahaha

Well I love fashion and dress nice (I guess kinda metrosexual) but I try to make sure I'm comfortable with what I'm wearing and nothing is tight or baggy. And no I never bulge out but my butt is big and I can't hide that unfortunately but I don't wear pants that ride up my ass like female jeans so you can see my ass crease when I walk, lol. I don't know why dudes would wear pants like that. But in ny I definitely don't stand out in a crowd much. A lot of men here whether gay or straight are as fashionable as I am.

But the thing is despite my clothes I kinda display some "urban mannerisms". Though I have a very general american accent (people tell me I sound like a surfer) I kinda have a bit of an urban-esque walk and I sometimes talk with my hands. And I would think that would either turn people away or basically kill the question mark they have on my sexuality. But there's only a few times dudes already thought I was gay, majority of the time its them trying to find out my sexuality.

 

[basque9]

Never had a Woman come on to me :frown1:
Or maybe the come on was too subtle ?

I repeat, gay men are great detectives of male and female mannerisms and signals; gay men who are being sized up by women, often get the eye from crotch to face where eyes remain locked on your eyes for an eternity. Flashing a gold wedding band can be highly effective and no one is compromised. The gay male can pretend a stud and the woman a femme fatale, but for that darned wedding band.....a bit of harmless pretense.

 

[flawdatiger]

Well I love fashion and dress nice (I guess kinda metrosexual) but I try to make sure I'm comfortable with what I'm wearing and nothing is tight or baggy. And no I never bulge out but my butt is big and I can't hide that unfortunately but I don't wear pants that ride up my ass like female jeans so you can see my ass crease when I walk, lol. I don't know why dudes would wear pants like that.

I think you know why dudes wear pants like that

You've got a big butt and you cannot lie, and other brothers can't deny. Do you find a lot of the guys that hit on you checking you out from behind? What I used to do back when I was into weightlifting and this happened, was to give a polite but quick nod and then act like the person wasn't there. I didn't do this in an awkward way, I just acknowledged their interest and tried to move away in a non freaked out manner. I don't like people trying to speak with me in public when I don't know them, and i've had to do this a few times.

Once, I was in a club just dancing by myself (it was some techno rave thing with glowsticks(!), and it was my second time there ever) when this girl walks up to me. She starts dancing with me, and I politely obliged. She suddenly goes "my friend likes you, are you gay?"

At the time I was still mentally dealing with the societal drawbacks of coming out. I told her no (lol) and also that I just came here to dance, I kept dancing away from her little by little. She got the message, and I even danced with a few girls and guys that night. No harm no foul.

You need to refine your ability to turn people down. That includes guys that follow you around. Stop and briefly chat with them for 10 seconds and then end the conversation and go on about your business. I find that changing my body language when i'm not interested works wonders.

But in ny I definitely don't stand out in a crowd much. A lot of men here whether gay or straight are as fashionable as I am.

Well i think this comes down to a total package deal. I dunno if your butt was a gift from God or a gym gift. Either way, your features combined with your body language may be enticing to people. I think this isn't the problem, I think your inability to start and end the "gay" discussion or even the "flirt" discussion quickly is your issue.

But the thing is despite my clothes I kinda display some "urban mannerisms".

What do you define as urban mannerisms?

QUOTE=debonair87;3843185]
Though I have a very general american accent (people tell me I sound like a surfer) I kinda have a bit of an urban-esque walk and I sometimes talk with my hands. And I would think that would either turn people away or basically kill the question mark they have on my sexuality.

Explain how you walk with your hands. Normal human gait includes your hands moving in tandem with your feet. Do you mean you walk like you are on a runway or catwalk? That's not urban; or at least I hope it's not. Maybe you mean strutting.

Do you feel like you strut as you walk? You said you think you have a big butt (and you cannot lie...) do you maybe take steps to solicit appreciation of that from anyone?

Think about that.

I know a lot of people work out to get laid, and then show off their muscles constantly. I'm not saying you do that, but do you exude an intense amount of pride in your body and face?



QUOTE=debonair87;3843185]
But there's only a few times dudes already thought I was gay, majority of the time its them trying to find out my sexuality.

Give one or two examples of the conversations where they try to find out your sexuality.

Give one or two examples of the conversations where they already thought you were gay.

Try to be very honest in how you handled it.

 

[B_debonair87]

I think you know why dudes wear pants like that

You've got a big butt and you cannot lie, and other brothers can't deny. Do you find a lot of the guys that hit on you checking you out from behind? What I used to do back when I was into weightlifting and this happened, was to give a polite but quick nod and then act like the person wasn't there. I didn't do this in an awkward way, I just acknowledged their interest and tried to move away in a non freaked out manner. I don't like people trying to speak with me in public when I don't know them, and i've had to do this a few times.

Once, I was in a club just dancing by myself (it was some techno rave thing with glowsticks(!), and it was my second time there ever) when this girl walks up to me. She starts dancing with me, and I politely obliged. She suddenly goes "my friend likes you, are you gay?"

At the time I was still mentally dealing with the societal drawbacks of coming out. I told her no (lol) and also that I just came here to dance, I kept dancing away from her little by little. She got the message, and I even danced with a few girls and guys that night. No harm no foul.

You need to refine your ability to turn people down. That includes guys that follow you around. Stop and briefly chat with them for 10 seconds and then end the conversation and go on about your business. I find that changing my body language when i'm not interested works wonders.

i try to be polite about it but but everything starts off as a regular conversation nothing about my sexuality comes out until later in the conversation. being that i was raised in the south (florida) i'm so used to talking with random people, especially when i was in college. i'm just a social person. but if you're staring me down or acting creepy i won't engage you.

Well i think this comes down to a total package deal. I dunno if your butt was a gift from God or a gym gift. Either way, your features combined with your body language may be enticing to people. I think this isn't the problem, I think your inability to start and end the "gay" discussion or even the "flirt" discussion quickly is your issue.

.

i can stop the flirt. i just say "sorry i'm not into dudes". only a few times were the dudes being very persistent and didn't understand that 'no means no'.

What do you define as urban mannerisms?

mannerisms that i guess people would say are associated with "black-american hip hop culture". the way i carry myself other than my speech and the way i dress.

explain how you walk with your hands. Normal human gait includes your hands moving in tandem with your feet. Do you mean you walk like you are on a runway or catwalk? That's not urban; or at least I hope it's not. Maybe you mean strutting.

Do you feel like you strut as you walk? You said you think you have a big butt (and you cannot lie...) do you maybe take steps to solicit appreciation of that from anyone?

Think about that.

I know a lot of people work out to get laid, and then show off their muscles constantly. I'm not saying you do that, but do you exude an intense amount of pride in your body and face?

talk with my hands not walk with them. Sometimes I can be expressive when I talk. the way i love my hands and shoulders and my head etc.... i do it in a "urban" way.

i definitely don't strut when I walk. LMAO. I have a pretty masculine walk. kind've a tough lil pimp walk. i don't do it intentionally. its just how i walk.

Give one or two examples of the conversations where they try to find out your sexuality.

well i remember when i first moved to NY i was looking for a place and i was checking out this one dudes apt. and we were having a pretty normal convo and he's all "do you have a girlfriend" and i said "no" and hes like 'aww whats a good looking guy like you doing single?". so after that everything got weird and he was talking to me about sex and busted out with he has sex with guys sometimes and if i would ever try it? i was like "no man i don't like guys. if thats what you're into thats all good" and then the convo quickly changed. also he kept grabbing his crotch when he was talking about sex.

another time was at a bar with some friends. i was pretty buzzed and talking to some random dude and he's asking me all these questions about where i'm from etc.. thought we were just being social and he goes "well you know i think you're a pretty intelligent and handsome guy, i don't know if you're into men but i'd like to take you out to dinner and get to know you better". i said i'm sorry i'm not into men. and he's like "well we can keep it platonic. and i said no again and he got the picture. thank god none of my friends were around to hear this.

Give one or two examples of the conversations where they already thought you were gay.

wow lets see. i was looking at some shoes at neiman marcus and this dude was looking at some shoes as well and he was saying how they never has his size and we got to talking about shoes and fashion etc... and i totally forgot what i said and he goes "what would your boyfriend think?" and i'm like "um...i don't have one" and he goes "oh, so you're single and hes looking at me all sexual and shit" and i go "i'm also into girls" and he looked at me a lil shocked and says "oh...........well don't knock it until you try it". and thats when i said "yea i think i'm gonna leave now, nice meeting you" and just walked away.

 

[fatddyslam]

debonair: i dont really understand what your question is. you want to know why guys hit on you?

easy: if you are hot, and you live in an area with a higher percentage of homosexuals, you will be hit on by a lot of gay men.

that's really all it is.

i think it's cool that you are at least polite about it. nothing sexier than a hot bro accepting a compliment well. you probably work hard on your appearance so it's nice to receive compliments.

cheers

 

[D_CountVonBhigBohner]

It's all about the art of conversation. I am very outgoing and talk to people all the time. It doesn't necessarily mean I am hitting on them. If I am interested, I will ask certain questions to see where it goes. Sometimes, it doesn't work out...but that doesn't have to stop the conversation.

debonair: i dont really understand what your question is. you want to know why guys hit on you?

easy: if you are hot, and you live in an area with a higher percentage of homosexuals, you will be hit on by a lot of gay men.

that's really all it is.

i think it's cool that you are at least polite about it. nothing sexier than a hot bro accepting a compliment well. you probably work hard on your appearance so it's nice to receive compliments.

cheers

 

[D_Pokin Joe Frazier]

I get hit on by gay guys all the time and gay women and straight women and even the dog down the street. I am a good looking man so I just take it as a complement.

 

[flawdatiger]

The apartment story is one of the creepiest i've heard. I'm surprised somebody would actually do that to you!

Things that will really make somebody be conscious of being rude is if you say something like "I'm only attracted to girls, and I hope you can respect that, since you seem to be attracted to men." When you throw around words like respect people feel guilty and stop gunning for you.

Test drive that sometime. Do be aware that if you are sexy, you'll have to say this to tons of people. I live in FL myself, and I know how thirsty people can get.

i try to be polite about it but but everything starts off as a regular conversation nothing about my sexuality comes out until later in the conversation. being that i was raised in the south (florida) i'm so used to talking with random people, especially when i was in college. i'm just a social person. but if you're staring me down or acting creepy i won't engage you.


.

i can stop the flirt. i just say "sorry i'm not into dudes". only a few times were the dudes being very persistent and didn't understand that 'no means no'.

mannerisms that i guess people would say are associated with "black-american hip hop culture". the way i carry myself other than my speech and the way i dress.

talk with my hands not walk with them. Sometimes I can be expressive when I talk. the way i love my hands and shoulders and my head etc.... i do it in a "urban" way.

i definitely don't strut when I walk. LMAO. I have a pretty masculine walk. kind've a tough lil pimp walk. i don't do it intentionally. its just how i walk.



well i remember when i first moved to NY i was looking for a place and i was checking out this one dudes apt. and we were having a pretty normal convo and he's all "do you have a girlfriend" and i said "no" and hes like 'aww whats a good looking guy like you doing single?". so after that everything got weird and he was talking to me about sex and busted out with he has sex with guys sometimes and if i would ever try it? i was like "no man i don't like guys. if thats what you're into thats all good" and then the convo quickly changed. also he kept grabbing his crotch when he was talking about sex.

another time was at a bar with some friends. i was pretty buzzed and talking to some random dude and he's asking me all these questions about where i'm from etc.. thought we were just being social and he goes "well you know i think you're a pretty intelligent and handsome guy, i don't know if you're into men but i'd like to take you out to dinner and get to know you better". i said i'm sorry i'm not into men. and he's like "well we can keep it platonic. and i said no again and he got the picture. thank god none of my friends were around to hear this.


wow lets see. i was looking at some shoes at neiman marcus and this dude was looking at some shoes as well and he was saying how they never has his size and we got to talking about shoes and fashion etc... and i totally forgot what i said and he goes "what would your boyfriend think?" and i'm like "um...i don't have one" and he goes "oh, so you're single and hes looking at me all sexual and shit" and i go "i'm also into girls" and he looked at me a lil shocked and says "oh...........well don't knock it until you try it". and thats when i said "yea i think i'm gonna leave now, nice meeting you" and just walked away.

 

[Hoss]

well i remember when i first moved to NY i was looking for a place and i was checking out this one dudes apt. and we were having a pretty normal convo and he's all "do you have a girlfriend" and i said "no" and hes like 'aww whats a good looking guy like you doing single?". so after that everything got weird and he was talking to me about sex and busted out with he has sex with guys sometimes and if i would ever try it? i was like "no man i don't like guys. if thats what you're into thats all good" and then the convo quickly changed. also he kept grabbing his crotch when he was talking about sex.

.

Reading this part reminded me of this guy I know. He calls me one night all upset. He had been training a coworker, a straight male who was interning there. The intern was shy, quiet, had only come to the big bad city when he began college and hadn't made a lot of friends.

So they go to dinner, talk work, supposed to be on the up and up and ethical. This guy that calls me, says they are walking back to the car and he turns and tells his intern that he loves him and then kisses him.
The intern was upset to say the least. Anyway this guy is wondering how to make things better. Maybe go back in time and not kiss him, not tell him you are mad in love with him.

There are all sorts of creepy guys out there.
Additionally, the guy I mentioned, rents a room to people. He is about my age, 60s, and he will only rent to men over 30 years old. I asked him why not somebody in his age group where they have something in common, he had no answer. From what I can tell, he rents to the young guys and imagines his neighbors seeing those guys as his boyfriends, they aren't and they all have jobs and friends of their own, they just need a low cost place to crash, and an apartment can be expensive especially for one person.

At the end of each roomie situation, he gets depressed, then tells how they told him he is like a father to them. He doesn't seem to understand that. Like I said, he has a creepy side to him.

 

[hotone1066]

I've been hot on a number of times, but doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I'm flattered by the attention, and if I find him attractive I might just flirt with him!

 

[B_Marius567]

how do I know if gay men is hiting on me? maybe thay are just being nice.

 

[B_debonair87]

haha it happened again yesterday when doing some shopping. i walked into a certain department store and this dude was staring me down. funny part is he was shopping with another dude who could've either been his friend or brother or boyfriend or something. anyway i kept catching him looking at me. and instead of turning away he'd smile. we checked out and walked out at the same time and as i walked passed him he winked at me. had on this really dope ensemble so i can't lie and say that i didn't enjoy the attention. :tongue:

how do I know if gay men is hiting on me? maybe thay are just being nice.

you just know when someone is hitting on you by how they're talking to you and how they're looking at you.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

I'm flattered to be hit on by women or men. It's all good.

 

[buffaloboy]

haha it happened again yesterday when doing some shopping. i walked into a certain department store and this dude was staring me down. funny part is he was shopping with another dude who could've either been his friend or brother or boyfriend or something. anyway i kept catching him looking at me. and instead of turning away he'd smile. we checked out and walked out at the same time and as i walked passed him he winked at me. had on this really dope ensemble so i can't lie and say that i didn't enjoy the attention. :tongue:.

I think the fact that you respond to the attention and seemingly enjoy it so much encourages people to hit on you. I like to be pretty anonymous when I'm out and about, so if someone checks me out, I simply look away and that's the end of it.

 

[B_debonair87]

No no no I didn't intentionally look at him. Like if I'm looking around or walking somewhere I'd spot him looking at me. I did turn away. Multiple times. I wasn't flirting via eye contact like he was.

As much as I love the attention it does sorta freak me out at times.

 

[B_jeepguy2]

It will stop once you get to be about 35.

 

[Skull Mason]

happens to me every day in the city, they are amongst us...THEY LIVE...

 

[g_whiz]

I think every woman I've ever met in my life has had to deal with unwanted attractions. Guys assuming small talk at the pub = code for fucking. Or being polite= a come on. Or generally just feeling compelled to interrupt a conversation to indicate how hot they think she is.

What's "normal" is that men feel more justified in indicating that attraction in overt ways. Its funny how when men get hit on by other men (and they aren't used to it) its suddenly a cutscene from Deliverance. If you're not interested, simply don't react to it.

Its a big universe, some people are going to be gay in it. Some are going to find your apparently excessive overconfidence attractive. Everyone gets hit on by people they're not interested in. As far as real world problems go...not the end of the world.