Straight men... your personal boundaries?

[rob_just_rob]

I don't really do a lot of physical contact with my male friends. Slap on the back, friendly shot to the shoulder, very occasional celebratory hug.

Foot rubs would be out of bounds by a fair margin.

 

[424365]

Me and my close friend whom I consider a brother have no problem giving each other massages, foot and neck rubs, suggestive talk and touching all done in a joking manner. Wlept side by side in the same bed many times. There's nothing sexual there. But you can't ask others if it is ok or not because no 2 people are the same. For me its ok but for your buddy maybe it isn't.

 

[Velocity86]

it boils down to this westernized ideal of what masculinity is. you were taught that it wasn't "masculine" for 2 guys to give eachother massages. if that's not a perfect example of a social construct, i don't know what is.

 

[blkbro510]

I find it with my American friends that there's this wall and everything could led to sex so that's why the boundiers are there, HOWEVER with my non American friends the closeness is just that, not sex. You can kiss on the lips without it being sexualize, sleep together, get massages and etc.

 

[Shagtastic]

Me and my close friend whom I consider a brother have no problem giving each other massages, foot and neck rubs, suggestive talk and touching all done in a joking manner. Wlept side by side in the same bed many times. There's nothing sexual there. But you can't ask others if it is ok or not because no 2 people are the same. For me its ok but for your buddy maybe it isn't.

That's basically how it is for my guy friends too. I'd have no problem getting a massage from one of my close guy friends (foot is kinda weird for me and neck is kinda pushing it, but back and head massage would be fine(head massage is fine cause I just fucking love head massages, I'd let a hobo give me one if they wanted to)). Suggestive talking and touching is all in good fun really. Especially if we're playing gay chicken. Lol. I've slept in the same room as them, on the floor or in an actual bed, no biggie. As long as there is at least some space and of course spooning does not occur, lol.

I'm pretty open when saying other guys are attractive or not too, so maybe that has something to do with it? Just being comfortable with your sexuality and not afraid of expressing it. I see no reason why guys can't tell when other guys are attractive or not. Girls do it?

---Shagtastic
​

 

[424365]

That's basically how it is for my guy friends too. I'd have no problem getting a massage from one of my close guy friends (foot is kinda weird for me and neck is kinda pushing it, but back and head massage would be fine(head massage is fine cause I just fucking love head massages, I'd let a hobo give me one if they wanted to)). Suggestive talking and touching is all in good fun really. Especially if we're playing gay chicken. Lol. I've slept in the same room as them, on the floor or in an actual bed, no biggie. As long as there is at least some space and of course spooning does not occur, lol.

I'm pretty open when saying other guys are attractive or not too, so maybe that has something to do with it? Just being comfortable with your sexuality and not afraid of expressing it. I see no reason why guys can't tell when other guys are attractive or not. Girls do it?

---Shagtastic
​

Precisely though me and my friend are blood brothers who frequently practice jiu jitsu so we find our faces in VERY close proximity to each others crotches quite often. And the foot and neck massages are mostly to relieve the pain we inflict on each other when going for submissions so that may explain our comfort level.

 

[Shagtastic]

Precisely though me and my friend are blood brothers who frequently practice jiu jitsu so we find our faces in VERY close proximity to each others crotches quite often. And the foot and neck massages are mostly to relieve the pain we inflict on each other when going for submissions so that may explain our comfort level.

Ah, well that makes a lot of sense.
Lol.

---Shagtastic
​

 

[424365]

Yup so I guess you could say I'm a bit biased to this topic. If it were with a casual friend the boundaries are much more solid haha

 

[B_Hung Jon]

I'm kind of glad to see this topic brought back up. I think there's another aspect of all this boundaries stuff and that's how you feel about the other guy. I think there is some revulsion and fear on the part of some straight guys to acknowledge or express our feelings for our close friends. And being physical is an extension of that bond. I think that if I can get beyond the fear of emotional intimacy, then the physical expression becomes pretty natural. At that point it really can't be misunderstood as sexual or romantic.

 

[D_Harry_Crax]

:smile:

 

[D_Inglethorp Rumpshow]

The most contact between my friends and myself consists of a handshake and a slap on the back.

 

[Stephenmass]

Back to the original post and having read the thread he refers us to, I'd say his straight friend almost definitely knows he is gay. I don't know of a straight guy that would affectionately run his hand around the back of my neck if we were just casual friends. Probably two things at work here for Pup. One is he is attracted to this friend of his and the other is his friend who plays that to his advantage. He seems to enjoy confusing you OR is testing his own boundaries.

Seems Pup is very aware when his friend touches him like that BECAUSE inside of Pup's head, he is most attracted to his friend is my guess. As a gay man with many friends that are str8 and gay (and probably some bi's too that I don't know about) if one that I presumed str8 started to run his hand around the back of my neck and it was a str8 friend I found attractive, I'd certainly be very confused. In my own case I'd probably back away politely without saying a word because one, it makes me uncomfortable and two I find him attractive. What signal is he trying to send me doing that? I personally think him doing that was HIS WAY of testing to see if you are gay Pup, a str8 guy in general (excluding Jon's type of affection which is affection based and not sexually based) wouldn't think of touching a guy in the back of the neck the way you describe.

So Pup I guess I'm not much help here except to say I'd be just as confused as you.

 

[sxjTheFirst]

I would say it's really the INTENTION behind the touch that counts not the action itself... well unless the action is something like tongue on balls

 

[RsideNole]

I have a few non-gay-identifying friends who express closeness in various ways when we're in private, but resort to punches or other manly physical acts in public.

Some of the ways my buddies' behavior manifests: "true" hugs, sharing the same bed with non-sexual physical contact, asking me to finish their outfits (necktie straightening, lining up shirt/belt/pants), placing hand behind my neck when talking to and looking at me.

They know I'm not a threat and I haven't initiated behavior to bring them into Gaytown. Some have even asked why I haven't pursued anything and I tell them it's because they aren't that way.

 

[fatddyslam]

Foot massages or neck rubs is a big no-no. With my straight friends, I respect their boundaries. I playfully poked my friend in the stomach, and he started calling me a fag. Yes, he already knew, but I made more of a concerted effort. I had another straight friend fall asleep in the car with his head on my shoulder.

I am not an affectionate person with straight guys or even gay guys. I don't like touching, and most of the guys I know don't touch either.

so are you straight or gay? obviously you dont like touching guys if ur straight, but if you're gay and dont like something, i'd want to know why. it just seems kind of off. ive heard of guys not kissing but wanting to fuck because kissing is considered "intimate" (cuz fucking isnt?) but when it comes to someone u care about (boyfriend, etc), touching and intimacy is amazing.

 

[D_Harry_Crax]

The most contact between my friends and myself consists of a handshake and a slap on the back.

You're both missing out.