STRANGE behavior.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by benderten2001, Nov 27, 2003.

  1. benderten2001

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    Today proved to be a first for me.

    While awaiting my car to be serviced, I was seated in the waiting room reading a newspaper and overheard this guy (MUCH! younger than I) just around the corner making conversation with the receptionist...discussing his coming holiday meal at home, recipes, etc....nothing too important.

    I kept sensing "someone" watching me ('ever had that feeling?) and as I put the newspaper down to select another section to begin reading, I caught this guy
    "eye-ballinging me" as he was talking to this woman at the desk. I continued reading, not really paying that much attention. He and she continued their chat and again I was changing newspaper sections when I noticed this guy STILL watching me most carefully. (I can't imagine what the woman must have thought about his diverted attention away from her!) About that moment, he then proceeded to walk down the hall to the men's room. I was shocked at what I saw and I most certainly wasn't imagining it. He was showing quite "a tent" for sure---and, I don't think he was intending to go camping! He stayed in the rest room for ever so long. I had finished reading the newspaper when he finally reappeared. Without trying to be obvious, I used my peripheral vision to see if he was still going to be staring at me as he was going by. Well, he sure was! He walked on away and then on out into the sales showroom--thank goodness. For a moment, (and still even now!) I don't quite know what to make of this. COULD it be what I suspect (or, what some of you are surmising reading this!). Was this guy REALLY aroused by seeing ME? Not intending to flatter myself here, I just can't recall such a thing ever happening to me before. This really stunned me, today.

    The mystery is I was seated and wearing loose-fitting docker slacks...with no prominent "suggestions" in view.
    Plus, I was further "covered" with newspapers everywhere. So, what triggered his reaction? Whatsmore, the lady this guy was talking to was OVER TWICE HIS AGE and the "grandmotherly type" at that. Now, if SHE turned him on, I could personally accept that fact much better than MY turning him on! I just can't bring myself to accept what I'm suspecting here. Somehow, I seem to dislike having that kind of "effect" on another man! I know its bound to happen to others day-in and day-out. But this was the first-ever such occurance involving ME which I can recall in my lifetime. I've been totally oblivious to them if they HAVE ever occurred during my life! Sounding yet more self-boasting---they probably have indeed occurred! ;D
    --I probably just wasn't paying attention.

    Someone reading this might want to instantly apply the term "homophobic" to what I'm suggesting, but I don't think that's really the case here, or-- is it? I want to say that I have a handle on my views on that issue. I know it (and, our readers should know it!) I hate labels and I try to treat everyone here (and in my daily walk) with the same respect for being the individuals each of us are...which btw, I've come to realize (via early-life painful experiences!) is not necessarily by choice, either.
    I don't think I am subconsciously feeling "gay" by having this kind of attention paid me. But yet, maybe that IS the disconcerting notion though, that's behind all this reaction of mine from today's odd moment. It could be. But, really, I would feel quite disappointed in myself, though! I would think I could at least look beyond that kind of thinking!--I know what happened today is in NO WAY reflective of MY sexual preference.

    ( :eek: now talking to myself) "So---get over it, Bender!"

    My mentioning this happening at all today is in no way intended to make waves. Being "straight", this was a very different, (new!) situation for me to encounter... and I've really learned from it. Until today, I had never even thought (that much) about how a heterosexual man feels or reacts when he is being "oggled" by another guy like I was today---and, this time, it was even AWAY from a urinal,locker room, shower stall, etc..

    I thought todays situation would be worth noting here because I feel there are perhaps other men in our group who (like me) would also find this very bizarre. Many here might even feel somewhat flattered perhaps for having evoked that kind of reaction from another man, I don't know. But, for those of you who have had similar life experiences yourselves from "admirers" (which you really didn't welcome or appreciate and couldn't ever own up to it occurring), you know now that you're not by yourself. Looks like now, I've been there, too! And, as I've noted often in my other posts--'seems we're ALL in such good company here, quite often!

    I don't mean to equate today's chapter in my life as some "kiss of death" or a life-shattering experience whereby life will no longer ever be the same for me as it once was. Not at all. But, it was just somehow such a "different" life-pausing moment--very unexpected and somewhat bewildering all at the same time. It obviously has had me thinking all day--trying to sort it all out.

    ??? Well, this all happend several hours ago, now.
    And, while in retrospect, I can feel a bit flattered today (I suppose?)

    ...I still remain perturbed about it somehow.

    -----------------------

    Anyone wanting to know what else happened---did I ever see this guy again today? --NO.

    I paid my bill and "got out of Dodge" rather quickly.
    (afterall, it WAS a Chrysler car dealer!)

    ... get it? "Dodge" (CHRYSLER!) ;D
     
  2. Imported

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    ruscular: I have had gay guys come onto me with flattery, and its no big deal. But if they grope or behave unmanerly, then it would be freaky. Also this guy didn't make himself known to you that he was thinking of you. So dont assume. I have had a lesbian women think that I was coming onto them, as well, when all I did was do my job being pleasant with the customer.
    What the person does in the stall of the bathroom is his business and not yours. Bear in mind he may be feeling you out for a date, but you may have given him a negative message, and he back off.
    As being a waiter for 20 years, I get a few he must be gay attitude toward me. Nothing you can do about what other people think of you, you cant control that. Its okay to have someone of the opposite preferences be attracted to you, its really no big deal.
     
  3. Pecker

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    benderten, the experience you describe may not be as sinister as you fear.

    I can imagine the young man having the hots for the young lady and frequenting her area quite often during the day. Whether she's in the 'know' or not, he could conceivably get a boner every time he talks to her.

    That could mean either that he was keeping an eye on you to make sure you didn't notice his state of arousal - or that you did notice (another kick for him?)

    Either way, don't take it personally. Young folks these days are a lot more obvious about their sexuality than you or I were at their age.

    Pecker

    A man can sleep around, no questions asked. But if a woman makes 19 or 20 mistakes she's a slut.
     
  4. benderten2001

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    Thanks, Pecker.... :)

    I certainly thought of the several angles to this situation.
    Remember, the lady he was talking to was in her sixties.

    btw---the guy was in his late twenties---early thirties.
     
  5. Imported

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    wvalady1968: Bender, I think it's pretty obvious that he was attracted to you, and, as ruscular said, your reactions told him that you didn't play on his team. It's no big deal, although, it probably was disconcerting.

    Maybe you should look in the mirror again. ;)
     
  6. Imported

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    drrionelli: Interesting post. If I may chime in...,

    bender, we all know that you're a Christian man, and that being so carries with it expected ideas and sensibilities. We also know that you're an "enlightened" person, who thinks in terms that reflect the direction of today's circumstance.

    I would hazard a guess that your own humility has precluded your noticing that others have checked you out in the past. You posts suggest that you are a bit of a self-deprecating guy. But, let's admit it, you're also a well-endowed guy. And, people DO notice that. Straight people, gay people, bisexual people...they all notice that.

    And, that's as one would expect, right? Consider that if you were 6'10" tall, people would notice. If your hair fell past your buttocks, people would notice. In other words, you've just (somehow) never noticed that people are noticing your genitalia.

    I don't doubt that it happens more than you'd realize. And, if you don't believe such to be the case, try this experiment:

    Now that you have noticed that you're being watched, be a bit more aware of those around you in any given circumstances. I think you'll find that your 'size' is a source of interest for more than a few people. Of course, just don't let it compromise your opinions of them or yourself. They're just naturally curious, much as you're just naturally large. :eek:
     
  7. Imported

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    Tender: maybe you had a booger on your face? :D

    ha ha
    well then after you took on a paranoia look and started doing the shifty eyed newspaper dance thing,,,, he just thought you were weird, so he was amusing himself?

    then again, maybe not... 8)
    Tender
     
  8. benderten2001

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    First, to all who have responded.....THANKS ! :)


    [quote author=drrionelli link=board=relationships;num=1069914843;start=0#5 date=11/30/03 at 13:12:29]

    "...bender, we all know that you're a Christian man, and that being so carries with it expected ideas and sensibilities.  We also know that you're an "enlightened" person, who thinks in terms that reflect the direction of today's circumstance.  

    I would hazard a guess that your own humility has precluded your noticing that others have checked you out in the past.  You posts suggest that you are a bit of a self-deprecating guy.

    ... you've just (somehow) never noticed that people are noticing your genitalia.  

    I don't doubt that it happens more than you'd realize.  And, if you don't believe such to be the case, try this experiment:

    Now that you have noticed that you're being watched, be a bit more aware of those around you in any given circumstances.    I think you'll find that your 'size' is a source of interest for more than a few people..."

    [/quote]

    Well....what can I say here, folks? drrionelli's "got me" down to the letter on all of this, I suppose! ;)

    I don't think I'm always as oblivious to others (i.e. their reactions) as I may have implied. I HAVE noticed people taking "second" (or third) glances my way when I was perhaps wearing the right jeans, standing the right way for the ole bulge to reveal itself and so on and so forth.
    --I've even had occasion to have people (both men and women) allow their eyes to suddenly go downward right when they happen to be talking to me! So, I know what it's like to "be admired" I suppose. Granted, I don't always really enjoy it, nor do I know quite how I'm supposed to react to it. I could grin a little though, from all of this! ;D ) --What man wouldn't if he's honest.

    On this particular day, however--when all this occured, I was seated; NOT wearing "overly" revealing jeans, and (to my knowledge) this guy "noticing me"---well, I can't ever recall seeing him there (or anywhere) before. So, HOW could he "know" about me or, DID HE he even know at all? (I have "no close friendships at that garage who "are aware of me" in that regard-- who would have been talking and perhaps "tipped him off" so to speak). It all just sort of took me by surprise. My behavior, as best I can determine, was strictly my trying NOT to notice his stares. In fact, I acted non-chalantly and completely ignored his glances. But, the entire couple of minutes did "spook me" ....more so later than when was happening. BELIEVING that it happened to ME at all was the most difficult, --somehow. Not quite used to it and not quite sure that I could ever get used to it.
     
  9. Imported

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    wvalady1968: I told you, Sweetie. Look in the mirror! ;)
     
  10. Imported

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    drrionelli: But, tell the truth now, bender..., ::)

    Isn't it refreshing to know that this fellow, totally unknown to you, was completely honest in his appreciation of your "business," and also was totally unabashed in letting that appreciation show?

    That's candor, and, embarrassing or not, it's an admirable trait. Perhaps it just made you uncomfortable that it took place somewhere that was so familiar to you.
     
  11. benderten2001

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    [quote author=drrionelli link=board=relationships;num=1069914843;start=0#9 date=12/01/03 at 15:51:36]

    But, tell the truth now, bender..., ::)

    Isn't it refreshing to know that this fellow, totally unknown to you, was completely honest in his appreciation of your "business," and also was totally unabashed in letting that appreciation show?..."

    [/quote]

    Well.....I dunno. ???

    and wvalady1968, bless your heart! If by "checking the mirror" and I should say, notice ...what-- handsomeness?-----why, I'd never own up to it! ;)

    But, now----I've got yet, OTHER worries to make known!

    I need to return to that same garage the next couple of days! 'Seems my vehicle has developed a mysterious fluid leak (since the service work done just last week).

    Shoot. If I'd listen to my sub-conscious here---I would swear this "mysterious admirer" had my car "rigged" somehow just so I would HAVE to return and he could get ANOTHER good gander at me! (Sounds like paranoia setting in, doesn't it?)

    BENDER ! Now, take some D E E P breaths!
    You're going to be okay.

    I'll let you kind, (concerned) folks know what happens--provided no one gets picked-up, flattened out, or mortally wounded....whichever might come first! ;D

    (I need to sell tickets and get a sponsor to my life!)
     
  12. benderten2001

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    Thanks to all for your expressed concerns and comments. Even (most!) of the IM's were supportive.
    ;D
    To those interested to know what happened with the second trip back to the garage.... TWO things:

    My vehicle was quickly repaired (loose drain plug)
    and....I DID NOT see the man again who was acting so strangely before. --Wherever he is, I hope he is happy.

    Ahhh, life is good again! ....at least for the time being.

    Nothing makes ME happier than NOT being stalked and, to have my vehicle running smoothly.

    ....Pretty much in that order, in this particular case. ;)
     
  13. Imported

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    blo1988: Bender,
    This reminds me of a vignette from my past. I was in a clothing store and apparently was being watched by a guy who was in his 20's. I had not even noticed him, more than in passing, because I was focused and short on time. Anyway, the fellow followed me into the changing area and went into a changing area diagonally across from mine. The stalls had curtains only and I suppose that mine didn't close all the way.
    Well, I tried on several things and was in my underwear most of the time. After a bit of changing I pulled up a pair of pants and a T shirt so that I could take some things out and stepped out. I was stunned to find the guy leaning up against the wall in his stall with his dick in his hand furiously jerking off. The drapes were slightly open at one end and he was facing me.
    Though I was no sexual novice I felt oddly offended, and faintly flattered/stimulated at the same time. Anyway, I stepped over to the curtain and pulled it slightly open. He was startled and looked afraid. I guess that I looked irritated. "What the hell are you doing? I asked. He obviously didn't know what to say. He just stammered "I think your hot". I just said " Well, you'd better be carefully, because somebody might kick you ass for doing this....if you're gonna jerk off do it in a place where you can't be seen for God's sake".........
    I think that my initial reaction was a reflection of the fact that I felt vaguely violated. I was out to get something mundane done, not to get my dick sucked (not that I haven't had my dick sucked in some very public places). It was just awkward, unexpected, and out of place.
    I was/am very comfortable with homosexual sex, so that wasn't a problem. It just seemed odd, surrealistic, and invasive. A few moments later it struck me as vaguely sensual and oddly funny. I will never forget the look on the guy's face when I pulled open the curtain..
    I suspect that you felt slightly offended and vaguely violated since his staring, raging boner, and extended BR visit gave this event clear homoerotic overtones.
    That's great....gives you a chance to reflect on what makes you tick, what makes you flinch. Kudos to you for thinking.
    Thumbs up for sharing your thoughts on this and being open to input.
    BTW, homophobia can be subtle. You don't have to be a gaybasher to have homophobic reflexes. It is part of our culture. Hell, it is the biggest internal challenge that gay men and women meet.
    One last thought......
    Darlin, don't worry about 'em lookin', worry when they stop..............
     
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