Stranger Danger!

B_subgirrl

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I think I would faint or possibly die if I had to do a public speaking thing. I hate being in front of people.

That's exactly why you would benefit from doing it.


I have not found a GOOD gay dating site, that's free, that has people in my area.

Look again then. Join several. And remember that membership of any group or website changes on a regular basis. The group that you reject today because there's no one from your area, may have several people from your area next week.


I think I should at least be able to look at someone for more than 3 seconds. Or when someone looks at me when I'm walking down the mall, and I happen to catch their eye, I don't immediately look away. And i'm talking instantaneous.

So start practising. Next time you talk to someone, count (in your head!) how long you can keep eye contact for. The next time try to stick it out for 1 second longer. Once you're comfortable with that, add another second. And if you can't increase it by a second, try a millisecond. You'll be making appropriate eye contact in no time.


And a therapist would be awesome, however I am broke lol. As to why I have enlisted the help of you all !

At least you're open to it :smile:. You should have a look around and see if there are any free services in your area. I think you would benefit a lot from it if you could find one.


pinkpineapples: you remind me of someone else on this site...

That name wouldn't begin with a B, would it? :tongue:
 

D_vukygujh

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If you are not presently able to talk to the people you are interested in, then you must do the opposite: become the most interesting person you can be, so that they will talk to you. Set up an aquarium, and then hang out at the pet store. Go to the gym. Go to the art gallery. Walk your neighbor’s dog in the park. Find something that interests you, and you will quickly find yourself in the company of people with whom you can more easily converse.

Then give us a full report, so that we can help you celebrate your successes.
 

pinkpineapples

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I have always been quite a shy person and not really one to initiate conversation, however I have learned some skills over the years to get over this. I suppose this is probably my main point...you can learn, and you can teach yourself interpersonal skills, even if this is not a natural part of your personality. Fortunately, it also seems that a large part of the population is quite outgoing and talkative...you only have to make yourself approachable and receptive to interaction. Be quick to say hi and flash a smile!

I have to say that this one keeps me in my comfort zone with a foot over the threshold. I work in retail so I have to break this comfort every day to approach people and say Hello. It's helped me in the sense I would have never done it before, so I'm slightly more comfortable, but still.

pinkpineapples: you remind me of someone else on this site...

Oh? I'm not the only crazy in the world now? lol
 
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pinkpineapples

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That's exactly why you would benefit from doing it.

So start practising. Next time you talk to someone, count (in your head!) how long you can keep eye contact for. The next time try to stick it out for 1 second longer. Once you're comfortable with that, add another second. And if you can't increase it by a second, try a millisecond. You'll be making appropriate eye contact in no time.

At least you're open to it :smile:. You should have a look around and see if there are any free services in your area. I think you would benefit a lot from it if you could find one.

Good advice I must say. Need to force myself to become more comfortable. This boicrush of mine asked me out to dinner today to meet his new girlfriend (oi) and I'll start with her. Try not to break eye contact too much. Shouldnt be hard when i'm strangling her (JUST KIDDING) lol.


If you are not presently able to talk to the people you are interested in, then you must do the opposite: become the most interesting person you can be, so that they will talk to you. Set up an aquarium, and then hang out at the pet store. Go to the gym. Go to the art gallery. Walk your neighbor’s dog in the park. Find something that interests you, and you will quickly find yourself in the company of people with whom you can more easily converse.

Then give us a full report, so that we can help you celebrate your successes.

I want fish now...lol But yeah, I get what you're saying.
 

hung15us

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I was afraid to speak in front of a large group. I then found out that they didn't know what I was going to say and I looked over their heads. You can baffle them with bull shit and they don't even know it. Look at Obama.
 

pinkpineapples

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Met his new girl friend today. (notice the space as they are not specifically dating yet lol) There was a plus one, as she was getting off work. And I think I did okay interacting. Didn't really talk much as this was them meeting and getting to see each other, but I did pipe in now and then. I think the fact he (almost typed his name lol) was there made it easier, and more comfortable. I had an in, i guess?

She's pretty =/ ...lol It was rather hard to walk away when they had their goodbye moment. I kinda want to tell him that i'm crushing, but yeah..who knows how that could go. Probably best to just keep it to myself but i want to f*ckin scream it.

"I wanna scream I love you from the top of my lungs
But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me" - Fall Out Boy
 

B_subgirrl

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Good advice I must say. Need to force myself to become more comfortable. This boicrush of mine asked me out to dinner today to meet his new girlfriend (oi) and I'll start with her. Try not to break eye contact too much. Shouldnt be hard when i'm strangling her (JUST KIDDING) lol.

Met his new girl friend today. (notice the space as they are not specifically dating yet lol) There was a plus one, as she was getting off work. And I think I did okay interacting.

Did you remember to try the eye contact thing?

I understand that desire to strangle BTW :wink:
 

B_subgirrl

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Yes, I held her eye much longer than I normally do. I THINK i'm doing okay. I've tried to not be so shy-guy when I'm around others.

Yay! Good on you! It's hard to step outside your comfort zone when doing so makes you feel so anxious, but it's well worth all the anxiety in the end. Keep persisting :smile::smile:.
 

pinkpineapples

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Yay! Good on you! It's hard to step outside your comfort zone when doing so makes you feel so anxious, but it's well worth all the anxiety in the end. Keep persisting :smile::smile:.

Yeah. I'm gonna try to keep it up. I even got the gall to tell the crush that I was crushin on him. He was fine with it lol. Had a feeling I was anyway. lol So that will give us some things to talk about tomorrow at work when we're alone. Put me just outside the comfort zone as well. Must remember eye contact! I've got to fight these feelings of frozen anxiety. It shall all be okay, I will be okay. I just have to remind myself that. No shyness aloud tomorrow.
 

B_subgirrl

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Yeah. I'm gonna try to keep it up. I even got the gall to tell the crush that I was crushin on him. He was fine with it lol. Had a feeling I was anyway. lol So that will give us some things to talk about tomorrow at work when we're alone. Put me just outside the comfort zone as well. Must remember eye contact! I've got to fight these feelings of frozen anxiety. It shall all be okay, I will be okay. I just have to remind myself that. No shyness aloud tomorrow.

You sound like you're doing better already. I'm glad it turned out so well with your crush :smile:. It must have taken some real balls to tell him him how you felt!
 

poultrygeist

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I can barely walk up to someone and say hi. Flirting is like...what? I wouldn't even begin to know how lol. It sounds so easy reading the words, like I could go out and do it. But when I think about doing it.. Just feel like I could probably die lol. I really wish I was outgoing and extroverted like some of the people I know (friend from work, -boicrush-), I just don't know HOW to be. Not without worrying what people think of me or whatever.

Why not join a group that seems to have a predominance of women in it? Something where men don't often participate. Like a gardening club, a pottery club or a cooking class? The reason you want more women than men there is because a LOT of women have gay men as friends, and once you get to know a few women there and are comfortable telling them you're gay, a lot of them will have fun playing matchmaker. Sounds silly but that's what I would do.
 

helgaleena

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One dating site with free messaging is OkCupid.com. Another site, Singlenet.com, has messaging between paying and non-paying, but only if initiated by the paying member. They both cater to gays, bi's, and straights.


OKCupid is what I recommend. They are constantly finding people for you to look at in your area, whether you asked them to or not. And the 'personality' tests are fun.

As for real life, it's way better to be on the prowl for friends and then get a crush one one of them, instead of random strangers. OTOH if somebody really looks hot to you, put on the thinking cap and notice things about them that might indicate mutual interests. If all the stars are aligned, they might be a friend at the very least!
 

pinkpineapples

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You sound like you're doing better already. I'm glad it turned out so well with your crush :smile:. It must have taken some real balls to tell him him how you felt!

Yeah, def not easy to do, but he laughed it off. So that's good. I'm glad it worked out well. Now just telling these emotions to cool it down, and I'll be set.

Why not join a group that seems to have a predominance of women in it? Something where men don't often participate. Like a gardening club, a pottery club or a cooking class? The reason you want more women than men there is because a LOT of women have gay men as friends, and once you get to know a few women there and are comfortable telling them you're gay, a lot of them will have fun playing matchmaker. Sounds silly but that's what I would do.

Not a bad idea. Gotta try to save up some money, but I'll keep that in mind.

OKCupid is what I recommend. They are constantly finding people for you to look at in your area, whether you asked them to or not. And the 'personality' tests are fun.

As for real life, it's way better to be on the prowl for friends and then get a crush one one of them, instead of random strangers. OTOH if somebody really looks hot to you, put on the thinking cap and notice things about them that might indicate mutual interests. If all the stars are aligned, they might be a friend at the very least!

I'll check the site out sometime. Maybe tonight if I don't go off here shortly. Hate crushing on someone lol. It's a great horrible feeling... Feel like I can't catch my breath around him sometimes and my heart wants to jump out of my chest. Even worse when you put it on someone who will NEVER give you want you want out of it..so, hopefully one-way friend crushes don't happen!
 

pinkpineapples

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You sound like you're doing better already. I'm glad it turned out so well with your crush :smile:. It must have taken some real balls to tell him him how you felt!

You would be proud... A man from Aflac approached me today to talk to me about a job, and I looked at him 98% of the time he was talking to me. (I HAD TO LOOK AWAY, HE WAS ALL UP ON ME lol) Not easy, but I did it. Saying hello to more people I see. Interacting.

Going to Barnes & Noble tomorrow w/ my aunt. Maybe I'll find a boi to say hi to. Perhaps find out where Prayers For Bobby might be. (I already have it though lol, only gay themed book I could think of off the top of my head) ^_^
 

B_subgirrl

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You would be proud... A man from Aflac approached me today to talk to me about a job, and I looked at him 98% of the time he was talking to me. (I HAD TO LOOK AWAY, HE WAS ALL UP ON ME lol) Not easy, but I did it. Saying hello to more people I see. Interacting.

Going to Barnes & Noble tomorrow w/ my aunt. Maybe I'll find a boi to say hi to. Perhaps find out where Prayers For Bobby might be. (I already have it though lol, only gay themed book I could think of off the top of my head) ^_^

I'm most definitely proud of you! To be honest, when you started this thread, I thought you were going to be one of the many shy posters who ask for help but are too shy to act on the advice given. You've proved me wrong :smile:.