stuck between a rock and hard place.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Sal_Manilla, Jan 15, 2012.

  1. D_Sal_Manilla

    D_Sal_Manilla Account Disabled

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    There was a time when I would hook up with strangers at the gym and a few guys I met in the streets and what not and after each encounter i felt dirty. Now i reflect on my behavior and I'm disgusted with myself. I don't know if i was looking for attention or whatever. I'm not a psychologist but this feeling is horrible. now I know that some people like that "lose cannon" lifestyle and nothing is wrong with that. but I have come to realize that it not for me. and now it so hard, as gay guy to find a partner.

    i don't want to have sex with strangers but i would like to have sex sometime soon. I've considered just waiting for some prince charming but lets get real. they don't exist and in serious note, I'm not gonna hold my breath to find out.

    and believe me when i say that i'm laughing as i write this.
    it feels like i'm stuck between a rock and hard place. :tongue:
    my lack of luck is very comedic.

    have you ever found yourself in this position?





    p.s. I've been tested and I'm 100% healthy. :smile:
     
  2. aninnymouse

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    Yeah. That seems to be the question that crops up so frequently on here. How do you meet someone for a solid, long term relationship? I think it's probably the same, straight or gay. You have to get out there, with people who you have common interests with.

    There are dating sites, and the like, but it seems that many of them are more trouble than they're worth.

    Good luck with it, man. You seem like a good guy from your posts on here. Hopefully your streak of bad luck will end soon.

    Exploring some of your own hobbies, whether it's music, movies, art, sports, politics, books, the outdoors, cars, whatever, and making firends and meeting people is probably the only way to go about it.
     
  3. FRE

    FRE
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    Unfortunately, your situation is very common and it is not always easy to solve.

    You live in a big city and are near another big city, i.e., NYC. There are various gay organizations in NYC, and possibly also in Jersey City, that would probably be helpful. Whether you are interested in music, hiking, reading, cooking, gardening, athletic, antique cars, or other activities, you can almost certainly find an organization for gay men with those interests. Joining one or more organizations of gay men who share you interests would be a good first step towards finding a suitable partner.

    Try doing an Internet search for gay organizations in your area. Alternatively, if you use classified 'phone directories for your area and look under gay, clubs, and organizations, you may be able to locate suitable organizations for your interests.

    Post what you find; it may be helpful to others.
     
  4. D_Sal_Manilla

    D_Sal_Manilla Account Disabled

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    never thought of doing that. I'll let you know how it goes.
     
  5. upone

    upone New Member

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    Keep in mind Dan Savage's advice for both straights and gays: A long term relationship happens when you have a whole bunch of one-night stands, and one of them sticks.
     
  6. FRE

    FRE
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    There are other ways. There are at least a few cases when the first "stand" has resulted in a LTR.

    Having a whole bunch of one-night stands is not without problems. There is the danger of becoming deeply emotionally involved with someone with whom a relationship would be impossible and that can really hurt. One can have a one night stand with someone and, upon learning more about him in the morning, find that there is a totally incompatible sense of values to the point that it is actually shocking or unnerving in which case one may regret having the encounter. There also risks, such as being robbed, killed, or getting an infection.

    Another problem is that it can take several encounters with the same partner to learn how he responds and for him to learn how you respond. In that case, the first encounter may not be very good, but the last one may be extremely good. The first encounter doesn't necessarily predict the potential and if there are not subsequent encounters, the opportunity for a LTR may be lost. Getting to know someone first can increase the probability of having a LTR.

    To guys might have very good sex together, but if they have nothing else in common, a LTR is unlikely. Relationships based only on sex don't last.
     
  7. D_Sal_Manilla

    D_Sal_Manilla Account Disabled

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    trust me. I know.
     
  8. FRE

    FRE
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    I trust you!
     
  9. D_Sal_Manilla

    D_Sal_Manilla Account Disabled

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    and what sucked was that the sex became lousy.

    I'm as bottom. I have need and wants. He just couldn't deliver. i hope that cheating, ill endowed, bastard's cock shrivels up and falls.


    i'm good again.
     
  10. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I don't think you can project your physical and emotional needs on another person. Maybe the guy wasn't into you at any real level but enjoyed some aspect of your connection with each other. Many younger guys aren't always clear about their desires in a relationship in the same way you might not always be clear either. It usually (but not always) takes time to get to know another person and the process itself is the journey. I also think it takes men a longer period of time to connect with their feelings and then communicate what they're feeling.
     
  11. D_Sal_Manilla

    D_Sal_Manilla Account Disabled

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    kill joy..... lol

    my ex was an ass. he wallowed in self pity, bitched about him mom, and was so insecure that he went soft. and when he cheated on me, he said it was my fault.

    i wonder why he changed so much. he was actually a really nice guy when we first met.
     
  12. helgaleena

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    I think it is very important to be loving with yourself before you look for long term love. Spend much more time with yourself, pampering yourself, learning to enjoy your ouwn company and really feel as if you are attractive and lovable deep down. Then you will gradually develop a sort of magnetism for happy and loving types of people.

    This has come up in postings here over the years; it really does work that way. But it's hard to say exactly how because every person has to learn how to be comfortable with themselves in their own way.

    Remember, you are the only person in your life who will never leave you, and who you can never replace. Getting along with you is the foundation of all other stable relations.
     
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