Stupid joke time!

[grendel25]

A man is showering up in a locker room with his buddy when he notices his friend is very well endowed.

"Damn Bob, you're hung!" Jim exclaims.

"I wasn't always this impressive, I had to work for it."

"What do you mean?" Jim asked.

"Well, every day for the past two years I've spent an hour each night rubbing it with butter. I know it sounds crazy but it actually made it grow 4 inches! You should try it." Jim agrees and the two say good bye.

A few months later the two are in the same locker room and Bob asks Jim how his situation was.

Jim replied, "I did what you sa id, Bob, but I've actually gotten smaller! I lost two inches already!"

"Did you do everything I told you? An hour each day with butter?"

"Well, I was out of butter, so I've been using Crisco."

"Crisco!!?" Bob exclaimed!! "Damn it, Jim, Crisco is shortening!"

 

[Osiris]

That was so bad...

I'm dying here. :rofl:

 

[Captain Elephant]

Brad's was coming downhill on a bridge when the state trooper clocked him at 79. A sucker speed trap if there ever was one. The cop waves him over, and begins writing him a ticket.

Stoic Brad said not a word during the whole painful ordeal, and the trooper, realizing his frustration and depression decides to engage him in a little small talk.

"So what is it that you do that you're in such a hurry?" Smokey asked handing him the ticket.

"Well, if you must know," Brad replied, "I'm a prick-stretcher."

"A what?" the cop chuckled not believing what he heard.

"A prick-stretcher, you know, guys hire me to stretch their pricks. I'm very good at it, too. Sometimes I can add two, three inches to a fellow, and depending on the guy I can get a lot more."

"Get out!" the cop exclaimed, leaning an elbow on Brad's car sounding very interested to hear more.

"Oh yeah, really. Every so often, if things are right, I can stretch a prick to six feet!"

"No way!" the cop jumped back. "Now what in the hell can you do with a six-foot prick?"

Brad look him cooly in the eye "Stick a radar gun in his hand and put him at the bottom of a bridge." And he drove off.

 

[ZOS23xy]

I asked a woman if she used condoms and she said "It depends what in it for me."