Sub women, I need advice

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Superfantastique, Aug 5, 2010.

  1. Superfantastique

    Superfantastique New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2010
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Oakland, Ca
    Let me first preface my following statements and question by saying that I consider myself to be a very good lover...i can completely ravish a woman and fuck like a champ. And, Ive got the tool to do it. However, I have a new relationship with a woman in which we are compatible in every way, and we finally became intimate 48hrs ago in a 24 hour fuckfest (ie 6 times throughout the time period of various pleasing).

    Outside sex, we are an equal partner couple...she loves that we are 50/50 on everything. However, during the last leg of our sex marathon she began to reveal to me what she likes to do, and have done, including that she prefers a Dom/sub dynamic. I AM TOTALLY NEW to this, like virgin new...I know nothing. I think that she tried to ease me into it by coaxing me into making her give me a rough blowjob with dick slapping while on her knees on my tiled floor. She also let me know that she loves it when I cum fed her. It also seemed that in our last session it felt like she wanted me to control her gratification, and when she cums. She becomes overly willing to "please me". I feel like I bungled the last session.

    So Subs, how does this Dom thing work? What are your expectations? Is there a point of crossing the line? I should probably talk to her about what she expects and wants, but I'd like to go into that conversation with some understanding...so please advise. And Googling the subject brings up pages upon pages of incoherent bullshit. Thanks in advance for your help.
     
  2. Belly_Dancer

    Belly_Dancer Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2007
    Messages:
    846
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Canada
    I think your best bet would be to do some reading ASAP. One book my husband and I have that is pretty good is Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns, by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon. It presents a lot of basic information on Domination and submission and how most people play. I would probably start with that.

    There are a couple of BDSM web sites you could visit and read/post on, such as Bondage.com and CollarMe.com. But keep in mind a lot of the discussions in progress are amongst experienced players and so they may be hard for a beginner to glean any useful information from. I think Bondage.com has a good library of articles but if I remember correctly you have to pay to access it. It may be worth it for you right now, though, if you need to get basic information quickly.

    Your final option is to look at some BDSM porn to get an idea of how some people play. Granted, the BDSM porn sites have a lot more equipment than you do right now (which I assume is none), but you can get an idea of some different kinds of Dom/sub interaction. A good place to start is kink.com. They run a number of sites, several of which are Male Dom/fem sub, such as hogtied.com, sexandsubmission.com, devicebondage.com, and publicdisgrace.com. They have a free site where you can view some photos and little snippets of video, which may be helpful if you have seen absolutely nothing before. If you want to watch entire videos of Dom/sub interaction with oral, vaginal, and anal sex, the best site to join is probably sexandsubmission.com. Hogtied.com and devicebondage.com are good, but they are basically women being tied up/restrained and forced to orgasm with vibrators. There is bondage and domination but no direct sexual interaction between men and women on those sites.

    Hope this helps.

    Edit: the url for the kink.com free site is http://www.free-hardcore.com/.
     
    #2 Belly_Dancer, Aug 5, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2010
  3. thehighheelsgirl

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2006
    Messages:
    171
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Female
    You could def start at collerme.com and bondage.com. If you're new to the game, and she's not, just make sure she realizes this and she wants to be topped, and that could be a good start, unless she's set on only being with an experienced dom, and if that's the case, well....
     
  4. Superfantastique

    Superfantastique New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2010
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Oakland, Ca
    @thehighheelsgirl, yes she knows that I'm new to this, and knows that I am very excited to explore the role. She's not new to the game however, and has made it clear that she wants to be topped, and I'm more than happy to oblige.
     
  5. MarkLondon

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2008
    Messages:
    1,986
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London, UK
    I have a theory that it's actually the sub in charge in these situations. Maybe she'd rather train you up herself.
     
  6. Superfantastique

    Superfantastique New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2010
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Oakland, Ca
    @MarkLondon, she has commented, on 2 occasions, during and after sessions that she likes that I'm a "fast learner".
     
  7. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2010
    Messages:
    9,873
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NSW, Australia
    I've been meaning to post in this thread for days, but kept forgetting so apologies for the delay.


    Just like in vanilla relationships, every sub wants different things in her Dom, and has different expectations. But I think one thing that is common to the vast majority of subs, is that she expects her Dom to keep her safe at all times. Even when you are doing some pretty scary shit or involving others in your play, in fact ESPECIALLY during these times, she needs be able to know and trust that you will keep her safe.


    Most definitely. A good guideline is probably that you should always respect her, even when causing her physical pain, or calling her things you wouldn't have dreamed of calling a woman in a different kind of relationship. Each person has their own limits though and it's important that you find out what these are. Some things you can only discover from experience (ie. go slowly and gently with new stuff unless you KNOW she will like it). For other things, a checklist of limits will help. P4A has a link to one in one of the threads below.


    Definitely. Have a look at the checklist I mentioned above and google any acts in it you haven't heard of before.

    Have a read of all the sites others have suggested in this thread. I won't suggest any more - you've probably got enough for now.

    Asking your sub to show you some of the porn she likes (written or visual) can be a big help too. While she may not want to actually do the acts described, it may give you a feel for the kinds of language and scenes that turn her on.

    These threads may also give you a bit of a feel for things:

    http://www.lpsg.org/194848-dominating-advice-from-women.html

    It sounds like you are going to be more deeply involved than what is discussed in this thread, but it may still give you some ideas. This is the one that has the link to the checklist in it.


    http://www.lpsg.org/188331-a-little-selfishness-isnt-always.html

    This thread isn't even about BDSM specifically, although it wanders into that territory occasionally. You still may find something useful in it.


    Good luck and have fun! Come back and ask more questions if you need to.
     
  8. La_Minix

    La_Minix New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2009
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Luxemburg
    Very well said ! Topping from the bottom
     
  9. Superfantastique

    Superfantastique New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2010
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Oakland, Ca
    @Subgirrl & Belly_Dancer, Thank you...this is quite helpful!!
     
  10. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2010
    Messages:
    9,873
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NSW, Australia
    You're welcome :smile:
     
  11. trance604

    trance604 Member

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Messages:
    287
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Vancouver BC
    i use fetlife.com works like facebook and good for information
     
Draft saved Draft deleted