Successful intercourse after years of pain

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Love-it, Sep 7, 2005.

  1. Love-it

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    After 31 years, 30 years married, we finally understand why my wife experienced painful intercourse.
    This has been a long and painful road for us. At first I was unaware/ignorant of the problem but after a few months of living together we started visiting doctors. The first problems addressed were persistent candidiasis and a few UTI's. One suggestion along the line was to remove all of her mercury/silver dental fillings that were supposedly suppressing her immune system through the leaching of mercury into the body. Some improvements were noted but they were always temporary. We visited with many types of doctors and she read many books about self realization but nothing seemed to help. We went to a great marriage counselor/therapist and she continued for quite a few years, lots of parental issues but she can't remember any sexual abuse.
    When we first got together I thought our sex life was great but I soon realized that I was causing her pain during intercourse. Intercourse became less and less frequent until it was once or twice a year, oral sex was once a month during many of those years. In the last 2-3 years oral sex, which is great, increased to about once every week or sometimes two. Progress!
    Last year my wife was spotting and smart woman that she is went to the doctor where they found uterine cancer cells. Eleven months ago she underwent a successful hysterectomy and no other cancer cells were found. Hurray!
    During her recovery we talked a lot about how a hysterectomy would affect her femininity and sexuality. Three months after her surgery we were allowed to play, she was hesitant but found that she still enjoyed oral sex. receiving and giving, and we tried intercourse once again with the same results, painful for her and because it was so tight it was also painful for me. She was very afraid that she would not be able to accommodate my penis because she had tried herself for depth and she thought that the surgery had left her not as deep as she used to be. When we had intercourse in the past she had no problem with my 6.2" length x 5.9" girth, but in a way she had forgotten that we used to get my penis in, she only remembers that intercourse was always painful.
    I felt bad, after all I was receiving great head, no deep throating though, and I loved bringing her to great orgasms with my tongue/mouth, but I was unhappy because I also wanted intercourse. My wife understood my needs as well as she could and after trying intercourse one night she was crying and said "You are just to big for me." Well I started to think about her statement, I had always thought that I was "average". So I got on-line and started researching penis size, I am about average for length but fairly large in girth. Well, the next day I apologized to my wife for not being as sensitive/understanding about her pain after all these years as I should have been. Ignorance is not bliss!
    While I am not as big as most of the men on the LPSG site, I was a stretch for my wife and we made the mistake of not understanding. If we had of understood this years ago she could have gradually stretched her vagina to accommodate my girth and avoided most if not all of her pain.
    We started to look into gradually stretching her vagina to fit my girth and found that larger dildos are not the norm, 1.5" seems to be about as big as most dildos get. We found several pyrex dildo's that seemed to have the advantage of slipperiness over plastic and rubber ones but the diameter was not stated in the catalog. When we got them we found out that they were 1.25" and 1.5" in diameter. However it was a good start for her as she was quite tight.
    With a renewed interest in the possibilities of actually having successful intercourse, my wife began to diligently exercise with her dildo's to stretch her vaginal walls. She still swears that there isn't enough depth for my penis length and I am still trying to convince her that her vagina elongates (tenting) in her orgasmic phase.
    Success! On the first try she actually tolerated insertion and thrusting and I didn't feel like I had to cum as fast as possiblee and it was a great relief not be causing her extreme pain. Well she was a bit sore after 5 minutes but she and I were ecstatic, what a difference
    My wife started measuring bottles in our kitchen and in stores to see if she could find any glass bottles or other objects the next size up, she used her fingers to gauge size, she didn't have much luck. Since she is not a computer person, I was more than happy to research larger dildo's. I found PassionGlass.com, they have a few larger dildo's and I ordered one that I thought might work. Length is an issue and it turned out not to be the ideal dildo but it is still an improvement over what she was using. It was stepped on one end with 1.25", 1.5", 1.75" and 2" diameters and it had a 1.6" head at the other end with a curved 1" diameter shaft. At this time she can't get past the 1.5" step because of the length at that point. The 1.6" diameter head at the other end has benefited her the most.
    She still feels "stretched" with my 5.9" girth (about 1 7/8" (1.87")) so we have asked the manufacture to give us a quote on a custom dildo with a 1.75" head on one end and a 2" head on the other and with a 1 1/2" diameter curved shaft. We hope that she will be able to handle this after some practice.
    My wife is more interested in sex and life is better for both of us, there is also a renewed sense of pride in ourselves and our relationship.
    We wish that more information had been available 31 years ago but we are plenty happy and enjoying sex now.
    Love, patience and some understanding.
     
  2. ItsJustMe

    ItsJustMe New Member

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    Congratulations, and continued good health to your wife.

    By the way I had a hysterectomy three years ago at the age of 37. While that's relatively young by hysterectomy standards I had a slew of problems and prior surgeries as well as pre-cancerous cells. Not once have I felt less of a woman or less secure in my sexuality because I don't have a uterus and I hope it's not an issue for your wife.

    Sorry for going slighty off topic.
     
  3. Love-it

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    You are not off topic as far as I am concerned. Congratulations on a successful outcome with your hysterectomy and not letting it have an adverse affect on your sexuality. I believe my wife's hysterectomy helped her in achieving a self realization/confidence that was absent beforehand. I can't explain why or how this occurred but in the last 11 months she seemed to gather some inner strength and with her confidence level enhanced she was finally able to relax enough to re-engage with her sexuality.
     
  4. citygirl

    citygirl Member

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    I'm glad your wife's health is returning to normal and both of you can enjoy life to the fullest. I think its a testament to your marriage that its lasted so long and both of you have been there for each other through thick and thin, sickness and health. You don't see many marriages like that, in fact one spouse always selfishly leaves to fulfill their needs.
     
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