Such a thing as too independent?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by B_Think_Kink, Dec 15, 2007.

  1. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Seriously? I went out to a xmas party as someones date. I was bored most of the time and not used to being catered to. I'm one of those girls that can do it all myself. I actually dislike people serving me and stuff, sheesh let me do it myself.

    What do you ladies think? Is there such a thing as too independent?
     
  2. EagleCowboy

    EagleCowboy Well-Known Member

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    Not for me!!
    I'm that way myself and I love women who are that way.
    I seem to have lots more fun with independent women.
     
  3. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Well I was scolded for not letting him buy me a drink. I make enough money to support myself.
     
  4. ManlyBanisters

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    If not letting someone buy you a drink is what you consider independant then I think that maybe you are taking it a little too far. Why the hell not let the guy buy you a drink - then you buy him one back - it's a new-fangled concept called 'a round' :tongue:

    By having people serve you do you mean waiting staff or do you mean your date wanted to get stuff for you? And what's wrong with that either? You can equally do the same for him - it isn't sexist or an assault on your independance - it's another new-fangled concept we have called 'courtesy'.

    In summary - no, there is no such thing as too independant - but I don't believe the behaviour you are outlining is independance.
     
  5. D_golden parachute

    D_golden parachute New Member

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    You declined him buying you a drink cos you are 'independent'?

    Does that not sound a bit silly to you?

    Him buying you a drink is a friendly gesture, he's not saying 'you are a woman, you must be poor, let me pay'
     
  6. B_Monster

    B_Monster New Member

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    I wouldn't worry Think Kink, lots of men out here that like your way of thinking, I think its a huge turn-on for a woman to be independent, who want a woman thats just gonna lay there, so to speak.
     
  7. D_Geffarde Phartsmeller

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    I prefer independence in my ladies. Some guys need to feel needed, however. The helpless damsel in distress and all that jazz.
     
  8. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    I meant my date like pouring my drinks and and asking 4-5 times if I'm sure I don't want a drink... like it's nothing to do with assault on my independence but I've never been on a formal date so it was so weird having someone do everything for me... I really didn't like it.

    It was more bizzar than anything... It was like.. someone was tending to my needs. I've never had that, I've chosen a life of solidarity pretty much and this was not something I liked.
    Well yeah it's like... I don't need anyone to do anything for me.
    I can see that too.
     
  9. Principessa

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  10. 36DD

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    Independence is a good thing to have, but I think what you're referring to is whether or not you feel comfortable with allowing a gentleman to do something for you. I personally have no problem with it, and I can do for him too. Maybe in the future think of it as allowing him the opportunity to show that side of him. I'm in my 40's, so maybe it is more of a generational thing...but I think men admire independent women yet still have the need to protect us.
     
  11. ManlyBanisters

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    Sounds like the guy was nervous - or not sure what to do, how to behave with you. This was like an office Christmas party or something like that? Maybe he wanted to make a 'good impression' on the folks around him and thought being gentlemanly to his date would be one way. And being gentlemanly does sound like what he was doing. I guess if you weren't comfortable you weren't comfortable and maybe you should have told him that - you know, said something like 'You're sweet but chill off on the gentlemanly stuff please - it's not my buzz'.

    Chosen a life of solidarity? With what? Sorry - I don't know what you mean there.
     
  12. Principessa

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  13. ManlyBanisters

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    Yowzers (not a word I use lightly :tongue:) that's a pretty sweeping generalisation, NJ. I'm sure that is true of some guys - but I also know many independant women who are married and have been in those relationships for decades without being called controlling, nor cheated on, and that's just looking around my own family.
     
  14. whatireallywant

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  15. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Fuck you. I didn't ask your opinion on what I did wrong. I don't drink beer thank you, and I have enough class to not take everything I'm offered. I was quite chilled out thanks. And yes I do make enough money to support myself.. but thanks for assuming you know fuck all about my life. I buy everything I want and need.

    Don't you call me dumb. Reading what? What the hell are you talking about?!

    I declined to let him buy me a drink cause he's 14 years older than me. And I had bought my own.

    Dating protocol? Okay lets remember one thing here... I don't date. Raised by wolves, bitch you have some nerve! Sorry I wasn't taught dating etiquette in private school... Sorry I don't feel the need for men to wait on my every whim. If I wanted to hear you're opinion on what I did wrong I would have asked for it. I asked about independence... lets stick to the topic eh.

    I don't feel comfortable around men at all. I was abused badly by the only guy in my life that I was close to. My dinner date was 14 years older than me.. I've never been on a date, I don't date because I don't like to be around men. I was under the impression I was going for fun and as a dinner date.. then it got turned around as a date.

    I'd be nervous too... it was an office christmas party and everyone was acting like he was taking me home. Solidarity.. as in I'm not getting married and I don't want to live with a partner.
     
  16. ManlyBanisters

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    Well - I don't see what the age difference has to do with it - but anyway - maybe if your life brings a date like this your way again you can let the guy know in advance what behaviour you are comfortable with and what behaviour you find clostrophobic / uncomfortable.

    I still believe there is no such thing as too independant but I believe in putting people at ease socially and I don't think the two are mutually exclusive.

    Solidarity - ah - yes, um - think you might be barking up the wrong dictionary there, sugar.

    Solidarity: A union of interests, purposes, or sympathies among members of a group; fellowship of responsibilities and interests

    Do you mean, maybe, solitary?

    Solitary: Existing, living, or going without others; alone

    Or perhaps Solipsism woud suit you best :biggrin1: - yes - I think you could be a fantastic Solipsist, it's something I aspire to myself.

    Solipsism: The belief that only oneself and one's experience exists. Solipsism is the extreme consequence of believing that knowledge must be founded on inner, personal states of experience, and then failing to find a bridge whereby they can inform us of anything beyond themselves. Solipsism of the present moment extends its scepticism even to one's own past states, so that all that is left is me, now.
     
  17. LeeEJ

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    That sounds like a good guess to me, actually. Think_Kink, I'd even say that he was trying to make a good impression on you, and that's all he knew to do. Can't blame a guy for trying. :wink:

    I don't think that "too independent" is a problem here, but a simple disdain for a traditional gesture of social drinking.

    If a guy offers to buy you a drink (and you'd like a drink anyway :wink: ), go ahead and accept, and offer to buy the next round. If he's like me, he'll feel VERY relieved, probably even like he's welcomed. You'll still have your independence, at least in terms of paying your fair share. And, at least among my friends, taking turns buying rounds is the usual routine.
     
  18. LeeEJ

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    I sat on my previous post for so long that I missed the further discussion.. lol

    Okay, yeah, I wouldn't accept a drink from him, either.

    Are you really 20? I wouldn't offer to buy you a drink myself -- that's just weird & creepy.
     
  19. 36DD

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  20. EagleCowboy

    EagleCowboy Well-Known Member

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    ROFLMAO!!
    Darlin', ya knows I loves ya, and I always love what you post and have to say, and I'm thinking you don't really mean that. Were you just having a low blood sugar moment? :confused::tongue:

    Darlin', you know as well as I do there is a difference between being a controlling bitch and being independent.

    Truth of the matter is, I love a woman that can have a flat tire, takes care of and deals with it herself, and thinks nothing of it, (or some other crazy event) rather than one that calls me constantly whining/demanding that I come rescue her for every little thing that she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself.

    Don't get me wrong. I don't have any problem at all being a night in shining armor rushing in to save the day on his noble (yet buff and beautiful) stallion for the big things. (and I'm actually good at it :biggrin1: ) I do have a problem doing that bit for the trivial things where a night in shining armor is not required and is overkill. Because that's when I feel taken advantage of and abused.

    I would be currently married to one now, but she just doesn't want to be married. To anyone. I've proposed to her 3 times and was turned down flat 3 times. Right now, she has found me again and is attempting to wedge her way back into my life. :eek:

    Besides, I'll end a relationship before I'll ever entertain the thought of cheating.
     
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