.....
I had known Mike for 7 years, a friend yet more of an acquaintance. His father, (John), has been sober 25 years and helps many people...including myself.... Mike had about the same time sober as me. He fell off the wagon, but his other demons followed him and he was never able to find peace. He recently asked me if he could come in and apply for a job where I work in the morning, and was telling others about it. He never made it, but I continued to see him at meetings. Last time I saw him was Thursday night, sitting with his Dad. We spoke a few words afterwards, he apologised for not coming in, I said "no worries, when you're ready, we'll still be there", gave him a hug....Apparently Saturday night, he left his sponsor's house where a child's birthday party was taking place. Mike suffered from schizophrenia, and amongst his last words at the birthday party were that he couldn't stand the pain any longer, he hugged everyone and said he loved them, said he was tired and excused himself. He walked his short distance home, and was found later that evening in his room by his older brother, who became a basket case.... Nobody is saying how it was done and it doesn't really matter, I guess.....his Mom and Dad are dealing with it as well as can be expected. One of his Dad's projects is a home he has set up for mentally ill individuals who are trying to get a firm footing in life...ie, off the drugs and booze, and moving forward from there. He's had Mike stay there in the past.
So here we are, left with the task of identifying reasons to be grateful that we are alive, and uh...yeah. I'm very grateful. There are so many days when it's taken for granted, and then something happens. A death is one thing, but when it has the added morbid twist of someone taking their own life, there are so many questions, on so many levels, and none of them will ever be answered.
This really IS a good life, everyone.
Okay, one week later....
This is still taking time to sink in. For the family it's obviously hundreds of times worse. I look up to Mike's Dad as one of my heroes in this life, many do. WHat's great is he sees it as a mutual relationship, that every one that he helps pays it forward. To see him sharing about Mike at my Thursday meeting and remain stoic through it all was amazing, but he did break down once, and the brother who found Mike's body was there too, looking completely lost. It turns out that on hearing the news, Mike's mother completely shut down, not knowing who or where she was, and needed to be in the hospital for a couple days.
We were told that Mike had been secretly drinking and not taking his meds....and he rigged up some kind of "zip-gun" out of a metal pipe and a shotgun shell. He did the final deed in his room, in an apartment he shared with his brother. His brother was dropped off there a couple hours later after the birthday party, and within 20 minutes, Dad got the call.
Others were called immediately and converged there, but were not let in the room, as it was treated as a crime scene until investigated. After it was determined a suicide and Mike's body taken away by the Coroner, on top of the existing trauma was something they never show in the movies or tv. There's no magical clean-up crew that comes out and removes all pathological waste while grieving family and friends console each other in the other room. Everything was soaked and spattered with viscera...ruined. Carpet, paint, ceiling, furniture, everything. Mike's room needed to be cleaned, and it was family and friends left with the job of doing this. A macabre kind of insult added to injury.
Funeral services, internment and "party" afterwards began on Friday morning. Hundreds turned out to the Catholic mass and memorial service.... talk about ritualistic morbidity.
Saturday morning over a dozen friends volunteered their time to move the brother's furniture and everything else out of the apartment into a new one. Whatever strings needed to be pulled to accomodate this were done, the family is very well off. This would not be the case for most people, I would think.
We're left with a mixture of fond memories of Mike, absolute sadness and grief for the family, and anger that he would do this, having some awareness of how he would be found and what would have to be done. And there is no closure, in spite of the services, the prayers, condolences, anything.
I'm only sharing this to follow up on my previous post. I'm not compromising anyone's anonymity or privacy, Mike's Dad will use this incident for the rest of his life in his ongoing efforts in helping others.
Suicide IS an ultimate act of selfishness.
.
