So...especially since having children, I've picked up a penchant for clairvoyance...not in the mystical magical sense, just a more accurate foresight based upon past events and probable future consequences..much to the chagrin of my wife, said clairvoyance spills over into my interactions with her, where I can predict her behavior, or her probable consequences to a fairly accurate degree...and unfortunately for her one of my more chilling predictions came true about 3hrs ago, when after having trouble getting in touch with her, I finally get her on the phone and find out she had just been raped...
My wife often goes out with her best friend friday nights..a little drinking some dumb dancing, a drunken stop by Taco Bell on the way home, relatively routine stuff.. The problem is usually at some point in the night alcohol would take control and two things would happen, best friend gets flighty and leaves with some guy, my wife gets mad she was left and hangs out alone until someone she knows comes along and she hangs out with them...Now usually in any club or bar going friend group, im the responsible one, the chaperone if you will. I keep up with everybody , make sure no one is too intoxicated, and ensure that whomever we came with is properly accounted for when we leave. Rule one when doing this is never leave anyone, especially a woman, drunk and alone. Now I knew what typically happened between my wife and friend while they were out, because they typically communicated through our group chat, and between the texts they'd send each other once they got separated, and the subsequent argument at home it was pretty easy to tell what was going on...More than once, after she had sobered up I sat my wife down and implored to change up her strategy if she was going to go out...I understood why she would have her feelings hurt at her drunk friend leaving her, but I warned her that her tendency to isolate herself out of anger and spite does not work with drunkenness and predatory men in the real world...when we 1st moved here she had a fight with her sister that motivated her to drunkenly leave the bar and get so lost she had to knock on a stranger's door to call the police, the lesson of which got lost because she and her sister had a somewhat unrelated fistfight almost immediately after my wife was brought home. I distinctly remember telling her, if she continues walks off like that, she is bound to be hurt, killed, raped or kidnapped..that she needs to either get over her drunken feelings and stick to the buddy system, or call me and I will come to get her no matter what...which went over as exactly successful as you would imagine a man telling a woman what she should or should not be doing would go...
So exactly what I predicted came to pass, she and friend went out, after they got inebriated they got separated, or the friend dipped out, doesnt really matter...I picked on this early as the friend was looking for my wife on the group chat. I checked my wifes direct messenger and saw she was on a call, so I chastised her a bit for at least not letting me know directly she was ok when she decided to punitively ghost her friend...apparently my wife drunkenly decided, fuck her, and proceeded out side to smoke a cigarette...now knowing my wifes drunken petty nature Im fairly confident she didnt just go outside to smoke, she did so in a manner that if her friend popped out her head to look for her, she wouldn't be able to see her, so wife leaves the safety of multiple people outside the establishment smoking, and once alone, some dude decided to drag in her into a nearby alley and rape her...
I hear this, immediately leave work and go to her because she's talking to the police...but because she's drunk and emotional as well as cops are typically shitry and power obsessed, it turns into a situation where she's getting the impression they dont believe her and not much cooperation can be garnered from a vitim who feels shes not believed. So I pick her up as shes walking home..she wanted to drop it because she didnt like how the police were treating her, I noticed right away that asking questions about the incident wouldn't really get any answer but just an angry diatribe about how shitty the previous person was...I damn near had to force her to go to the hospital as Ive watched enough SVU to know a rape kit was necessary..once there I realized partway why her interaction went so badly with the police; that while making the report she asserted she wanted to go to the hospital for the exam..our particular region has an off site location for the drs and nurses that handle examinations after sexual assault, the cop referred to it as "Women's Center", which is often a euphemism for those low key anti abortion spots, at best confusing to an intoxicated and emotionally upset person. Luckily I was able to convince her to at least go to the emergency room; again Im thinking at least some sort of antibiotic is needed, not to mention establishing a valid paper trail to accompany whatever lackluster report the cops did. The drs clarified the Womens Center and went and called ahead so that theyd be expecting us...i brought her home on the way so she could get a cigarette..she promptly stripped and passed out in bed..where she now snores...
I called the Women's Center...they told me I did the right thing, by not forcing her there and that we could get an exam done within 120hrs of the assault...
But I'm lost...like I know alcohol intoxication can generate some odd behaviors, but as I rushed to her side and took the proactive route in calling the police to ensure a proper report was filed(as she cursed at them in the background), chastised the particular officer she dealt with for being dismissive of the understandable rantings and actions of a drunk woman aware shes just been raped, took her to the ER, spoke to the Women's Center to set up her exam, she insists that no one cares..that all this is okaying what happened to her...what really agitated me was the notion that I was only interested in an exam so that I wouldn't catch anything the next time we had sex...
Like I intelligently know it's all too common for victims to lash out..but her words are sticking with me, to the point Im taking them at face value, as if that's her true feelings...
Do I just persevere and withstand whatever emotional onslaught this event has triggered, or what? And now that she's mentioned it what does it mean if I have a reluctance to get sexual with her from henceforth?
My wife often goes out with her best friend friday nights..a little drinking some dumb dancing, a drunken stop by Taco Bell on the way home, relatively routine stuff.. The problem is usually at some point in the night alcohol would take control and two things would happen, best friend gets flighty and leaves with some guy, my wife gets mad she was left and hangs out alone until someone she knows comes along and she hangs out with them...Now usually in any club or bar going friend group, im the responsible one, the chaperone if you will. I keep up with everybody , make sure no one is too intoxicated, and ensure that whomever we came with is properly accounted for when we leave. Rule one when doing this is never leave anyone, especially a woman, drunk and alone. Now I knew what typically happened between my wife and friend while they were out, because they typically communicated through our group chat, and between the texts they'd send each other once they got separated, and the subsequent argument at home it was pretty easy to tell what was going on...More than once, after she had sobered up I sat my wife down and implored to change up her strategy if she was going to go out...I understood why she would have her feelings hurt at her drunk friend leaving her, but I warned her that her tendency to isolate herself out of anger and spite does not work with drunkenness and predatory men in the real world...when we 1st moved here she had a fight with her sister that motivated her to drunkenly leave the bar and get so lost she had to knock on a stranger's door to call the police, the lesson of which got lost because she and her sister had a somewhat unrelated fistfight almost immediately after my wife was brought home. I distinctly remember telling her, if she continues walks off like that, she is bound to be hurt, killed, raped or kidnapped..that she needs to either get over her drunken feelings and stick to the buddy system, or call me and I will come to get her no matter what...which went over as exactly successful as you would imagine a man telling a woman what she should or should not be doing would go...
So exactly what I predicted came to pass, she and friend went out, after they got inebriated they got separated, or the friend dipped out, doesnt really matter...I picked on this early as the friend was looking for my wife on the group chat. I checked my wifes direct messenger and saw she was on a call, so I chastised her a bit for at least not letting me know directly she was ok when she decided to punitively ghost her friend...apparently my wife drunkenly decided, fuck her, and proceeded out side to smoke a cigarette...now knowing my wifes drunken petty nature Im fairly confident she didnt just go outside to smoke, she did so in a manner that if her friend popped out her head to look for her, she wouldn't be able to see her, so wife leaves the safety of multiple people outside the establishment smoking, and once alone, some dude decided to drag in her into a nearby alley and rape her...
I hear this, immediately leave work and go to her because she's talking to the police...but because she's drunk and emotional as well as cops are typically shitry and power obsessed, it turns into a situation where she's getting the impression they dont believe her and not much cooperation can be garnered from a vitim who feels shes not believed. So I pick her up as shes walking home..she wanted to drop it because she didnt like how the police were treating her, I noticed right away that asking questions about the incident wouldn't really get any answer but just an angry diatribe about how shitty the previous person was...I damn near had to force her to go to the hospital as Ive watched enough SVU to know a rape kit was necessary..once there I realized partway why her interaction went so badly with the police; that while making the report she asserted she wanted to go to the hospital for the exam..our particular region has an off site location for the drs and nurses that handle examinations after sexual assault, the cop referred to it as "Women's Center", which is often a euphemism for those low key anti abortion spots, at best confusing to an intoxicated and emotionally upset person. Luckily I was able to convince her to at least go to the emergency room; again Im thinking at least some sort of antibiotic is needed, not to mention establishing a valid paper trail to accompany whatever lackluster report the cops did. The drs clarified the Womens Center and went and called ahead so that theyd be expecting us...i brought her home on the way so she could get a cigarette..she promptly stripped and passed out in bed..where she now snores...
I called the Women's Center...they told me I did the right thing, by not forcing her there and that we could get an exam done within 120hrs of the assault...
But I'm lost...like I know alcohol intoxication can generate some odd behaviors, but as I rushed to her side and took the proactive route in calling the police to ensure a proper report was filed(as she cursed at them in the background), chastised the particular officer she dealt with for being dismissive of the understandable rantings and actions of a drunk woman aware shes just been raped, took her to the ER, spoke to the Women's Center to set up her exam, she insists that no one cares..that all this is okaying what happened to her...what really agitated me was the notion that I was only interested in an exam so that I wouldn't catch anything the next time we had sex...
Like I intelligently know it's all too common for victims to lash out..but her words are sticking with me, to the point Im taking them at face value, as if that's her true feelings...
Do I just persevere and withstand whatever emotional onslaught this event has triggered, or what? And now that she's mentioned it what does it mean if I have a reluctance to get sexual with her from henceforth?