Suppporting a trans employee

[Infernal]

I'm a manager at a small family-run retail store and we have an employee who is exploring transitioning. This individual and the twin sister are both lesbians and one of them is either exploring the possibility of transitioning or has already started. I'm in my early 50's and the staff that is within the LGBTQ+ spectrum are all in their early 20's. They have all come to me for advice on navigating life's challenges and I'm happy to share my own experiences as I can. One of the twin sisters is having a hard time with an older brother. He's from a previous relationship in the family and he's significantly older. He's homophobic and transphobic and has been unbelievably cruel about it. I've given some advice on dealing with the older brother. Mostly about how the reaction gives him power and not reacting to his taunts or letting him get to you emotionally takes away his power. I've also given some more straightforward advice on cutting him down to size and exposing his own hypocrisy when he talks about watching lesbian porn. (IE a form of homosexuality that is enjoyed and celebrated when getting his rocks off, but bad because his "sisters" live it)

I've explained that we each have our own journey through life, and no one should ever have to justify their own quest for happiness. I support her 100% in her choice. I'm trying to walk a fine line with this because sometimes the shit her brother dumps on her affects her performance at work. We've had conversations about life skills and how to disconnect from the shit her brother dumps on her and not let it affect her, but these are skills we develop over time and she may not have them yet. Is there anything else I can do or advice I can give?

 

[CircumcisedCock]

I work in a very accepting workplace with regards to personal choices of identity. It is difficult in small organisations to provide all the support without affecting the business need to make profit and survive in these difficult and competitive times.
You cannot get involved in family matters, you can provide a safe, respectable and non-judgemental work environment for your staff.
And that is the dilemma..... how much recognition of a difficult personal life can you afford to accept versus the business need for an employee to meet your expectations of performance?

In the short term you have a duty of care to protect and provide support to your staff, but you also have a responsibility to maintain the business. If you get into financial insecurities due to one member of staff that risks the employment security of all the others then you have to carefully consider the long term viability of retaining this person.

Think about how you would treat any other members of your staff who were experiencing personal issues not related to their job?

A person who's birth gender is not how they identify as they grow is still a normal person. Issues should be irrelevant of whether they are LGBTQ, the same as race or religion should not be an issue.
However, it is horribly apparent that many in our current society do not yet understand nor accept gender identity, so this particular case is such a difficult situation is therefore incredibly difficult to manage.

It is difficult, but you have to support when you can, accept situations as they are, and treat everyone equally.

That is just my personal opinion. I, in no way, have any professional HR education or qualification or intend this view as anything other than my view, I would hate to intentionally offend anyone and I do not know the legal position of employers in cases such as this. Please do not take my view as any legally binding advice.

I do think that people should be treated with respect and equality regardless of race, belief, sexual orientation or any other trait that is not the majority life choice in their community.

I do not envy your situation in any way, all I can hope for is that the resolution is good for all parties involved.

Sorry if this wasn't helpful.

 

[Infernal]

I think we've come to a good place in the last week. I had a conversation with the owner and the employee. I can help the employee with life advice and dealing with her homophobic family member. I can help the owner understand the transition process, and things like the change of pronouns and such. I can protect the employee from rude customers and provide a safe place for her to grow as she needs to, but I've made it clear that I will not coddle her when it comes to her job performance. When I tell her she needs to step it up, then I mean it.

The store owner is great and she is very open-minded. Out of 11 employees, 5 of us are gay, 1 is bi, and 1 is asexual. She has had employees that were in transition. Some were good employees, some were not. She doesn't really understand the process or the difference between sexuality and gender identity, and I don't think she cares to. Ultimately it's irrelevant because she just wants competent employees to do the job. Luckily we're just a small family owned business and not a large corporation with multiple layers of HR and management. There is the owner, me as the manager, and the employees.

As for the employee herself, she started hormones this week. I told her congratulations on starting her journey. I will leave it up to her to determine when she wants to change the way we address her. When she does I will have a conversation with the rest of the staff. No one has an issue with it, but as a matter of courtesy, I'll go over what we need to do to make sure she feels supported and respected. There had been an issue with her performance recently and other employees whom she is friends with took her aside and told her that she needs to step up and do better. We had a previous employee come in and do a day training session with several employees and things improved quite a bit. After that, I had to have a conversation with her about the clothes she was wearing. Her shorts were a little too short and not appropriate for the environment. We spoke and I explained that I'm trying to walk a fine line between giving her the support she needs as a human being and being her manager. I can be sensitive to her feelings as part of her transition, and I will ask how she's doing or if she needs anything, but if she comes to work in booty shorts again, I have to take a hard line with her because it's not appropriate for the job. They look up to me as a mentor because they didn't have any other LGBTQ+ family members or older adults that they could turn to as they began to navigate their way into adulthood. I'm happy to fill that spot, but if we're at work, then work has to come first.